Chemistry - I can't imagine it's just me

So... I'm thinking it's probably best that I don't hang out with Latin Lover anymore. Even in coworker settings. Last night we all went out for a coworkers farewell and as much as I love, absolutely adore, my Boyfriend Creature... I'm still feeling major chemistry between Latin Lover and myself. I had invited Boyfriend Creature to hang out with us all which would have, I think, cooled off any chemistry.

It's odd because at work it's very minimal! I mean like non-existent most of the time. I think maybe random occurrences here and there but few and far between.

Last night was intense and it freaked me out.

We just had a moment

Our eyes met, we both were slightly smiling, held each other’s gaze and it took my breath away. I'm still shaking it off. The chemistry is undeniable.

He wrote me a song. I made the list...

... Unfortunately being on that list means the song must not be very nice. But the implications of being on that list are hard to ignore. He told me it was a hurtful song or more like he was just being a jerk when he wrote it. I really don't think I can handle hearing it. It sucks knowing it’s out there because he says I'll never hear it.

We're friends again. In fact, he's gone back to normal. He asked me to go to lunch with him last Friday. I told the now Boyfriend Creature to make sure he was ok with it. Part of me felt like I was cheating. Part of me wonders if I felt that way because there is still too much chemistry between Latin Lover and me to play naive. We talked at lunch. He said he asked me to lunch to apologize for his behavior and that I was too good of a person to be treated the way he had and that he never wanted to take me for granted again. Later that day he said that if I put up with his harsh treatment and still wanted to be his friend it must mean I’m a true friend.

So how is it, that I still really like him? What is this hold he has on me? After all the cruelty and rude, harsh comments why am I so happy I'm back in his good graces? Shouldn't I be more afraid of being treated like that again?

I don't want to fuck anything up with the Boyfriend Creature. Boyfriend Creature is incredible, amazing, and loves me for me, fully and completely and without reservation. I feel like I can truly be myself around him. I feel like screaming at myself “Please, oh please, don’t ever do anything to fuck this up!”

Official

btw... I love my new theme for my blog! :D

So it's official. Boyfriend-like Creature is now officially Boyfriend Creature minus the like. And one possibly moving into the Husband Creature April 28, 2012 if all goes well! He hasn't officially proposed but we both know we're MFEO (Made For Each Other)! LOL! Yeah ok, silly. He's pretty fantastic. It's hard to fathom that this is the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. But though its surprising it doesn't freak me out. I know without a shadow of a doubt that he's the one. My mom always told me I would just know, and well I never understood what she meant and it's hard to explain how I know... I just... do.

Latin Lover and I have been chatting more at work the last couple of days. Nothing serious just casual chit chat. He seems to be more open to the idea of chatting than talking face to face and that's ok with me. Though tonight if I didn't know any better he was throwing it out there that he didn't have anything to do tonight. In the past I would have jumped on that and offered to hang out or go shopping with him. It's different having Boyfriend Creature in my life. I no longer want to be around Latin Lover in an innapropriate way. I'm not even talking sexually, but just being alone.