Obsessing

So... I'm obsessing. One way to help me get away from obsessing is to talk about it; realize how foolish I sound and move on. Yesterday's rant didn't seem to help. But I'm here to try to look at this in a different perspective. 

I try talking to my best friend. I've even asked her perspective. At first she just laughed and said she's been there. Then it was... you need to get transferred. lol I've noticed the last couple times I've brought him up she doesn't even acknowledge it. So I've stopped sharing and I think it's made it my own little secret so it's staying at the forefront of my mind. I need to change that. 

Yesterday was the first day my thoughts of him came home with me. Normally it's been an out of sight out of mind kind of situation. Yesterday I kept reliving the touches, the laughter, the looks. I keep thinking his ability to grab my hands, hold my wrist, pull me over to a conversation seemed so intimate and natural yet I would never expect that from anyone, let alone someone I'm obsessed with. I realize he must just be that way. It must just be his personality. I didn't see him draw anyone else in... But that doesn't mean it's not his way. 

We've had more interactions recently. Conversations about random stuff. Jokes about his wife's cooking (baking rice krispy treats, asking what side of the bread to butter for grilled cheese sandwiches lol). That they've been married 17 years. His daughters issues with her Spanish hairiness (part of the conversation he brought me into yesterday and why he grabbed my hands). She's a sophomore in high school. Explaining that the reason he's out of the office recently is because he's teaching classes. Finding out I'm a photographer saying he hopes to see my work up in my new office and surprised he hadn't seen my work up at my current office, I explained knowing I'm leaving made me hesitate on bringing any in, him making it clear he'll be visiting me at my new office and wanting to see my work up by then. Talking about one of the girls who's currently doing my job waiting for me to move to my new assignment, who I considered to be my size and he finally realized who I was talking about by asking if she had a larger behind. Talking about the health issues we've been dealing with with my father-in-law. The break-in at our place a few years back. How we live in neighboring cities, dealing with the same commute. How he listens to comedians on the way in to start his day out right. How he thought I did pretty good backing into my spot (thanks to my hubby). My carpool buddy. How my new commute will be amazing. Our hours. These things were brought out in the last week. 

There was a time in our past that my best friend brought out the fact that we always seemed to get closer to the people we wanted to get to know. I agree. It feels like he's a person I want to know, and am getting to know. I honestly *want* to be his friend. But there's another side that knows that's dangerous. My mind has had flashes of inappropriate moments. I also know it's silly to think he's as attracted to me as I am to him. He is a good looking guy though. Damn... he's a good looking guy.