A few details

So I'm thrilled with the changes in my marriage! Life has taken a turn and what could have been a very bad thing God turned into a good thing. Our communication is great! Our sex life is better than it's been in a LONG time.

My Husband Creature was having an issue with me continuing to talk to Colorado. He felt I was continuing the inappropriate relationship. I was in shock when he confronted me about it. He ran across our chat messages. He misunderstood a conversation and felt it was crossing a line. After my shock that he'd been reading my chats with Colorado I responded letting Husband Creature know there was nothing going on at all! Nothing in my heart wanted Colorado. And I explained what the conversation was about and how I could see how he misread it but there was nothing inappropriate in my heart about it. I asked if the conversation turned inappropriate after the statement that bothered him. He said no. I told him because it wasn't intended to be inappropriate. But it bothered him that we chatted daily, about nothing in particular, but still almost daily.

He was bothered that I sent Colorado a cute selfie. I told Husband Creature that he never seemed interested when I sent them to him anymore and it was a Snapchat filtered photo which was kind of a joke between me and Colorado. But I apologized for it. I told him if it would make him more comfortable I would stop chatting with Colorado altogether. That our marriage was WAY more important than that friendship. He told me what he said before still stood, he wasn't going to choose my friends. I then added that if there is a friendship making him uncomfortable I was going to end it. And did. I do kind of miss Colorado and our random chats. It kept me busy at work. But I feel somehow relieved as well. I guess I always knew it was somewhat inappropriate.

But in those chats with Colorado I had mentioned a "distraction" at work who I needed to get away from. This is how my Husband Creature came to find out about Obsession. (I've gotten so used to referring to Obsession as "Distraction" I have a hard time going to the original name.) He was bothered because I used the word "flutter" and "distraction" and needing to be transferred so it would be out of sight out of mind. I was completely mortified! Embarrassed! And most of all ashamed!

I told him it was something I try to fight, I pray about it, I've sought counseling/advice for it. I have a reaction and it's not something I can help. And that I'm embarrassed by it. That I don't want Obsession, that I want Husband Creature. That out of the two of us, Husband Creature was the more attractive and likely to have the opportunity to cheat. I told him it's not like Obsession is even aware of my reaction. Husband Creature asked for clarification, if Obsession came over to my office all the time and I said no. It's not like that. We're just friends. Husband Creature reminded me of conversations I've had about how many people cheat within the place I work, and how was he to know this guy was any different. So I clarified my conversation with Obsession about cheating and how we both agree it's completely wrong. That he won't even meet up with a woman friend at Starbucks to open up that door.

My Husband Creature took the night to figure out how he felt about everything that I shared. He did hug me for a long time before I went to bed that night. I had apologized for anything I did to make him feel uncomfortable or that I made him feel I wasn't being faithful to him.

The next night we had a nice Valentine's Night Dinner where we talked more and he shared after I apologized yet again, that based on what I shared I had nothing to apologize for. So since that moment we have been doing amazing! It's like a whole new level of closeness. It's been so wonderful! And I am truly grateful!

Now that's not to say Obsession is no longer a distraction. There are still moments I have to check myself. Like I walked around a corner and looked back and saw Obsession, said hey and went on my marry way. Obsession followed me and commented on my flirty eyes and I was confused as I didn't mean to present anything like that. I explained what I did and he hadn't heard me say hey. lol The other day I was feeling like he was pulling away. I wasn't sure why. But I asked him if I was bugging people coming over to say hello. He explained that another Supervisor in his unit had been sharing that all he does all day is watch movies which pissed him off so he'd been super careful on where his phone was and how long he chatted with his coworkers. It was like he knew I meant him. Though he did ask who I was getting weird vibes from. I shared two names. He said one loves when I come visit, which actually surprised me because she has always been hard to read. That night I was packing up my car as he walked out and had been laughing at something my carpool buddy said when I looked over and saw him. He said, who has that great laugh? I blushed. Talked crap about his slow driving. He mentioned that he drove by my house again. He thinks its amazing that I've started playing D & D for my husband and I to have something in common to do together. Anyways, this is a novel.

A LOT has changed

I have no idea how to write about all that has transpired since the day before Valentines Day. It's hard to even imagine writing a quick update.

Colorado and I have stopped talking. I did that for my Husband Creature.

Obsession is now labeled "Distraction" and my Husband Creature knows about him as well.

Right before my Husband Creature found out about Obsession things had shifted, and once he found out the shift continued. To the point of some annoyance and distance intentionally being put between us. It doesn't feel the same. The fun and enjoyment is gone. I believe that's a God thing. To save my marriage. But I'm ok with it as well.

In this moment I feel pulled away from everyone but my Husband Creature. Especially at work. People say things and I just get quiet and don't really care what they have to say. It's not worth it anymore.

Even meetups with my coworkers aren't as interesting to me. Sadly I was invited next week to go out to dinner with some coworkers and I checked with Husband Creature and he said it was fine, but then asked if my "Distraction" was going. My heart sank. To think my Husband Creature needed to even ask me that. It made me sad, embarrassed, disappointed in myself.

After I thought about it, if Obsession was actually at an outside event would I tell my Husband Creature? I think at this point I would do it for sure. But before he knew about him? Would I? That made me sad too.