Spiraling is exhausting

It started with an overshare that I tried to clarify and got some genuine feedback that kicked my obsession into overdrive and my spiraling went a tad out of control. lol 

Basically I told him that I think it's odd that he resides in my head so much... Probably more than he should. And not that I'm thinking of him inappropriately (at least not as much as in the beginning of our friendship). I shared that I'm surprised and unsure how to feel about it. And part of me wondered if it was a one-sided friendship and how I felt it wasn't because I felt like he was a kindred spirit. That because of our friendship and my attraction to him I will always give him preferential treatment. And though I don't assume his view of our friendship equals mine, I did hope he valued our friendship and if I was honest part of me wanted to confirm he did. 

You really know how to express your feelings, I don’t think I am as good at that as you.

But what I will say, is that I do value our friendship and enjoy our talks so please don’t doubt that. Your company always brightens things up around here. I like the fact that you hold nothing back so just know that I appreciate you!

I think I've reread and analyzed it so much, it's memorized (Not that it's a lengthy response lol). It's the first time he's even remotely been straight forward in responding to my hope for validation... I'm not sure if that's the right word. I was pretty real with him. Normally when I overshare I get a cryptic response that I have to try to decipher but not this time. There is nothing I could potentially take wrong either which makes me really happy. Of course, now that I share it, it doesn't sound like much. But for me... I'm happy. I told him I really appreciated his response and that it meant a lot to me. 

Now to see how we interact the next time we see each other which should be tomorrow. ... 

  

Vibes

 So Wednesday of last week I received a nice email. 

Hey you,

I know it’s late, but happy birthday. ...

Forgive me if I’ve seemed distracted while I’m (removed). My mind is in a million places when I’m (removed). Everything is so disrupting, it’s hard to concentrate. Things are just different here compared to my (previous location).

... Looking forward to Friday, I’ll try to stop and take a breather then.

Yes, save your stories for Friday, things are much better in person, looking forward to it

Obession

So it's sweet that he would rather talk in person. But did it happen? Probably not as easily as it did in the past. 

The above was written 9/28/23 

This morning, there was a moment... One that flustered me a bit. Nothing crazy. Just a look. It caused me to fumble my words though. I could tell he was looking at me with a level of attraction. He's always complimented me on my moto jacket. He noticed I got my hair done. Which was surprising. He said he's trying to be more observant. lol But it was something more. He was trying to figure out what he was noticing. Even Friday we didn't get a chance to talk too much and he emailed me! Normally he just replies but this time he started an email to me. It was like two lines but still... He apologized for not getting to talk much that day. Today we were talking and then someone came in saying they needed to speak to him privately. I think she's getting annoyed that I'm in there. 

Then a girl at work said she noticed I looked extra cute today... With a wink. I think she was attributing it to a certain person seeing me today. Well Fridays we wear jeans and tshirts and I never feel very cute. Today I feel cute. :)