So shockingly I ended up seeing Obsession the night of April 1st at his brothers grave site. It was completely unintentional. I was driving to a store and happened upon the street and something just made me think, fuck it, let's see if I can find it... I drove down looking for crosses and poof he's sitting in his truck right in front of it on the phone. I wanted to stop, I wanted to text, I wanted to honk, something... He was off work a couple of hours early. I flipped around and ended up just texting him. We had our longest text interchange since my dad was in the hospital with his heart attack. I wasn't sure how it was received. I felt silly. I genuinely had no intention of invading his privacy. He seemed to appreciate that I was making an effort to find the spot. I made sure to mention that I didn't realize he would be taking off work early so he knew I wasn't even expecting to see him.
I made a point not to reach out to him again until I found out my work was sending me to "Work At Home" for the next couple of weeks but that I'd still have to go to one office once-a-week. He said he'd be doing the same and said we should coordinate our trips down. I'm gonna be honest. I've obsessed over this statement more than I'd like to admit. Still haven't heard so I'm waiting to see what he'll say or if he'll just be there Tuesday. I can't work overtime for the next few weeks either. So we'll see. I told him I'd for sure be there Tuesday. We'll see if he shows up. I was just surprised he would go out of his way to see me. It felt like the first time he's made me feel like he wants to see me.
So my Ex and I have been chatting on Snapchat. And somehow the conversation turned to all the concerns I had after we broke up and never had the opportunity to ask him about. It was very cathartic! He was complimentary. But nothing too inappropriate. We talked about some sexual stuff but I made sure to keep it on the surface and mentioned that it shouldn't be discussed further. I mean it's so easy to slip back into the flirting stages with an ex. I have to be careful especially after Colorado.
There's really not much more to say about that. But as I look at my last part, why am I so controlled with Ex and not Obsession? *sigh*
Saturday, April 04, 2020
Wednesday, April 01, 2020
"It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine"
My world has been turned upside down with this Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic. I am still at work though so thank God for getting paid. I'm nervous if/when they send me home, at this point I wouldn't get paid. It's possible as things progress and I'm selected to stay home they may continue to pay me. But it's unlikely and I know sending me home is inevitable at this point.
This week has drained me. It started this weekend when I went to the store because we needed groceries. Talk about an unsettling experience! I'm still shook by it. Looking back I can understand why it was so bad in that moment. They had just announced school closures and the parents were making sure they had food for their kids being home. But either way, the shelves being empty was such a crazy site to see! The crowds, the chaos, the lack of necessities... It was all too overwhelming. I was pretty shook after our trips to the store. We started at one store that didn't have anything, and ended up at a higher end more expensive store. We were able to get some beef...
*The above was written 3/19/20 @ 1:06pm*
So today is an important day for Obsession. His brother passed away 3 years ago today. I made him a card yesterday and was going to interoffice it, but something told me that wasn't ok. So I just called him at his desk this morning. We actually talked more than I expected. He usually wants to get off the phone as quickly as possible. But he seemed to want to chat, asked how I was holding up. Said he just thought about me this morning because he saw my container I used to give him cookies the last time. We talked a good 15 minutes which for the phone is a record, in person we talk for hours. But I'm the one that shut down the conversation. I didn't want to lose my momentum of sorts. At that point I felt I was a breath of fresh air for his day vs. overstaying my welcomed call. If that makes sense. I told him I'd see him next week. I'm oddly sad that I won't get to see him this week. It's a rare thing not to see him at least once-a-week.
I kind of miss him, but it's weird. The last time I saw him I felt I overstayed the conversation. It made me want to keep my distance for a bit. That's probably why I felt awkward about the card. Seemed like too much. A call is simple. Not too personal. I felt like he seemed more interested in people walking behind me than our conversation. Especially a girl in another department that seems to fit his physical type. She comes to hang out with the front desk lady in his area. She's beautiful but she's... kind of a ditzy. So it's hard to imagine he'd enjoy her company long term. Looking back though, she's interrupted his focus on more than one occasion. He and I share so much in common its kind of crazy. We share the same morals, even some spiritual similarities, and mostly we agree in how life is, should be and could be. Goes back to me just avoiding him for a while and see how it goes. I need a break from worrying about how he feels about me. Especially when life right now is so unstable!
So I'm still working during this Coronavirus Pandemic. It's odd that some people act like this is being blown out of proportion and others feel like we're all going to die. I'm somewhere in the middle. Not worried about myself, but others that may be impacted if my sickness gets passed on to them. And sometimes I wonder if the massive cold I had in February may have been COVID-19 but we'll never know. I had a dry cough, felt like crap, had a hard time breathing, went to the drs and was told I had bronchitis. I had a rough time in the beginning getting all my necessities but now that I have those, things have been mellow for a couple of weeks. It looks like the stay-at-home order is through the end of this month. And it's most likely kids won't return to school until next school year. Our entire way of life has changed lately. And I can't help but be excited to see the change in families spending more quality time together. Or the churches utilizing apps to allow people to stay connected. I've never been more grateful for Zoom and Marco Polo. lol
My Husband Creature has really been great. He is doing what he can to help me. At first he seemed to revert back to selfishness until I explained my stress level and he has picked up where he can. He's now helping me go to the stores. We've talked about how things will change once we get our son's school packet and how I'll need his help. I asked him how I can help with him getting breaks, because he's stuck at home almost all the time now, and I at least get out and go to work. He works still part-time. But he hasn't been able to get out to his weekly game. I get the need to get out. And our son is stir-crazy so he's been challenging. My Husband Creature said he didn't feel he could ask me to do more without putting me out more than I already am. We're doing well with trying not to be self-focused and helping each other out.
Either way, life is different and new... I'm sure this event will forever change the way we as a society do things. But for now, just moving forward with what needs to be done.
*Updated 12:55 pm*
Weird... It just struck me that I haven't talked to Colorado in over a year! I was curious about him maybe a week ago. I looked him up on Facebook. Nothing really to see. It's crazy how someone that could matter so much suddenly is no longer a major part of my life. Makes me sad to think that Obsession will eventually become one of those people. It would be for the best for sure though. I still think about Colorado, wonder how he's doing now and then. But honestly, just wish him the best. If I lost contact with Obsession he'd probably just miss me for my cookies. lol And no, there is no secondary meaning in that.
This week has drained me. It started this weekend when I went to the store because we needed groceries. Talk about an unsettling experience! I'm still shook by it. Looking back I can understand why it was so bad in that moment. They had just announced school closures and the parents were making sure they had food for their kids being home. But either way, the shelves being empty was such a crazy site to see! The crowds, the chaos, the lack of necessities... It was all too overwhelming. I was pretty shook after our trips to the store. We started at one store that didn't have anything, and ended up at a higher end more expensive store. We were able to get some beef...
*The above was written 3/19/20 @ 1:06pm*
So today is an important day for Obsession. His brother passed away 3 years ago today. I made him a card yesterday and was going to interoffice it, but something told me that wasn't ok. So I just called him at his desk this morning. We actually talked more than I expected. He usually wants to get off the phone as quickly as possible. But he seemed to want to chat, asked how I was holding up. Said he just thought about me this morning because he saw my container I used to give him cookies the last time. We talked a good 15 minutes which for the phone is a record, in person we talk for hours. But I'm the one that shut down the conversation. I didn't want to lose my momentum of sorts. At that point I felt I was a breath of fresh air for his day vs. overstaying my welcomed call. If that makes sense. I told him I'd see him next week. I'm oddly sad that I won't get to see him this week. It's a rare thing not to see him at least once-a-week.
I kind of miss him, but it's weird. The last time I saw him I felt I overstayed the conversation. It made me want to keep my distance for a bit. That's probably why I felt awkward about the card. Seemed like too much. A call is simple. Not too personal. I felt like he seemed more interested in people walking behind me than our conversation. Especially a girl in another department that seems to fit his physical type. She comes to hang out with the front desk lady in his area. She's beautiful but she's... kind of a ditzy. So it's hard to imagine he'd enjoy her company long term. Looking back though, she's interrupted his focus on more than one occasion. He and I share so much in common its kind of crazy. We share the same morals, even some spiritual similarities, and mostly we agree in how life is, should be and could be. Goes back to me just avoiding him for a while and see how it goes. I need a break from worrying about how he feels about me. Especially when life right now is so unstable!
So I'm still working during this Coronavirus Pandemic. It's odd that some people act like this is being blown out of proportion and others feel like we're all going to die. I'm somewhere in the middle. Not worried about myself, but others that may be impacted if my sickness gets passed on to them. And sometimes I wonder if the massive cold I had in February may have been COVID-19 but we'll never know. I had a dry cough, felt like crap, had a hard time breathing, went to the drs and was told I had bronchitis. I had a rough time in the beginning getting all my necessities but now that I have those, things have been mellow for a couple of weeks. It looks like the stay-at-home order is through the end of this month. And it's most likely kids won't return to school until next school year. Our entire way of life has changed lately. And I can't help but be excited to see the change in families spending more quality time together. Or the churches utilizing apps to allow people to stay connected. I've never been more grateful for Zoom and Marco Polo. lol
My Husband Creature has really been great. He is doing what he can to help me. At first he seemed to revert back to selfishness until I explained my stress level and he has picked up where he can. He's now helping me go to the stores. We've talked about how things will change once we get our son's school packet and how I'll need his help. I asked him how I can help with him getting breaks, because he's stuck at home almost all the time now, and I at least get out and go to work. He works still part-time. But he hasn't been able to get out to his weekly game. I get the need to get out. And our son is stir-crazy so he's been challenging. My Husband Creature said he didn't feel he could ask me to do more without putting me out more than I already am. We're doing well with trying not to be self-focused and helping each other out.
Either way, life is different and new... I'm sure this event will forever change the way we as a society do things. But for now, just moving forward with what needs to be done.
*Updated 12:55 pm*
Weird... It just struck me that I haven't talked to Colorado in over a year! I was curious about him maybe a week ago. I looked him up on Facebook. Nothing really to see. It's crazy how someone that could matter so much suddenly is no longer a major part of my life. Makes me sad to think that Obsession will eventually become one of those people. It would be for the best for sure though. I still think about Colorado, wonder how he's doing now and then. But honestly, just wish him the best. If I lost contact with Obsession he'd probably just miss me for my cookies. lol And no, there is no secondary meaning in that.
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