Flip Flop

We're still waiting to hear when the services will be held for my Father-In-Law. Hopefully we'll find out by the end of this week. My Husband Creature seems to be handling it well enough. He's admitted to keeping himself busy on purpose.  

So Obsession sent an email... on his own! A week ago today. I was pretty melancholy that day so it didn't really hit me till later that he actually thought about me enough to initiate correspondence. It had been a few weeks since we'd seen or talked to each other and I was feeling a little pulled away because of my annoyance with him. Since then there have been a couple of emails back and forth for different reasons. 

Yesterday he made me happy by responding to a note I scanned to his email address on the scanner from his area. "This can only be one person... Hello Clandestine... lol" Something about that response makes me happy. That he finally recognizes things as being from me. And his response makes me think that it put a smile on his face. 

A coworker is retiring and turning 60 and having a big ole party. She text me over the weekend to find out if I was available to take photos of the event. It sounded like a ton of fun but I am going out of town that same day early in the morning. Turns out he was invited. I have been curious if he *AND* his wife planned to go. He's close with this coworker so I would imagine so. Then I think of the awkwardness of me being the photographer at the event. Part of me hopes my trip gets cancelled and I can be the photographer after all but then another part is grateful for a good reason not to be able to. The other thought is if he comes without his wife... That could be fun. lol 

I sometimes remember back to one of the first work events I went to and he was there. He asked who my people were and said he'd often wondered. And he kept close to me even though he knew a ton of people from the years on the job. How I asked if I could get a photo with just him. How I shared that song "Fun" with him. I wonder if he remembers it. 

I wonder a lot of things. Mostly I wonder what the heck he thinks of me. The fact that he took time out to send an email means it's not one sided. "It" being the friendship. As far as attraction. I still feel that it's pretty much one-sided. He may wonder from time-to-time but I would imagine it's a fleeting thought and not like my own obsessive thoughts. 

And yes, the title of this blog is my overall ability to flip flop on my feelings about Obsession in general. For a few weeks there I could care less about him. As of this week it seems I've renewed the obsession. 

Obsession has said a couple of times he'll see me the next time I come down or that he'll see me soon. I keep bringing up the fact that it might be a bit since he's doing his WAH days the day I come down. He always reiterates... "I'm sure I'll see you soon..." So next week will be over a month since I've seen him. And surprisingly it's only been two weeks without any communication. I need to keep my distance. I can tell...

Mourning

Mourning: There's something about mourning that causes other issues to seem so small... It shows what's really important. And what's really important is my Husband Creature and Stinker Creature. My Husband Creature's father passed away last Wednesday. My heart is sad. Sad for my Husband Creature and even more sad for my Stinker Creature who loved his Grandpa and no longer has him around. Sad for me. Sad we don't have our family drives down to Grandpa's place. Sad I don't have someone who gives me awkward hugs. I'll miss his laugh or how he greeted each of us whenever he'd see us. I'll miss his beautiful japanese'ish garden.

We did a private viewing yesterday. Just me and my boys. I wasn't sure what to expect. But it was serene, calming and peaceful. I'm not sure what I expected. But I guess I imagined a more cold environment. It was completely unexpected. Completely emotional. All three of us crying together. It was therapeutic. It was oddly beautiful. And I'm grateful for the moment to say goodbye and tell my Father-In-Law that I was sorry and would take care of them for him as tears streamed down my cheeks. Stinker Creature wanted to go outside so I took him and gave Husband Creature his own time with his dad. Walking out the door I felt like I was so sad to never see him again... Tears welled up all over again and I had to remove my mask to breathe. After another 5-10 minutes Husband Creature came out with red eyes and he decided he wanted to visit family members gravesites. 

After that amazingly real experience we had a rougher one later in the afternoon with Husband Creature's Aunt at my Father-In-Law's house. But I don't want to focus on that experience. I am uncertain what the future holds with Husband Creatures extended family. But for now... We mourn... *Sigh* 

Obsession: So it looks like Obsession has switched his one WAH (Work At Home) day to the one day I'm down at his office. At first I was really sad about it. But now I'm so wrapped up in what's happening with my family and I think it's for the best that he's not around as a distraction. I'm kind of angry at him. Feels like he did it on purpose. I called him out on it and he said it was the only day available. Best case is I see him in a month, worse case, on a rare occasion until the one WAH day is removed because Covid is miraculously cured. lol Which will probably not be the case for a while. So we'll see how long I go without seeing him. And how long I go without emailing him...