Interview

So I happened to see Obsession here for his interview. He looked good. I haven't seen him in a suit. I hate to admit I happened to find out when his interview was and tried to put myself in an area I might run into him. lol I was not disappointed. He smelled heavenly. His face was nicely shaved and when he hugged me I could have sworn he kissed my cheek. Or if he didn't he was going to, the way he tilted his head. I don't recall what was said. In that portion it felt very rushed and awkward. 

Mervyn's "Open... Open... Open..." Commercials

I was walking out of my old office space and there is a window to the hall. Obsession was just coming in for his shift when he saw me walking towards the door. He pressed himself up against the windows arms out like that old Mervyn's commercial "Open... Open... Open...". It was cute and definitely makes me smile every time I remember it. He opened the door for me and gave me a hug. 

Later that day however was another rough moment where I could tell he was frustrated about work. He didn't use his code phrase of "Holy Fuck" which was the established phrase if he's not doing well and doesn't have time to chat. (Unlike the first time he gave me the silent treatment, this time I didn't take it personal. And he didn't fully give me the silent treatment. I could just tell he was irritated. That one day, man... That was rough. He wouldn't even look at me and that's so unlike him). Anyways, back to the present... I had emailed him earlier in the week, I think Wednesday, in hopes that email would be the solution to our lack of time to chat when I come to his location on Friday's. He responded to that email on Friday after he seemed frustrated and said he was sorry about earlier that day and explained why he was frustrated and then responded to the rest of my email. And we had regular communication via email after that which has been a nice change.  

The above was written 6/23/23 at 11:51pm

Man... So much has changed... I suddenly feel distance and it's from my side! Like I'm not ok. Like the Holy Spirit is convicting me. Things I've said and done feel so foolish lately. I'm not sure what shifted. A couple things I think. 

# One: My Husband Creature asked if I see "My Distraction" now that I work down in a different office. I told him no, he was transferred. He asked to where. I told him and he was like oh, so when you work locally you see him? I said yes. He asked if there is an issue. I said no. 

Side Note: He also asked if I have heard from Colorado. I told him nope, and I haven't reached out either. Which I was genuinely proud of because I have been tempted to reach out to Colorado and have made a point to keep myself from doing that. 

# Two: I finally had the courage to ask Obsession if he told his wife we carpooled for that work event and he said no but wouldn't have had an issue letting her know it just never came up. I suddenly felt so stupid. Like I'm such a bad wife. It mostly occurred the same way but my Husband Creature called me during the drive and since I hadn't had the opportunity to share I didn't feel I could answer without causing a scene since I hadn't told him. Blah... 

There are a couple things coming up that I may or may not reach out to Obsession for. One is I found out they're doing interviews for a position I know he wants, part of me wants to let him know I'll be praying for him. The other part thinks I should ask after the fact. And my photo was used in a Training Manual for where we work and I wanted to ask if he's seen it, in a playful way of course. 

Pencil Scar: So I'm not sure what to name this guy other than Pencil Scar. I apparently gave him a scar in the 3rd grade which he still has. The reason I know this is, he added me on social media over the weekend and we started to catch up, I asked and he sent me a photo of it! lol I had gone back to where I grew up in my early 20's and ran into him at my old church. I asked if he remembered me and he showed me the scar as the reason he won't forget me. I was/am mortified that that's the way he remembers me! Giving him a scar! I was mad at him for something and stabbed him with a pencil! *SMH* Wow... But he's a good looking adult. Healthy and active. But it also looks like he may not have a wife anymore and he didn't offer up as to whether or not she was around and I didn't want to pry. My guess is divorce. 

It wasn't until Pencil Scar came around that I realize my whole personality is a bit obsessive. Depending on the day of the week. It used to be Colorado, then Obsession, this weekend a little on Pencil Scar... Now, here's the thing... I love my husband. I think he's handsome! I feel blessed to say he picked me! So what is my problem? What is my need or interest in obsessing over other people who don't give two shits about me? Why? What cliché am I needing to correct? The revelation has left me a tad confused but trying to get to the core of the issue. Doesn't change my obsessive behavior just yet. I'm trying...