I know it's foolish to think I even matter to Obsession.There are times though that I think in the year that I've gotten to know him, I think we'd be friends for a while. We seem to have a lot in common. He seems to really enjoy our random chats. But something someone said this morning reminds me I'm just one of the MANY that swoon over him. lol Why would I stand out? And once I'm local, his text and email communication sucks... So for the next two weeks while I'm in the local office I'm gonna get a feel for how bad it will be when I'm gone for good.
We had some fun this week though. One moment of flirting that made my week! I was telling him about my car not starting, when I was leaving for the day I went to ask if they'd give me a jump if I needed one. My mind went straight to the gutter and I mentioned that right before asking, if I needed a jump who would be willing to jump me. Obsession's hand shot straight up. lol
When I got to my car it ended up needing a jump so I called Obsession and he came down to help. But it was close enough to his ending time that he said he took off and would follow me up to make sure I got home ok. That ... was super sweet. I teased him that he was kind of a slow driver and he said Oh really? I guess if you have to pull over I'll drive by slowly and wave. haha
And of course was hyper sensitive to where he was on the freeway all the way home. I mentioned that he kept up with us pretty well and he said he wondered if that was me. The next day he commented a few times wondering if that was my car and commented on a couple things that make my car uniquely mine. Meaning he was hyper aware of me on the freeway as well.
I was invited to go out to breakfast with their unit for one of the girls' birthdays but I was leaving half day. I originally told them I would go but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I wasn't going to be able to if I was leaving for half a day. When I told them I wasn't going to join them, they seemed disappointed. Obsession said damn those work ethics! I found out he wasn't going to be back before I left so I gave him a hug and wished him a Happy Christmas.
Earlier that day he asked what I was doing for New Years and I told him nothing much, that my Husband Creature was going to go play D & D with his friends. He seemed surprised I didn't have a party to go to or that I wasn't planning on getting out and drinking. lol I'll admit I have my times, but lately drinking has been the furthest thing from my mind. He said he'd send a drunk selfie. I wonder if I'll have the guts to ask for one. He mentioned going to the Rose Bowl Parade the day before to check out the floats. I got home that night and my Husband suggested it too!
Whoa... I just got a text from Obsession. Aside from the day he told me he couldn't make it to my Husband Creature's birthday party back in July, this would be his first initiated text. Yay! hehe He thanked me for some surprise cookies I left him yesterday as I left early. He also sent me his units Christmas photo, which I was told I should have been part of their group photo but it wasn't a photo of them at all. Just their names and a bunch of books pertaining to their unit. It was kinda cute.
Oh and I went to a concert at his kids school. He said he was going to be there. When I saw him the next week he asked if I was there. Turns out there were a couple of performances. He was at the Saturday morning one and I was at the Friday night one. He said he looked for my blond hair. We got a good chuckle because the first thing I noticed is there were A LOT of Mexicans, and he said he noticed that too and that it was easy to see I wasn't there since there weren't a lot of blonds hanging out.
And apparently he just noticed my sisters salon that I've mentioned to him a few times. Oddly he recognized it from photos of my sisters puppy shower I was showing him. He was in the area at a tile place, I keep forgetting to ask if he was there to get his kitchen tile. Either way, I showed him the app that she uses to book her appointments and I didn't realize I was one of the first sets of photos for showcasing her work. Photos from my wedding day. He looked for a while at them. Noted one that showed a natural smile vs the others that were more posed.
As I'm going over some of this stuff I do think he may think of me more than I originally felt in the beginning of this post. I had forgotten some of it. But for now... I'll accept what I get since it's gonna be slim pickins for the next two weeks... *sigh*
Friday, December 21, 2018
Thursday, December 06, 2018
Bad Hair Day turned into a good day...
So I wasn't expecting to see Obsession today. He said he was calling off to fill out an application but he ended up showing up today. At first it was awkward. His door was shut and he had a sign up saying "Busy, please knock." I was kind of annoyed. I felt ugly today. Felt like oh Obsession won't be there so I don't have to try as hard ... pfft! Stupid...
He shows up, my hair is NOT cooperating. So I say f-it and pull it back. I happened to walk out into the hall when he and a new girl in his unit walked by and she said, oh you look different with your hair up, I like it! He seemed to take it in but just continued to walk.
Later I came in and he happened to have his office open since he was heating up food. He looked at me intently and said "You do look different with your hair pulled up like that." His coworker was like, yeah right, you look really pretty. And he said yeah you do, I like it! And I was like, it's a bad hair day. He said well then I guess it turned into a good hair day. lol
*sigh*
I was telling my best friend about this. It's funny, she's been experiencing the same issue. Yet today she finally said she is trying to figure out how to make me look at this differently to not get all twitterpated. She understands but also doesn't see the end of it since I work with him. But just having her say something like that smacked me back into reality... *for now* lol
He shows up, my hair is NOT cooperating. So I say f-it and pull it back. I happened to walk out into the hall when he and a new girl in his unit walked by and she said, oh you look different with your hair up, I like it! He seemed to take it in but just continued to walk.
Later I came in and he happened to have his office open since he was heating up food. He looked at me intently and said "You do look different with your hair pulled up like that." His coworker was like, yeah right, you look really pretty. And he said yeah you do, I like it! And I was like, it's a bad hair day. He said well then I guess it turned into a good hair day. lol
*sigh*
I was telling my best friend about this. It's funny, she's been experiencing the same issue. Yet today she finally said she is trying to figure out how to make me look at this differently to not get all twitterpated. She understands but also doesn't see the end of it since I work with him. But just having her say something like that smacked me back into reality... *for now* lol
Tuesday, December 04, 2018
And the cuteness continues...
Ugh .. Winks, side glances, smiles, eyebrow raises ... The cuteness continues...
Friday, November 30, 2018
Why is it...
Why is it when I'm ready to swear off Obsession something adorable happens and I get all giggly and obsessive again!?
The day started with me being late, so everyone was in his office by the time I got there. I was ok with this because I was in the mode of "swearing him off". *HA!* I did put a random cheesy pic of Minnie and Daisy above his desk the night before (I had found it in our offices and decided to put it up in his office as a joke since everyone told me to just throw it away). I decided to ask him how he liked his picture. He asked if I was the one that put it there. He said he was going to leave it up because it looked like they were admiring him and he needed more admirers. I chucked and said I don't think you need *any* more admirers. He got embarrassed and laughed knowingly.
Later he was chatting about his investments via work with me and the divorced lady and how he lost money and if it went down far enough he and his wife were going to divorce so he could pull the money out. He teasingly said, so I may be on the market soon, how about it *insert my name*, wanna get married? Without hesitation I said "Absolutely! just let me know when". The divorced lady that likes to tease him about hooking up, seemed surprised. lol
We've had a lot of fun interactions this morning that led us to close physical contact. He helped me and my fellow office-mate move a big table and he noticed our name plates are more modern, none of that fake wood look with gold plates, we have the black with gray/silver writing. He was admiring them but our bodies were in close proximity. Neither of us moved away as I shared how we ordered them. He helped me review a certificate of appreciation I was making. Again, side by side, touching.
He was cutting the tag out of his shirt and I told him he could take his shirt off so it'd be easier, we'd be fine with that. ;) He laughed and said "No way, you don't want to see that, I don't look like your husband!"
Thankfully I heard his voice and minimized this window because he ended up being in here. Asking for white out and teasing me that he knew I must have some because he knows I make mistakes! I laughed when he couldn't figure out how to use the whiteout tape and told him, see you must never make mistakes if you have no idea how to use whiteout tape. I took over and our hands touched... *shivers*. He went over to my calendar photos and checked them out while I fixed his "mistake".
I went to check how his scans were going and I mentioned that I was there to verify the whiteout tape worked. And his coworker was saying how many people does it take to make copies? That she could have done this for him but for some reason he wanted to do it himself with the two of us. I said, well I'm not helping. Just admiring the view. ;) She caught it but I don't know if he did.
.........................................
Ok the later part of the day didn't help... I had to run off but Obsessions unit were talking about cheating and he asked me if I could take my husband back after cheating. I told them it would be hard to but if there were certain circumstances I may be able to take him back but it would be REALLY difficult. He mentioned that 5 years ago he may have considered an affair with someone. This was when others were in the room. He wouldn't share if it was someone we'd know. But I got the impression she is still around and works at the same place as us maybe just not our location. I had to run but came back and asked if they missed me, he wasn't out where everyone else was but I heard him in his office saying "always". I asked for an update on the conversation. Ended up having an 1 1/2 - 2 hour conversation that ended with me and Obsession having a one-on-one talk about our relationships. It was awesome! Fun, entertaining, educational. I was thrilled that no one came back. Normally we get interrupted when things get interesting. It came up that I have thought about inviting him to coffee but know it's inappropriate... He said exactly it might be a lot of fun but he wouldn't want to open himself up to that. Not that he didn't trust himself but just that he wouldn't want to chance it. I found out he's struggling in his marriage only in the fact that he felt after 18 years he'd be in an easier place. I shared that each person is always changing so you have to grow together. There will always be something new to work through. He was complaining about his wife's lying over weird little things and always being fake when out in public or with friends. I shared that maybe it's a defense mechanism from her childhood. He hadn't thought about that. He said maybe part of his problem is he's calloused. That he could just walk away after 18 years if he found out she cheated on him. He shuts down when he's angry or hurt. I worried about how long I was talking but in the end it was exactly the conversation I have always wanted to have with Obsession.
I sent him a text on my way home about traffic and only got a thumbs up. It's gonna suck when I move to the local office 100% of the time. No more fun conversations. He's totally different via text or email. *sigh*
The day started with me being late, so everyone was in his office by the time I got there. I was ok with this because I was in the mode of "swearing him off". *HA!* I did put a random cheesy pic of Minnie and Daisy above his desk the night before (I had found it in our offices and decided to put it up in his office as a joke since everyone told me to just throw it away). I decided to ask him how he liked his picture. He asked if I was the one that put it there. He said he was going to leave it up because it looked like they were admiring him and he needed more admirers. I chucked and said I don't think you need *any* more admirers. He got embarrassed and laughed knowingly.
Later he was chatting about his investments via work with me and the divorced lady and how he lost money and if it went down far enough he and his wife were going to divorce so he could pull the money out. He teasingly said, so I may be on the market soon, how about it *insert my name*, wanna get married? Without hesitation I said "Absolutely! just let me know when". The divorced lady that likes to tease him about hooking up, seemed surprised. lol
We've had a lot of fun interactions this morning that led us to close physical contact. He helped me and my fellow office-mate move a big table and he noticed our name plates are more modern, none of that fake wood look with gold plates, we have the black with gray/silver writing. He was admiring them but our bodies were in close proximity. Neither of us moved away as I shared how we ordered them. He helped me review a certificate of appreciation I was making. Again, side by side, touching.
He was cutting the tag out of his shirt and I told him he could take his shirt off so it'd be easier, we'd be fine with that. ;) He laughed and said "No way, you don't want to see that, I don't look like your husband!"
Thankfully I heard his voice and minimized this window because he ended up being in here. Asking for white out and teasing me that he knew I must have some because he knows I make mistakes! I laughed when he couldn't figure out how to use the whiteout tape and told him, see you must never make mistakes if you have no idea how to use whiteout tape. I took over and our hands touched... *shivers*. He went over to my calendar photos and checked them out while I fixed his "mistake".
I went to check how his scans were going and I mentioned that I was there to verify the whiteout tape worked. And his coworker was saying how many people does it take to make copies? That she could have done this for him but for some reason he wanted to do it himself with the two of us. I said, well I'm not helping. Just admiring the view. ;) She caught it but I don't know if he did.
.........................................
Ok the later part of the day didn't help... I had to run off but Obsessions unit were talking about cheating and he asked me if I could take my husband back after cheating. I told them it would be hard to but if there were certain circumstances I may be able to take him back but it would be REALLY difficult. He mentioned that 5 years ago he may have considered an affair with someone. This was when others were in the room. He wouldn't share if it was someone we'd know. But I got the impression she is still around and works at the same place as us maybe just not our location. I had to run but came back and asked if they missed me, he wasn't out where everyone else was but I heard him in his office saying "always". I asked for an update on the conversation. Ended up having an 1 1/2 - 2 hour conversation that ended with me and Obsession having a one-on-one talk about our relationships. It was awesome! Fun, entertaining, educational. I was thrilled that no one came back. Normally we get interrupted when things get interesting. It came up that I have thought about inviting him to coffee but know it's inappropriate... He said exactly it might be a lot of fun but he wouldn't want to open himself up to that. Not that he didn't trust himself but just that he wouldn't want to chance it. I found out he's struggling in his marriage only in the fact that he felt after 18 years he'd be in an easier place. I shared that each person is always changing so you have to grow together. There will always be something new to work through. He was complaining about his wife's lying over weird little things and always being fake when out in public or with friends. I shared that maybe it's a defense mechanism from her childhood. He hadn't thought about that. He said maybe part of his problem is he's calloused. That he could just walk away after 18 years if he found out she cheated on him. He shuts down when he's angry or hurt. I worried about how long I was talking but in the end it was exactly the conversation I have always wanted to have with Obsession.
I sent him a text on my way home about traffic and only got a thumbs up. It's gonna suck when I move to the local office 100% of the time. No more fun conversations. He's totally different via text or email. *sigh*
Monday, November 26, 2018
Why?
So basically sitting here and writing what I want to write is exactly the opposite of what I've told myself I was going to do today! What I was *going* to do was any time I thought about Obsession I was going to think about something else. So far it's worked. But at the moment I'm finally caught up on work and what else is there to do but write about Obsession? lol I'm such a hypocrite.
But there are a few things I want listed...
But there are a few things I want listed...
Saturday, November 17, 2018
Life getting in the way
The whole lot of questions are waiting to be asked now! I told Obsession there were a lot of questions I had for him, some were inappropriate and had to filter through. I could tell it peaked his interest.
*Updated 11/17/18*
The above was written Oct 25 ...
A lot of time has passed and a lot of time without getting to see Obsession. I've missed him. I saw him one time this last week. And I just found out he doesn't return to work till November 27th. *sigh* I'm sad about it. I haven't text him in a while and for some reason I did. I was baking cookies and sent him a photo of mine on the stone before putting them in the oven. Feeling foolish. Not expecting a response. He responded. Ironically enough he was baking cookies as well. He sent me a photo of his. I asked if he was bringing any in. That's when he said he wouldn't be back to work till the 27th. I told him to enjoy his time off and teased him that he should watch The Greatest Showman already and he said oh yeah, thanks for the reminder. I didn't send anything else. Felt like I was trying too hard to keep the conversation going. Or I was afraid I'd say something inappropriate like I'd miss him. ... I will though.
I made a point to chat with him last week on that one day. I stopped by before anyone else came in. He gave me a compliment. Said I had a great smile and a bubble personality. I wish I could remember how it came up. But it was sweet.
I really wish I would have asked him in that moment if he missed me while I was gone for the week prior. Again... Not appropriate and really not something I should ask.
I keep remembering the last time I told him he was attractive, and his sing song response. I can't remember the exact reaction but it was him being flattered that I said he was attractive. There was another moment he mentioned that his biceps aren't as large as my husbands and I laughed a little too hard and he got all embarrassed which made me laugh even harder. I had no intention of making him feel bad but I couldn't help but laugh because he isn't built like my husband who works out twice a day and is very buffed out at the moment. Or the moment we talked about video surveillance since my hubby and I bought ourselves the Ring doorbell that records motion. Obsession was thinking about getting one of those. He was mentioning that people could hack in to our video feeds. I was saying I wasn't too worried about that. He joked that if they got access to his bedroom they'd turn it off and make a note never to hack there again since the bedroom was so boring lol I was laughing and Obsession made a point to reiterate he was just kidding. lol
Then, there's that guy that came into a group conversation and I was mentioning the rumor that I heard he could come up with something good to say about anyone. I asked him to go around the room and share what he saw good about each person. He said Obsession was a great dad who really loved his kids and was really good with them. For Obsession's office mate the guy said that she was the most caring person he knew, that she put everyone else first, even to the detriment of herself. He said I had an infectious personality and smile. That I make a lot of people laugh. And he added that "Obsession" is always smiling. He went on to say about the others but it threw me that he brought Obsession into the mix for my comment. It made me self conscious that it's because I'm always around Obsession or that he knows Obsession likes my personality. I guess it's the first point, since Obsession doesn't go out of his way to see me, or say hi or bye. *sigh* Sometimes I feel like such a fool.
Obsession talks about driving by my house all the time. That he sees my house more than he sees his own. I mentioned we made a change and he told me not to tell him. That he'll try to figure it out.
Am I the fool? People in his office don't seem to tease me but is it something teased when I'm not around? They tease Obsession about his "girlfriends" in the office. Oh and his office mate didn't know he was getting his kitchen remodeled. I was surprised because he'd mentioned it a few times to me. And his office mate and him seem really close. Oh and his supervisor is going through a divorce and she keeps joking about having sex with him. To the point that his office mate gives him lectures about not encouraging that kind of teasing.
I've asked him a few times if he's too busy to chat and he always invites me in with eagerness. Am I fool to think he enjoys my personality or is he just being nice? I don't know... I don't think he would tolerate my texting, he seems nice enough when he responds. I think my insecurities are making me question all this. So aside from being sad I don't get to see him for a week and a half, I do believe we're friends. I'll leave it at that.
Colorado has all but removed me from every area of his life. Not sure how I feel about it... At first I didn't mind. Even when he deleted me from Facebook. I sent a quick hello on hangouts and now he shows as offline all the time there too... I wouldn't be surprised if his number has been changed at this rate. I mean I knew he was taking time away. I didn't realize it meant ghosting again. Part of me misses our chats. Another part doesn't.
*Updated 11/17/18*
The above was written Oct 25 ...
A lot of time has passed and a lot of time without getting to see Obsession. I've missed him. I saw him one time this last week. And I just found out he doesn't return to work till November 27th. *sigh* I'm sad about it. I haven't text him in a while and for some reason I did. I was baking cookies and sent him a photo of mine on the stone before putting them in the oven. Feeling foolish. Not expecting a response. He responded. Ironically enough he was baking cookies as well. He sent me a photo of his. I asked if he was bringing any in. That's when he said he wouldn't be back to work till the 27th. I told him to enjoy his time off and teased him that he should watch The Greatest Showman already and he said oh yeah, thanks for the reminder. I didn't send anything else. Felt like I was trying too hard to keep the conversation going. Or I was afraid I'd say something inappropriate like I'd miss him. ... I will though.
I made a point to chat with him last week on that one day. I stopped by before anyone else came in. He gave me a compliment. Said I had a great smile and a bubble personality. I wish I could remember how it came up. But it was sweet.
I really wish I would have asked him in that moment if he missed me while I was gone for the week prior. Again... Not appropriate and really not something I should ask.
I keep remembering the last time I told him he was attractive, and his sing song response. I can't remember the exact reaction but it was him being flattered that I said he was attractive. There was another moment he mentioned that his biceps aren't as large as my husbands and I laughed a little too hard and he got all embarrassed which made me laugh even harder. I had no intention of making him feel bad but I couldn't help but laugh because he isn't built like my husband who works out twice a day and is very buffed out at the moment. Or the moment we talked about video surveillance since my hubby and I bought ourselves the Ring doorbell that records motion. Obsession was thinking about getting one of those. He was mentioning that people could hack in to our video feeds. I was saying I wasn't too worried about that. He joked that if they got access to his bedroom they'd turn it off and make a note never to hack there again since the bedroom was so boring lol I was laughing and Obsession made a point to reiterate he was just kidding. lol
Then, there's that guy that came into a group conversation and I was mentioning the rumor that I heard he could come up with something good to say about anyone. I asked him to go around the room and share what he saw good about each person. He said Obsession was a great dad who really loved his kids and was really good with them. For Obsession's office mate the guy said that she was the most caring person he knew, that she put everyone else first, even to the detriment of herself. He said I had an infectious personality and smile. That I make a lot of people laugh. And he added that "Obsession" is always smiling. He went on to say about the others but it threw me that he brought Obsession into the mix for my comment. It made me self conscious that it's because I'm always around Obsession or that he knows Obsession likes my personality. I guess it's the first point, since Obsession doesn't go out of his way to see me, or say hi or bye. *sigh* Sometimes I feel like such a fool.
Obsession talks about driving by my house all the time. That he sees my house more than he sees his own. I mentioned we made a change and he told me not to tell him. That he'll try to figure it out.
Am I the fool? People in his office don't seem to tease me but is it something teased when I'm not around? They tease Obsession about his "girlfriends" in the office. Oh and his office mate didn't know he was getting his kitchen remodeled. I was surprised because he'd mentioned it a few times to me. And his office mate and him seem really close. Oh and his supervisor is going through a divorce and she keeps joking about having sex with him. To the point that his office mate gives him lectures about not encouraging that kind of teasing.
I've asked him a few times if he's too busy to chat and he always invites me in with eagerness. Am I fool to think he enjoys my personality or is he just being nice? I don't know... I don't think he would tolerate my texting, he seems nice enough when he responds. I think my insecurities are making me question all this. So aside from being sad I don't get to see him for a week and a half, I do believe we're friends. I'll leave it at that.
Colorado has all but removed me from every area of his life. Not sure how I feel about it... At first I didn't mind. Even when he deleted me from Facebook. I sent a quick hello on hangouts and now he shows as offline all the time there too... I wouldn't be surprised if his number has been changed at this rate. I mean I knew he was taking time away. I didn't realize it meant ghosting again. Part of me misses our chats. Another part doesn't.
Wednesday, October 17, 2018
He was gonna text me
Interesting... He was going to text me last night and decided against it. I've wondered why he hasn't. Now it's interesting to realize he has thought about it but has stopped himself. lol Wonder if he ever will? Either way it was about having a temporary roommate and he didn't see his car out front when he drove by to pick up his son from soccer practice. He says he feels like a creeper always looking when he drives by. He was out at about 6:45 pm and 7:10 pm. Guess it's good to know when he's driving by. hehe I'm more convinced that day when I felt like I sensed him and saw a black truck it must have been him. Lovely, I was in my pajamas.
*Update 10/19/18*
So, it's been an interesting week. We have such random, interesting conversations.
*Update 10/22/18*
Well, it's the oddest feeling. Some days I feel like we're genuine friends, I treat him like one and get reminded that we are just acquaintances/coworkers. I text him Friday because I saw him on the work social media page again. Crickets... Nothing... I feel stupid.
Last week we had a drill at the office. He was part of it. So was I. Just different areas. But in the end we were at the review meeting to go over how everything went. I was in perfect eye line but behind someone so I could easily hide behind and stare all I wanted. hehe They ordered us pizza. I was talking to my boss and Obsession came behind me, held me by the shoulders as he passed. He didn't need to but he did. My body reacted to his touch. ... Just now my mind wandered into a fantasy. Dang... Still obsessing. It had to do with the work stairwell and him running into me there. Not good.
*Update 10/19/18*
So, it's been an interesting week. We have such random, interesting conversations.
*Update 10/22/18*
Well, it's the oddest feeling. Some days I feel like we're genuine friends, I treat him like one and get reminded that we are just acquaintances/coworkers. I text him Friday because I saw him on the work social media page again. Crickets... Nothing... I feel stupid.
Last week we had a drill at the office. He was part of it. So was I. Just different areas. But in the end we were at the review meeting to go over how everything went. I was in perfect eye line but behind someone so I could easily hide behind and stare all I wanted. hehe They ordered us pizza. I was talking to my boss and Obsession came behind me, held me by the shoulders as he passed. He didn't need to but he did. My body reacted to his touch. ... Just now my mind wandered into a fantasy. Dang... Still obsessing. It had to do with the work stairwell and him running into me there. Not good.
Monday, October 01, 2018
Silly
When I skim through my older posts I think how silly I sound. I mean it seems so childish. Yet there's a real feeling. A genuine connection. It's hard to explain. Out of everyone in his department, he seems to seek more from me. The others just sort of go along.
We talked about Christian music. I shared how this song by Lauren Daigle, "You Say" really touched me one morning when I was struggling. The morning in question he said he was surprised because I came in my normal confident bubbly self. And he shared the song he added to his YouTube video in memory of his brother. He said he couldn't listen to it or he'd get teary eyed.
It was funny, this last week I noticed a few times he's been talking about stuff we talk about to his kids, bringing up conversations we've had. He officially knows where I live. He said he couldn't remember which apartment was mine but he saw this one with blue lights and asked where I was in reference to that one. I laughed and said that was mine. And in one conversation I was sharing something random about my family (about how we sort of "adopted" my dad's interpreter) and he said "wow, it just keeps getting more and more interesting."
He is attempting to watch "The Greatest Showman" for two reasons. One his daughter loves the music, and me and another coworker said it was a great movie. So he said he'd surprise his daughter and buy her the dvd and suffer through watching it with her and let us know how he liked it. lol Hey, if we could convince him to watch something he didn't want to, that's pretty impressive.
I overheard him talking to my boss about how talented I am with my painting. And he came into my new office to see the latest work one. He found out I used a stencil and teased me that I was better then that. I did a paint and plant yesterday and painted a terracotta pot and almost used the stencil (but thought about what Obsession said) and did it freehand and loved how it turned out. I was walking back to my desk afterwards and he saw me in the hallway and was super impressed with it. Wanting to take a closer look at the details. I shared that because of what he said I did it freehand. And he was happy I did.
It's his birthday next week. He's taking some time off. So I stopped over yesterday and told him to have a Happy Birthday. And he seemed surprised he wasn't going to see me today. I reminded him that I work at the local office Mondays and Fridays. And seemed kinda bummed he would see me in a week and only for a day.
We had some great chats this week. Lots of laughter. Lots of involvement and interest.
*Updated 10/9/18*
So strange how time flows through changes. One moment I'm obsessing, the next I'm avoiding it at all costs. Though Saturday night I felt the need to keep my distance. It's almost like as soon as I decided to avoid Obsession he literally is shoved in my face from every direction. First it was the departments Instagram account, first thing that pulled up was a photo of him in his Breast Cancer uniform. Next was a friend who likes his football team telling me they won 5 in a row and of course made me think of how Obsession is going to try to recruit me to be a fan. I keep wondering if he had a chance to watch The Greatest Showman yet, or if he's driven by my house since. I obsessed over the text I'd send to wish him a Happy Birthday but ended up keeping it short and simple.
We talked about Christian music. I shared how this song by Lauren Daigle, "You Say" really touched me one morning when I was struggling. The morning in question he said he was surprised because I came in my normal confident bubbly self. And he shared the song he added to his YouTube video in memory of his brother. He said he couldn't listen to it or he'd get teary eyed.
It was funny, this last week I noticed a few times he's been talking about stuff we talk about to his kids, bringing up conversations we've had. He officially knows where I live. He said he couldn't remember which apartment was mine but he saw this one with blue lights and asked where I was in reference to that one. I laughed and said that was mine. And in one conversation I was sharing something random about my family (about how we sort of "adopted" my dad's interpreter) and he said "wow, it just keeps getting more and more interesting."
He is attempting to watch "The Greatest Showman" for two reasons. One his daughter loves the music, and me and another coworker said it was a great movie. So he said he'd surprise his daughter and buy her the dvd and suffer through watching it with her and let us know how he liked it. lol Hey, if we could convince him to watch something he didn't want to, that's pretty impressive.
I overheard him talking to my boss about how talented I am with my painting. And he came into my new office to see the latest work one. He found out I used a stencil and teased me that I was better then that. I did a paint and plant yesterday and painted a terracotta pot and almost used the stencil (but thought about what Obsession said) and did it freehand and loved how it turned out. I was walking back to my desk afterwards and he saw me in the hallway and was super impressed with it. Wanting to take a closer look at the details. I shared that because of what he said I did it freehand. And he was happy I did.
It's his birthday next week. He's taking some time off. So I stopped over yesterday and told him to have a Happy Birthday. And he seemed surprised he wasn't going to see me today. I reminded him that I work at the local office Mondays and Fridays. And seemed kinda bummed he would see me in a week and only for a day.
We had some great chats this week. Lots of laughter. Lots of involvement and interest.
*Updated 10/9/18*
So strange how time flows through changes. One moment I'm obsessing, the next I'm avoiding it at all costs. Though Saturday night I felt the need to keep my distance. It's almost like as soon as I decided to avoid Obsession he literally is shoved in my face from every direction. First it was the departments Instagram account, first thing that pulled up was a photo of him in his Breast Cancer uniform. Next was a friend who likes his football team telling me they won 5 in a row and of course made me think of how Obsession is going to try to recruit me to be a fan. I keep wondering if he had a chance to watch The Greatest Showman yet, or if he's driven by my house since. I obsessed over the text I'd send to wish him a Happy Birthday but ended up keeping it short and simple.
Wednesday, September 26, 2018
Good Day
So I had a good day with Obsession. Maybe a new name is necessary now since I believe obsession is not the right term any more. Maybe I will shift him to Work Hottie because that will never change... LOL Either way we had a bunch of conversations today. Little things said that was probably the most flirty we've ever been. Like I noticed someone checked out his butt, I called them out on it and she said oh I've looked at that all the time. Another coworker said don't look because it's hers. I said, I can look. ;) And he was listening to this whole thing.
Later we were at a retirement party for one of the ladies at work that I really enjoy and is in his department. I specifically didn't sit at his table. I did take a seat where I could see him though. He eventually came and sat next to me. We were discussing driving options for the ride home since the freeway was messed up due to a fire along our path. Once I told him people are mentioning hotels, he asked if I wanted to go halfsies, and I immediately said yes! He chuckled and told his coworker he was just kidding. She was glaring at him. lol
We talked about keeping each other posted on the drive since I told him I was for sure stuck down here to pick up my sister from the airport.
Yesterday morning we talked a little about my weekend and how amazing my Husband Creature was to surprise me with a night out with my girls doing the paint n sip I'd been wanting to do. I showed him the photo of my artwork and he was super complimentary on mine. Saying it was the best of the group and I should do it on my own. In all honesty it made me happy to hear that. It's something I've thought about doing and may attempt. But just like coloring at home, I can't imagine being able to paint at home lol
But all-in-all it's been a good couple of days. I notice a few flirty things he does with other women in the office. Makes me curious what he feels about them but in the end he will notice my absence when I am gone. I don't like how his text/emails come across though. Very short and curt. Soooo being away and emailing won't go over too well I can tell. At this rate I'm not leaving any time soon so I shouldn't have to worry.
Later we were at a retirement party for one of the ladies at work that I really enjoy and is in his department. I specifically didn't sit at his table. I did take a seat where I could see him though. He eventually came and sat next to me. We were discussing driving options for the ride home since the freeway was messed up due to a fire along our path. Once I told him people are mentioning hotels, he asked if I wanted to go halfsies, and I immediately said yes! He chuckled and told his coworker he was just kidding. She was glaring at him. lol
We talked about keeping each other posted on the drive since I told him I was for sure stuck down here to pick up my sister from the airport.
Yesterday morning we talked a little about my weekend and how amazing my Husband Creature was to surprise me with a night out with my girls doing the paint n sip I'd been wanting to do. I showed him the photo of my artwork and he was super complimentary on mine. Saying it was the best of the group and I should do it on my own. In all honesty it made me happy to hear that. It's something I've thought about doing and may attempt. But just like coloring at home, I can't imagine being able to paint at home lol
But all-in-all it's been a good couple of days. I notice a few flirty things he does with other women in the office. Makes me curious what he feels about them but in the end he will notice my absence when I am gone. I don't like how his text/emails come across though. Very short and curt. Soooo being away and emailing won't go over too well I can tell. At this rate I'm not leaving any time soon so I shouldn't have to worry.
Monday, September 24, 2018
A shift
So things have seriously shifted in the last few days especially. My Obsession seems to have continually waned which is good! In fact, my "perfection" goggles seem to have been removed. I now no longer see Obsession as perfect. This is a good sign. :) The other day he responded to me curtly and I thought to myself "eww... there was no call for that." And there wasn't. Yet rather than panicking I've done something wrong or that he was mad at me I just shrugged and felt it must be he was just having a bad day. But this is serious growth for me.
Things with Husband Creature have been really good. We have open communication and have made the time to cuddle. Stinker Creature seems to be upset with this new development. And his inability to deal with this new fact that Mommy and Daddy need cuddle time proves that we weren't making it a priority. If this is a "new" concept for Stinker Creature then we weren't doing it enough. It's been a challenge. He wants to be in the middle. And seriously fights to get our attention. But we just calmly tell him to give us some time and we'll let him join us in a few. It's been nice.
A big thing that has affected our relationship at home is that Husband Creature planned a surprise for me. He knew I had been wanting to go to a Paint and Sip event but we haven't had the money lately. While trying to say he'd try to afford it with his side jobs he was sneakily working it out with my bestie who invited a bunch of girls and they all surprised me last Friday. It was pretty awesome! I cried, then promptly called my Husband Creature a bad name. I cried hard. I was surprised by how emotional I got. I had just started my period so maybe it was that. But honestly I think I was more blown away at the thoughtfulness of my Husband Creature than anything else. Especially after the difficult month we've had. But it truly blessed me. And I think it was the perfect thing to show me how much my Husband Creature does love me, and appreciates me but just sometimes has a hard time showing it. He planned it for weeks! Poor guy. It must have been killing him. My Bestie had me read the text messages for the planning of it all. It was cute.
I'm thankful. Thankful for my Husband Creature and I being in a healthier place. Thankful my Obsession has died down. I'm ready for this shift. I'm looking forward to when I work the local office full time. I no longer worry about being sad not to see Obsession. I'm not gonna lie, the random thought of him still pops into my head but it's less likely to keep me obsessed.
Things with Husband Creature have been really good. We have open communication and have made the time to cuddle. Stinker Creature seems to be upset with this new development. And his inability to deal with this new fact that Mommy and Daddy need cuddle time proves that we weren't making it a priority. If this is a "new" concept for Stinker Creature then we weren't doing it enough. It's been a challenge. He wants to be in the middle. And seriously fights to get our attention. But we just calmly tell him to give us some time and we'll let him join us in a few. It's been nice.
A big thing that has affected our relationship at home is that Husband Creature planned a surprise for me. He knew I had been wanting to go to a Paint and Sip event but we haven't had the money lately. While trying to say he'd try to afford it with his side jobs he was sneakily working it out with my bestie who invited a bunch of girls and they all surprised me last Friday. It was pretty awesome! I cried, then promptly called my Husband Creature a bad name. I cried hard. I was surprised by how emotional I got. I had just started my period so maybe it was that. But honestly I think I was more blown away at the thoughtfulness of my Husband Creature than anything else. Especially after the difficult month we've had. But it truly blessed me. And I think it was the perfect thing to show me how much my Husband Creature does love me, and appreciates me but just sometimes has a hard time showing it. He planned it for weeks! Poor guy. It must have been killing him. My Bestie had me read the text messages for the planning of it all. It was cute.
I'm thankful. Thankful for my Husband Creature and I being in a healthier place. Thankful my Obsession has died down. I'm ready for this shift. I'm looking forward to when I work the local office full time. I no longer worry about being sad not to see Obsession. I'm not gonna lie, the random thought of him still pops into my head but it's less likely to keep me obsessed.
Monday, September 10, 2018
Revelations
So I've been bothered by my obsession. I lost sleep again, finding out that I might have had the opportunity to see him on Saturday for a work event I stopped by at, but then left without hitting the other stops. I regretted it because my Husband Creature was on another rampage. Well maybe not a rampage but I was being yelled at again for something I felt didn't warrant his reaction. But that's how it's been for the last few weeks. He's blown a fuse over the littlest things and I've had to just keep my distance and try to have grace for whatever he's going through.
I decided instead of keeping this on the inside I needed to get it all out there. So I asked my sister if she had time to hang out and I told her everything... How stupid I feel about Obsession and how it's bothering me that I'm losing sleep about it now. My stress level is at an all time high. How I'm gaining weight. Miserable at home. Not really sure how to deal with life.
And as I shared how foolish I felt about Obsession, I hadn't realized how much it has been bothering me. How much I've kept it inside to the point of feeling like I was going crazy. But getting it out there, something came out that made a WHOLE lot of sense. Actually something my sister pointed out. I was thinking I was seriously losing my mind with how oddly obsessed I was with Obsession. I mean seriously losing my mind. I've had crushes but this seemed odd.
... I'm lacking at home...
My husband Creature doesn't give me the time of day. We're two ships sailing in the night. We haven't had sex in 3 months. He's taken care of me but there is something different that occurs in intercourse. He doesn't have a job, doesn't seem to act like he wants one even though we've had multiple conversations about how serious our financial situation is with me being the only one working.
But Obsession gives me the time of day. He seems engrossed in our conversations. He's always wanting to know more. I get the impression he'd just sit and talk with me all day if we could.
My Husband Creature rolls his eyes when I ask for a kiss goodnight. He's on the iPad when I try to talk to him. He acts bored of my conversations. He acts like he doesn't need to do more to help around the house. Sometimes if he isn't up to it, which is more often than it should be, he acts like making me dinner is a chore when it's part of our arrangement with me being the only one working.
And as discouraging as all this sounds, it has REALLY helped knowing that my obsession is more because Obsession is fulfilling something my husband isn't right now. It puts a new perspective on the situation and helps me realize I'm craving relationship with my Husband Creature, not Obsession. But since Husband Creature isn't fulfilling it, I'm seeking it anywhere. That's not healthy at all! So I still need to get myself in check but knowing the cause has helped me work against the effect of it.
It helped me realize I'm not crazy. I'm a woman seeking attention. Albeit from the wrong source but still seeking attention.
I didn't feel like it would be healthy for my relationship for me to share with Husband Creature about Obsession but I was able to open dialogue with him about how neglected I'm feeling. It was a good conversation. He shared some of his feelings which are similar. I tend to be on my iPad or phone when he's talking as well. Or I hadn't placed value on his time when I say I'll be home at a specific time and take longer when he's expecting me. I responded that I do tend to avoid him these days with his recent mood. I opened up about how I feel like he is so nice to other women but he's just mean to me, like he doesn't even like me anymore. He responded that he doesn't see them every day. lol He admitted being stuck at home with a non-working vehicle has been causing some irritation. I reminded him that getting a job may help with all that. Not feeling stuck at home with no money. If he worked we'd be able to have allowances again.
Later in the evening we talked about how obsessed he is with my weight gain. He asked why I felt I should have cake and icecream at my nieces bday party that day. I told him, "Everything in moderation". I should be able to enjoy cake and icecream. But that my mental health hasn't been good and I needed to work on that before I could work on my physical health. He asked why I didn't make my health a priority. I asked him why he didn't take getting a job as a priority, or why doesn't he take his anger seriously. I told him we both had areas in our lives where we're weak and need to work on it but that we had to have grace for each other. I told him about my resentment. How I felt like why should I work on areas in my life when he's so clearly not working on his. He didn't have much to say about that. But again, this is the first time I felt we had open communication in a while. Things that needed to be said, were said.
Our 6 year anniversary is next week. We've been together 8. This is around the time when people either make it work or move on. There is no moving on for me. When my Husband Creature was at his worse in the last two weeks I thought to myself, "How long do I stay?" And I felt God tell me "Forever... You said for better or worse."
So my obsession has mellowed considerably with these revelations. That may change the next moment I see him but for now I'll take the win. Feeling more normal. Less crazy.
I decided instead of keeping this on the inside I needed to get it all out there. So I asked my sister if she had time to hang out and I told her everything... How stupid I feel about Obsession and how it's bothering me that I'm losing sleep about it now. My stress level is at an all time high. How I'm gaining weight. Miserable at home. Not really sure how to deal with life.
And as I shared how foolish I felt about Obsession, I hadn't realized how much it has been bothering me. How much I've kept it inside to the point of feeling like I was going crazy. But getting it out there, something came out that made a WHOLE lot of sense. Actually something my sister pointed out. I was thinking I was seriously losing my mind with how oddly obsessed I was with Obsession. I mean seriously losing my mind. I've had crushes but this seemed odd.
... I'm lacking at home...
My husband Creature doesn't give me the time of day. We're two ships sailing in the night. We haven't had sex in 3 months. He's taken care of me but there is something different that occurs in intercourse. He doesn't have a job, doesn't seem to act like he wants one even though we've had multiple conversations about how serious our financial situation is with me being the only one working.
But Obsession gives me the time of day. He seems engrossed in our conversations. He's always wanting to know more. I get the impression he'd just sit and talk with me all day if we could.
My Husband Creature rolls his eyes when I ask for a kiss goodnight. He's on the iPad when I try to talk to him. He acts bored of my conversations. He acts like he doesn't need to do more to help around the house. Sometimes if he isn't up to it, which is more often than it should be, he acts like making me dinner is a chore when it's part of our arrangement with me being the only one working.
And as discouraging as all this sounds, it has REALLY helped knowing that my obsession is more because Obsession is fulfilling something my husband isn't right now. It puts a new perspective on the situation and helps me realize I'm craving relationship with my Husband Creature, not Obsession. But since Husband Creature isn't fulfilling it, I'm seeking it anywhere. That's not healthy at all! So I still need to get myself in check but knowing the cause has helped me work against the effect of it.
It helped me realize I'm not crazy. I'm a woman seeking attention. Albeit from the wrong source but still seeking attention.
I didn't feel like it would be healthy for my relationship for me to share with Husband Creature about Obsession but I was able to open dialogue with him about how neglected I'm feeling. It was a good conversation. He shared some of his feelings which are similar. I tend to be on my iPad or phone when he's talking as well. Or I hadn't placed value on his time when I say I'll be home at a specific time and take longer when he's expecting me. I responded that I do tend to avoid him these days with his recent mood. I opened up about how I feel like he is so nice to other women but he's just mean to me, like he doesn't even like me anymore. He responded that he doesn't see them every day. lol He admitted being stuck at home with a non-working vehicle has been causing some irritation. I reminded him that getting a job may help with all that. Not feeling stuck at home with no money. If he worked we'd be able to have allowances again.
Later in the evening we talked about how obsessed he is with my weight gain. He asked why I felt I should have cake and icecream at my nieces bday party that day. I told him, "Everything in moderation". I should be able to enjoy cake and icecream. But that my mental health hasn't been good and I needed to work on that before I could work on my physical health. He asked why I didn't make my health a priority. I asked him why he didn't take getting a job as a priority, or why doesn't he take his anger seriously. I told him we both had areas in our lives where we're weak and need to work on it but that we had to have grace for each other. I told him about my resentment. How I felt like why should I work on areas in my life when he's so clearly not working on his. He didn't have much to say about that. But again, this is the first time I felt we had open communication in a while. Things that needed to be said, were said.
Our 6 year anniversary is next week. We've been together 8. This is around the time when people either make it work or move on. There is no moving on for me. When my Husband Creature was at his worse in the last two weeks I thought to myself, "How long do I stay?" And I felt God tell me "Forever... You said for better or worse."
So my obsession has mellowed considerably with these revelations. That may change the next moment I see him but for now I'll take the win. Feeling more normal. Less crazy.
Friday, September 07, 2018
Ummm... Losing sleep is never a good sign
Damn... Damn Damn Damn....
So I did something on a whim Tuesday... Felt foolish afterwards but the next day got my first sign that Obsession enjoys my company as much as I do his. I sent him a hand written note, scanned to his email since his name is right next to mine on the scanner/printer at work.
His response is this...
I'm not gonna lie, I read it a million times. I refer to him as Work Hottie to a friend of mine and I thought about changing his name but Obsession seems to fit so much more. Seriously I couldn't get it out of my head and it's not *that* big of a deal. Why am I obsessing over it? So much so that I lost sleep the night before last because of it. Well I'm not sure if it was because of it, but it was the first thing on my brain when I'd wake up.
Anyways, remember how early on I kept saying he doesn't remember what we talk about? Well now he remembers things, and some things I don't remember until he reminds me! To me, when someone takes the energy to focus enough to remember what you say it means you are important. I've always placed value on that. Well now he's doing it. He even remembers little things. Making me feel like something in him has suddenly placed value on me and now he's remembering or even focusing on our conversations enough to remember. Which again makes me feel better than it probably should. Nope... the message above takes the cake... I'm reading WAY too much into it. lol I guess the reason I am is that he already has so much fun with his coworkers. I'm always hearing them laugh and tell me their crazy stories. The fact that he'll even notice my absence is making me read more into it than I should. That and I'm obsessed with him! I am such a fool at times.
We had some nice chats yesterday. We got interrupted on one talking about my journaling. He still hasn't written in the journal I got him. He says it's in his car. Some day I'll have the guts to ask him to coffee meetups when I go to the local office full time but again I realize that's highly inappropriate so I'll probably never mention it. But when I went to leave I poked my head into his office and he was talking to someone and I figured he'd at least wave but nothing. Didn't even acknowledge I walked into the room. And that grounded me quite a bit lol Stupid cloud 9 of some dumb crush... shit.... Obsession is the best way to explain it.
So I did something on a whim Tuesday... Felt foolish afterwards but the next day got my first sign that Obsession enjoys my company as much as I do his. I sent him a hand written note, scanned to his email since his name is right next to mine on the scanner/printer at work.
His response is this...
J
When you leave it is going to
suck around here…
You are going to be missed…
I'm not gonna lie, I read it a million times. I refer to him as Work Hottie to a friend of mine and I thought about changing his name but Obsession seems to fit so much more. Seriously I couldn't get it out of my head and it's not *that* big of a deal. Why am I obsessing over it? So much so that I lost sleep the night before last because of it. Well I'm not sure if it was because of it, but it was the first thing on my brain when I'd wake up.
Anyways, remember how early on I kept saying he doesn't remember what we talk about? Well now he remembers things, and some things I don't remember until he reminds me! To me, when someone takes the energy to focus enough to remember what you say it means you are important. I've always placed value on that. Well now he's doing it. He even remembers little things. Making me feel like something in him has suddenly placed value on me and now he's remembering or even focusing on our conversations enough to remember. Which again makes me feel better than it probably should. Nope... the message above takes the cake... I'm reading WAY too much into it. lol I guess the reason I am is that he already has so much fun with his coworkers. I'm always hearing them laugh and tell me their crazy stories. The fact that he'll even notice my absence is making me read more into it than I should. That and I'm obsessed with him! I am such a fool at times.
We had some nice chats yesterday. We got interrupted on one talking about my journaling. He still hasn't written in the journal I got him. He says it's in his car. Some day I'll have the guts to ask him to coffee meetups when I go to the local office full time but again I realize that's highly inappropriate so I'll probably never mention it. But when I went to leave I poked my head into his office and he was talking to someone and I figured he'd at least wave but nothing. Didn't even acknowledge I walked into the room. And that grounded me quite a bit lol Stupid cloud 9 of some dumb crush... shit.... Obsession is the best way to explain it.
Thursday, August 30, 2018
More Confident w/ Obsession
Work has kept me busy so I haven't had as much time to chitchat with Obsession and he noticed. Which is nice.
I was looking at the photos that I have of him and realized he's not as attractive as I keep thinking. There is something about him when I see him in person that sets me a flutter. Not sure why. Maybe he's just not as photogenic. Not sure.
But speaking of those photos, I finally asked him to show what issues he was having about downloading those photos and he showed me. As an example he took the one selfie I took out of the bunch and said "Let's say I want to download this photo, how do I go about downloading it?" and I showed him. Sure enough he saved it in a personal folder. And then went through the other photos and selected one of me with the girl that works in his area. I tried not to look over his shoulder at what photos he was saving so I walked away, heart pounding.
I'm leaving in about 10 minutes. I haven't seen him since Friday of last week. But for some reason I felt the need to send him an email. We've talked about my marriage some. My husband and I are having slight issues. And before you get the wrong impression, I was very vague and mostly putting my own responses on blast. Joking that I put things neatly in a box and pack them away and apparently my husband hadn't had a chance to process the contents so it caused an issue. So now it's kind of a joke, he told me to have fun camping and to be sure to get things boxed up properly. So I sent him an email this morning saying everything was nicely boxed up indicating my husband and I are doing well. :) And the email thread kept growing to my surprise. I kept expecting the short non-interested responses I'm used to. But he kept it going. Telling me to have a Happy Birthday, remembering the day. I told him if I throw something together I'd let him know.
In my mind I no longer worry so much. Probably because as much as I enjoy his personality I don't want anything more than friendship. Sure in the beginning I was fantasizing about inappropriate things, ;) but now... I'm more relaxed and just enjoy his friendship. Still obsessive... but nothin like I was.
Like I'm hoping they invite me to the lunch they plan for their units September birthdays... Since some days and a few times he's brought up, I feel more part of their unit than my own. Or if I do plan a birthday event, I want to invite him and his family. But then I freak out thinking he would come. He lives in a big house and I live in a small apartment. So yeah, still obsessive about him in weird ways. But for now... I'm off...
I was looking at the photos that I have of him and realized he's not as attractive as I keep thinking. There is something about him when I see him in person that sets me a flutter. Not sure why. Maybe he's just not as photogenic. Not sure.
But speaking of those photos, I finally asked him to show what issues he was having about downloading those photos and he showed me. As an example he took the one selfie I took out of the bunch and said "Let's say I want to download this photo, how do I go about downloading it?" and I showed him. Sure enough he saved it in a personal folder. And then went through the other photos and selected one of me with the girl that works in his area. I tried not to look over his shoulder at what photos he was saving so I walked away, heart pounding.
I'm leaving in about 10 minutes. I haven't seen him since Friday of last week. But for some reason I felt the need to send him an email. We've talked about my marriage some. My husband and I are having slight issues. And before you get the wrong impression, I was very vague and mostly putting my own responses on blast. Joking that I put things neatly in a box and pack them away and apparently my husband hadn't had a chance to process the contents so it caused an issue. So now it's kind of a joke, he told me to have fun camping and to be sure to get things boxed up properly. So I sent him an email this morning saying everything was nicely boxed up indicating my husband and I are doing well. :) And the email thread kept growing to my surprise. I kept expecting the short non-interested responses I'm used to. But he kept it going. Telling me to have a Happy Birthday, remembering the day. I told him if I throw something together I'd let him know.
In my mind I no longer worry so much. Probably because as much as I enjoy his personality I don't want anything more than friendship. Sure in the beginning I was fantasizing about inappropriate things, ;) but now... I'm more relaxed and just enjoy his friendship. Still obsessive... but nothin like I was.
Like I'm hoping they invite me to the lunch they plan for their units September birthdays... Since some days and a few times he's brought up, I feel more part of their unit than my own. Or if I do plan a birthday event, I want to invite him and his family. But then I freak out thinking he would come. He lives in a big house and I live in a small apartment. So yeah, still obsessive about him in weird ways. But for now... I'm off...
Wednesday, August 15, 2018
Hmmmm?
Well it's so strange I go through phases... Last week I was determined to stay away from Obsession. This week is a short week and this morning has been... interesting. I stopped to get donuts for a group at work that I needed to get some for and decided to get my area donuts as well. I knew what Obsession liked so I got him his kind. Brought it to him this morning and told him I couldn't help myself. We had a nice chat. Laughing as usual. We got on the topic of another guys' attractiveness in the office and he joked that he hears about the other guys' attractiveness a lot. And I asked him if he knew he was attractive like that, and then I said, well you are attractive. He thanked me and we moved on.
His coworkers showed up and we kept talking. We got on the topic of Ed Sheeran and how he's not very attractive but the more you get to know him he's a great guy in his interviews etc. that he becomes more attractive. And Obsession's coworker asked if guys were like that. That getting to know someone's personality made them more attractive. He said yes. She pried more saying she didn't think guys were like that, that most were shallow. He went into detail, that if a girl was fun to be around, had great conversations and was complimentary he would find himself attracted to her. And I couldn't help but wonder if he was saying that for my benefit. ONLY because I had just complimented him. We talked about Ex and how he wasn't very attractive but he treated me really well. Obsession asked what happened to him. I shared about how we didn't share the same beliefs and he was as deep as a puddle. Obsession asked if I had given him a chance. I told him we were together for 4 years, I definitely gave him a chance.
But Obsession's coworker mentioned that she heard a song and got teary-eyed thinking of Obsession and his cute little family and how much he loves them and how he better stay with his wife.
Update: So towards the end of the day I get an email from Obsession asking how he downloads the photos I shared of our work event. I'm still kind of surprised he wants them. But he was on his way out the door and said he'd talk to me about it today but he's at training this morning and will be available after I leave for my own work event and tomorrow I'm workin in the local office. So alas I guess it'll have to wait till next week. But again... interesting that he actually wants to download the photos.
His coworkers showed up and we kept talking. We got on the topic of Ed Sheeran and how he's not very attractive but the more you get to know him he's a great guy in his interviews etc. that he becomes more attractive. And Obsession's coworker asked if guys were like that. That getting to know someone's personality made them more attractive. He said yes. She pried more saying she didn't think guys were like that, that most were shallow. He went into detail, that if a girl was fun to be around, had great conversations and was complimentary he would find himself attracted to her. And I couldn't help but wonder if he was saying that for my benefit. ONLY because I had just complimented him. We talked about Ex and how he wasn't very attractive but he treated me really well. Obsession asked what happened to him. I shared about how we didn't share the same beliefs and he was as deep as a puddle. Obsession asked if I had given him a chance. I told him we were together for 4 years, I definitely gave him a chance.
But Obsession's coworker mentioned that she heard a song and got teary-eyed thinking of Obsession and his cute little family and how much he loves them and how he better stay with his wife.
Update: So towards the end of the day I get an email from Obsession asking how he downloads the photos I shared of our work event. I'm still kind of surprised he wants them. But he was on his way out the door and said he'd talk to me about it today but he's at training this morning and will be available after I leave for my own work event and tomorrow I'm workin in the local office. So alas I guess it'll have to wait till next week. But again... interesting that he actually wants to download the photos.
Friday, August 03, 2018
Flutters ... Again...
Obsession - So... the flutters have started again... *sigh*
I was getting good about keeping my cool and even feeling like there was nothing inappropriate about wanting to get to know my Obsession better. Then yesterday, flutters... Again. Daydreaming... Again...
A couple things... He's starting to remember things we talk about. Like he said he drove by my apartment and after he passed by realized he couldn't remember which one I said was mine. So now he knows. The fact that he remembered enough to actually pay attention and sadly that he thought of me outside of work made me happier than it should have. In fact, Monday I remember walking out in my pjs and suddenly felt self conscious that he might have seen me makes me wonder if it was the exact same moment he was driving by! He said he noticed the management companies sign. So now he knows and will be looking... *sigh* I started daydreaming about him stopping by. Starting to work out with the Husband Creature. So innocent daydreaming but still daydreaming.
And then Wednesday we had interviews for my replacement and I felt really good about this set. Like, something inside knows that this is the group. The other two sets of interviews I didn't feel it like I do now. So I'm convinced God is prepping me. They will find my replacement and I will be moving to my local office. No longer available to chat daily with Obsession, and it makes me sad! But I will see him here and there... Just not as much. And it's probably a good thing. But it has caused some daydreaming. Like potential coffee dates, running into him at the local office and wondering how he'd act towards me, etc.
I keep having to go to his office to chat. So it makes me feel silly, like I'm forcing myself on him. But when we start chatting, it's obvious that I'm not an annoyance. He seems to keep the conversation going, he's very engaging... And time passes like nothing.
I did something silly yesterday, now I regret it. I left a note on his car saying "Have a great weekend :)". Once I drove away I worried I crossed a line but it was too late to change it. I have thought about doing it before but felt silly and never did it. I should have kept that thought process. I didn't get a chance to say bye because I was talking to a coworker on my way out. And because I'm obsessive I felt weird about it, I did something I now regret.
He mentioned something about a girl in the local office and told me to try something and mention his name. So this morning when I came into the local office, I did what he said, and sure enough what he said would happen, did. So I told her "Obsession" said you'd say that. We laughed. I told her she should call and tell him. Sure enough she did, they had a good laugh. I tried not to eavesdrop. But after her conversation she came to talk to me about it. He mentioned that I make the best chocolate chip cookies and told her to tell me to make her some. lol Again... love the fact that he thought about me enough to bring me up to her at all.
ACK! I am such a stalker! I just found out there's a list of every employees address and what do you think I did?! Googled Obsessions address! I'm such a stalker! But he is WAY out there. No wonder I never run into him around town! Though he passes my place for his kids soccer practice, there's no other reason for him to be out this way. *sigh* Guess I can relax any time I'm out and about. lol
HunkofBabe - I haven't talked about him much. But he deleted me off Facebook forever ago and finally go the guts to request him back. He added me and then a week or so later deleted me. At first it really bothered me but then I just figured, oh well...
Colorado - Well apparently he isn't ghosting, but he doesn't seem to care to communicate right now. He seems fine with his divorce and is enjoying time out in the wilderness away from technology. So I've decided to just let him be... I'm sad we don't chat as much. But I think he goes through phases of needing to prove he doesn't need anyone. I told him I missed our chats and he didn't seem to acknowledge it.
I was getting good about keeping my cool and even feeling like there was nothing inappropriate about wanting to get to know my Obsession better. Then yesterday, flutters... Again. Daydreaming... Again...
A couple things... He's starting to remember things we talk about. Like he said he drove by my apartment and after he passed by realized he couldn't remember which one I said was mine. So now he knows. The fact that he remembered enough to actually pay attention and sadly that he thought of me outside of work made me happier than it should have. In fact, Monday I remember walking out in my pjs and suddenly felt self conscious that he might have seen me makes me wonder if it was the exact same moment he was driving by! He said he noticed the management companies sign. So now he knows and will be looking... *sigh* I started daydreaming about him stopping by. Starting to work out with the Husband Creature. So innocent daydreaming but still daydreaming.
And then Wednesday we had interviews for my replacement and I felt really good about this set. Like, something inside knows that this is the group. The other two sets of interviews I didn't feel it like I do now. So I'm convinced God is prepping me. They will find my replacement and I will be moving to my local office. No longer available to chat daily with Obsession, and it makes me sad! But I will see him here and there... Just not as much. And it's probably a good thing. But it has caused some daydreaming. Like potential coffee dates, running into him at the local office and wondering how he'd act towards me, etc.
I keep having to go to his office to chat. So it makes me feel silly, like I'm forcing myself on him. But when we start chatting, it's obvious that I'm not an annoyance. He seems to keep the conversation going, he's very engaging... And time passes like nothing.
I did something silly yesterday, now I regret it. I left a note on his car saying "Have a great weekend :)". Once I drove away I worried I crossed a line but it was too late to change it. I have thought about doing it before but felt silly and never did it. I should have kept that thought process. I didn't get a chance to say bye because I was talking to a coworker on my way out. And because I'm obsessive I felt weird about it, I did something I now regret.
He mentioned something about a girl in the local office and told me to try something and mention his name. So this morning when I came into the local office, I did what he said, and sure enough what he said would happen, did. So I told her "Obsession" said you'd say that. We laughed. I told her she should call and tell him. Sure enough she did, they had a good laugh. I tried not to eavesdrop. But after her conversation she came to talk to me about it. He mentioned that I make the best chocolate chip cookies and told her to tell me to make her some. lol Again... love the fact that he thought about me enough to bring me up to her at all.
ACK! I am such a stalker! I just found out there's a list of every employees address and what do you think I did?! Googled Obsessions address! I'm such a stalker! But he is WAY out there. No wonder I never run into him around town! Though he passes my place for his kids soccer practice, there's no other reason for him to be out this way. *sigh* Guess I can relax any time I'm out and about. lol
HunkofBabe - I haven't talked about him much. But he deleted me off Facebook forever ago and finally go the guts to request him back. He added me and then a week or so later deleted me. At first it really bothered me but then I just figured, oh well...
Colorado - Well apparently he isn't ghosting, but he doesn't seem to care to communicate right now. He seems fine with his divorce and is enjoying time out in the wilderness away from technology. So I've decided to just let him be... I'm sad we don't chat as much. But I think he goes through phases of needing to prove he doesn't need anyone. I told him I missed our chats and he didn't seem to acknowledge it.
Tuesday, July 31, 2018
Interactions and Lack Thereof = Vacations
Obsession - So I haven't seen my Obsession for over a week since he went on vacation. We had a great week prior to his vacation though. We had a work function and we spent some time hanging out. He came up and hugged me when he first saw me. We got our photo taken together. It was odd, I asked him and the way it came out was I wanted him, I noticed the awkwardness but I didn't correct it. :-/ But I now have a photo with him. (Though side note: I was glad to show him all the photos so he could see he wasn't the only person I asked to take a photo with me. He commented on how I have a big smile in all the photos with everyone.) After the photo I asked where his people were, he said he wasn't sure but then asked me *who* my people were. I told him honestly I wasn't sure, that I felt like I belonged to his group as well as others. He agreed he felt I belonged with them. He said they couldn't have some of the conversations they do without me. We spent quite a bit of time chatting. It was great to hang out outside of the office. It made me happy to see that as long as he's worked here, he didn't jump away from our chats to catch up with other people he'd run into. He stayed walking with me.
The next day he wanted to show me more stuff, communicated more, seemed eager to talk. Which I took as a good sign of a friendship forming. But then he went on vacation...
I sent him a text reminding him that he and his family were invited to my Husband Creature's Bday BBQ. I wasn't surprised not to get a response. I kind of figured it was a long shot and he'd mention it when I saw him at work. I was surprised the day of the party to receive a text from him! He was too tired from his daughters soccer tournament otherwise they would have come. Which was honestly unexpected. I had other people flake altogether and still no explanation as to why. So I appreciated that.
And in all honesty with how crappy I felt about myself that day, I'm kind of glad he wasn't there. I felt all swollen and sweaty and a hot mess from running around with an AC that didn't work very well. I actually got the impression that was why he didn't stop by himself. He said he spent the day baking in the sun and was hot and sweaty.
We had a nice chat this morning about the party and his vacation. He said I looked well rested. lol Not sure why that seemed odd. He seemed disappointed he didn't stop by the BBQ. He said he's been getting headaches, to the point that taking steps feels like each step is pounding in his head. Poor guy. But that was about all of the interaction we had because he was having a short day. He had a doctor's appointment.
Colorado - Things with Colorado are weird. And I'm not sure how to feel about it. I always worry he's ghosting again. He said he never would do that again. But I also know he's going through a divorce. He said he announced it to the kids after their 10 year wedding anniversary. Which was last week. It's so crazy to me that people can work at a marriage for so long and just give up. Too many people I know are getting divorced after 10+ years of marriage. It's scary. And posts like mine about my Obsession probably make me a prime target for failure in my own marriage. But my Obsession is ebbing. And I love my Husband Creature. We have our issues. This crush on Obsession has played a slight factor in some of the good as well as bad going on in my marriage now. I appreciate my husband more because of it.
Anyways, Colorado isn't speaking to me. Hasn't responded to my messages since his own vacation, at least not more than one or two messages. He dropped off last Monday. I'm sure he's just taking his time to process what's going on. I mean his whole world is being turned upside down. I think I'm only slightly confused because he seemed so nonchalant about the whole concept when he told me they had made the decision to divorce. Maybe it hit him. But at this point. I've made my efforts to reach out. So I'm giving him his space.
The Drummer - I just happened to review an old post about The Drummer and I still can't believe how that whole thing went from nothing to something. But it helps me realize that my intuition on how a guy feels about me is pretty right on.
So if it's still right on, I shouldn't worry if I annoy Obsession. I can tell he enjoys our conversations. He doesn't seem to avoid interactions with me. We have A LOT in common. In regards to how we feel about politics at least and some of our moral views. I get surprised when he comments on things and I find out we're on the same page. Most people are so liberal its sick. But... sometimes I wonder, is he concerned? Thinking I'm reading too much into his conversations with me... lol I overthink everything...
Anywho... I'm tired. I'm having a hard time focusing. My mind is wandering all over the place. I've been somewhat productive today. But then another part of me is just staring at the computer screen not sure what to do next. Guess I should attempt to finish up what I'm working on.
The next day he wanted to show me more stuff, communicated more, seemed eager to talk. Which I took as a good sign of a friendship forming. But then he went on vacation...
I sent him a text reminding him that he and his family were invited to my Husband Creature's Bday BBQ. I wasn't surprised not to get a response. I kind of figured it was a long shot and he'd mention it when I saw him at work. I was surprised the day of the party to receive a text from him! He was too tired from his daughters soccer tournament otherwise they would have come. Which was honestly unexpected. I had other people flake altogether and still no explanation as to why. So I appreciated that.
And in all honesty with how crappy I felt about myself that day, I'm kind of glad he wasn't there. I felt all swollen and sweaty and a hot mess from running around with an AC that didn't work very well. I actually got the impression that was why he didn't stop by himself. He said he spent the day baking in the sun and was hot and sweaty.
We had a nice chat this morning about the party and his vacation. He said I looked well rested. lol Not sure why that seemed odd. He seemed disappointed he didn't stop by the BBQ. He said he's been getting headaches, to the point that taking steps feels like each step is pounding in his head. Poor guy. But that was about all of the interaction we had because he was having a short day. He had a doctor's appointment.
Colorado - Things with Colorado are weird. And I'm not sure how to feel about it. I always worry he's ghosting again. He said he never would do that again. But I also know he's going through a divorce. He said he announced it to the kids after their 10 year wedding anniversary. Which was last week. It's so crazy to me that people can work at a marriage for so long and just give up. Too many people I know are getting divorced after 10+ years of marriage. It's scary. And posts like mine about my Obsession probably make me a prime target for failure in my own marriage. But my Obsession is ebbing. And I love my Husband Creature. We have our issues. This crush on Obsession has played a slight factor in some of the good as well as bad going on in my marriage now. I appreciate my husband more because of it.
Anyways, Colorado isn't speaking to me. Hasn't responded to my messages since his own vacation, at least not more than one or two messages. He dropped off last Monday. I'm sure he's just taking his time to process what's going on. I mean his whole world is being turned upside down. I think I'm only slightly confused because he seemed so nonchalant about the whole concept when he told me they had made the decision to divorce. Maybe it hit him. But at this point. I've made my efforts to reach out. So I'm giving him his space.
The Drummer - I just happened to review an old post about The Drummer and I still can't believe how that whole thing went from nothing to something. But it helps me realize that my intuition on how a guy feels about me is pretty right on.
So if it's still right on, I shouldn't worry if I annoy Obsession. I can tell he enjoys our conversations. He doesn't seem to avoid interactions with me. We have A LOT in common. In regards to how we feel about politics at least and some of our moral views. I get surprised when he comments on things and I find out we're on the same page. Most people are so liberal its sick. But... sometimes I wonder, is he concerned? Thinking I'm reading too much into his conversations with me... lol I overthink everything...
Anywho... I'm tired. I'm having a hard time focusing. My mind is wandering all over the place. I've been somewhat productive today. But then another part of me is just staring at the computer screen not sure what to do next. Guess I should attempt to finish up what I'm working on.
Tuesday, July 10, 2018
Quick Obsession
So not that much cute has happened recently with Obsession but today I walked in to see how they were holding up with lack of AC in the office. And immediately he noticed I was dressed up. To the point that he looked around his monitors to see the whole outfit. I, on the other hand, didn't think I was that dressed up. But his coworker started giving me crap for what I was wearing when we have no AC and he defended me. It was pretty cute. :)
Though on the opposite side. I asked him about how the fire impacted him last week and he said he thought we'd talked about it. He stuck it out and made it home ok. Though I can't decide if him thinking we talked is a good thing or a bad thing. I'm leaning towards bad. *sigh*
But still cute that he thought I was dressed up. :) I'll focus on that lol
Though on the opposite side. I asked him about how the fire impacted him last week and he said he thought we'd talked about it. He stuck it out and made it home ok. Though I can't decide if him thinking we talked is a good thing or a bad thing. I'm leaning towards bad. *sigh*
But still cute that he thought I was dressed up. :) I'll focus on that lol
Monday, July 09, 2018
Changing Obsession
It's crazy to me the Obsession still continues. Not as insane as it once was thankfully. But he still pops into my head at the most random moments. Apparently he has driven by my apartment every time he takes his daughter to soccer practice. Though we just realized this last week and I think the soccer season seems to be over.
He asked what I was doing for the 4th of July. Which is part of how he learned where I live. Looks like he'll be going to the event by my place next year after what I had to say about it and what his brother had to say. Apparently, his brother has gone 3 years in a row and really enjoys it.
I ended up giving Obsession the journal I had bought for him a while back. I had to make sure Husband Creature was ok with me giving another guy a gift. He thought it was strange but said he didn't have a problem with it. My Obsession really appreciated it. Thought it was super sweet. He even gave me a hug. I told him how I had it for a while and wasn't sure about giving it to him, that I felt silly. He said he was sad I felt odd about it. And aside from my cookies, this is the favorite thing he's gotten from me. (hehe The only two things he's gotten from me.)
We had a going away party for another upper management person. He asked if I was going to walk down with his group. I did but he was so far up front I went with another person. While in the room, again I'm always so aware of his presence, he didn't even seem to see me. I said my goodbyes to the person and grabbed a cupcake and walked back down to my office. I was scanning some documents and saw him walking down towards his office. I smiled and kept doing what I was doing. He came to my area, a rarity, and said he thought I was going down with them and asked why I wasn't there. I told him I had gone down but only stayed to say good luck and good bye and had to get back to work. The fact that he didn't see me when I was there was a tad disappointing but I was happy he noticed my absence enough to come ask for me. Yep. Pathetic.
We had a fire in the path of our drive home last Friday and I was working in the local office and couldn't help but hope he would show up there. But no such luck.
I kind of wish there was someone else to obsess over. Colorado and I have been continually chatting. He has his moments of pushing for more sexual focus of conversation but I tend to avoid that direction with him. And there are a few coworkers I find myself toying with flirtation but nothing any where near as obsessive as Obsession.
I will say the more we have talked the more I hear Obsession referencing things we've talked about. So at least I know he now listens to what I have to say and remembers it. Though I still think about him WAY more than I should and get the feeling he doesn't even notice when I'm not around. He still seems to share more about his schedule than seems normal. He's very specific which days he'll be off, I tend to stare at his wall calendar when I'm in his office to get a peak of what his schedule is like. I see his car almost every day. It sucks that it's such a common make and color because goodness every single time my heart beats a bit faster until I realize a feature that is off somehow and realize it's not his. Yep, obsession. Yep. Pathetic. But... completely and utterly real.
He asked what I was doing for the 4th of July. Which is part of how he learned where I live. Looks like he'll be going to the event by my place next year after what I had to say about it and what his brother had to say. Apparently, his brother has gone 3 years in a row and really enjoys it.
I ended up giving Obsession the journal I had bought for him a while back. I had to make sure Husband Creature was ok with me giving another guy a gift. He thought it was strange but said he didn't have a problem with it. My Obsession really appreciated it. Thought it was super sweet. He even gave me a hug. I told him how I had it for a while and wasn't sure about giving it to him, that I felt silly. He said he was sad I felt odd about it. And aside from my cookies, this is the favorite thing he's gotten from me. (hehe The only two things he's gotten from me.)
We had a going away party for another upper management person. He asked if I was going to walk down with his group. I did but he was so far up front I went with another person. While in the room, again I'm always so aware of his presence, he didn't even seem to see me. I said my goodbyes to the person and grabbed a cupcake and walked back down to my office. I was scanning some documents and saw him walking down towards his office. I smiled and kept doing what I was doing. He came to my area, a rarity, and said he thought I was going down with them and asked why I wasn't there. I told him I had gone down but only stayed to say good luck and good bye and had to get back to work. The fact that he didn't see me when I was there was a tad disappointing but I was happy he noticed my absence enough to come ask for me. Yep. Pathetic.
We had a fire in the path of our drive home last Friday and I was working in the local office and couldn't help but hope he would show up there. But no such luck.
I kind of wish there was someone else to obsess over. Colorado and I have been continually chatting. He has his moments of pushing for more sexual focus of conversation but I tend to avoid that direction with him. And there are a few coworkers I find myself toying with flirtation but nothing any where near as obsessive as Obsession.
I will say the more we have talked the more I hear Obsession referencing things we've talked about. So at least I know he now listens to what I have to say and remembers it. Though I still think about him WAY more than I should and get the feeling he doesn't even notice when I'm not around. He still seems to share more about his schedule than seems normal. He's very specific which days he'll be off, I tend to stare at his wall calendar when I'm in his office to get a peak of what his schedule is like. I see his car almost every day. It sucks that it's such a common make and color because goodness every single time my heart beats a bit faster until I realize a feature that is off somehow and realize it's not his. Yep, obsession. Yep. Pathetic. But... completely and utterly real.
Friday, April 20, 2018
Continued Obsession
Welp... The Obsession continues...
Yesterday we had a conversation about Our Purpose. That's one thing I'll say about him. He does continue to draw me in. I want to chat but I never force conversations. Yesterday, I went over to ask a quick question and he was like "come join us, we're talking about deep stuff. What's your purpose in life?" We ended up talking for like an hour about our God given purposes. I found out a lot about his beliefs. And I think for the first time I saw a side of him I wasn't drawn to. The *first* time! He does have some faith. He was raised Jehovah Witness but converted to Christianity. But he still holds to some of the Jehovah Witness beliefs. Yet it seems he doesn't take faith very seriously. He believes being a good person is your role in life. Clearly with this conversation we talked about my faith, my history in a Christian home. His partner and I have very similar beliefs, so he was happy that I came in at that moment to share my purpose because it was in line with what he was trying to share with him. My Obsession believes we don't have a purpose, that we are just here to live the best life we can live, that nothing is orchestrated. In some respects I agree, but in others I strongly disagreed with him. Either way it was a rather interesting conversation.
So a couple items of note. I sent out an email to all the local people who commute to work and let them have my number in case they needed a ride or anything. He was the only one to reply and gave me his personal cell number. Not even his work one.
One of our conversations I mentioned that I had a hard time saying "no" and he teased me by asking for cookies but said he wouldn't be back in the office until a week later. I told him "no" and we laughed. But I actually did make him cookies, but I was also asked by someone else so I felt it could work without looking like I did it *just* for him. When I gave them to him, he didn't fully recall our conversation. Once I reminded him he remembered and laughed and I made sure to indicate he wasn't the only person that asked for them.
We talked about him journalling once, I bought him a journal and I can't seem to get myself to give it to him. It seems like an inappropriate gift for a married woman to give a married man. So I have it hidden away in my desk. I don't know that I'll ever give it to him.
He hates spiders but is ok with snakes. His 13 year old is afraid of his lizard. His kids are his everything. Jehovah Witnesses don't believe in blood transfusions or giving birthday gifts, when it comes to his kids, he doesn't care, he will do either. He's lived in my area since the late 90's. He rode dirt bikes. He has 3 brothers, one passed away last year. His older brother is the problem child. We mentioned something about our marriages being different then when we first got married, and he said under his breath that his wife is bugging him, and him and his partner started laughing so I think there was some kind of inside joke they had discussed previously.
I do find that he doesn't recall most of our conversations, which leads me to believe he's just not that interested in what I'm saying. I cling to every word he says, which makes me feel foolish. And I noticed his wall calendar shows his projects/schedule. He will be at an off site location next week when I will be. Kind of excited about that for some reason. What will make me laugh is I never see him, would serve me right.
Yesterday we had a conversation about Our Purpose. That's one thing I'll say about him. He does continue to draw me in. I want to chat but I never force conversations. Yesterday, I went over to ask a quick question and he was like "come join us, we're talking about deep stuff. What's your purpose in life?" We ended up talking for like an hour about our God given purposes. I found out a lot about his beliefs. And I think for the first time I saw a side of him I wasn't drawn to. The *first* time! He does have some faith. He was raised Jehovah Witness but converted to Christianity. But he still holds to some of the Jehovah Witness beliefs. Yet it seems he doesn't take faith very seriously. He believes being a good person is your role in life. Clearly with this conversation we talked about my faith, my history in a Christian home. His partner and I have very similar beliefs, so he was happy that I came in at that moment to share my purpose because it was in line with what he was trying to share with him. My Obsession believes we don't have a purpose, that we are just here to live the best life we can live, that nothing is orchestrated. In some respects I agree, but in others I strongly disagreed with him. Either way it was a rather interesting conversation.
So a couple items of note. I sent out an email to all the local people who commute to work and let them have my number in case they needed a ride or anything. He was the only one to reply and gave me his personal cell number. Not even his work one.
One of our conversations I mentioned that I had a hard time saying "no" and he teased me by asking for cookies but said he wouldn't be back in the office until a week later. I told him "no" and we laughed. But I actually did make him cookies, but I was also asked by someone else so I felt it could work without looking like I did it *just* for him. When I gave them to him, he didn't fully recall our conversation. Once I reminded him he remembered and laughed and I made sure to indicate he wasn't the only person that asked for them.
We talked about him journalling once, I bought him a journal and I can't seem to get myself to give it to him. It seems like an inappropriate gift for a married woman to give a married man. So I have it hidden away in my desk. I don't know that I'll ever give it to him.
He hates spiders but is ok with snakes. His 13 year old is afraid of his lizard. His kids are his everything. Jehovah Witnesses don't believe in blood transfusions or giving birthday gifts, when it comes to his kids, he doesn't care, he will do either. He's lived in my area since the late 90's. He rode dirt bikes. He has 3 brothers, one passed away last year. His older brother is the problem child. We mentioned something about our marriages being different then when we first got married, and he said under his breath that his wife is bugging him, and him and his partner started laughing so I think there was some kind of inside joke they had discussed previously.
I do find that he doesn't recall most of our conversations, which leads me to believe he's just not that interested in what I'm saying. I cling to every word he says, which makes me feel foolish. And I noticed his wall calendar shows his projects/schedule. He will be at an off site location next week when I will be. Kind of excited about that for some reason. What will make me laugh is I never see him, would serve me right.
Wednesday, April 11, 2018
Obsession somewhat subsided
So my obsession seems to be getting more manageable. I have my moments. Then there's the moments I can't help.
I baked cookies for a coworkers retirement pot luck, made an extra few for his area (as it seems I spend a good amount of time there as well as in my area... I wonder why? lol). ;) He was the first to be in the office so I gave them to him and told him there was enough for everyone to have 2 each. He said chocolate chip cookies are his downfall. I bragged mine up and told him once he had my cookies he'd agree. Sure enough he was curious as to how I made them so well. How they were soft yet yummy. I shared how I just follow the recipe but the way I mix it is different. In the end he said he'd make me his cookies and try my tips and let me see how they fare.
Now that I know we're in neighboring cities I wonder if we'll ever run into each other. I don't think so if we haven't already but the thought pops into my head from time to time when I'm out and about.
Well I'm off for now. I may decide to add more later.
It's a new day. I almost got to see him today, maybe... I'm working the local office though. Which I'm happy about. I don't exactly feel attractive in my current outfit. My hair is pulled up. Once my mom told me I don't look as pretty with my hair pulled up and it's made a big impact on me. I pull it up when I don't care what I look like, or if I want to be comfortable (which was today's reasoning, aside from the fact that I didn't think I'd be going down to my current office and I haven't washed my hair in 3 days, 3rd day's always the toughest to get through, without dry shampoo which I'm running low on). Yet I've had multiple compliments on my hair pulled up, they don't make as much of an impact as my mom's statement once. Or maybe it was my husband as well. I think my mom was the first person to say it, and my husband has reiterated that he prefers my hair down, or half up and the back down.
Aside from the concern he might see me the way I look today, I have wondered if he's noticed my absence. And wondered how often I'd get to see him at my new assignment when the transfer is complete. It'll be tough to move on. I'm not as comfortable here. But I'm sure if this was my permanent location I'd make more of an effort to get to know the people around me.
So I can't fully say my obsession is an "out of sight out of mind" type situation these days but it ebbs. Though knowing I should have seen him today is buggin me.
I finally talked to my sister about it. She made me feel less silly. She said it proves I'm not dead. lol I think I'm still surprised by my reaction to someone like this. Someone in person. I've had inappropriate moments with Colorado now and again but that's all but died out even in friendship. He seems to have completely shut down. Which I guess is healthy. But I'm not physically drawn to Colorado. For him, it's a companionship. Something a little more unhealthy in some ways. But it's so far from what it was I no longer feel anything between us. Is that the what my Obsession will end up being when I move away? When I'm no longer in such close proximity? I mean I will see him from time to time for now, but what happens when his role changes within the department? I guess my best friend is right, I need to transfer, get my head on straight. I have 30 minutes...
One of the moments I haven't brought up was the time I caught him just watching me. He was at my desk, I was in with my boss not knowing anyone was listening to our conversation, I sensed someone's eyes and he was just staring, and I apologized that I didn't realize someone needed me. We stood next to each other and I felt the electricity as we worked together on a project, discussing it, trying to put our individual information together to make sense with the others. I remember being close. Hyper aware of his arm touching mine.
I remember the very first time I talked to him, maybe even noticed him. I was going through his department writing out names and he asked what I was doing. I remember thinking, damn, he's a good lookin guy. I remember seeing him at a potluck, I want to say the Christmas one, and I kept looking at him and he seemed oblivious to me at all. ....
My Carpool buddy has made a couple comments that make me think she's trying to help me see he's not ever interested in any women aside from his wife. Or she's brought up the fact that there is no man that hasn't thought about having sex with every single woman he's worked with. Again two completely separate conversations but make me think... lol
Yep Obsession seems like a good term for him. *sigh* I'm in high school all over again.
I baked cookies for a coworkers retirement pot luck, made an extra few for his area (as it seems I spend a good amount of time there as well as in my area... I wonder why? lol). ;) He was the first to be in the office so I gave them to him and told him there was enough for everyone to have 2 each. He said chocolate chip cookies are his downfall. I bragged mine up and told him once he had my cookies he'd agree. Sure enough he was curious as to how I made them so well. How they were soft yet yummy. I shared how I just follow the recipe but the way I mix it is different. In the end he said he'd make me his cookies and try my tips and let me see how they fare.
Now that I know we're in neighboring cities I wonder if we'll ever run into each other. I don't think so if we haven't already but the thought pops into my head from time to time when I'm out and about.
Well I'm off for now. I may decide to add more later.
It's a new day. I almost got to see him today, maybe... I'm working the local office though. Which I'm happy about. I don't exactly feel attractive in my current outfit. My hair is pulled up. Once my mom told me I don't look as pretty with my hair pulled up and it's made a big impact on me. I pull it up when I don't care what I look like, or if I want to be comfortable (which was today's reasoning, aside from the fact that I didn't think I'd be going down to my current office and I haven't washed my hair in 3 days, 3rd day's always the toughest to get through, without dry shampoo which I'm running low on). Yet I've had multiple compliments on my hair pulled up, they don't make as much of an impact as my mom's statement once. Or maybe it was my husband as well. I think my mom was the first person to say it, and my husband has reiterated that he prefers my hair down, or half up and the back down.
Aside from the concern he might see me the way I look today, I have wondered if he's noticed my absence. And wondered how often I'd get to see him at my new assignment when the transfer is complete. It'll be tough to move on. I'm not as comfortable here. But I'm sure if this was my permanent location I'd make more of an effort to get to know the people around me.
So I can't fully say my obsession is an "out of sight out of mind" type situation these days but it ebbs. Though knowing I should have seen him today is buggin me.
I finally talked to my sister about it. She made me feel less silly. She said it proves I'm not dead. lol I think I'm still surprised by my reaction to someone like this. Someone in person. I've had inappropriate moments with Colorado now and again but that's all but died out even in friendship. He seems to have completely shut down. Which I guess is healthy. But I'm not physically drawn to Colorado. For him, it's a companionship. Something a little more unhealthy in some ways. But it's so far from what it was I no longer feel anything between us. Is that the what my Obsession will end up being when I move away? When I'm no longer in such close proximity? I mean I will see him from time to time for now, but what happens when his role changes within the department? I guess my best friend is right, I need to transfer, get my head on straight. I have 30 minutes...
One of the moments I haven't brought up was the time I caught him just watching me. He was at my desk, I was in with my boss not knowing anyone was listening to our conversation, I sensed someone's eyes and he was just staring, and I apologized that I didn't realize someone needed me. We stood next to each other and I felt the electricity as we worked together on a project, discussing it, trying to put our individual information together to make sense with the others. I remember being close. Hyper aware of his arm touching mine.
I remember the very first time I talked to him, maybe even noticed him. I was going through his department writing out names and he asked what I was doing. I remember thinking, damn, he's a good lookin guy. I remember seeing him at a potluck, I want to say the Christmas one, and I kept looking at him and he seemed oblivious to me at all. ....
My Carpool buddy has made a couple comments that make me think she's trying to help me see he's not ever interested in any women aside from his wife. Or she's brought up the fact that there is no man that hasn't thought about having sex with every single woman he's worked with. Again two completely separate conversations but make me think... lol
Yep Obsession seems like a good term for him. *sigh* I'm in high school all over again.
Tuesday, April 03, 2018
Obsessing
So... I'm obsessing. One way to help me get away from obsessing is to talk about it; realize how foolish I sound and move on. Yesterday's rant didn't seem to help. But I'm here to try to look at this in a different perspective.
I try talking to my best friend. I've even asked her perspective. At first she just laughed and said she's been there. Then it was... you need to get transferred. lol I've noticed the last couple times I've brought him up she doesn't even acknowledge it. So I've stopped sharing and I think it's made it my own little secret so it's staying at the forefront of my mind. I need to change that.
Yesterday was the first day my thoughts of him came home with me. Normally it's been an out of sight out of mind kind of situation. Yesterday I kept reliving the touches, the laughter, the looks. I keep thinking his ability to grab my hands, hold my wrist, pull me over to a conversation seemed so intimate and natural yet I would never expect that from anyone, let alone someone I'm obsessed with. I realize he must just be that way. It must just be his personality. I didn't see him draw anyone else in... But that doesn't mean it's not his way.
We've had more interactions recently. Conversations about random stuff. Jokes about his wife's cooking (baking rice krispy treats, asking what side of the bread to butter for grilled cheese sandwiches lol). That they've been married 17 years. His daughters issues with her Spanish hairiness (part of the conversation he brought me into yesterday and why he grabbed my hands). She's a sophomore in high school. Explaining that the reason he's out of the office recently is because he's teaching classes. Finding out I'm a photographer saying he hopes to see my work up in my new office and surprised he hadn't seen my work up at my current office, I explained knowing I'm leaving made me hesitate on bringing any in, him making it clear he'll be visiting me at my new office and wanting to see my work up by then. Talking about one of the girls who's currently doing my job waiting for me to move to my new assignment, who I considered to be my size and he finally realized who I was talking about by asking if she had a larger behind. Talking about the health issues we've been dealing with with my father-in-law. The break-in at our place a few years back. How we live in neighboring cities, dealing with the same commute. How he listens to comedians on the way in to start his day out right. How he thought I did pretty good backing into my spot (thanks to my hubby). My carpool buddy. How my new commute will be amazing. Our hours. These things were brought out in the last week.
There was a time in our past that my best friend brought out the fact that we always seemed to get closer to the people we wanted to get to know. I agree. It feels like he's a person I want to know, and am getting to know. I honestly *want* to be his friend. But there's another side that knows that's dangerous. My mind has had flashes of inappropriate moments. I also know it's silly to think he's as attracted to me as I am to him. He is a good looking guy though. Damn... he's a good looking guy.
I try talking to my best friend. I've even asked her perspective. At first she just laughed and said she's been there. Then it was... you need to get transferred. lol I've noticed the last couple times I've brought him up she doesn't even acknowledge it. So I've stopped sharing and I think it's made it my own little secret so it's staying at the forefront of my mind. I need to change that.
Yesterday was the first day my thoughts of him came home with me. Normally it's been an out of sight out of mind kind of situation. Yesterday I kept reliving the touches, the laughter, the looks. I keep thinking his ability to grab my hands, hold my wrist, pull me over to a conversation seemed so intimate and natural yet I would never expect that from anyone, let alone someone I'm obsessed with. I realize he must just be that way. It must just be his personality. I didn't see him draw anyone else in... But that doesn't mean it's not his way.
We've had more interactions recently. Conversations about random stuff. Jokes about his wife's cooking (baking rice krispy treats, asking what side of the bread to butter for grilled cheese sandwiches lol). That they've been married 17 years. His daughters issues with her Spanish hairiness (part of the conversation he brought me into yesterday and why he grabbed my hands). She's a sophomore in high school. Explaining that the reason he's out of the office recently is because he's teaching classes. Finding out I'm a photographer saying he hopes to see my work up in my new office and surprised he hadn't seen my work up at my current office, I explained knowing I'm leaving made me hesitate on bringing any in, him making it clear he'll be visiting me at my new office and wanting to see my work up by then. Talking about one of the girls who's currently doing my job waiting for me to move to my new assignment, who I considered to be my size and he finally realized who I was talking about by asking if she had a larger behind. Talking about the health issues we've been dealing with with my father-in-law. The break-in at our place a few years back. How we live in neighboring cities, dealing with the same commute. How he listens to comedians on the way in to start his day out right. How he thought I did pretty good backing into my spot (thanks to my hubby). My carpool buddy. How my new commute will be amazing. Our hours. These things were brought out in the last week.
There was a time in our past that my best friend brought out the fact that we always seemed to get closer to the people we wanted to get to know. I agree. It feels like he's a person I want to know, and am getting to know. I honestly *want* to be his friend. But there's another side that knows that's dangerous. My mind has had flashes of inappropriate moments. I also know it's silly to think he's as attracted to me as I am to him. He is a good looking guy though. Damn... he's a good looking guy.
Thursday, March 22, 2018
I have to get it off my chest
My heart is pounding! I have no idea how to explain. And I feel foolish. Yet, somewhere, I have to write this down to get it off my chest. Out there. Away from my brain and hopefully I can move on and here is the only place I know to do it.
He held my hand. It was to take a closer look at my fingers but still. He held my hand, then my wrist. It was an embarrassing moment. I felt awkward. I'm always nervous about how hairy my arms are, yet he held me, tighter and longer than he needed to. My nerves were on fire. They still are with the memory of his touch. How horrible is that!? I'm a horrible wife.
There is something about this man that my entire body reacts to. I can't help myself. Every interaction I walk away from, needing catch my breath. There is something. What? Is it just me? Is there chemistry? It feels one sided. It feels so foolish.
Yet every conversation leaves me wanting more. I'm so drawn to him. Yet all the women think he's hot. So why am I a standout? I long for interactions. I long to get to know him better. *sigh* What do I call this guy? Mr Chemistry?
I've never had this reaction to a man since I've been married. And because I'm married I feel like a fool. I feel ridiculous. He's married too. In the beginning it was looking from afar. I immediately found myself attracted to him. Hoping to see him. Then I got silly. Making excuses to walk by when I heard his voice. Now, we have random reasons to talk to each other and each time it feels like we keep talking about more. I overshare. He keeps asking questions. He found out I'm transferring, I found out he works out of my new office often.
Damn, this doesn't seem to be helping.
He held my hand. It was to take a closer look at my fingers but still. He held my hand, then my wrist. It was an embarrassing moment. I felt awkward. I'm always nervous about how hairy my arms are, yet he held me, tighter and longer than he needed to. My nerves were on fire. They still are with the memory of his touch. How horrible is that!? I'm a horrible wife.
There is something about this man that my entire body reacts to. I can't help myself. Every interaction I walk away from, needing catch my breath. There is something. What? Is it just me? Is there chemistry? It feels one sided. It feels so foolish.
Yet every conversation leaves me wanting more. I'm so drawn to him. Yet all the women think he's hot. So why am I a standout? I long for interactions. I long to get to know him better. *sigh* What do I call this guy? Mr Chemistry?
I've never had this reaction to a man since I've been married. And because I'm married I feel like a fool. I feel ridiculous. He's married too. In the beginning it was looking from afar. I immediately found myself attracted to him. Hoping to see him. Then I got silly. Making excuses to walk by when I heard his voice. Now, we have random reasons to talk to each other and each time it feels like we keep talking about more. I overshare. He keeps asking questions. He found out I'm transferring, I found out he works out of my new office often.
Damn, this doesn't seem to be helping.
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