Husband Creature

The last three weeks have been rough for my Husband Creature and I. Honestly it's caused a damper to all the amazing things going on in our lives. My hope and joy is diminished because he and I are not doing well. In fact, oddly I've wanted to avoid speaking to Obsession. Like it's opened my eyes to the fragility of marriage. Husband Creature is NOT doing well. For a while I thought it was me/us. I think with all the stress we have in our lives right now. He just doesn't have the coping skills. 

I've been struggling... Like *really* struggling. It's been so hard to be around a man who tells you that he "thinks" he loves you and "would be sad if you weren't around"... He finally stated that he loves me but isn't sure about the "in love" part. I had to remind him that love is a decision not a feeling. 

But damn... Writing it sucks. These last few weeks I've been desperate, fearful, anxious, emotional, heart-broken. But in all honesty... I think my desperation is that I want it fixed. I didn't realize it was a long term healing process. I thought we could recover quickly and got so thrown by every-other-day being a different issue or it steadily growing worse! 

I think last night I finally accepted the situation... THE WHOLE SITUATION! That I may have to live in a loveless marriage until my Husband Creature figures out what it is he needs to figure out. I didn't want to step into this new season of our lives, one that should be filled with happiness and gratitude, but rather filled with uncertainty and a lack of joy. I fought it! With everything in me. I mourned it. And after 3 weeks... I think I finally let go of it... With the help of God. I have cried out to Him off an on for the last 3 weeks. Telling Him I just couldn't do it anymore... I've been mourning "us" and wishing, hoping and expecting we'd just go back to normal. But something broke in Husband Creature. He is not the same person I've known for the last 15 years. Something broke in him. It scared the shit out of me.

But then I realized... I can't force him to do anything. I mean "duh" right? But I was desperately *WILLING* him to snap out of it and every day that he wouldn't I was even more desperate. He says he's not happy. With life or anything or anyone. Including myself and our Stinker Creature. 

I believe he officially broke sometime between Sunday night and Monday morning. Possibly sooner. I mean we've been struggling for the last couple of weeks. I think he was holding on by a thread and so was I with all the stress we've been under. But I think the part in my Husband Creature that kept him loving... just broke. And I still don't know what was the triggering force. And it's crazy to think it's only Friday. I should be willing to give him more time. But I've had my own fears and concerns at what I think was the warning signs. I misread them to be because of another woman. Now I think I was just fearful because I felt him pull away. I felt the distance and assumed it must be because of another woman. 

It's been tough. But this week I've spent a lot of ups and downs... Crying... reading the Bible... Venting to people... Venting to Husband Creature... It wasn't until last night that I realized this isn't going away overnight. It may not go away before we move into our beautiful new home... And I was upset... Angry... That I wouldn't be able to go into our new home, hand-in-hand with the love of my life... My heart broke. I cried and cried in the shower. Telling God I couldn't keep doing this, I couldn't handle it... and He said He could...

In all honesty, we still have a couple of weeks. So much has changed day by day. It just feels like AGES! It feels like where he's at will never change. But I've spent the majority of the day in God's presence. Listening to worship music, listening to The Power of a Praying Wife, listening to prayers on Youtube, reading scriptures, encouraging biblical clips... Anything to keep my mind on God and all that HE can do, and not on my circumstances. I need to be prepared that Husband Creature may take longer than I would like to come around. And who knows, God can do miracles. But I just need to accept it rather than fight it and be miserable in the process. I need to learn how to love my Husband Creature even though he's acting unloving towards me. I need to protect my heart but not close myself off to him. It's tough to balance that. And when I'm not around my Husband Creature its so much easier but when I see him after work today and the extended weekend... Ugh... I'm scared. But with God, who gives me strength... All things are possible. I can do it. I will just need to shut up and pray for the most of the weekend. I feel confident now. Let's see how I do... 

I fasted dinner last night, I fasted lunch and I'm going to try to do a 24 hour fast. I have to eat for my meds in the morning but I can skip lunch and dinner and not eat until tomorrow morning. And I may do it at least once-a-week until this situation is resolved. And in God's presence I have found joy again. Peace. Confidence in who I am as his Wife Creature. It's amazing how different I feel today from this whole week. I want to stay in His peace. Lord give me strength. 

Job Offer

So I have a potential job offer... (Now official job offer). It's a weird feeling. Part of me is anxious to take the job, the other is anxious about leaving where I work now. And of course it means I'll be even further from Obsession. Which isn't much. I don't talk to him at all really. Maaaaybe once-a-month if I'm lucky. 

I left him a voicemail this morning asking to give me a call ... 

... Obsession called me back later on Friday (7/18/25) before he left work. We talked for over an hour! 

I shared about my job offer. He was very supportive. We talked about my house, my Husband Creature's potential new job, my son, my parents. He seemed reserved and then he opened up that he is going into a higher position temporarily and it'll be a great training opportunity for him. I asked if he'd be able to come to our house warming party when we have one (I prefaced the question with the fact that I think I knew the answer). He, of course, said no. I asked if there was anything I could do to repair that, maybe apologize to his wife and he said no, he'd rather just not deal with that. I was like well I'm bummed, I'd love for you to see the house and he was like well you can show me pictures! And I was like ummm.. How can I do that? I can't email them to you... ... lol and he was like oh yeah definitely NOT! And I didn't really remind him that if I leave the department it'll be harder to call each other. Either way, it was a nice conversation. I'm always still so surprised we can talk over an hour like no time has passed... 

... AND I was able to see Obsession this Wednesday (7/23/25). It was nice to see him. I didn't get any real time with him. He did give me a hug hello and goodbye. We talked about my house and my son a little more. He stood next to me a couple of times asking why I wasn't out there dancing, we were at a retirement celebration. He encouraged me to but then stood next to me happily watching everyone else. I was really annoyed. The girl in my previous spot says Obsession comes up to her and says "Well when Clandestine was here SHE would do this or that" and she just responds "well I'm not the one that has a crush on you! She just does it because she has a crush". And honestly I was offended. I did my job well. And there was nothing I did for Obsession I wouldn't do for any of the other people in his position. The only thing I did for him was bake cookies and make him a container just for him. Ugh it annoyed me. And then I think of how annoying it was for him to hear that. Blah! 

I'll miss him. I keep thinking if he's going into an Acting role at this job, I won't know his extension. I won't be able to really leave him a message. It'll kind of suck. I won't know if he gets the promotion he's been gunning for. I won't really have any information without asking people and I don't want them to think too much about me asking. *Sigh* oh well... People come and people go right? I need to accept that he will probably be a distant memory like some of these other individuals have been in my life. Colorado, Ex, First Kiss, Latin Lover, The Drummer... They were a big part of my life... and now they aren't... Eventually Obsession will be part of that list... *sigh* makes me kinda sad. 

That's even worse

"That's even worse!" - Obsession

I'm still a little confused. The words keep repeating in my head... Days later... (Unsurprisingly *eye roll* lol)

I saw Obsession last week for the first time in weeks, possibly months. He looked good. He *always* looks good. I felt like I looked like crap but I had to remind myself it didn't matter. He gave me a hug. We did a quick catchup session in the hall and it was nice to see him. I tried not to bring anything up that would make me seem pissy (which I was) about the lack of follow up. 

He brought up how long it's been since we've talked on the phone, noting that it had been at least 4 weeks (In all honesty, I was surprised he had kept track of it). I asked about his birthday, and how his Grandma was doing (she passed), how work was. I shared that I have a physical address now, how my Stinker Creature started karate, how Husband Creature got a temp job at the place we work at and most likely will be working out of Obsession's location. He shared that the 5 of them went to Disneyland that Monday. I had to get to my meeting, he had to get to his assignment so he asked how late I would be working. I told him. 

I snuck out early to go to the main office he was working out of 15 min before my time to leave and 30+ minutes flew by as I felt him open up like he used to. We talked about a bunch of stuff. How his oldest son is giving him troubles, struggles at work. I encouraged him to reach out to his boss and get clarification on something she told him she would meet with him on. I told him she probably wasn't avoiding him but just busy. Our conversations are always so easy. I wished I could have stayed talking with him for as long as we wanted to but I was already working late, as it was I went over my time by 20 minutes. 

There was a sly smile when I told him that I missed him. His smirk made me wonder if he was just waiting for it to be said, or if he genuinely enjoyed hearing that I missed him. He said he did too. 

When I packed up to leave he said he felt good getting things off his chest, thanked me for listening to his venting about work. I told him he could always call me, any time and that I took his hint and stopped calling him. He smiled and said something about the phone log. And I said, well you can call me and he was like "that's even worse!" It stunned me into stuttering my goodbye because one of his staff walked in and he couldn't explain his statement and I couldn't ask. 

I walked out feeling confused. I mean it's pretty obvious he's concerned about how it looks to have my number on his call log so much. But would people really have an issue with it? Even with my work number? I started to think back on my last few calls and they had been from my cell phone. So maybe that's what he was talking about? Maybe he thought I meant to have him call me from his cell? I don't know. But either way, I'm not calling him. And it sucks. 

The Drive

So I struggled with whether or not to tell my Husband Creature that I was taking an hour + drive each way with Obsession. Of course, Husband Creature wouldn't know who Obsession is but honestly I didn't want him to tell me that he'd prefer me not driving down with another guy. That's horrible I know. I feel guilty. And my actions gave him pause because he mentioned it later in the day that I was quieter than usual. At one point we were driving and my Husband Creature called and I didn't know how to answer so... I didn't. Goodness... Typing that out makes me feel so much worse. One of my coworkers said to just be careful. I had shared that I didn't tell Husband Creature about the drive and I regretted it and now it'll look bad. She said if the opportunity should arise again I should just... be careful. I told her there really wouldn't be another opportunity so I think I was safe.  

During the drive I kept my verbal filter in place, which is good. I needed to. I wanted to share some things... things that were inappropriate but I held my tongue. I'm honestly impressed with myself. There were two moments I literally had to bite my lips together. I sometimes wonder if Obsession told his wife that we were riding down together. People at work seemed surprised. So it's not the typical situation. Is that weird to ask? 

The ride itself was pleasant. Conversation always flows easily between us. I took a few moments to just enjoy being able to look at him while he drove. I looked at my hands when I was tempted to say something I probably shouldn't. There was one point the conversation took a negative turn towards Husband Creature and I made sure to express the benefits even amidst the struggles. Obsession was stating he was surprised we didn't get into more fights because my Husband Creature doesn't like helping out more. Obsession said if he was able to be home as much as him he'd have the house spotless and the yard gorgeous. But instead of agreeing and holding onto that resentment of my Husband Creature I shared the benefits of having someone home to help out with our Stinker Creature. I never have to worry about Stinker Creature being looked after or picked up from school, etc. 

Obsession has been very social with me since. Inviting me to come into his office and shut the door to share something at work I was struggling with. Teasing me. Coming to me and asking for my help. The part that surprised me is he actually texted me and asked if I had any videos or photos of the event. I sent him what I had, I honestly didn't think to video him the whole time. I did at the very end because I really like his voice and wanted something with that. I wish I had thought to video him throughout the presentation. (If he asked for photos and videos then his wife had to know I was there with him.) I didn't expect to see him today but he ended up being asked to come in. He came to me quite a bit for things being playful in the process. 

Mourning

Mourning: There's something about mourning that causes other issues to seem so small... It shows what's really important. And what's really important is my Husband Creature and Stinker Creature. My Husband Creature's father passed away last Wednesday. My heart is sad. Sad for my Husband Creature and even more sad for my Stinker Creature who loved his Grandpa and no longer has him around. Sad for me. Sad we don't have our family drives down to Grandpa's place. Sad I don't have someone who gives me awkward hugs. I'll miss his laugh or how he greeted each of us whenever he'd see us. I'll miss his beautiful japanese'ish garden.

We did a private viewing yesterday. Just me and my boys. I wasn't sure what to expect. But it was serene, calming and peaceful. I'm not sure what I expected. But I guess I imagined a more cold environment. It was completely unexpected. Completely emotional. All three of us crying together. It was therapeutic. It was oddly beautiful. And I'm grateful for the moment to say goodbye and tell my Father-In-Law that I was sorry and would take care of them for him as tears streamed down my cheeks. Stinker Creature wanted to go outside so I took him and gave Husband Creature his own time with his dad. Walking out the door I felt like I was so sad to never see him again... Tears welled up all over again and I had to remove my mask to breathe. After another 5-10 minutes Husband Creature came out with red eyes and he decided he wanted to visit family members gravesites. 

After that amazingly real experience we had a rougher one later in the afternoon with Husband Creature's Aunt at my Father-In-Law's house. But I don't want to focus on that experience. I am uncertain what the future holds with Husband Creatures extended family. But for now... We mourn... *Sigh* 

Obsession: So it looks like Obsession has switched his one WAH (Work At Home) day to the one day I'm down at his office. At first I was really sad about it. But now I'm so wrapped up in what's happening with my family and I think it's for the best that he's not around as a distraction. I'm kind of angry at him. Feels like he did it on purpose. I called him out on it and he said it was the only day available. Best case is I see him in a month, worse case, on a rare occasion until the one WAH day is removed because Covid is miraculously cured. lol Which will probably not be the case for a while. So we'll see how long I go without seeing him. And how long I go without emailing him... 

The "Rona" got me!

The Rona - So I was quarantined for 10 days with minimal symptoms. I only tested because I felt a little off and my sister came back positive. I had no fever, a pretty bad headache and lost my sense of smell for a couple of days but otherwise ok. My Husband Creature came back positive as well. He felt like he was getting a sinus infection which he gets almost annually. My Stinker Creature had a low grade fever for a couple days and a headache but otherwise he was bouncing off the walls. It was tough not leaving the house for my Starbucks runs or getting out there and doing Christmas shopping. My Husband Creature got hit the worst. But he kind of did it to himself. He stopped eating and drinking for almost 5 days. I kept telling him he needed to eat to keep up his strength and we got into it a couple of times, him telling me to back off so I finally just let him do what he was going to do with less sympathy than if he was sick and was trying to stay hydrated and eat. lol But we survived and our marriage is still intact! I came back to work this week. Thankfully right before the holidays so I have a couple short weeks ahead of me to get back into the swing of things. 

Obsession - I saw him for the first time in weeks yesterday since I have been quarantined. I had emailed him a couple times through our work email. He'd respond right away and keep the conversation going asking questions, though I kept my distance. I do so good for a time, and then the day before I am scheduled to see him I start dreaming about him. Ugh... I had a dream Monday night. It was intimate and somewhat realistic and yet completely unrealistic. I think the problem for me is that I still feel strongly that the friendship is one-sided. Or that all the effort is one-sided. If I stopped reaching out he'd not make the effort to respond. I wonder sometimes if he'd ever reach out if I stopped. Every time I feel like testing it, I end up giving in too quickly and reaching out for some reason or other. It's just my nature. 

Though I keep going back to the day I finally shared all this. I told him I was wondering why he asked me if I missed him and didn't respond. I told him it made me insecure about our friendship. That it's like I'm just his ego booster. Then I felt extremely weird with how that all came out and then my boss walked up to our conversation and I was forced to leave it hanging out there said, without a response or any chance of a reaction. So I called him on my way home to "fix" the weirdness and it got weirder. I told him how I felt the friendship was one-sided. He gets complimented, gets cookies, and I'm left with ... "Did you miss me?" And to this moment I can't get over how he replied. He said he was sorry he didn't respond and of course he missed me and that's why he always asked where I'd been hiding whenever he felt like it had been a while since I reached out. That was his way of telling me he missed me. Then he just said it, "I'm sorry I should have just told you. Of course I missed you." And then his voice got hushed... "I have to be careful, especially around here" and I asked  him to explain and... he just repeated the statement like that's all he could say. So I moved on... Told him I knew I was being silly and it shouldn't matter. He said "it matters, that's why I'm taking the time to talk about it." 

Since then conversations have been basic. Nothing too intense or intimate. When I saw him yesterday I was pleasantly surprised he immediately stood up to give me a hug. I even said I wasn't sure if he'd avoid me because of my germs and he said he'd have as much of a chance getting the Rona from Walmart. It was nice to chat, but never long enough. I always enjoy our chats. I had to rush off. I specifically went to his office first to drop off Christmas presents. I had a lot of exhausting work to do at the other office and I couldn't guarantee I would look "fresh" if I stopped by afterwards. lol I just gave him a small box of cookies. And I gave one of his coworkers an actual gift, he said if it's perishable she wouldn't be back till after the new year, I said, oh no, it's not perishable. He seemed surprised. 

At times I wonder, how do I even think we're friends? And other times I wonder how do I ever doubt we're close? I gave his entire unit something little to "brighten your day" and he taped up the card with the other photos that he likes. I just don't know how to feel. I mean friends is one thing. But that whole conversation about missing each other kind of threw it into a new level of friendship only because of how it was expressed. But again, I overanalyze EVERYTHING. Especially with him... I should probably take a chill pill lol Anyways... it's the end of the day for me. I won't see him for another couple of weeks since he'll be off till after the holidays. Though he did hint that he may come down next week after all. Guess I'll have to see if he shows up...

Merry Christmas! 

Small Developments

Obsession: When I apologized about texting him and causing him any issues at home, I think something made an impact on Obsession. Not a major one. But I think me telling him I consider him more of a friend than just a coworker made him reevaluate my previous actions. Here's why I think so...

When I was down there the other day, I had brought cookies. I had called him the night before and confirmed he'd be there because there may or may not be cookies coming down with me. He said he'd be there but then when I got there he wasn't there. He had training. I put 4 cookies in a baggy and put them on his desk and emailed him I saved him some. He responded and said he was sorry he had forgotten he had training but would get them the next day in the afternoon and thanked me.

Then he text me Saturday saying "Hey, I forgot to thank you for the cookies at the office the other day. Thanks again they were delicious!"

First of all, I was surprised to get a text to begin with, and second I was under the impression those types of texts weren't really "allowed" so to speak and third it was a Saturday!?

I had so many things I wanted to respond with and ask him about. But I felt like it was all I could do was to say you're welcome.

The last few times I stopped by the office before this, it was always a standing conversation. Tuesday I saw him and he said "I thought I heard your laugh." And said, "take a load off." It was odd to have him want me to sit for a while. Normally it's just a standing conversation and it was like he wanted me to sit and chat for a while. So naturally I obliged.

At some point he was discussing not announcing a death in the family to the office and how when his brother died it made it tough having people always remind him about it. How he wished no one knew. And suddenly my mind went to the text I sent on the anniversary of his brothers death and suddenly felt bad about sending it. Though I know he said said it meant a lot to him when I sent it. He must have seen the look on my face because he said "I don't mind talking about it with people like you, that I'm close to." And suddenly I flashed back to me telling him I considered him more like a friend than just a coworker.

We talked about his text and how I was confused at first and tempted to send a bunch of responses but held myself back. He gave me a relieved look when I said I stopped myself. He said oh don't do that! He did say he was calculated in his text about the cookies and that he mentioned that I brought them for the office and he made sure his wording was safe. So I have the feeling the text was his way of communicating in a calculated way.

So him reiterating that we're close was I think his way of responding to me saying I consider him more than a coworker but a friend. I over analyze everything though.

Husband Creature: My Husband Creature went a little off kilter yesterday. He asked if I saw "him" the day before (meaning Obsession). I said I had and with everything going on (a death of a family friends wife) I had forgotten to tell him. He angrily said "you only wear this smelling lotion when you go down the hill!" I was shocked. He was not correct but the fact that he seemed to think he calculated it bothered me greatly. I told him I ran out of my normal lotion over a week ago and have been wearing it ever since. He didn't seem to believe me. I went to work pretty discouraged he thought that. So then decided when I got home I'd throw out my fufu smelling lotions. When I got to the house he had the body spray on the counter. I showed him it wasn't the spray but matching lotion that was the one I used. He had gone into my bathroom to sniff it out?! I was surprised. He had been moody with me all night and it bothered me to do the act of throwing out all my fufu lotions in this mood but I wanted him to see I meant it. It was never done for a specific person or a specific day. That I genuinely didn't care about my lotions enough to keep them.

He didn't seem as impacted by the act of throwing them out as I had hoped but maybe later in the evening it did. It was honestly really hard to throw out all my lotions. I like smelling pretty. He can't handle strong smelling lotions so I have to go with unscented most of the time. So I wear it on rare occasions or when my unscented lotions run out. Either way, it was hard to throw them out but I felt it was important to help him see it wasn't something I did for any specific person. I even approached him and said I wanted to throw out the lotions to help his insecurities. He said he wasn't insecure, and I said well then I wanted to ease his accusations, and he said he wasn't accusing but that it was just a statement. We went round and round in circles and my Stinker Creature came up, I could tell he was getting nervous about the tensions between us so I cut the conversation off. But continued to fume. I kept thinking if he wasn't accusing or insecure then why would it matter if he noticed I wore the lotions when I go to another office? I kept getting more and more angry. I did lose patience with him, my stinker creature and figured I was tired and just needed to go to sleep. I did end up reading this book I got for Praying Couples and opened it up in hopes it would help me correct my thinking. It did a little, I opened it up to a section for prayers for couples who have stopped making their spouse a priority. I prayed the prayers and went out to my Husband creature and rebuked the enemy, prayed over our priority of each other and our relationship.

I tried to go to sleep but kept going over things in my mind. Finally I realized the thing that bothered me the most about his "statement" is that he felt he was correct. When in fact I know I have put on fufu lotions for a week and a half and that it was a false statement that he was evaluating and defending as accurate. So I went out to see if he was awake. He wasn't at first but then asked aggressively what I was doing. I told him I couldn't sleep. He softened and asked why. I told him it was because I was frustrated with him and I finally figured out why. I shared that his statement was false. That he wrongly calculated my lotion usage and wouldn't take my word for it yet said he trusted me and that he wasn't insecure. I told him his way of addressing it was accusatory. And that it felt like he didn't believe me and that I was telling him he was wrong and he couldn't see past his own opinion and that I knew when I had used the lotions and he couldn't tell me when I did and didn't use the lotion. He seemed to finally hear me for the first time that night. He made one argument, that it wasn't every day, I said no, it was every time I showered and I don't shower every day. He seemed to realize he didn't have much more of an argument left. At least not that it seemed.

Tonight I already arranged for my mom to keep my Stinker Creature longer so Husband Creature and I could have a date night at home. I had the whole thing planned and trust me after last night I thought about calling it off a few times. But I think it's proof we need it. So I'm going out of my way to make it extra special. I warned him not to eat too late and if he had to eat small that I had a plan. He text me this morning about hitting Chick-fil-a for breakfast rather than lunch should fix the issue of him being too full for us going out tonight. I am looking forward to surprising him with dinner at home. I have some wine. I've already cleared off the table so we can just have a nice dinner at home. I'm leaving work early and going to grab the drinks and groceries on the way. If he gets home before me it shouldn't matter. Being home early will surprise him. If I'm home before him my first step will be to set the table so when he walks in he'll see it.

I'm getting excited. So I hope it's a pleasant surprise. We've been so busy with no time for each other. I feel like this is exactly what we need. I'm glad I didn't call it off in anger. I'm thinking it's the perfect time for this to occur.

Retraining my brain

So I've been doing something different. Every time Obsession pops into my brain I ask God to forgive me and force myself to think about something else. So that's all I have to say about that. lol Though Colorado popped into my brain and I happened to look for him on Facebook. He shaved his beard. Looks 10 years younger. He looks happy and I'm happy for that. But moving on...

My Stinker Creature is starting Kindergarten tomorrow!!! It's such an amazing thing to watch him grow. I am curious to what he's going to be like when he gets older and the other side doesn't want him to grow up at all! He's so handsome though. I pray we raise him up right.

Husband Creature and I have been doing well. He has been busy fixing my car. Any upgrade he can give me he tries to do. It's kind of cute and really sweet.

I'm doing my best to focus on the good things right now. No more negativity. The last month has drained me mentally, emotionally and physically. My foot is in excruciating pain for the last week, it started last Tuesday. I can barely walk. But I am determined to go to the gym after work. I need the release of endorphins right now more then ever.

My dad is doing amazing. He's truly a walking miracle. Today is exactly a month from his heart attack and he's back to almost 90% of where he was! The only issue now is his stamina. But that's expected to take some time. But seriously, to be at the point of being on the gurney and the Dr almost "calling it" to where he is today is a true testament of God's miraculous healing!

I don't know that I will ever be able to recall that memory without tearing up of being in the ER watching them perform CPR on my dad and making eye contact with the Dr as his assistant asked if he should "call it" and the Dr looking at me and deciding to "try one more time" and the look I got from the Dr when he felt it was the best they could do to get him into emergency surgery. The look of "well that's the best we got". Even now, my throat is closing and my eyes are watering... Yep... tears... That's a tough memory to think about. But man... what a miracle to have witnessed!

Switch is still flipped

Almost a month later and the switch is still flipped. There is something comforting about that.

Work has been insane. I haven't felt like I can catch my breath in weeks. I'm even working over time this week to try and catch up. Today I feel a little less stressed but the work is still there. I keep thinking to myself I'm only one person. The girls from the local office seem to want to give me all the work they were covering and I'm not up here full time yet. So I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.

No time to flirt. No time to bullshit with Obsession. That could be part of the reason the switch is still flipped. But our conversations are still good. There's just not such an urgency to reach out to him. Though this morning I called him at work to find out how his Superbowl weekend was. He went to Vegas with the family. We BS'd a little. He asked when I was gonna be down again. Turns out tomorrow he's not going to be in the same office. So I won't see him all week. Though luckily I've talked to him a couple of times. But really the lack of urgency is the biggest change. I used to lose sleep, heart racing, constant thinking about him. He still pops into my head more than most people but nothing like it was.

Every morning I've been putting on the Full Armor of God. In the part of the Shield of Faith my prayer goes over my current temptations. Obsession, Gluttony and Lack of Organization at work have been my constant prayer since I started. Obsession and Lack of Organization is getting better. I'm currently still working on gluttony. But I hope to make some progress this month and start a new program once I can afford the groceries. Right now I'm just cutting back on sugar, trying to avoid carbs, drinking my water and taking vitamins. So we'll see how it goes.

Things are going well with my Husband Creature. He and I have been getting along really well. Last night he was edgy but I think we were both really tired. But we have some time Friday. My parents are going to pick up my Stinker Creature and keep him for a few hours. So I'm looking forward to having time with my Husband Creature. Cuddle time without a little person trying to get in the middle.

Last night I was watching Grimm and ironically the episode occurred on February 5th, 2016 which was exactly 3 years prior. Then, I see "the actor" as an extra on the show! I was blown away. I got all excited! I couldn't believe it. I was pointing him out to my Husband Creature and then realized, oh weird. I had sex with that guy. Did I tell my husband that?! lol It was awkward. I suddenly got quiet and blushed... Not sure why. It was well before I met Husband Creature but it felt awkward being so excited to see someone on tv and then remembering I'd slept with them! lol

A shift

So things have seriously shifted in the last few days especially. My Obsession seems to have continually waned which is good! In fact, my "perfection" goggles seem to have been removed. I now no longer see Obsession as perfect. This is a good sign. :) The other day he responded to me curtly and I thought to myself "eww... there was no call for that." And there wasn't. Yet rather than panicking I've done something wrong or that he was mad at me I just shrugged and felt it must be he was just having a bad day. But this is serious growth for me.

Things with Husband Creature have been really good. We have open communication and have made the time to cuddle. Stinker Creature seems to be upset with this new development. And his inability to deal with this new fact that Mommy and Daddy need cuddle time proves that we weren't making it a priority. If this is a "new" concept for Stinker Creature then we weren't doing it enough. It's been a challenge. He wants to be in the middle. And seriously fights to get our attention. But we just calmly tell him to give us some time and we'll let him join us in a few. It's been nice.

A big thing that has affected our relationship at home is that Husband Creature planned a surprise for me. He knew I had been wanting to go to a Paint and Sip event but we haven't had the money lately. While trying to say he'd try to afford it with his side jobs he was sneakily working it out with my bestie who invited a bunch of girls and they all surprised me last Friday. It was pretty awesome! I cried, then promptly called my Husband Creature a bad name. I cried hard. I was surprised by how emotional I got. I had just started my period so maybe it was that. But honestly I think I was more blown away at the thoughtfulness of my Husband Creature than anything else. Especially after the difficult month we've had. But it truly blessed me. And I think it was the perfect thing to show me how much my Husband Creature does love me, and appreciates me but just sometimes has a hard time showing it. He planned it for weeks! Poor guy. It must have been killing him. My Bestie had me read the text messages for the planning of it all. It was cute.

I'm thankful. Thankful for my Husband Creature and I being in a healthier place. Thankful my Obsession has died down. I'm ready for this shift. I'm looking forward to when I work the local office full time. I no longer worry about being sad not to see Obsession. I'm not gonna lie, the random thought of him still pops into my head but it's less likely to keep me obsessed.