Obsession: When I apologized about texting him and causing him any issues at home, I think something made an impact on Obsession. Not a major one. But I think me telling him I consider him more of a friend than just a coworker made him reevaluate my previous actions. Here's why I think so...
When I was down there the other day, I had brought cookies. I had called him the night before and confirmed he'd be there because there may or may not be cookies coming down with me. He said he'd be there but then when I got there he wasn't there. He had training. I put 4 cookies in a baggy and put them on his desk and emailed him I saved him some. He responded and said he was sorry he had forgotten he had training but would get them the next day in the afternoon and thanked me.
Then he text me Saturday saying "Hey, I forgot to thank you for the cookies at the office the other day. Thanks again they were delicious!"
First of all, I was surprised to get a text to begin with, and second I was under the impression those types of texts weren't really "allowed" so to speak and third it was a Saturday!?
I had so many things I wanted to respond with and ask him about. But I felt like it was all I could do was to say you're welcome.
The last few times I stopped by the office before this, it was always a standing conversation. Tuesday I saw him and he said "I thought I heard your laugh." And said, "take a load off." It was odd to have him want me to sit for a while. Normally it's just a standing conversation and it was like he wanted me to sit and chat for a while. So naturally I obliged.
At some point he was discussing not announcing a death in the family to the office and how when his brother died it made it tough having people always remind him about it. How he wished no one knew. And suddenly my mind went to the text I sent on the anniversary of his brothers death and suddenly felt bad about sending it. Though I know he said said it meant a lot to him when I sent it. He must have seen the look on my face because he said "I don't mind talking about it with people like you, that I'm close to." And suddenly I flashed back to me telling him I considered him more like a friend than just a coworker.
We talked about his text and how I was confused at first and tempted to send a bunch of responses but held myself back. He gave me a relieved look when I said I stopped myself. He said oh don't do that! He did say he was calculated in his text about the cookies and that he mentioned that I brought them for the office and he made sure his wording was safe. So I have the feeling the text was his way of communicating in a calculated way.
So him reiterating that we're close was I think his way of responding to me saying I consider him more than a coworker but a friend. I over analyze everything though.
Husband Creature: My Husband Creature went a little off kilter yesterday. He asked if I saw "him" the day before (meaning Obsession). I said I had and with everything going on (a death of a family friends wife) I had forgotten to tell him. He angrily said "you only wear this smelling lotion when you go down the hill!" I was shocked. He was not correct but the fact that he seemed to think he calculated it bothered me greatly. I told him I ran out of my normal lotion over a week ago and have been wearing it ever since. He didn't seem to believe me. I went to work pretty discouraged he thought that. So then decided when I got home I'd throw out my fufu smelling lotions. When I got to the house he had the body spray on the counter. I showed him it wasn't the spray but matching lotion that was the one I used. He had gone into my bathroom to sniff it out?! I was surprised. He had been moody with me all night and it bothered me to do the act of throwing out all my fufu lotions in this mood but I wanted him to see I meant it. It was never done for a specific person or a specific day. That I genuinely didn't care about my lotions enough to keep them.
He didn't seem as impacted by the act of throwing them out as I had hoped but maybe later in the evening it did. It was honestly really hard to throw out all my lotions. I like smelling pretty. He can't handle strong smelling lotions so I have to go with unscented most of the time. So I wear it on rare occasions or when my unscented lotions run out. Either way, it was hard to throw them out but I felt it was important to help him see it wasn't something I did for any specific person. I even approached him and said I wanted to throw out the lotions to help his insecurities. He said he wasn't insecure, and I said well then I wanted to ease his accusations, and he said he wasn't accusing but that it was just a statement. We went round and round in circles and my Stinker Creature came up, I could tell he was getting nervous about the tensions between us so I cut the conversation off. But continued to fume. I kept thinking if he wasn't accusing or insecure then why would it matter if he noticed I wore the lotions when I go to another office? I kept getting more and more angry. I did lose patience with him, my stinker creature and figured I was tired and just needed to go to sleep. I did end up reading this book I got for Praying Couples and opened it up in hopes it would help me correct my thinking. It did a little, I opened it up to a section for prayers for couples who have stopped making their spouse a priority. I prayed the prayers and went out to my Husband creature and rebuked the enemy, prayed over our priority of each other and our relationship.
I tried to go to sleep but kept going over things in my mind. Finally I realized the thing that bothered me the most about his "statement" is that he felt he was correct. When in fact I know I have put on fufu lotions for a week and a half and that it was a false statement that he was evaluating and defending as accurate. So I went out to see if he was awake. He wasn't at first but then asked aggressively what I was doing. I told him I couldn't sleep. He softened and asked why. I told him it was because I was frustrated with him and I finally figured out why. I shared that his statement was false. That he wrongly calculated my lotion usage and wouldn't take my word for it yet said he trusted me and that he wasn't insecure. I told him his way of addressing it was accusatory. And that it felt like he didn't believe me and that I was telling him he was wrong and he couldn't see past his own opinion and that I knew when I had used the lotions and he couldn't tell me when I did and didn't use the lotion. He seemed to finally hear me for the first time that night. He made one argument, that it wasn't every day, I said no, it was every time I showered and I don't shower every day. He seemed to realize he didn't have much more of an argument left. At least not that it seemed.
Tonight I already arranged for my mom to keep my Stinker Creature longer so Husband Creature and I could have a date night at home. I had the whole thing planned and trust me after last night I thought about calling it off a few times. But I think it's proof we need it. So I'm going out of my way to make it extra special. I warned him not to eat too late and if he had to eat small that I had a plan. He text me this morning about hitting Chick-fil-a for breakfast rather than lunch should fix the issue of him being too full for us going out tonight. I am looking forward to surprising him with dinner at home. I have some wine. I've already cleared off the table so we can just have a nice dinner at home. I'm leaving work early and going to grab the drinks and groceries on the way. If he gets home before me it shouldn't matter. Being home early will surprise him. If I'm home before him my first step will be to set the table so when he walks in he'll see it.
I'm getting excited. So I hope it's a pleasant surprise. We've been so busy with no time for each other. I feel like this is exactly what we need. I'm glad I didn't call it off in anger. I'm thinking it's the perfect time for this to occur.
