I think He's Opted Out

So I think Obsession has opted out of putting in for transferring to my location. And as much as I am kind of sad I think it's truly for the best. In fact, the more I thought about it, I wouldn't have the freedoms I do now with chatting with him when he's at my location. And he really has a good gig where he's at. But alas... I'm still really sad.

Obsession Strikes Again

Yesterday I saw Obsession. He was inviting and sweet. Offering to have me sit with him and his coworkers. (Reminds me of the conversation I had with him about him saying he'd drag me by the arm to join in to existing conversations when I swing by) He commented on liking the color on my toes. Noticing my tiny almost non-existent pinky toe nail and teasing me about it. lol The other staff barely stuck around. I even commented that I didn't mean to drive them away. 

We talked for a while. Almost 2 hours. We talked about his wife's medical issues finally. They are waiting to get a procedure scheduled for a biopsy. He started to complain about his wife. The fact that she's not interested in the same things he is and how when the kids leave the house he's concerned they won't have anything in common. It was the complete cliché. Talking to a coworker you find attractive about the troubles of your marriage and how easy it is to slip into an affair. 

The warning signs caused me to revert to marriage counseling mode. I was encouraging him to try to find common ground. Focus on the positives in their relationship. I didn't feed into his negativity. I kept thinking of my best friend and her 20 year marriage and how close they are. Worrying that Obsession is definitely not in the same place after his 20 years of marriage. He joked that his brother had good luck online dating. Nothing long term but fun with gorgeous women. I reminded him he wouldn't like that. He joked that he would. I said sure for maybe a few weeks but ultimately he would want someone to spend his life with. He really is negative about his marriage at this point. He is a thrill seeker and wants his wife to be the same. He wants to get out and hike, and snorkel, and be in nature. I get her perspective. I'd rather stay inside and just relax. Though they have a pool and spa and she won't join him for either. I can't imagine not wanting to have a glass of wine and relax in the spa with my Husband Creature. And of course I couldn't imagine saying no to Obsession either. But I haven't been married for 20 years. I told Obsession to find something they both like. That he can't expect her to be a different person than she is. But there has to be something they both like to do. Though I also got married late in life. I knew what I wanted in a person. I had settled into who I was. Obsession married young. He's not one to leave his wife. But I can tell he's struggling and a bit resentful that she's not as willing to try new things. But I reminded him of areas she has tried. And letting him know there were things that my husband liked that I wasn't into and visa versa. 

He was engaging. He kept the conversations flowing. When I was starting to wind down a conversation he'd ask another question to keep it going. The other really pretty girl came through and he brought her into the conversation but kept me involved. And as I was getting ready to leave after she did he kept on talking to me. It wasn't until my boss came in that the conversation was ended. It was late. I should have left 15 minutes prior. And honestly I'm not sure how or why my boss came into Obsession's office. He didn't try to talk to him. Maybe he overheard my voice. Not sure. But he walked me out. I felt awkward. Like I'd been caught doing something wrong. (I guess I kind of was...) Or maybe someone had told him I was in Obsession's office. It stressed me out that Obsession shared that we were talking about marital discord. But... oh well. 

It looks like Obsession is moving forward with submitting his interest in transferring to my location. I'm nervous. Especially since he said he shared some things with me that he's never said to anyone. It almost feels like he's going out of his way to make me realize I matter to him. That he wants to share with me. Yet every time I wonder if there is a mutual attraction I shake my head like there is no way he'd find me attractive. Especially with the one really pretty girl coming through all the time. But he enjoys me as a person. I have come to accept that. 

Obsession is really into TikTok lately. I haven't been able to get into it myself. That's something the really pretty girl and him have in common. She's really into making videos, but I have come to understand she's kind of full of herself. She knows she's beautiful and wants to show it. Luckily Obsession doesn't seem to entertain her. He doesn't follow her on TikTok which makes me kind of happy. 

Colorado has popped into my head a lot lately. Not sure why. There is a photo he posted to Facebook back in November that is really nice. He looks good. It makes me happy for him. Wishing I could just check in and see how he's doing. But I know for my Husband Creature's sake, I need to keep my distance. It's too easy for us to reconnect and take things too far. 

Ex has proven to be challenging as well. He's pushed the conversation to move to an inappropriate place a number of times. I keep my distance but we still chat here and there. It's weird to me because he admits that his wife wouldn't be happy to hear that we talk. I know my Husband Creature is fine with me talking to old flings as long as it's casual. And for the most part it is. Ex sometimes gets carried away. I do my best to discourage it. He was super concerned for me when he found out I had Covid last month though. He kept checking in on me no matter how many times I told him I was experiencing no real symptoms. Not sure why he was so worried. But it kept us in communication for a while. It's been a bit and I'm ok with that. 

Anyways, we'll see how it goes with Obsession, especially if he signs on for my location. The idea thrills me and scares me to death. One part of me imagines him storming into my office, shutting my door and pushing me up against the wall... *sigh* (Similar to my experience with Latin Lover at the hotel in San Francisco, which today is one of the most ostentatious experiences I've ever had.) The other part of me imagines he'll be so busy or worried about how it looks coming to my office he'll avoid me... Making me sad. Either way, I really kind of wish I didn't have to deal with either. Both would be bad.

Endearment

I saw Obsession Tuesday. It was a basic conversation. Nothing exciting. But oddly I leave wanting more... Wishing I had more time. Wanting to email him and realizing it's just silly. I enjoy talking with him. I miss him. I just wish it wasn't inappropriate to go sit at Starbucks for hours on end. 

I mentioned an embarrassing moment when he gave me a hard time about a comment I made being a little bit ditsy (without saying that straight out). He couldn't remember the comment. I couldn't remember the details but told him I remembered being embarrassed. He laughed and says well just know I only say things to tease you... as a term of endearment. He said it with focus and made sure I was paying attention and making eye contact. It felt electric, like he had a deeper meaning. The look left an impression let's put it that way. 

He has a weird work schedule because of Covid so after finding out he doesn't work every Tuesday and that we wouldn't see each other next week he said he was going to try to change it so he wouldn't be so confused with each week being different.

***The above was written January 8th. ***

Obsession was at work the following Tuesday. I guess he worked out his schedule to be there. Interestingly he made a point to get up and hug me, whereas last week was an oddity, instead of getting up to hug me he said he'd keep his distance because things with Covid being so out of control. I was actually not expecting him to hug me that day.

And I may be in trouble... Looks like Obsession is thinking about indicating interest in a new development at my location. ACK! I seriously don't know if I could handle it... I'd be annoyed if he didn't make an effort to come say hi, and then I would hate to constantly worry about what I look like. lol Or be super aware of who is where when I walk around the building. Blah... He's on a current assignment and he's going to ask if he can maintain it. He feels like this might be the only opportunity to get back up to a local position. I'm nervous. There aren't a lot of workers that are local to the area so he's almost guaranteed a position. If he does move forward with indicating interest, he will be at my office no later than July 1st! Lordy lordy! I had a dream about him that night. Clearly he was on my brain. 

Sometimes I read through my posts and they feels so mundane and overanalyzed and others my heart flutters like it did in the moment but I'm telling you there is electricity. 

He seemed truly surprised when I told him I didn't expect to live in our state forever. That I planned to move. But who knows how soon that will happen. Could be 10 years. Could be 2. We will have to wait and see. I need to head out...