So my obsession seems to be getting more manageable. I have my moments. Then there's the moments I can't help.
I baked cookies for a coworkers retirement pot luck, made an extra few for his area (as it seems I spend a good amount of time there as well as in my area... I wonder why? lol). ;) He was the first to be in the office so I gave them to him and told him there was enough for everyone to have 2 each. He said chocolate chip cookies are his downfall. I bragged mine up and told him once he had my cookies he'd agree. Sure enough he was curious as to how I made them so well. How they were soft yet yummy. I shared how I just follow the recipe but the way I mix it is different. In the end he said he'd make me his cookies and try my tips and let me see how they fare.
Now that I know we're in neighboring cities I wonder if we'll ever run into each other. I don't think so if we haven't already but the thought pops into my head from time to time when I'm out and about.
Well I'm off for now. I may decide to add more later.
It's a new day. I almost got to see him today, maybe... I'm working the local office though. Which I'm happy about. I don't exactly feel attractive in my current outfit. My hair is pulled up. Once my mom told me I don't look as pretty with my hair pulled up and it's made a big impact on me. I pull it up when I don't care what I look like, or if I want to be comfortable (which was today's reasoning, aside from the fact that I didn't think I'd be going down to my current office and I haven't washed my hair in 3 days, 3rd day's always the toughest to get through, without dry shampoo which I'm running low on). Yet I've had multiple compliments on my hair pulled up, they don't make as much of an impact as my mom's statement once. Or maybe it was my husband as well. I think my mom was the first person to say it, and my husband has reiterated that he prefers my hair down, or half up and the back down.
Aside from the concern he might see me the way I look today, I have wondered if he's noticed my absence. And wondered how often I'd get to see him at my new assignment when the transfer is complete. It'll be tough to move on. I'm not as comfortable here. But I'm sure if this was my permanent location I'd make more of an effort to get to know the people around me.
So I can't fully say my obsession is an "out of sight out of mind" type situation these days but it ebbs. Though knowing I should have seen him today is buggin me.
I finally talked to my sister about it. She made me feel less silly. She said it proves I'm not dead. lol I think I'm still surprised by my reaction to someone like this. Someone in person. I've had inappropriate moments with Colorado now and again but that's all but died out even in friendship. He seems to have completely shut down. Which I guess is healthy. But I'm not physically drawn to Colorado. For him, it's a companionship. Something a little more unhealthy in some ways. But it's so far from what it was I no longer feel anything between us. Is that the what my Obsession will end up being when I move away? When I'm no longer in such close proximity? I mean I will see him from time to time for now, but what happens when his role changes within the department? I guess my best friend is right, I need to transfer, get my head on straight. I have 30 minutes...
One of the moments I haven't brought up was the time I caught him just watching me. He was at my desk, I was in with my boss not knowing anyone was listening to our conversation, I sensed someone's eyes and he was just staring, and I apologized that I didn't realize someone needed me. We stood next to each other and I felt the electricity as we worked together on a project, discussing it, trying to put our individual information together to make sense with the others. I remember being close. Hyper aware of his arm touching mine.
I remember the very first time I talked to him, maybe even noticed him. I was going through his department writing out names and he asked what I was doing. I remember thinking, damn, he's a good lookin guy. I remember seeing him at a potluck, I want to say the Christmas one, and I kept looking at him and he seemed oblivious to me at all. ....
My Carpool buddy has made a couple comments that make me think she's trying to help me see he's not ever interested in any women aside from his wife. Or she's brought up the fact that there is no man that hasn't thought about having sex with every single woman he's worked with. Again two completely separate conversations but make me think... lol
Yep Obsession seems like a good term for him. *sigh* I'm in high school all over again.
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