Ok... what now?

So Happy Easter! I've shared a wonderful day with my family! Laughed so hard I cried a bunch of different times. Had meaningful conversations with relatives far away. Genuinely feeling good about life.

I struggled letting go of my ex's date yesterday. I went to sleep and woke up a bunch of times last night, it wasn't the first or only thing on my mind, but sometimes it was. I woke up extra early to do all the extras for getting ready for easter sunday. Everyone always dresses up extra special on Easter Sunday. I was complimented a lot today but for some reason I just didn't feel all that pretty.

I hoped to hear from my ex after church and anxiously waited to hear that the date went wonderfully and they are setting a wedding date. ;) But when I did hear from my ex, I wished him a Happy Easter and tried really hard not to ask the most important question. He saw right through it and told me he had a good time and they talked about a future but she didn't feel that way about him! My mouth dropped! How could that be!? She was giving all the signals! The only thing I didn't know was her vibe while spending time with him. So I honestly felt horrible for him. I felt like when I said I was sorry he didn't believe me! I felt like no matter what I could say he was crushed. All day I've been reliving all the things he's said. I GENUINELY thought she was going to get involved with him. I'm still not sure why and how that didn't happen! He was VERY down and I felt even worse because I had to tell him that I had to go because my family was sitting down at the table to eat our easter dinner. He said he would call when he was done with his family too.

Well as I wrote that my ex called. He was quiet and just listening to me explain about my weekend. I tried to keep the conversation going, asked if he wanted me to just let him veg and get his mind off things but he kept me on the phone for a few short moments and then said he needed to go.

I told him about my whole busy/productive day yesterday and especially about the secret that only he and my other best friend know about, my brother and his whole family coming out to surprise my parents and my sisters family. Having the family together today made it really hard to not say how wonderful it will be in a couple days when the ENTIRE family will be together. We even called my brothers family and I had to sympathize with the family when finishing phone calls about how wonderful it would be when we can finally afford to help them all come out. And now that we've missed the girls spring break it will have to be in the summer, etc. It was so hard to not shout out that they would be here in just a few hours! 24 + hours but still! I've kept this secret for TOO long. I can't wait now that the time is drawing nearer. I have to figure out some particulars but for the most part it's coming together.

Well I need to go.