A new day

So Sunday night was a heart breaker for me. I ended up being emotional all night about everything. I called my ex and just told him how much I appreciated his kindness in my life (per my dads recommendation since I broke it off with him). But when I didn't get a call that night I felt foolish for leaving that message. I wished I could take it back and tell him when he decided to talk to me. But I went to bed at a decent hour and got up still emotional. I went to work knowing it was going to be a rough day especially since this was the first day I'd see him after he told me about his intentions with this girl. It was awkward and I was upset at not getting a call but we talked it out. He said I told him I would need my space and so he felt the message was just me just letting go of some feelings.

At some point in the conversation I felt a lightbulb come on and it was over. The emotional turmoil, the heartache, everything suddenly went calm and I was ok.. And I've been ok since. It's odd. I still wish I could remember what happened. Or how and what was said. But I can't. I'm suddenly ok. I'm not thrilled but I'm not emotional about it either. The feeling of betrayal went away. I don't feel resentment towards him at all! I know my dad was praying for me so my guess is somewhere in there God just picked me up and kept me going.

My ex and I were fine from that point on. I apologized for over-reacting. He told me he was going to dinner with the girl and I was ok with it. All night I was ok with it! Even after work I was ok with it. I was home on the internet and one of his friends needed my ex's cell number and then told me when he called my ex he was "out visiting a friend". I knew what that meant. I knew he was with her and I was ok with it. The person online doesn't know my ex is starting to see someone else so he didn't tell me for any other reason then saying "bummer now I don't have someone to go to dinner with." It felt good that I was ok with it. I'm glad for the strength that I feel God has been giving me since that moment.

The twist...

I get a call an hour later from my ex! He sounds down. He skirts the subject of the girl. He mumbles something about not being sure he wants to ask her out. And I'm trying not to pry because it's not something he should be leaning on me for advice for. I ask if he would like to talk about anything, he says no. I tell him about my evening which was full of interesting activities and some things that my ex was surprised to find out, but my response was that he has been preoccupied and we haven't spent a lot of time talking. I am in the middle of working for my brother and so I let him go.

Now.... I'm confused. I mean not that I am gonna try to get him back or anything. But my girlish curiosity is dying to know what took place that caused him to be so down, and why would he suddenly doubt his desire to want to make a relationship with this girl?

Anyways ... gotta go...