The Bassist

So the Bassist... Gosh, is that really what I should call him? He's the guitarist of the other band that he and the Drummer are in. He's also a hair stylist and not in the gay way either! Hmmm.... I guess since I've always referred to him as The Bassist, I'll keep it at that.

I just got done stopping by my sisters work. She's a hair stylist and works at the same salon as the Bassist. Anyways, the Bassist was there and jokin with me about my partying on Friday. It appears The Drummer hasn't shared that I was over there with him otherwise I'm sure he would have mentioned it. I'm glad.

On my way over to my sisters I stopped and grabbed her a coffee. She called and when I told her it was "just because" she thought it was sweet. The Bassist heard it was me and said it was because of him, that I just wanted to see him so I'm using it as an excuse. When I laughed and told her that was exactly the reason and she told him and he said he needed that. Apparently things aren't going so well with his girlfriend. They've been off and on for a while now.

But... I was invited to a show tonight. The Drummer hasn't contacted me and I am unsure of how he'd respond to that. I'm sure the Bassist will tell him at practice tonight. Either way the Bassist told me he wants to meet before the show for a drink. It wasn't until he walked away that my sister told me he was really bummed he didn't reply to my text on Friday night. He told my sister that he really missed out! The look on my sisters face was interesting. I wonder if she suspects he likes me or not. She's not likely to imagine he would.

So I actually text The Drummer just to let him know The Bassist had invited me and asked if he would be cool with that since he asked for a couple days. He replied immediately that of course he'd be cool with that but I responded that I was just checking because I wanted to respect his request. He then called me and we talked a little but just about how he's been dealing with unemployment issues and had a lot on his mind and he said he would see me tonight so I guess we'll see how that goes.

ACK!

The Drummer - Another "Holy Shit" Night! Friday night I went out with the girls for some drinks.

So setting up how this all came about... We stayed at a local brewery and decided once that died down we weren't ready to end the night. I had already had a couple drinks which is my usual cutoff point. I text the bassist from the band for suggestions of where to go on a friday night but he didn't reply. So I decided to text The Drummer. I was surprised to get the response that he had a jacuzzi and it was a nice night out so we should come on over. I told him we didn't have suits but we'd stop by. He was delayed in his replies so we decided to go to a bar I knew of and it was also close to his place so when we got directions we could just head over there. I didn't have good reception at this place so our texting conversation spread out over about an hour. I didn't get a couple of the texts till after I left the bar even. He was basically offering to meet me at the bar or come pick me up since I said I'd have to wait to head over there since I had just had a couple more shots in a row and needed to mellow out before driving. One of my friends wanted to get home so I dropped her back off at her car before heading over to his place. My other friend stayed with me.

We got to The Drummers at about 1:30am. I could tell once we got there that he himself had been drinking quite a bit. But he immediately offered to get me another drink and I went for it. At this point I've consumed more alcohol then I have in years! My friend, me and the Drummer debated some rather silly topics, maybe the topics weren't silly but the arguments were rather silly.

One thing I noticed early on is The Drummer did NOT like my friend. I noticed that even us all being drunk I understood what he was meaning just because I know him, whereas she got easily offended or confused or even frustrated with the lack of complete thought. Which in all honesty I thought rather messed up considering we were debating drunk!

Either way, as the night progressed and with each bathroom break my friend took The Drummer got closer. First telling me that the reason he hasn't asked me out is soley out of respect for my brother. Second kissing me on the cheek for some reason. Third was a kiss on the lips. Fourth full on make out session. Fifth we didn't even stop when she came back! haha I was kinda surprised with my own behavior!

It was interesting how much he shared. I still have a lot of questions for him but I may not get my answers just yet if ever (I'll explain that more later). Apparently he's liked me from the beginning! He asked if I noticed how many women he's dated since we've started getting to know each other. I guess he's not the only one interested. He even got somewhat aggressive when asking why I liked him because there was a better looking guy out there interested in me. When I seemed shocked by this he didn't believe that I didn't know who he was referring to and when I argued that I really had no clue he said he wasn't going to tell me. It was odd. He kept saying he missed me. Missed coming over all the time. At one point in the evening he said I was the most beautiful person he'd ever met. And to be honest my thoughts were, does he think I'm someone else and/or is this his attempt to get into my pants.

By 4am he was having a hard time keeping his hands off me even when my friend was around and that's not something I usually do. So I told him I should go not out of frustration but just that it was late. My friend picked up my keys and gave me some privacy to say my goodbyes. And what happened next was kinda crazy. I'm not going to go into detail but it was like with every effort to keep my clothes on, more came off! As much as I've wanted to have sex with him, I didn't want it to be with both of us being drunk. He was a bit aggressive at times but if I looked him right in the eyes and told him I didn't want it this way he would back off. I told him to come over Sunday night because I had the house to myself and he agreed. I would get whatever clothes back where they belonged we'd start kissing again and it would start all over. Each time, more clothes coming off. At one point we were both naked in his room on his bed and I swear for a moment I almost just said forget it, and let him go for it but somehow I refrained. I got my clothes on permanently this time and he walked me out and kissed me goodnight.

My friend was asleep in the car when I got out there and by this time it was after 5am! I got home and set up a bed for my friend in my office and I crashed! I woke up at 8:15 not able to go back to sleep so after an hour of thinking about all that took place the night before I finally just decided to get up. My friend was up and had been talking with my brother. It was then that I saw it! I got a hicky on my neck and my hair was pulled up. It was only lightly discolored but still! I was hoping my brother didn't see it. It was hard enough to explain why I got home so late because there was no way in hell I was going to tell him I spent the evening with The Drummer. I slowly got ready and decided as much as I didn't feel hungry, food was probably a wise choice. As I ate my breakfast I was shocked to see that The Drummer was calling me! It was about 11.

I took the call in my room and to my MAJOR surprise he remembered the night before and was very excited about the chain of events that brought me over to his place. He couldn't remember all the details but said he woke up surprised not to see my face sleeping next to him. He was worried he had something to make me angry and leave. He reiterated all the things he said while drunk which shocked me even more! Here he was sober telling me that he's liked me for a long time and was really glad I came over and he was hoping he didn't embarrass himself too much by how drunk he was. He then shared (without me asking) that all the guys involved with the band think I'm really pretty but the bassist of the band is the other person who's been interested in asking me out but won't because of the situation with my brother and his dislike of my sisters current boyfriend (who used to be a good friend of his). We talked about each of our surprise at finding out how much we liked each other without really knowing it. He said his head hurt and he was glad to see I made it home safely. When I told him I wasn't ever going to tell my brother where I was he said he was bitter about the situation with my brother. That he didn't think it was fair he couldn't ask me out. We joked that if I got pregnant and we had to tell my brother how he'd react. Not pleasant!

Not only was I surprised by all his confessions but just that he called! He never really seems to make much effort to communicate. Our conversation was cut off by him running out of minutes. So he kept texting me which surprised me even more! He asked me to come over. I told him I had to take my brother to the airport and then I had a bbq to go to. He was bummed and asked me to skip the bbq and head over after I dropped my brother off, I agreed to.

So after dropping off my brother I head over to his place. I get there and his roommate tells me he's asleep and doesn't think it's a good idea for me to wake him. So I left him a note on his bed where I could see he really was conked out. I knew he didn't have minutes so I wasn't sure how or when we'd communicate or if he even remembered he had agreed to come over Sunday night.

So Saturday I actually slept a lot. I was still recovering from the alcohol the night before and of course with all irony started my period on top of that! Sunday I went to church and suddenly felt very guilty for my behavior, not because of church, it was in the worship I struggled with everything and how far I went. As I worshiped I asked God for forgiveness but also struggled with doing so because I knew I was still sooo very tempted to have The Drummer come over and have sex with him, and still felt that it was a high possibility and had an excitement about that possibility. It wasn't until the message that my whole perspective changed. The title of the message was "You Are Forgiven"!!! And it was referring to Gods acceptence and immediate forgiveness when we seek it. I started tearing up within the first couple minutes of the message. I went up after for prayer, prayer for strength because even then I still had every intention of sleeping with The Drummer this week and having just asked for forgiveness I knew this was the wrong way to look at it.

And as soon as I got prayer I felt different. Uncertain. Not sure how to approach the situation. I mean in all the times I had fantasized about sleeping with him it was purely physical and with the things he shared it seemed it could turn more emotional if I allowed myself to sleep with him. But I knew he and I would never be compatible for a relationship with our different views on a lot of things. I had decided at that point to ask The Drummer a few questions. I needed to find out if he was wanting it to be more like a relationship or just a one-night-stand or maybe even just friends with benefits. At this point I think that last one is going to be near impossible but who knows. I'd still like to talk to him about where he's at with this whole thing.

Sunday night I text him asking if he had minutes and this is what followed.
The Drummer: I don't by the way, i'm so sorry about the weekend no one should deal with me when i'm drunk
Me: Ooops sorry... No worries... Just wondering when i get to see u
The Drummer: I don't know i'm a little ashamed of myself and have 2 figure some things out u rock so i don't want 2 take advantage of u
Me: Hey i'm in the same boat... I think we're on the same page. But i'd still like 2 talk about it. Unless u think even that is a bad idea.
The Drummer: Not a bad idea give me a day or 2?
Me: I can do that. :-) i'll let you contact me but please don't avoid me. Just know i think u'r great & want u in my life at the very least as a good friend k?
The Drummer: Absolutely :-)

So it looks like it's all going to work out in the end. We both will agree it was a mistake. We'll feel more comfortable flirting, at least I hope so... I feel good about the possibilities but who knows if he'll even contact me in a day or two. I plan on doing my very best to not make the first move since I told him I'd let him contact me. And I've got to accept that this could be the end of any open communication. The Sunday he hit on me he never brought up again until Friday night when we were intertwined and involved in heavy petting. I think I'll miss the openness of those moments. We completely opened up. Even the next morning. He told me things he remembered about the night. Specific things he enjoyed learning about me (like how I had a text ready to send to him inviting him over when my brother went out of town in my draft folder for at least a week, or that I shave down there and even that I was strong enough to hold off and wait till we were both sober). Complete openness and now I have a feeling his shame is going to make him close up again. I really hope not. The fact that he said he needed a day or two makes me hope he really will meet with me before my brother comes back in town. We'll see, but I'm not holding my breath.