If it's not one or a few, it's another!

Holy crap! Junior and I had a texting conversation at church today. We haven't texted much lately and when his girlfriend isn't there he's more open to it. So I was flirting with him. Yes, I know... Bad girl! Anyways, I was flirting with him. It seemed like he was into it and then trying to change the subject. He thinks it's weird that I know when he's gutter brained. I told him honestly I know when he is because of how he looks at me. He jokingly said if I wanted to try something he'd be so drugged and out of it with cold meds that I could get away with anything. I told him not to tempt me but what fun was that, I wanted interaction. He said to trust him there would be no problem with interaction.

So the conversation turned more clean and after church I ended up surprisingly going to lunch with him and his fam along with my sis and her boyfriend. I didn't realize he was going. So we talked like nothing happened. A couple sly smiles but nothing more. I got a text towards the end of the lunch saying he needed a shower and asked if I did too. I laughed and told him lets go!

I left and went to Barnes & Noble and he left to go shower. We were flirting pretty heavily about him being lonely in the shower and how I told him to know I was there in spirit and to let me know how I was. And then he asked if I wanted a picture so I could feel like I was there. I told him honestly yes!!! So he did! I got a picture of him standing naked in front of the bathroom mirror! I could see everything! I was completely shocked! When he asked I thought for sure he was just teasin but sure enough he sent it. And damn he looks good! I'm still surprised he really sent it!

So far the conversation has been pretty much stopped short. He's either embarrassed he sent it or just got too busy to continue texting me. I don't mind. I'm kind of unsure of what to think of myself and him! I feel dirty and wrong but I can't help but keep looking at it! Very nice!

First Kiss

Wow... Just wow... How do all these guys come out of the wood work?

First Kiss - Because I'm in the music scene where I live I know a lot of band guys. Well my First Kiss happens to be (take a wild guess...) a drummer. Well he and I have been here and there during these shows and it's been interesting running into him now and again. Well lately I've seen a lot of him and we've rekindled the friendship. He sadly is separated from his wife and I made a valiant effort to keep in touch and let him know he was in my prayers.

It was my birthday earlier this month and I had a bbq this last weekend. I invited First Kiss and he showed up. When I walked him out that night he gave me a kiss. Simple, clean (no tongue) but still a kiss. I was a little surprised but felt that it was just a friendly gesture.

I got a text from him this morning thanking me for the kiss. One thing led to another and I'm on my way to his place tonight for dinner. I am unsure of how to feel about all this. I guess I can share the texting conversation between us. I really was attempting to just be cute and flirty and before I knew it he was telling me he doesn't do the whole deal (sex) on the first date but because of work the next date won't be for another 2-4 weeks and he said he could wait and asked if I could!

First Kiss had sent me a text inviting me to his next gig...

Me: Hey there hot stuff! Thanks 4 stoppin by my bbq last night! & i'll try 2 b there but think i have a photo thing that night.
First Kiss: Sugar I don't expect you to pay 7 bucks to see us. And thanks for the bbq invite. And the kiss!
Me: Lol why don't u expect that? & u'r very welcome! 4 both ;-) It was a pleasant surprise. & I was really glad u came. I hope u had a good time. :) Just let me know when u'r in the mood 4 strawberries & cream*! ;-) lol!

*strawberries & cream reference: At my bbq I didn't have a cake for my dessert I had strawberries & cream. I offered him some and he jokingly told me he shouldn't do that because he associates strawberries and cream with sex! I teasingly said... Good to know! He responded that I should stop by any time with strawberries and cream! :)

First Kiss: I'm always in that mood! Always!
Me: Haha! :-D so when u gettin home from work tonight? Lol ok, ok... just kidding... I'll b a good girl.
First Kiss: I have no time for good girls! Haha unless they have a bad streak. Unfortunately I'm working 3 hours from home and get up at 3am. no telling when I'm getting back
Me: Do u really think i'm all "good girl"? I think u know by now that good girl image is just a facade. ;-) that bad streak is bubbling below the surface lol!
First Kiss: Mmmmm bubbling.
Me: Question is who's gonna b there when it explodes to the surface? ;-) hehe fun thoughts! Well i know u'r workin so have a good day & i'm gonna enjoy taking care of myself this morning thinking of the possibilities of u, me & some strawberries & cream!
First Kiss: Damn you just made me hungry!

Our texting conversation stopped for a couple hours at this point because something came up that I had to deal with.

First Kiss: Hey I asked (bandmate) last night what he put on youtube that you recorded and it was the song corporation. So how was I this morning? :)
Me: Lol!!!! Sadly I was detained from that pleasure but intend 2 go there later ;-) i'll let u know! & thanks 4 checking w/ (bandmate), i want 2 check it out.
First Kiss: You should save the pleasure for me you have a hair trigger
Me: Ok i think i should know what u mean but i don't! Lol hair trigger? & absolutely would love 2 save that pleasure 4 u! :-D
First Kiss: I mean you will be pleased more easily if you wait for the real thing. A hair trigger on a gun fires easily.
Me: Of course the real thing is ALWAYS better but how long will I have 2 wait? Lol i have some serious needs right now! ;-) might as well get mediocure satisfaction until i can get the real thing, right? & when i get the real thing appreciate it that much more! Basically i can't wait, get ur ass up here!
First Kiss: Well it's looking more promising for tonight than any other time in the next couple weeks with these jobs I'm on
Me: I just realized... I've changed a lot since u & i "hung out" back in the day :-D & really? Wow... Could I actually do this?! Damn temptations!
First Kiss: You haven't changed. You are just old enough to know that doing pleasurable things doesn't make you a bad person. You won't burn in hell for giving me some love.
Me: Lol! Guess thats true... ;-) U have no idea how tempted i am!
First Kiss: I'm not a do the whole deal on the first date guy. but my works gonna keep me from a second one, prob for 2 to 4 weeks. I can wait. Can you?
Me: Hehe yes i can wait. :-) i've been waiting for a while now lol whats a few more weeks? Hehe
First Kiss: Of course I can take care of you without taking my pants off. That's my favorite and it leaves something for the second date.
Me: Lol! Damn just the thought made me wet! But I'm kinda like u in not going crazy on the first date. It still takes me a bit 2 b comfortable w/ someone. :)
First Kiss: Well you should be comfy with me already but I know what you mean.
Me: Hehe yeah I guess u'r right. We'll have 2 see how it goes. :)
First Kiss: Looks like this is the only day for the next couple weeks I will be home before 7, which is my bed time since I get up at 3. Want to cruise over for dinner?
Me: Sure :) so what time should I get there then? & I'll need a refresher on how 2 get 2 ur place.
First Kiss: Not sure yet I'm in stopped traffic on the 105 freeway
Me: Ok just let me know when u have an idea :)

Anyways, it's time to head over there. I knew I wouldn't have time to finish the post. But I wanted this started so when I got back I can be ready to share...

...

Ok so dinner with First Kiss was Monday and its now Wednesday. I got over there and he was making dinner. We had a shot of tequila before and red wine with a yummy steak dinner. It was a nice time. I really enjoyed our conversation. He had warned me it would have to be an early night because of him needing to be up at 3am the next day for work. He was a gentleman the entire night. We were talking after we cleared the table and he went in for the kiss. It was gentle, sweet and not too much tongue. We kissed a few more times on the way out to my car but that was it.

I was proud of myself and was impressed with him truly being considerate of my feelings. I told him in our texting conversation that it took me a bit to be comfortable with someone. He said I should be comfortable with him but that he understood. This was in response to him offering to take care of me this time around and it would leave more for our next date.

I'm still unsure of how I feel about him and I even doing anything physical since his divorce isn't finalized. Sadly when I first met him 12 years ago he was only separated from his first wife then too! I was so young, so naive! And here I am again kissing a married man! And strongly considering having sex with him! Ugh!

The Drummer - Let’s rewind to the night of the bbq. The Drummer and I have been cool since the show where The Singer hit on me. I called him a couple days before the bbq to confirm he and his roommate were coming and he told me he hadn't forgotten he owed me a transvestite version of Marilyn Monroe singing "Happy Birthday Mr President" but that he was waiting for the right moment.

The day of my bbq he showed up about when most people did, maybe a tad late. I had put together pictures of the last year on my digital photoframe so everyone could see what I'd been up to in the last year of my life. The Drummer is in a lot of those pics. I even have pics of one of our earliest meetings (during my last birthday) where not even knowing him he was leaning to kiss my cheek. I still remember the day he came to band practice and I gave all the guys hugs but him (just because I didn't know him that well) and him giving me a hard time about not getting one, so I went over to give him one too... I guess you could say that's the start of it all for me. Ok sorry that was a side tangent....

Back to the photoframe. He was mesmerized by it! It was quite cute. I had pics of me with other guys & he asked me about them! hehe It was at some point of him checking out the pics that I had the guts to ask him if he had talked to The Singer about our night, part of me wondered if that's why The Singer asked me to make out with him or something. The Drummer then turns to me and says, no, how could I talk about something I don't even remember? And I do believe he has an interest in you. I told him that The Singer approached me at the last show and The Drummer said The Singer actually came to him at that show to ask if he (the Drummer) and I were dating. The Drummer told him no so that must have been when The Singer decided to make his move. I told him I was surprised and The Drummer teasingly said, it's not like guys aren't attracted to you! Apparently The Singer "threatened to come" to my bbq. I was hoping he would have but with what takes place later I'm kind of glad he didn't. I should be seeing The Singer not this weekend but next. I'll be curious to how he relates to me then.

During the bbq I tended to stick close by him when I could. At one moment I put my arm around his waist and he put his arm over my shoulder and we stayed like that for quite a while. Even with my brother walking around us. So at around 10 he tells me he's gonna head home and I was kind of bummed but understood. I walked people out and before I knew it everyone had gone home but The Drummer, The Bassist & his date.

The Drummer was giving me a hard time that it was my bday bbq and I did most of the work that he decided he wanted to take me out for a drink to relax. It was supposed to be me, him, The Bassist and his date but the Bassist & his date ditched out last minute. We went to his roommates bar. As we drove there we were talking and I asked him what he officially told the Singer. This was the start of our endless question and answer session that night.

As the night progressed I was able to ask him EVERY question I ever had and he seemed to give me straightforward answers! It was very therapeutic. In the end it was decided that yes, we both have an attraction to one another, we mean something to each other but our beliefs and lifestyle would never make for a good relationship. The Drummer is not able to give more then a one-nighter where he's at emotionally and I know I'm not emotionally untied to him to be able to just have a one-nighter with him. He mentioned that maybe give him a year and see where we're at.

He challenged me to ask him more questions and I decided for the blunt and asked if he wanted to fuck me, he said yes but then told me to ask if he would fuck me and I told him I didn't want to know that answer, which of course was no. Then I asked if he'd make out with me, and he asked how far and I said whatever, he said he'd give me a kiss with a little tongue and so we kissed. It was very nice! I really REALLY enjoyed kissing him. He's a good kisser. I like his style. It was very tender, slow and yummy! I thanked him and he got frustrated because he felt like thanking him made him feel like he did me the favor when in fact it was what he wanted.

On top of all this honesty I kept drinking... By the end of the night I had 7 shots and 1 beer! I was totally feeling it! I couldn't believe I had drunk so much but The Drummers roommate just kept bringing them! We decided to stay till his roommate was off because he had to take her home because she has no license because of a DUI. Yes, they are all hardcore drinkers! No wonder I've been drinking more and more since hanging out with them!

Anyways, I really like The Drummer! Like, REALLY! I realize it would be a bad relationship and in all honesty I am thankful he's the one with the level head about it, because I'm not. And actually I'm thankful he respects me enough not to go forward with just using me. He said I mean a lot to him. That he's VERY attracted to me. He even told me my weight wasn't an issue that he's wanted me even at my heaviest, though he would be honest that he's noticed the weight loss. But that I'm adorable. He admitted that I've scared him away at times. He also noticed that he hasn't succeeded at keeping off of me when he has the opportunity.

As far as The Singer asking if we were dating, apparently the Bassist has talked smack about us being involved. I'm still not sure about all that. I thought it interesting that The Singer even thought there was something going on between us. I jokingly told him it was no secret that I had a crush on The Drummer. I wasn't shy about letting it be known, but the idea that they would also feel the need to ask The Drummer... interesting.

No, I'm not reading more into that then there is. We've made the decision. No relationship. I will probably always want him. But he's a messed up individual! I've been learning more about his past and some of the things he told me are really sick & twisted… things that will mess with someone for their entire life. Things I don't think I could get past. He's a heavy drinker for a reason. He's had a rough life. His beliefs are definitely a little out there. He believes in anarchy. He's been in jail and been the punisher when someone didn't pay their debt.

My brother doesn't like the idea that The Drummer and I are getting closer. He feels that if the Drummer gets too comfortable he will turn on us in a moment. I have more faith in The Drummer then that but I can understand my brothers concerns now. The things he's been through and done. Though I do believe I have a better understanding of The Drummer then my brother does, that I know more then my brother. I think that also scares the Drummer. He's been rambling to me the last few times we've talked. He's even commented that it's a nice change to have someone keep asking the questions. So we'll see what happens over the next year of us knowing each other.

I'm going to head off and look at some of my bday bbq pics!

The Singer too!?! Really!?

Yes, I have to add a new guy! The lead singer to the drummer and bassists other band! But before I got into that story I realize I need to update what's happened with The Drummer.

The Drummer - Ok so apparently he's saying he doesn't remember our night, or the next day. Apparently he woke up on that Sunday and thought it was Saturday. Either way he avoided talking with me. In my last post I mentioned that I was invited to a local show by the Bassist the Tuesday after (Aug 11th). That went fine. No major drama. He didn't treat me rude but wasn't very flirty either.

On the way home I mentioned to them that I noticed the singer was in a really good mood because he was being really friendly and funny. That night the singer went out of his way to come give me a hug. He hung out with me, joking and laughing about the show and the other band. I decided at that moment that he was perfect for my friend. He was everything she loves in guys. And he's hot! I knew he was ultra critical but he was cracking me up that night. I had A LOT of fun because of him. I kept texting my friend telling her she had to come to one of their shows to meet this guy. I even took a picture and sent it to her. :) Eventually I was telling her that I was falling in love with him for her!

I was invited by the Bassist to their studio session that Saturday (Aug 15th) and there the Drummer and I were somehow in the same car driving to grab some food. In that drive he told me he didn't remember what happened that night and asked what happened and laughingly asked "we weren't naked were we?" And I said, actually yes we were! He was shocked! I'm still skeptical if he could honestly black out the entire weekend but oh well. So he asked how I could let him get that far with me and I told him I couldn't help myself. And added that we both had been drinking. His response was something like, well something tells me that will always happen if you combine me and you with alcohol. We got back to the studio and couldn't talk much so he text me "If the day comes when we're both naked again, i want 2 b soberish! ;)"

I didn't stay at the studio long. I got to hear a little of the Drummer being recorded and a little of The Singer being recorded before I had to go pick my brother up from the airport.

I saw The Drummer August 23rd, when my brothers band came over to record at the house. I only saw him for a short moment. My heart was pounding out my chest and I was pissed at my reaction to him. He was flirty which didn't make it any easier. I sent a couple text after I left and he never replied.

I'm having a birthday bbq next Saturday which he confirmed he wouldn't miss.

My brother went out of town again, he actually will be going out of town for a week out of every month. So I took the opportunity to ask the Drummer if he wanted to hang out to which he replied he was going out of town. This is where I made a bit of a mistake. I replied "of course you are! should I give up trying?" and I never got a reply. So ... I decided I'm done pursuing him and responded with "hehe I'll take that as a "yes". Have a fun time this weekend cutie & let me know if/when u want 2 hang out :-)" I wasn't bitchy but it was an official decision to stop trying to make something happen with him.

So I haven't seen the guys in the band till this last Thursday (Sept 3rd) for a show down in Anaheim. I always go and I am pretty much their photographer. I offered to drive anyone who wanted to go with me. The Drummer set it up to where he and I drove down to the show alone together. I was surprised because he's basically avoided me since that night we almost had sex. I kept my cool. Didn't force the conversation. He opened up about a lot of stuff about his past. I was very interested in hearing all his drama. He tends to go for girls that are bi-polar, which I'm not. I teased him that he needs to look for a girl thats not bipolar and he said he wasn't sure there were any and I said "we" are out there. He told me about being shot 5 times by gang members when he was like 21. He even felt awkward that he was sharing so much. I was realizing more and more he's definitely led a different life then myself and that I'm VERY naive in comparison to what he's been through. He talked a little about his jail time. We talked about both our experiences being unemployed for so long and the stress of living off of unemployment benefits.

We get to the show and he offered to get me in for free as his guest which I thought was sweet. His cousins were coming to the show and he said he didn't care if they had to pay when the other band members asked about giving his guest spot to one of them. His roommate came too (who also had to pay) and yet drove down with the bassist, which was the major sign that he was making an effort to spend time with me alone on the trip down.

The show was good. It was extremely hot and taking pics on top of that I ended up sweating like crazy. I felt like my face was dripping! My friend was finally able to come to the show and see and meet The Singer. She made it to the show late and missed their performance but once she saw him she was drooling! It was quite funny. He was being funny and talkative again. And the whole time I was making it easier for him to check him out.

The Singer - Later in the evening we were talking outside and waiting for everyone so we could leave and my friend went in to find out where everyone was at. The singer came over to me and under his breath so no one standing near us could hear asked "wanna make out?" And I was shocked! My mouth dropped to the floor I'm sure. I did a double take and couldn't help myself and said yes! So he said we should meet once we got to the house and dropped everyone off. Then casually walked back to where he was standing when my friend got back.

I couldn't believe what just happened! I felt horrible about trying to focus my friend on him! And I realized at that moment that I've liked him ever since the show on Aug 11th! When I said I was falling in love with him for her, I meant it! Well ok maybe not "love" but "in lust" for sure! Then I felt a sinking feeling about what to tell my friend. I have a history of stealing guys from her and honestly I thought the singer was so critical he would never be the kind of guy to give me a second glance! I mean I'm not saying he's asking to marry me or even be in a relationship, it's just kissing... But... You have to be attracted to someone to want to make out with them right?! And now the conversation with The Drummer that night where he opened up about another band member really liking me and him getting completely defensive about it, now makes sense. I think it's The Singer!

Sadly the night didn't work out the way The Singer and I had hoped. Everyone found out it was my birthday the next day, and at midnight they all sang happy birthday to me, and they wanted to take me out for a drink. By the time we'd finished last call The Singer wasn't at the house where we were dropping everyone off. I haven't talked to him since. I'm VERY curious to how our future interactions will be.

But I've relived conversations and situations with The Singer and the first time I noticed he was different towards me was the (Aug 11th) show I talked about where he was in a really good mood. I look back at this day and realize there were signs of the Singers interest. But I have no idea! And the worst part is that I'd totally makeout with him without any consideration to my friend! I'm actually hoping we get the opportunity! My other friend says that's totally messed up and horrible that I would chance ruining a friendship over a makeout session. And I'm thinking, why would my other friend have to know? hehe I know I'm messed up!

I've invited him to my birthday bbq but I'm not sure if he'll show up. So it'll be interesting to see what happens. They have another show on September 26th so if he doesn't show at the bbq I'll see him then.