Choices

I'm feeling like I have been living life with no focus. And I have gotten to the point that I want to do something about it. Basically it's come down to the fact that I want to be uncomfortable to get what I want. But since I've come to this conclusion my mind is cluttered with choices. And in a weird turn of events I'm now frozen with fear of making the right choice. I really feel the need to set goals because otherwise I waste away in this comfort zone.

Law of Attraction

I'm still not used to this concept of having multiple guys showing interest at the same time. I guess it's because in high school it was hard to imagine even one guy liking me at any given point. I've just recently seen the number of men showing interest increased, or maybe it's just that I'm acknowledging them rather then explaining them away. Looking back I'm amazed at how insecure I was in high school and can see how that affected what I attracted or I should say... didn't attract.

Ever hear of the Law of Attraction? Well I'm a fairly new believer in it. I don't quite understand it fully but believe that it is very real! I wonder at times how it is I'm attracting certain things in my life. Other times I can look back and see how my focus attracted certain outcomes. Now it's learning to be aware of how my current focus affects what comes next.

So it's not like these men are falling all over themselves for me. But they are pursuing me. It feels good. But for the most part each of the men don't mean very much to me and have no future or long term compatibility with me. But it has been kind of fun.

It is odd that Colorado still holds such a big part of my heart. I was talking to my friend on the way to work and not that I was talking to him about Colorado but as we talked about stuff I realized how much of my heart I’ve given to Colorado without us even being in an official relationship. Colorado isn’t one of the nicest people in my life. He has stated that if he and I stopped talking he wouldn’t be affected. Whereas I know I would be disappointed.

I’m not sure how I’m going to nickname these guys… My friend that I talked to this morning was well I would call him an ex but we were only together for a month. He recently called and asked me if he was a good kisser. Sadly my memory of his kisses weren’t good. Either way he is currently dating a girl. I’m not sure how long it will last. He seems to be calling and leaning on me more then I would expect a guy to while in a relationship. Last night I talked to him and he had to go and said he’d call back. Circumstances happened that took me away from my cell for about 45 min. I came back to 4 missed calls! Then later that night I left my cell in my room while watching tv in the living room and again was left 4 missed calls!

¿ Attraction ¿

Well I did say in my last post I flip flop on my feelings for Colorado. I guess I've flopped. ;) I am still amazed that I can be soooo attracted to him even though he's my friend. I saw a recent picture of Colorado and he's just too adorable. He's just so ... cute. I guess I'm using terms that make it seem like he's cute in a kid sort of way but trust me that's not the case... I am very attracted to him. And it doesn't help that I really do enjoy his personality, even the quirks (Well obviously I like his personality since we're friends). After seeing this recent picture I found myself wishing I was closer, wondering if I lived there would we be in a relationship? I've come to the conclusion (as I have many other times I ponder this, yes, it has been many times hehe) that no... no matter how attracted I am to him, I still have a level of maturity that understands our differences would not make for a good relationship. That the friendship dynamic works for us, a relationship would not. Even though that selfish immature part of me just wants the gratification of getting what it wants. Who's to say Colorado would even give me what I wanted? Well honestly I know he has felt the same, at least at some point. I don't think I've ever experienced this kind of situation with a guy before.