So I had a good day with Obsession. Maybe a new name is necessary now since I believe obsession is not the right term any more. Maybe I will shift him to Work Hottie because that will never change... LOL Either way we had a bunch of conversations today. Little things said that was probably the most flirty we've ever been. Like I noticed someone checked out his butt, I called them out on it and she said oh I've looked at that all the time. Another coworker said don't look because it's hers. I said, I can look. ;) And he was listening to this whole thing.
Later we were at a retirement party for one of the ladies at work that I really enjoy and is in his department. I specifically didn't sit at his table. I did take a seat where I could see him though. He eventually came and sat next to me. We were discussing driving options for the ride home since the freeway was messed up due to a fire along our path. Once I told him people are mentioning hotels, he asked if I wanted to go halfsies, and I immediately said yes! He chuckled and told his coworker he was just kidding. She was glaring at him. lol
We talked about keeping each other posted on the drive since I told him I was for sure stuck down here to pick up my sister from the airport.
Yesterday morning we talked a little about my weekend and how amazing my Husband Creature was to surprise me with a night out with my girls doing the paint n sip I'd been wanting to do. I showed him the photo of my artwork and he was super complimentary on mine. Saying it was the best of the group and I should do it on my own. In all honesty it made me happy to hear that. It's something I've thought about doing and may attempt. But just like coloring at home, I can't imagine being able to paint at home lol
But all-in-all it's been a good couple of days. I notice a few flirty things he does with other women in the office. Makes me curious what he feels about them but in the end he will notice my absence when I am gone. I don't like how his text/emails come across though. Very short and curt. Soooo being away and emailing won't go over too well I can tell. At this rate I'm not leaving any time soon so I shouldn't have to worry.
Wednesday, September 26, 2018
Monday, September 24, 2018
A shift
So things have seriously shifted in the last few days especially. My Obsession seems to have continually waned which is good! In fact, my "perfection" goggles seem to have been removed. I now no longer see Obsession as perfect. This is a good sign. :) The other day he responded to me curtly and I thought to myself "eww... there was no call for that." And there wasn't. Yet rather than panicking I've done something wrong or that he was mad at me I just shrugged and felt it must be he was just having a bad day. But this is serious growth for me.
Things with Husband Creature have been really good. We have open communication and have made the time to cuddle. Stinker Creature seems to be upset with this new development. And his inability to deal with this new fact that Mommy and Daddy need cuddle time proves that we weren't making it a priority. If this is a "new" concept for Stinker Creature then we weren't doing it enough. It's been a challenge. He wants to be in the middle. And seriously fights to get our attention. But we just calmly tell him to give us some time and we'll let him join us in a few. It's been nice.
A big thing that has affected our relationship at home is that Husband Creature planned a surprise for me. He knew I had been wanting to go to a Paint and Sip event but we haven't had the money lately. While trying to say he'd try to afford it with his side jobs he was sneakily working it out with my bestie who invited a bunch of girls and they all surprised me last Friday. It was pretty awesome! I cried, then promptly called my Husband Creature a bad name. I cried hard. I was surprised by how emotional I got. I had just started my period so maybe it was that. But honestly I think I was more blown away at the thoughtfulness of my Husband Creature than anything else. Especially after the difficult month we've had. But it truly blessed me. And I think it was the perfect thing to show me how much my Husband Creature does love me, and appreciates me but just sometimes has a hard time showing it. He planned it for weeks! Poor guy. It must have been killing him. My Bestie had me read the text messages for the planning of it all. It was cute.
I'm thankful. Thankful for my Husband Creature and I being in a healthier place. Thankful my Obsession has died down. I'm ready for this shift. I'm looking forward to when I work the local office full time. I no longer worry about being sad not to see Obsession. I'm not gonna lie, the random thought of him still pops into my head but it's less likely to keep me obsessed.
Things with Husband Creature have been really good. We have open communication and have made the time to cuddle. Stinker Creature seems to be upset with this new development. And his inability to deal with this new fact that Mommy and Daddy need cuddle time proves that we weren't making it a priority. If this is a "new" concept for Stinker Creature then we weren't doing it enough. It's been a challenge. He wants to be in the middle. And seriously fights to get our attention. But we just calmly tell him to give us some time and we'll let him join us in a few. It's been nice.
A big thing that has affected our relationship at home is that Husband Creature planned a surprise for me. He knew I had been wanting to go to a Paint and Sip event but we haven't had the money lately. While trying to say he'd try to afford it with his side jobs he was sneakily working it out with my bestie who invited a bunch of girls and they all surprised me last Friday. It was pretty awesome! I cried, then promptly called my Husband Creature a bad name. I cried hard. I was surprised by how emotional I got. I had just started my period so maybe it was that. But honestly I think I was more blown away at the thoughtfulness of my Husband Creature than anything else. Especially after the difficult month we've had. But it truly blessed me. And I think it was the perfect thing to show me how much my Husband Creature does love me, and appreciates me but just sometimes has a hard time showing it. He planned it for weeks! Poor guy. It must have been killing him. My Bestie had me read the text messages for the planning of it all. It was cute.
I'm thankful. Thankful for my Husband Creature and I being in a healthier place. Thankful my Obsession has died down. I'm ready for this shift. I'm looking forward to when I work the local office full time. I no longer worry about being sad not to see Obsession. I'm not gonna lie, the random thought of him still pops into my head but it's less likely to keep me obsessed.
Monday, September 10, 2018
Revelations
So I've been bothered by my obsession. I lost sleep again, finding out that I might have had the opportunity to see him on Saturday for a work event I stopped by at, but then left without hitting the other stops. I regretted it because my Husband Creature was on another rampage. Well maybe not a rampage but I was being yelled at again for something I felt didn't warrant his reaction. But that's how it's been for the last few weeks. He's blown a fuse over the littlest things and I've had to just keep my distance and try to have grace for whatever he's going through.
I decided instead of keeping this on the inside I needed to get it all out there. So I asked my sister if she had time to hang out and I told her everything... How stupid I feel about Obsession and how it's bothering me that I'm losing sleep about it now. My stress level is at an all time high. How I'm gaining weight. Miserable at home. Not really sure how to deal with life.
And as I shared how foolish I felt about Obsession, I hadn't realized how much it has been bothering me. How much I've kept it inside to the point of feeling like I was going crazy. But getting it out there, something came out that made a WHOLE lot of sense. Actually something my sister pointed out. I was thinking I was seriously losing my mind with how oddly obsessed I was with Obsession. I mean seriously losing my mind. I've had crushes but this seemed odd.
... I'm lacking at home...
My husband Creature doesn't give me the time of day. We're two ships sailing in the night. We haven't had sex in 3 months. He's taken care of me but there is something different that occurs in intercourse. He doesn't have a job, doesn't seem to act like he wants one even though we've had multiple conversations about how serious our financial situation is with me being the only one working.
But Obsession gives me the time of day. He seems engrossed in our conversations. He's always wanting to know more. I get the impression he'd just sit and talk with me all day if we could.
My Husband Creature rolls his eyes when I ask for a kiss goodnight. He's on the iPad when I try to talk to him. He acts bored of my conversations. He acts like he doesn't need to do more to help around the house. Sometimes if he isn't up to it, which is more often than it should be, he acts like making me dinner is a chore when it's part of our arrangement with me being the only one working.
And as discouraging as all this sounds, it has REALLY helped knowing that my obsession is more because Obsession is fulfilling something my husband isn't right now. It puts a new perspective on the situation and helps me realize I'm craving relationship with my Husband Creature, not Obsession. But since Husband Creature isn't fulfilling it, I'm seeking it anywhere. That's not healthy at all! So I still need to get myself in check but knowing the cause has helped me work against the effect of it.
It helped me realize I'm not crazy. I'm a woman seeking attention. Albeit from the wrong source but still seeking attention.
I didn't feel like it would be healthy for my relationship for me to share with Husband Creature about Obsession but I was able to open dialogue with him about how neglected I'm feeling. It was a good conversation. He shared some of his feelings which are similar. I tend to be on my iPad or phone when he's talking as well. Or I hadn't placed value on his time when I say I'll be home at a specific time and take longer when he's expecting me. I responded that I do tend to avoid him these days with his recent mood. I opened up about how I feel like he is so nice to other women but he's just mean to me, like he doesn't even like me anymore. He responded that he doesn't see them every day. lol He admitted being stuck at home with a non-working vehicle has been causing some irritation. I reminded him that getting a job may help with all that. Not feeling stuck at home with no money. If he worked we'd be able to have allowances again.
Later in the evening we talked about how obsessed he is with my weight gain. He asked why I felt I should have cake and icecream at my nieces bday party that day. I told him, "Everything in moderation". I should be able to enjoy cake and icecream. But that my mental health hasn't been good and I needed to work on that before I could work on my physical health. He asked why I didn't make my health a priority. I asked him why he didn't take getting a job as a priority, or why doesn't he take his anger seriously. I told him we both had areas in our lives where we're weak and need to work on it but that we had to have grace for each other. I told him about my resentment. How I felt like why should I work on areas in my life when he's so clearly not working on his. He didn't have much to say about that. But again, this is the first time I felt we had open communication in a while. Things that needed to be said, were said.
Our 6 year anniversary is next week. We've been together 8. This is around the time when people either make it work or move on. There is no moving on for me. When my Husband Creature was at his worse in the last two weeks I thought to myself, "How long do I stay?" And I felt God tell me "Forever... You said for better or worse."
So my obsession has mellowed considerably with these revelations. That may change the next moment I see him but for now I'll take the win. Feeling more normal. Less crazy.
I decided instead of keeping this on the inside I needed to get it all out there. So I asked my sister if she had time to hang out and I told her everything... How stupid I feel about Obsession and how it's bothering me that I'm losing sleep about it now. My stress level is at an all time high. How I'm gaining weight. Miserable at home. Not really sure how to deal with life.
And as I shared how foolish I felt about Obsession, I hadn't realized how much it has been bothering me. How much I've kept it inside to the point of feeling like I was going crazy. But getting it out there, something came out that made a WHOLE lot of sense. Actually something my sister pointed out. I was thinking I was seriously losing my mind with how oddly obsessed I was with Obsession. I mean seriously losing my mind. I've had crushes but this seemed odd.
... I'm lacking at home...
My husband Creature doesn't give me the time of day. We're two ships sailing in the night. We haven't had sex in 3 months. He's taken care of me but there is something different that occurs in intercourse. He doesn't have a job, doesn't seem to act like he wants one even though we've had multiple conversations about how serious our financial situation is with me being the only one working.
But Obsession gives me the time of day. He seems engrossed in our conversations. He's always wanting to know more. I get the impression he'd just sit and talk with me all day if we could.
My Husband Creature rolls his eyes when I ask for a kiss goodnight. He's on the iPad when I try to talk to him. He acts bored of my conversations. He acts like he doesn't need to do more to help around the house. Sometimes if he isn't up to it, which is more often than it should be, he acts like making me dinner is a chore when it's part of our arrangement with me being the only one working.
And as discouraging as all this sounds, it has REALLY helped knowing that my obsession is more because Obsession is fulfilling something my husband isn't right now. It puts a new perspective on the situation and helps me realize I'm craving relationship with my Husband Creature, not Obsession. But since Husband Creature isn't fulfilling it, I'm seeking it anywhere. That's not healthy at all! So I still need to get myself in check but knowing the cause has helped me work against the effect of it.
It helped me realize I'm not crazy. I'm a woman seeking attention. Albeit from the wrong source but still seeking attention.
I didn't feel like it would be healthy for my relationship for me to share with Husband Creature about Obsession but I was able to open dialogue with him about how neglected I'm feeling. It was a good conversation. He shared some of his feelings which are similar. I tend to be on my iPad or phone when he's talking as well. Or I hadn't placed value on his time when I say I'll be home at a specific time and take longer when he's expecting me. I responded that I do tend to avoid him these days with his recent mood. I opened up about how I feel like he is so nice to other women but he's just mean to me, like he doesn't even like me anymore. He responded that he doesn't see them every day. lol He admitted being stuck at home with a non-working vehicle has been causing some irritation. I reminded him that getting a job may help with all that. Not feeling stuck at home with no money. If he worked we'd be able to have allowances again.
Later in the evening we talked about how obsessed he is with my weight gain. He asked why I felt I should have cake and icecream at my nieces bday party that day. I told him, "Everything in moderation". I should be able to enjoy cake and icecream. But that my mental health hasn't been good and I needed to work on that before I could work on my physical health. He asked why I didn't make my health a priority. I asked him why he didn't take getting a job as a priority, or why doesn't he take his anger seriously. I told him we both had areas in our lives where we're weak and need to work on it but that we had to have grace for each other. I told him about my resentment. How I felt like why should I work on areas in my life when he's so clearly not working on his. He didn't have much to say about that. But again, this is the first time I felt we had open communication in a while. Things that needed to be said, were said.
Our 6 year anniversary is next week. We've been together 8. This is around the time when people either make it work or move on. There is no moving on for me. When my Husband Creature was at his worse in the last two weeks I thought to myself, "How long do I stay?" And I felt God tell me "Forever... You said for better or worse."
So my obsession has mellowed considerably with these revelations. That may change the next moment I see him but for now I'll take the win. Feeling more normal. Less crazy.
Friday, September 07, 2018
Ummm... Losing sleep is never a good sign
Damn... Damn Damn Damn....
So I did something on a whim Tuesday... Felt foolish afterwards but the next day got my first sign that Obsession enjoys my company as much as I do his. I sent him a hand written note, scanned to his email since his name is right next to mine on the scanner/printer at work.
His response is this...
I'm not gonna lie, I read it a million times. I refer to him as Work Hottie to a friend of mine and I thought about changing his name but Obsession seems to fit so much more. Seriously I couldn't get it out of my head and it's not *that* big of a deal. Why am I obsessing over it? So much so that I lost sleep the night before last because of it. Well I'm not sure if it was because of it, but it was the first thing on my brain when I'd wake up.
Anyways, remember how early on I kept saying he doesn't remember what we talk about? Well now he remembers things, and some things I don't remember until he reminds me! To me, when someone takes the energy to focus enough to remember what you say it means you are important. I've always placed value on that. Well now he's doing it. He even remembers little things. Making me feel like something in him has suddenly placed value on me and now he's remembering or even focusing on our conversations enough to remember. Which again makes me feel better than it probably should. Nope... the message above takes the cake... I'm reading WAY too much into it. lol I guess the reason I am is that he already has so much fun with his coworkers. I'm always hearing them laugh and tell me their crazy stories. The fact that he'll even notice my absence is making me read more into it than I should. That and I'm obsessed with him! I am such a fool at times.
We had some nice chats yesterday. We got interrupted on one talking about my journaling. He still hasn't written in the journal I got him. He says it's in his car. Some day I'll have the guts to ask him to coffee meetups when I go to the local office full time but again I realize that's highly inappropriate so I'll probably never mention it. But when I went to leave I poked my head into his office and he was talking to someone and I figured he'd at least wave but nothing. Didn't even acknowledge I walked into the room. And that grounded me quite a bit lol Stupid cloud 9 of some dumb crush... shit.... Obsession is the best way to explain it.
So I did something on a whim Tuesday... Felt foolish afterwards but the next day got my first sign that Obsession enjoys my company as much as I do his. I sent him a hand written note, scanned to his email since his name is right next to mine on the scanner/printer at work.
His response is this...
J
When you leave it is going to
suck around here…
You are going to be missed…
I'm not gonna lie, I read it a million times. I refer to him as Work Hottie to a friend of mine and I thought about changing his name but Obsession seems to fit so much more. Seriously I couldn't get it out of my head and it's not *that* big of a deal. Why am I obsessing over it? So much so that I lost sleep the night before last because of it. Well I'm not sure if it was because of it, but it was the first thing on my brain when I'd wake up.
Anyways, remember how early on I kept saying he doesn't remember what we talk about? Well now he remembers things, and some things I don't remember until he reminds me! To me, when someone takes the energy to focus enough to remember what you say it means you are important. I've always placed value on that. Well now he's doing it. He even remembers little things. Making me feel like something in him has suddenly placed value on me and now he's remembering or even focusing on our conversations enough to remember. Which again makes me feel better than it probably should. Nope... the message above takes the cake... I'm reading WAY too much into it. lol I guess the reason I am is that he already has so much fun with his coworkers. I'm always hearing them laugh and tell me their crazy stories. The fact that he'll even notice my absence is making me read more into it than I should. That and I'm obsessed with him! I am such a fool at times.
We had some nice chats yesterday. We got interrupted on one talking about my journaling. He still hasn't written in the journal I got him. He says it's in his car. Some day I'll have the guts to ask him to coffee meetups when I go to the local office full time but again I realize that's highly inappropriate so I'll probably never mention it. But when I went to leave I poked my head into his office and he was talking to someone and I figured he'd at least wave but nothing. Didn't even acknowledge I walked into the room. And that grounded me quite a bit lol Stupid cloud 9 of some dumb crush... shit.... Obsession is the best way to explain it.
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