The Rona - So I was quarantined for 10 days with minimal symptoms. I only tested because I felt a little off and my sister came back positive. I had no fever, a pretty bad headache and lost my sense of smell for a couple of days but otherwise ok. My Husband Creature came back positive as well. He felt like he was getting a sinus infection which he gets almost annually. My Stinker Creature had a low grade fever for a couple days and a headache but otherwise he was bouncing off the walls. It was tough not leaving the house for my Starbucks runs or getting out there and doing Christmas shopping. My Husband Creature got hit the worst. But he kind of did it to himself. He stopped eating and drinking for almost 5 days. I kept telling him he needed to eat to keep up his strength and we got into it a couple of times, him telling me to back off so I finally just let him do what he was going to do with less sympathy than if he was sick and was trying to stay hydrated and eat. lol But we survived and our marriage is still intact! I came back to work this week. Thankfully right before the holidays so I have a couple short weeks ahead of me to get back into the swing of things.
Obsession - I saw him for the first time in weeks yesterday since I have been quarantined. I had emailed him a couple times through our work email. He'd respond right away and keep the conversation going asking questions, though I kept my distance. I do so good for a time, and then the day before I am scheduled to see him I start dreaming about him. Ugh... I had a dream Monday night. It was intimate and somewhat realistic and yet completely unrealistic. I think the problem for me is that I still feel strongly that the friendship is one-sided. Or that all the effort is one-sided. If I stopped reaching out he'd not make the effort to respond. I wonder sometimes if he'd ever reach out if I stopped. Every time I feel like testing it, I end up giving in too quickly and reaching out for some reason or other. It's just my nature.
Though I keep going back to the day I finally shared all this. I told him I was wondering why he asked me if I missed him and didn't respond. I told him it made me insecure about our friendship. That it's like I'm just his ego booster. Then I felt extremely weird with how that all came out and then my boss walked up to our conversation and I was forced to leave it hanging out there said, without a response or any chance of a reaction. So I called him on my way home to "fix" the weirdness and it got weirder. I told him how I felt the friendship was one-sided. He gets complimented, gets cookies, and I'm left with ... "Did you miss me?" And to this moment I can't get over how he replied. He said he was sorry he didn't respond and of course he missed me and that's why he always asked where I'd been hiding whenever he felt like it had been a while since I reached out. That was his way of telling me he missed me. Then he just said it, "I'm sorry I should have just told you. Of course I missed you." And then his voice got hushed... "I have to be careful, especially around here" and I asked him to explain and... he just repeated the statement like that's all he could say. So I moved on... Told him I knew I was being silly and it shouldn't matter. He said "it matters, that's why I'm taking the time to talk about it."
Since then conversations have been basic. Nothing too intense or intimate. When I saw him yesterday I was pleasantly surprised he immediately stood up to give me a hug. I even said I wasn't sure if he'd avoid me because of my germs and he said he'd have as much of a chance getting the Rona from Walmart. It was nice to chat, but never long enough. I always enjoy our chats. I had to rush off. I specifically went to his office first to drop off Christmas presents. I had a lot of exhausting work to do at the other office and I couldn't guarantee I would look "fresh" if I stopped by afterwards. lol I just gave him a small box of cookies. And I gave one of his coworkers an actual gift, he said if it's perishable she wouldn't be back till after the new year, I said, oh no, it's not perishable. He seemed surprised.
At times I wonder, how do I even think we're friends? And other times I wonder how do I ever doubt we're close? I gave his entire unit something little to "brighten your day" and he taped up the card with the other photos that he likes. I just don't know how to feel. I mean friends is one thing. But that whole conversation about missing each other kind of threw it into a new level of friendship only because of how it was expressed. But again, I overanalyze EVERYTHING. Especially with him... I should probably take a chill pill lol Anyways... it's the end of the day for me. I won't see him for another couple of weeks since he'll be off till after the holidays. Though he did hint that he may come down next week after all. Guess I'll have to see if he shows up...
Merry Christmas!
