I've looked at a couple posts that were started but never finished/posted and a lot has changed with the 45 year old. I was a lot more insecure about how he felt about me. We're not dating by any means but the uncertainty of how he feels has gone away. We are friends with a mutual attraction. I'm dating other men but still hoping something more happens with the 45 year old. He's opened up a little about his hesitation to start dating and at this point we're both waiting to see if we're sure it can turn into something substantial before taking any steps in the direction of a relationship. (We've also determined he looks about 38 so quite a bit younger then he actually is.)He and I have gotten together about once-a-week since our first dinner by ourselves July 19th. It's cute that he calls every couple of days and emails me on the off days so pretty much I hear from him every day. Why is that cute? That's freakin' cute cause I'm crushing. :) Everything is cute then. I can tell for him that's a lot of attention to give someone.
Before all that has happened this last year I would be panicked by any delayed responses. Right now I know I may not talk to him till early next week but I'm ok with that. That's odd for me, or I should say that would be odd for the old me. I guess it's because I'm not insecure with where I stand with him. I know he likes me as a person and that there is an attraction there. Maybe it's also because I don't have any expectations.
I went through a lot between May - September 2006. Then between September 2006 - March 2007 I felt like I did a lot of internal reflection and accepted a lot about myself which in turn made it easier to change a lot! I think there is a confidence that's showing on the outside. I'm genuinely happy with who I am on the inside and out. I'm still surprised at how much attention I've been getting from men in the last year. It wasn't till recently that I started to notice the lineup of men growing. In fact it's pretty safe to say I've had more guys pursue me in the last year then I have had in all the years before combined!
I recently had my very first opportunity for a one-night stand. Yup! For some women this happens all the time, men come onto them at a bar or what-have-you but I've always been a little bit of a late bloomer. It was a security guard at a resort I was staying at. I was attracted to him the moment I saw him but never had the chance to make conversation. I decided to be bold and introduce myself and within moments we had setup a time to meet later. When we did meet up he started kissing me and things got heated rather quickly. I was surprised at myself for allowing it to get so far, he had his hand down my pants. He asked me to fuck him and in that moment I thought about how I felt and I didn't like it. I knew I would regret it and told him... as much as I didn't want to, I had to stop. The surprising thing is, it really was hard to stop! He was nice about it. I could tell he was expecting to get laid and me (being naive) wasn't even thinking about sex when he said he wanted to meet up later! But now that the moment is over I am glad to know I could not go through with it. I'm not wired for one-night stands.
Honestly, it was flattering... I mean I'm sure he might have slept with a lot of women. But ... I was immediately attracted to him. I haven't experienced such a strong mutual physical attraction like that! At least not one that was so obvious to both involved and where we both had to opportunity to do something about it! But like I said, I am glad I found out what I'm capable of, or not capable of in this case.
