It's tough getting used to it...

So all week I've been doing really good about my ex. He's been cool with me. I can tell he's nervous about the girl returning his feelings. I think because he's so used to seeing me daily and calling eachother multiple times a day that having a new person that he doesn't work with and may not be used to talking to someone daily is making him think she doesn't care. I, of course, having a female view on things can tell otherwise. A woman with a child has to be extra cautious when dating men because it's not just her heart she has to be protective over, her childs will be impacted just as much. But the fact that she has done what she's done so far means that she is interested in him in return. Otherwise she wouldn't have just stopped by after a party in his area or made plans to go with him today to Palm Springs. But I of course keep my mouth shut about my views, because first of all I don't want to lead him to believe something that is possibly not true. And I also don't want to be the one he goes to about these things. I get the information he tells me and give my vague answers and be done with it.

The thing is I've been fine. I mean I even wished him well the other day and even meant it! It felt great! But today, knowing that they are out together, and wondering what vibe she's giving him, whether his feelings for her are being affirmed tonight... Man it's killing me! I've done everything I could today to keep busy. Went out shopping for an easter outfit, picked up some odds and ends along the way. Watched a movie with my mom. Went into my room to clean it for tomorrow and have been extremely productive! Yet the later it gets the more and more uneasy my stomach gets. And I'm not even sure my ex would call and tell me how it went! Yet I'm expecting him to... why!? So I'm trying to prepare myself for the fact that I may not talk to him at all tonight! And for some reason I'm anxious. Well I shouldn't say for some reason. Of course I'm anxious. But what do I expect? Him to call me and tell me his fears were true, that she didn't like him in that way? Or do I expect him to call me and tell me how wonderful his night was and how she finally admitted her feelings for him? Either way I need to let it go and it's sooooo frustrating.

So there you go... this is me putting it out there and being done with it. I can't let it eat me up inside. I need to enjoy my evening and realize that I have a future and a hope in Christ Jesus!

Nite