Letting Go

Why is it so hard to let go of my ex-boyfriend? And at what point do you force yourself not to spend any time with him? I'm finding this extremely difficult since we work together. My friends are his friends. They were his friends first and therefore would be back to only being his friends if what it took to let him go was not spend any time with him. This weekend has been a rough one. He has asked a girl out. Someone I know he'd be interested in pursuing a relationship with. Now mind you it may not turn into a relationship but why is it so hard to handle? Why can't I just be happy for him for finding someone? I think I always hoped he would come back to me. I had recently (a month ago) realized it was truly over. Now mind you, we've been seperated for 6 months now. We were friends with benefits up until right before Christmas, and now he's asking someone out. I think what frustrates me is that he's not willing to admit it's a date. I feel it's only insecurities of rejection, if he was confident of how she felt towards him I think he'd be all for a relationship. Why does this bother me? He left his girlfriend prior to me and hooked up with me within the same week. Why should I be surprised that he has taken 3 months and is moving on? Because I can't just move on. I gave him so much of me. He was my first. They always say you give more to your first. I believe it now. I feel foolish. Like he must not have loved me as much as I loved him for him to be able to move on so quickly. Now this is all pathetic, stupid, or whatever. But these are the thoughts I struggle with.

So here I am knowing that things will change. Do I stop going to lunch with everyone at work? Do I stop hanging out on Friday nights at his place with a bunch of our friends? Do I tell him to stop calling me 3 times a day? Do I not sign on in messenger at work so he can't chat with me all day? Will any of this really help when it's all said and done? It needs to be something that changes in my own heart and mind. I need to let him go. But if he does get a girlfriend would he be calling me 3+ times a day? Would he have me come over with the rest of our friends on Friday nights? And if he would, would I even allow myself to go because he will be with his girlfriend? I mean she wouldn't be too thrilled about him having his ex over all the time.

This is what I'm fighting over. What needs to change in our relating to one another? Does anything? Is it all just in my head and heart that needs to change? Who knows...

I guess I can't make a decision now because I don't know what to do.