The lame line "Ooops I did it again" comes to mind and not in a good way

The Drummer - Blah! The Drummer and I had sex again... Honestly I'm not really sure I'm in the mood to go into details about it. I walked into the situation knowing it was possibly a mistake but I felt determined to stay focused about why I was there... He needed someone to talk to.

I got a drunk call from him at 1:30 Sunday night, technically Monday (11/16). He was hard to hear and understand because of how loud it was but I got the impression he was calling because he and his friend were too drunk to drive home. I kept trying to figure out where they were so I could come pick them up but couldn't hear a thing. A few minutes later I called him again and he was in the car on the way home. He was dropping off his friend and he asked me to come over. At first I told him there was no reason to come over but then he started getting emotional. Talking about how he has no one, he's depressed and I could tell he was beyond drunk.

I made the decision to go over and get him into bed and let him talk and that was it. I knew it was possibly a stupid move but I felt like there was no chance it would go further, he'd probably pass out before we could have sex.

So I got there at 2am and helped him get into bed. He hinted around to wanting sex and I told him that wasn't going to happen because he was too drunk and that I was only there to help him get into bed and let him talk. He was super appreciative that I was even there. He got emotional and we talked for a good couple of hours. Of course, we were cuddling up to eachother while he talked so yes, it was slightly intimate.

He would randomly turn the topic to why we weren't having sex, and I kept telling him it was because he was too drunk. He asked me to kiss him and I did and thats when things turned to sexual. The sex was not nearly as good as the first time, only because he was still not fully sober or functional. But I will say I did get off a few times. The poor guy didn't even get one. I found out shortly after the sexual stuff started that he had to be awake at 5am for work!

Ok since writing the above I've gone about my day. I have been a little concerned about my attachment with The Drummer so I decided not to text him today. Sure enough I get a call from him tonight! We talked for about 20 minutes and he ran out of minutes but then called me back (after buying more) and we continued to talk for another hour! It's so strange. I'm frustrated that he's now making any efforts. It's going to make it harder to keep my distance. (sigh)

So back to that morning. There were a couple oddities that night. I could tell he wasn't just talking to talk. He has feelings for me. The next morning I left so my brother wouldn't wake up and see I was gone and ask where or who I was with. I tried to make sure The Drummer was up before I left so he wouldn't be late for work but he kept falling back to sleep.

I got home and went straight to bed. I slept till about 9 and got up. I started to feel horrible about the events that took place. Why had I allowed myself to fall back into that situation? I was shocked it happened so quickly. It's only been two weeks! I was pretty discouraged about the whole situation for most of the morning.

The Drummer called me after work (he only ended up working half day) and we talked about the stuff that happened. He was in a great mood and totally flirty and upbeat about everything that it helped set my mind at ease to some extent. He wanted me to come over as soon as his roommates left so that we could have sex with him being sober. I was seriously tempted! But luckily I had a busy day and it was a good excuse to give him. I honestly just wasn't sure how to feel about the whole situation! I mean he still has feelings for that one girl for goodness sakes! Ugh!

So the week went by and we kept in touch more regularly then ever. Yet I also felt like I was contacting him a little too much. I usually would send a quick text and that be it but even that I felt was more then he wanted. I guess I was more paranoid then anything because he's called me a lot this week. Though tonight was the first time it was out of the blue and for no apparent reason. Which tugs at my pathetic heart strings.

We talked a little about what's going on with us. He says that it's more then just sex for him that he really cares about me. He likes me (though in the midst of sex he said out of the blue "I love you too" and I was stunned, when I didn't respond he was like "ok, I only like you"... Weird/freaky). He knows that if this other girl decides to go forward with a relationship between them that will be the end of us.

It's odd... I mentioned something about not having a real relationship for years, and I could tell he got a little offended. He brought up the fact that he thought of us as more. I told him that out of my flings, he's the one I've gone the furthest with but that because of his feelings for the other girl I'm doing my best to keep him at arms length.

Yet we talk about sex like it's going to happen again. I am afraid. I'm feeling like this could gradually grow into something more. Which we both thought wouldn't be good. So why are we even allowing it to happen?

Anyways, I should get to bed... but before I go a quick tidbit about Fresno...

Fresno - We were going to meet up a couple weeks ago but it didn't work out and I didn't go out of my way to make it work. This morning he asked me to come over to his place tonight and drink. I immediately felt like it was a booty call. But it wasn't until I found out he wouldn't be available till after 9:30 that I knew. I told him I was sick and really wasn't sure I'd be up to going out there. I used it as an excuse more then anything. I'm not sure why he's still pursuing spending time with me. It seems he's gone on a rebellious spree... He never seemed to drink much either but now he's all about drinking.

My friends are all surprised I get hit on so much. I on the other hand don't think it's that much. One friend says I get hit on more then any of her other friends. Today my friend responded to a text about Fresno with "LMAO!!! Girl u can get urself into some shit huh?! I totally say that with love...". But it's true! I feel like they all come out of left field. Luckily I'm not tempted as strongly with Fresno as I am lets say The Singer or The Drummer.

I'm also curious to what will happen with the Singer and the Drummer when I see them at their next show in mid-December. I don't expect to see the Singer before then. I am curious if The Drummer has told anyone about us fooling around. I know the Bassist talked to my sister like he knew something happened between me and the Drummer but it could be purely speculation based on information others knew and not because The Drummer told him. Anyways, I wonder if the Singer has any ideas if he'd still pursue something with me. Sad that I'm actually curious to try something with him.

Well I'm off to sleep.

Well that was unexpected!

The Drummer - So after my last post I met up with The Drummer. He was going to a local bar he frequents, we decided to meet up at his place. I was surprised to see another friend there but was definitely feeling the more the merrier. We went in my car and by the time we got to the bar the other guy was too nervous about running into his ex and decided to go home. So it was just me and the Drummer.

From the moment I got there I could tell he was in a great mood. Said he'd be buying me a drink right away and when the other guy decided to go home, he upped the number of drinks to two. Not sure why having that guy there or not made the number jump up but I didn't mind.

We had a great talk. We were joking around and even discussing his situation with his cousin. She's apparently pulled away quite a bit and he's realizing it's not going to work. I think it's for the best only because of all the drama they will receive if they do go through with having a relationship. I realized I didn't clarify in the last post that it is his 2nd cousin but still, kinda gross.

Well I drank my two drinks, and because I didn't even get to The Drummers place till midnight I already had a late start, I didn't have time to sober up by the time the bar closed. The Drummer had already stated that if I needed to I could crash at his place. So it was decided we'd walk back to his place because he lives just down the street. When we got out of the bar though he felt confident he could drive my car to his house without any major troubles. The whole time getting little gasps and giggles from me because I was nervous about cops and him damaging my car!

We made it back to his place and just started chillin. It was a lot of fun. We talked about anything and everything and the Bible included. It was decided I'd spend the night, though now I'm not so sure why we decided that. I really was sober enough to get home.

Anyways, at about 3:00 we decided it was time for bed. He gave me some of his pj bottoms to sleep in, I kept my shirt. It was quite comfy. I was a little surprised he was cool with us sleeping in the same bed. I had thought from the beginning he or I would be sleeping on the couch. So he put in the movie Garden State and as he did he said, "Oh did I mention it's ok to have sex if both people understand it's just that?" And of course I was laughing but still felt nothing would happen. I know... Naive! What can I say?!

So we were watching the movie and he opened his arms for me to cuddle up next to him and said it should be allowed. Of course you can imagine where that leads. A bit of rubbing and carressing and we were full on making out. He pulled me on top of him and when it got to the point of going all the way I told him I was on my period. After I was giving him head for a few seconds he asked what day, and to please tell him it wasn't day 1. I told him I was on the tail end and thats when he said to get my pants off and to get on top of him.

No major details to give other then it was fucking fantastic! He's slightly curved and me being on my period made me all that much more sensative, it didn't take very long for me to orgasm. The sex was incredible! I came a couple times before he did. Though it had been over a year since Burbank and I had sex. The Drummer said it was amazing and even said that was definitely not the last time we did that! He teased me about now realizing how much he liked me and that I should feel good about making him as hard for as long as a teenager boy!

It ended and I felt no major concerns or worries over my actions. We had a great time and we both agreed it wouldn't be the last time we did it. Though now I'm slightly concerned, only because I'm honestly not sure how to keep my emotions out of this. I've always known if I had sex with The Drummer it would tweak my emotions, unlike with Burbank when I still feel the same as I did when it was over... No attachment.

The Drummer has been a major crush for so long. And honestly I've been ok since then. I actually feel worse because I still really like the Singer and want things to happen with him. I'm not saying they can't but I just feel unsure of how this is all going to play out.

We decided we needed sleep at 5:30 and I got up at 7:30 to get back to my place to shower and head to church. I didn't start feeling the guilt of my actions till I was almost to church. I felt a sinking feeling of "what have I done!?"

Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about my actions. Part of me says I don't regret my actions, the other part of me, the one with the good christian morals realizes how wrong my actions were. I've wanted The Drummer for so long and it honestly sucks that the sex was so good! I am not sure if we will allow ourselves to go there again. I'm doing my best to keep my distance, though we've text a lot more but not a ton. He teases me about being a vixen. Apparently as I was leaving he told me he was hard again in the morning and was hoping for one more go before I left. I, of course, didn't pick up on the clues. I was so focused on getting out of there I missed out. Though I am kinda glad we didn't only because the sex was so good the few hours prior, it would suck if the sex was mediocre.

I look back and realize we were both sober, we both realized what we were doing when we were doing it. In the midst of him being inside of me, he stopped and asked, you realize God is watching you right now. Seriously!? He would bring that up in that moment?! I gave him crap about it.

But we both agreed not to tell my brother about what happened. Though I knew by the fact that I didn't come home he would be suspicious. I told him I spent the night at a friends and I knew that wouldn't be enough for him. Sure enough after church he asked who I was with. I told him it was The Drummer and that I'd stayed at his place because I had too much to drink but stayed on the couch. My brother said he knew the moment I didn't tell him who, and that what I did was none of his business but just that I knew he didn't like The Drummer. (Sigh)

Well the above was written a couple days ago. I was texting the Drummer yesterday and asked how he was holding up. He said he was hangin in there and so I asked if he was still feeling anxious (about his cousin) and he said yes. I asked if there was anything I could do and he said "no but thank u. Unless u don't mind me being hard as a teenager!" to which i replied that I wasn't the one that was dealing with guilt and I asked how he was doing with that. He said "Fine cause I been drinkin beer and she hasn't said we're exclusive yet. If we were, nothin would have happened." I told him thats good and that made sense and to have a good night and that maybe I'd see him if the band practiced at the house this weekend. He said "cool can't wait".

I'm not sure why the part about him saying the reason we went there was because he'd been drinking beer. He was sober as far as I was concerned! But I understand the other part about nothing happening if they'd been exclusive. Something just bugged me though. I'm dealing with it. Right now it'll be very interesting to see how we relate if he commes over tomorrow.

I'm still in shock we actually had sex. But I guess looking back at the progression of our attraction and openness about it, it was inevitable.

Burbank - He's moving back down to Cali! I just talked to him for a couple hours the other night and he said his roommate and him got into it, and he's been slowly preparing to move back but now it's just pushed up to the end of the month! So I'm looking forward to him living closer!