Why is it...

Why is it when I'm ready to swear off Obsession something adorable happens and I get all giggly and obsessive again!?

The day started with me being late, so everyone was in his office by the time I got there. I was ok with this because I was in the mode of "swearing him off". *HA!* I did put a random cheesy pic of Minnie and Daisy above his desk the night before (I had found it in our offices and decided to put it up in his office as a joke since everyone told me to just throw it away). I decided to ask him how he liked his picture. He asked if I was the one that put it there. He said he was going to leave it up because it looked like they were admiring him and he needed more admirers. I chucked and said I don't think you need *any* more admirers. He got embarrassed and laughed knowingly.

Later he was chatting about his investments via work with me and the divorced lady and how he lost money and if it went down far enough he and his wife were going to divorce so he could pull the money out. He teasingly said, so I  may be on the market soon, how about it *insert my name*, wanna get married? Without hesitation I said "Absolutely! just let me know when". The divorced lady that likes to tease him about hooking up, seemed surprised. lol

We've had a lot of fun interactions this morning that led us to close physical contact. He helped me and my fellow office-mate move a big table and he noticed our name plates are more modern, none of that fake wood look with gold plates, we have the black with gray/silver writing. He was admiring them but our bodies were in close proximity. Neither of us moved away as I shared how we ordered them. He helped me review a certificate of appreciation I was making. Again, side by side, touching.

He was cutting the tag out of his shirt and I told him he could take his shirt off so it'd be easier, we'd be fine with that. ;) He laughed and said "No way, you don't want to see that, I don't look like your husband!"

Thankfully I heard his voice and minimized this window because he ended up being in here. Asking for white out and teasing me that he knew I must have some because he knows I make mistakes! I laughed when he couldn't figure out how to use the whiteout tape and told him, see you must never make mistakes if you have no idea how to use whiteout tape. I took over and our hands touched... *shivers*. He went over to my calendar photos and checked them out while I fixed his "mistake".

I went to check how his scans were going and I mentioned that I was there to verify the whiteout tape worked. And his coworker was saying how many people does it take to make copies? That she could have done this for him but for some reason he wanted to do it himself with the two of us. I said, well I'm not helping. Just admiring the view. ;) She caught it but I don't know if he did.

.........................................

Ok the later part of the day didn't help... I had to run off but Obsessions unit were talking about cheating and he asked me if I could take my husband back after cheating. I told them it would be hard to but if there were certain circumstances I may be able to take him back but it would be REALLY difficult. He mentioned that 5 years ago he may have considered an affair with someone. This was when others were in the room. He wouldn't share if it was someone we'd know. But I got the impression she is still around and works at the same place as us maybe just not our location. I had to run but came back and asked if they missed me, he wasn't out where everyone else was but I heard him in his office saying "always". I asked for an update on the conversation. Ended up having an 1 1/2 - 2 hour conversation that ended with me and Obsession having a one-on-one talk about our relationships. It was awesome! Fun, entertaining, educational. I was thrilled that no one came back. Normally we get interrupted when things get interesting. It came up that I have thought about inviting him to coffee but know it's inappropriate... He said exactly it might be a lot of fun but he wouldn't want to open himself up to that. Not that he didn't trust himself but just that he wouldn't want to chance it. I found out he's struggling in his marriage only in the fact that he felt after 18 years he'd be in an easier place. I shared that each person is always changing so you have to grow together. There will always be something new to work through. He was complaining about his wife's lying over weird little things and always being fake when out in public or with friends. I shared that maybe it's a defense mechanism from her childhood. He hadn't thought about that. He said maybe part of his problem is he's calloused. That he could just walk away after 18 years if he found out she cheated on him. He shuts down when he's angry or hurt. I worried about how long I was talking but in the end it was exactly the conversation I have always wanted to have with Obsession.

I sent him a text on my way home about traffic and only got a thumbs up. It's gonna suck when I move to the local office 100% of the time. No more fun conversations. He's totally different via text or email. *sigh*

Why?

So basically sitting here and writing what I want to write is exactly the opposite of what I've told myself I was going to do today! What I was *going* to do was any time I thought about Obsession I was going to think about something else. So far it's worked. But at the moment I'm finally caught up on work and what else is there to do but write about Obsession? lol I'm such a hypocrite.

But there are a few things I want listed...

Life getting in the way

The whole lot of questions are waiting to be asked now! I told Obsession there were a lot of questions I had for him, some were inappropriate and had to filter through. I could tell it peaked his interest.

*Updated 11/17/18*
The above was written Oct 25 ...

A lot of time has passed and a lot of time without getting to see Obsession. I've missed him. I saw him one time this last week. And I just found out he doesn't return to work till November 27th. *sigh* I'm sad about it. I haven't text him in a while and for some reason I did. I was baking cookies and sent him a photo of mine on the stone before putting them in the oven. Feeling foolish. Not expecting a response. He responded. Ironically enough he was baking cookies as well. He sent me a photo of his. I asked if he was bringing any in. That's when he said he wouldn't be back to work till the 27th. I told him to enjoy his time off and teased him that he should watch The Greatest Showman already and he said oh yeah, thanks for the reminder. I didn't send anything else. Felt like I was trying too hard to keep the conversation going. Or I was afraid I'd say something inappropriate like I'd miss him. ... I will though.

I made a point to chat with him last week on that one day. I stopped by before anyone else came in. He gave me a compliment. Said I had a great smile and a bubble personality. I wish I could remember how it came up. But it was sweet.

I really wish I would have asked him in that moment if he missed me while I was gone for the week prior. Again... Not appropriate and really not something I should ask.

I keep remembering the last time I told him he was attractive, and his sing song response. I can't remember the exact reaction but it was him being flattered that I said he was attractive. There was another moment he mentioned that his biceps aren't as large as my husbands and I laughed a little too hard and he got all embarrassed which made me laugh even harder. I had no intention of making him feel bad but I couldn't help but laugh because he isn't built like my husband who works out twice a day and is very buffed out at the moment. Or the moment we talked about video surveillance since my hubby and I bought ourselves the Ring doorbell that records motion. Obsession was thinking about getting one of those. He was mentioning that people could hack in to our video feeds. I was saying I wasn't too worried about that. He joked that if they got access to his bedroom they'd turn it off and make a note never to hack there again since the bedroom was so boring lol I was laughing and Obsession made a point to reiterate he was just kidding. lol

Then, there's that guy that came into a group conversation and I was mentioning the rumor that I heard he could come up with something good to say about anyone. I asked him to go around the room and share what he saw good about each person. He said Obsession was a great dad who really loved his kids and was really good with them. For Obsession's office mate the guy said that she was the most caring person he knew, that she put everyone else first, even to the detriment of herself. He said I had an infectious personality and smile. That I make a lot of people laugh. And he added that "Obsession" is always smiling. He went on to say about the others but it threw me that he brought Obsession into the mix for my comment. It made me self conscious that it's because I'm always around Obsession or that he knows Obsession likes my personality. I guess it's the first point, since Obsession doesn't go out of his way to see me, or say hi or bye. *sigh* Sometimes I feel like such a fool.

Obsession talks about driving by my house all the time. That he sees my house more than he sees his own. I mentioned we made a change and he told me not to tell him. That he'll try to figure it out.

Am I the fool? People in his office don't seem to tease me but is it something teased when I'm not around? They tease Obsession about his "girlfriends" in the office. Oh and his office mate didn't know he was getting his kitchen remodeled. I was surprised because he'd mentioned it a few times to me. And his office mate and him seem really close. Oh and his supervisor is going through a divorce and she keeps joking about having sex with him. To the point that his office mate gives him lectures about not encouraging that kind of teasing.

I've asked him a few times if he's too busy to chat and he always invites me in with eagerness. Am I fool to think he enjoys my personality or is he just being nice? I don't know... I don't think he would tolerate my texting, he seems nice enough when he responds. I think my insecurities are making me question all this. So aside from being sad I don't get to see him for a week and a half, I do believe we're friends. I'll leave it at that.

Colorado has all but removed me from every area of his life. Not sure how I feel about it... At first I didn't mind. Even when he deleted me from Facebook. I sent a quick hello on hangouts and now he shows as offline all the time there too... I wouldn't be surprised if his number has been changed at this rate. I mean I knew he was taking time away. I didn't realize it meant ghosting again. Part of me misses our chats. Another part doesn't.