Random interaction on Lombard Street leaves a lasting impression

So I've been in San Francisco for work this week. I hadn't had much opportunities to go explore the city but last night I went with my friend Northern Cali. Either way, he came up to San Francisco with his girlfriend to hang out with me. We just drove around but ended up on Lombard Street. I am not sure why I felt the need to go but after my interaction I will say I'm so glad to have left San Francisco with this memory.

I got to the bottom of the most famous part of the street and got out of the car to take pics. A guy on a long board came up to me and asked if I saw the interaction between him and a car that just drove by. High as a kite, kept telling me "Happy 420". But he was making me laugh. I listened to his story about him taking his time crossing the street because he was the pedestrian and pedestrians have the right-of-way and how as soon as he got out of the way the car hit the gas and zoomed away obviously peeved he took his time, lol I told him I was taking pictures. He then told me to follow him up the stairs because he had a perfect spot. I was a little hesitant to follow a complete stranger but he was so intriguing. He took his pot pipe out and took a big puff and told me to breath in and he blew the smoke in my face. You would think this would bug me but it didn't.

So we started walking up the stairs back up the street. He asked where I was from and he was totally making fun because he had no idea where that was. Told me he lived on the corner down the bottom of the street. He told me I smelled really good! Then laughed and said well he knew one thing, girls from my area smell really good. And said not to worry he had a girlfriend and wouldn't do anything to me unless I wanted to make out, then he turned and asked, do you want to make out? lol I was just laughing and enjoying every minute of the interaction. He told me to walk up to Montclair street with him and he'd show me the ultimate photo spot. That Montclair was his fathers name. He told me his fathers first name but I didn't remember it. It was such a fast interaction.

We got up to the spot and he had me sit on the step with him. Once sitting we were talking about his experiences living on this street. He took a better look at me and said, damn, you're really beautiful. And it was just so honest and real it was the best compliment I've received in a LONG time. I felt an immediate connection. I think I was almost ready to make out with him. It was odd how comfortable I was with him.

I asked if I could take a picture of him and he wouldn't let me. He told me he'd been in advertising for 15 years and pretty much was retired in San Francisco. I got the impression he must have been famous and didn't want his picture plastered on the web. He said I should let it be what it was, a magical phantom moment we'll have to struggle to remember. And in all honestly I love that we did it that way.

He was pretty cute, in an average guy kind of way. My friend, Northern Cali got nervous I was taking so long so he came up to check on me. I will call this person Lombard St. He was nice and kept him entertained while he pointed out the places I should point to take pics. He also pointed out where Real world San Francisco was, with Puck! And where Marilyn Monroe got married. Told me a beach I should go to but since Northern Cali had specific plans he didn't take notes on where we should go. At one point the interaction seemed like it was going to end, and I really didn't want it to. I really wanted to keep talking to him, I didn't want the moment to end. I don't think he did either. He kept grabbing my hand and saying how nice it was to meet me. And I gave him my business card and told him to contact me. He said he would. I haven't heard from him yet though. I really do hope to though. There was just such an amazing connection between us!

Anyways, we had to go so we were reluctant to say our goodbyes... He said he was going to skate down the street but I kept looking for him and he didn't. But once I got to the bottom I heard him yell down to me, couldn't hear what he said but I know it was my name, and I turned and waved up to the darkness... (sigh) It may not sound like much but it was an incredible moment in time, I guess it had to do with the connection. A connection I hope not to soon forget.

When it rains it pours...

So when it rains it pours. All the same week the drummer hit on me. I must have had some aura go out into the universe to let guys know I was horny.

Junior - We were sitting in church a couple weeks ago. His girlfriend wasn't there because she was working. He sends me a text about the message and then it starts somewhere in the middle of the service...

Junior: Haha first im thinkin you sure are purty and I wnder if uve had any dreams lately and i'm thinking i just got convicted on tithing. :-(
Me: Haha :-D well now I'm blushing! And sadly no dreams like that ;-) not recently anyways....

Then after the service...

Junior: Do u want to cme to the bac room wit me? ;-)
Me: Be right there! Oh darn mike's back there!
Junior: Not any more.

It never worked out for me to get back there but when he walked by me he gave me a huge grin. Then as we were leaving he was hugging everyone goodbye and passed right by me. I made him give me a hug before he left then received another text shortly after he drove away.

Junior: I didn't kno if i could control myself if I hugged u lol!
Me: Haha what would you have done if I really showed up in the back room?! You are such a tease!
Junior: Hah idk it was kinda spure of the moment so whatever came to mind first ;-)
Me: Haha now that could have been fun! :-D
Junior: Definitely! We could have even locked the door! hehe
Me: Ooooh now you're definitely giving me material for some dreams lol!!! So naughty ;-) But do the dreams count if I'm still awake? ;-) lol
Junior: Lol ur a funny funny girl! I love it!
Me: Yeah I'm also a bad girl! ;-) I'm not holding back like I should... Sorry I can't help myself... Hehe you don't seem to mind, do you?
Junior: Haha its ok u can be a VERY bad girl! Lol does that answer ur question?
Me: Lol! If I had the guts i think you'd have been VERY surprised if I did show up in the back room lol!!!! But alas I have to be good... 0;-) Maybe if you're ever single again hehe
Junior: Hah it would have been a pleasant surprize hun!!! :-) and alright i might have to become single to see what happens... Ok so now that u have me al hot and wanting u... I miss u "clandestine"! :-) :-P
Me: haha!!! You are SOOO not helping me think pure thoughts here! Lol!!! And I miss you too "Junior"! ;-) I'm kinda wishin I did sneak back there with you! ;-) but I'm all talk... I'd never make the first move.
Junior: Hah "Clandestine" ur killin me! I'm wishin that too! Dont wry that wouldn't have been a problem with me ;-) but i'm the same dont worry!
Me: Haha! What wouldn't be a problem with you? Making the first move? Or that you're all talk too?
Junior: Making the first move of course! :-P im sorry let me kno if i'm making u uncomfortable.
Me: Haha with tongue even!? Lol!!! :-D And I'm only feeling guilty not uncomfortable!
Junior: O im sry.. Even with whatever feels good Hah im sry ill quit it.
Me: Haha please don't quit! ;-) Well ok if you need to stop i'll *try* to be good.
Junior: Haha i dont need to well until sh gets here. I want u "clandestine"! ;-)
Me: Haha! Dito "Junior"! DITO!!! And honestly its quite flattering! This might be a silly question but how many other girls do you flirt like this with?
Junior: None just u! How about u? Well guys i mean. Unless ur into girls and I dont mind that at all trust me! Jkin haha or not lol
Me: Haha! Well the only other guys is the drummer. A couple weeks ago he propositioned me! Quite the story! But nothing since. Did you know i have a thing for drummers? ;-)
Junior: hah i kinda noticed lol! I just got an awesome tan! :-)
Me: Haha!!! Is it that obvious? I figured its gotta be about their rhythm. ;-) I'm bad i know! A tan? Blushing or what?
Junior: Hahahaha ur funny! Yea my whiteness is going away. Lol except below the waist. lol
Me: Oh see that wasn't fair! Now I'm thinkin about your white parts lol!!!! And now I'm blushing! :-D all i have to say is no one better get a chance to read this
Junior: Haha hah! i love u "clandestine"! No one will see it i promise! u too!
Me: Yeah no one has access to my phone. ;-) This is our little secret! I'm feeling like I'm in the wrong not putting a stop to this... But not enough to actually stop! hehe You are definitely sexy "Junior"! I definitely want you too! And havin naughty thoughts involving the back room at the church!
Junior: Haha i love it im soo glad we have a naughty little secret lol. Could u imagine if we ever ended up back there together on accident hah what fun.
Me: haha yup i'm enjoying it too! beyond fun! Especially if you make the first move like you said... Though my imagination has put me in the dominating role! ;-) Sorry about the delay ... my friend called! She's coming over to hang out tonight. :-)
Junior: That's cool i don't mind "Girlfriend" is heading over anyways. Im sorry... So whatchu guys going to do. Haha I would like it if u dominated heck yes!
Me: Haha thanks for the warning... ;-) I'll be good till you let me know I can be bad again. ;-) hehe yeah just imagine me pushing you up against a wall to start! ;-) And she and I are going to watch a movie and catch up. I'm going to make her dinner too.
Junior: O man "clandestine" ur really mean! I like it! And ill let u kno dont worry! ;-)
Me: Haha! Sorry... ;-) but i wouldn't mind if that role was reversed. hehe have fun!
Junior: Hah well see maybe.. Just remember our code word if were ever alone!
Me: Superduper?! Or something else?
Junior: That one will work! Love ya "clandestine" i kinda want us to be alone sometime! ;-)
Me: Love ya too "Junior"! And we'll have to see if that opportunity arises! Hehe it will be interesting to see if we both have the guts if it does happen! :-) right now i know i would!
Junior: Me too definitely! Im kinda excited lol!
Me: Is it wrong to say I am too? :)

I didn't hear from him for a few days after this. We had a church function the Wednesday night after and when I hugged him goodbye he whispered in my ear that all he wanted to do was take me to the back room!

On the 4th of July we were texting and apparently my sister had agreed to go with his family to see the fireworks and he made a silly joke that he "heard we might make o i mean see fireworks tonight?" I couldn't help but smile at the cheesiness of it.

I, of course, couldn't keep my mouth shut one day when I was at the church dropping something off. I had to text him.
Me: I'm at the church all by me lonesome! Even in the back room ;-) too bad you weren't here! lol
Junior: Dang i was trying to get off work to come see u, but my boss said i had to stay :-(
Me: Awh man! :-( That would have been awesome!!! Thanks for trying! ;-) i saw a car the color of yours drive by as i was walking out and i stopped in my tracks hehe
Junior: Hah one of these days!
Me: haha its a must at this point! :-P
Junior: :-D Definitely!...

The Drummer - I had randomly text the drummer a few times after that Sunday. He never replied and I finally gave up on hearing back from him. Since that Sunday when he propositioned me the band hasn't practiced at the house! We got our second noise violation since living in this community and our landlady said she will get fined if she gets another one. So my brother said no more practices for a while, if ever. :( I've missed seeing him every weekend.

I finally saw him at the last gig which was Saturday and he was sweet as usual. He apparently has been going through a rough time and he realized something was wrong when his biggest drinking buddies came to him and said they were worried about him. He had been sober a week and a half as of that Saturday. I could tell he felt good about this and I was really proud of him and beyond happy because I too had become worried about his drinking.

I had met his really good friend a few months back at my house. Well he was at this show and immediately we started talking. Honestly I got the impression he's heard a lot about me. Whether through the Drummer or the bassist. We ended up going on a beer run for the show, the show was in a courtyard. He must have heard my brother can't stand his friends hitting on his sisters because he made sure to tell him that he and I were going for a beer run and were going to have some car sex after that! Once we got in the car he heard a song I was playing which was a goth club song and it was a little naughty, so he said he was joking to my brother but now he wasn't too sure. lol He was quite funny and hit on me quite a bit. In my mind I was thinking, if the Drummer's friends like me, this is only good for me. Silly, I know.

The interesting thing to me is, I can see myself really falling for The Drummer. Like relationship kind of falling for him. He didn't flirt like crazy with me but he was very aware of my presence throughout the night. When I left he gave me a really big hug. He knew I had driven all day then went to their show so he was really tender and adamant about telling me to get home safely and get some sleep. I finally felt confident enough to ask him about the text messages and he said he never got them because his phone has been off half the time. I believed him but was hesitant to and he could tell because he smiled, winked and brought me in for another hug. I literally had to stop myself from saying something stupid like "love you" when we ended our embrace. Then he said they'd be recording this week at the house. It was like he wanted me to know he'd see me soon. Though sadly it hasn't happened yet and it's Thursday. I will see him Saturday during a shoot for his other band.

I realized the next day that I like him... A LOT! Like my crush on Computer Geek. There was a time I knew I couldn't have him but I wanted him more then I let him know. I mean sure he knew I wanted him, that wasn't a secret. The Drummer knows I want him too. But the idea of moving forward with something more serious with Computer Geek was definitely there. I feel that way about The Drummer. My crush has gone beyond my typical crush. Though I'm not naive enough to think The Drummer thinks of me like that, or even thinks of me at all. (Sigh)

Burbank - He called me when I was driving back down to Southern California, I had spent the weekend in Northern Califorina last weekend. My sister was driving and listening to her music so I decided to hold off on calling him until I was home. I ended up calling him Tuesday morning but didn't have a lot of time to talk. He saw me online last night and asked if I wanted to chat on the phone so we did. It was a GREAT conversation! I was laughing most of the time. I believe we started to talk before 11pm and finally I had to tell him I needed to get some sleep at 3am! It was so much fun. We were both enjoying the conversation.

He said after our conversation Tuesday he thought about my need to move somewhere since my brother is moving to Texas, and that we should get a place together since he's considering moving back to California. I, of course, thought of us having sex that one night and apparently he was on the same wavelength. He told me that after he started thinking about the idea of us living together then he realized we could get into trouble, but it might be fun trouble. He also knew my parents would never be cool with him and I living together, which of course is true. It was interesting to know he thought about us having sex again. He suddenly asked when I was coming up for a visit! I laughed and told him if the finances were there I'd definitely make the trip up there.

Through the course of the conversation I was surprised to find out he hasn't had sex since we did. I mean, for me I'm not surprised I haven't had sex with anyone since. But to find out he hasn't was slightly surprising. He's had girls come to visit him and I thought for sure they had since they would go camping or spend the weekend at his place.

I am curious if we'll ever have sex again. I know it was good and I really enjoyed it. But part of me knew it was just a one time thing. Though the idea of being friends with benefits with him doesn't sound half bad. I know I wouldn't want a relationship with him. But then I'm afraid if we continue to have sex it's bound to turn into more or my emotions would get too involved. I think he likes the idea of sleeping with me again because he 1) knows I'm open to doing anything sexual and 2) he was really surprised I handled our one night stand so well. He's a thinker for a guy. I have a feeling after our fun conversation last night he might be analyzing whether or not we could make a relationship work. hehe Silly that I know this about him but it's true. But I'm going to keep my distance... for now anyways. ;)

The Actor - He's pretty much told me when he comes out to California he wants to hook up. He also wants me to take pics for him which is originally how we started talking. We totally flirt and I had a dream about us trying to hook up but kept getting interrupted by people. Which I told him about and he thought it was great that I dreamt about him like that and said we'll make sure people aren't interrupting us when we do meet up. It's funny because that dream has a lot to do with that night the band spent the night. I was chatting (moving towards sex chat) with The Actor online when they arrived and The Drummer trumps anyone right now for my attention so I jumped offline to make sure to get my time with The Drummer. The dream happened weeks after that but still oddly symbolic of that night.

Vegas - Vegas and I haven't talked much recently. But suddenly he became obviously interested in meeting again and he made sure that the next time we see each other we're for sure having sex. Sometimes I regret not having sex with him when I went out to Vegas for that business trip last year. He's hot, no question.

When we were chatting that weekend we got into cyber sex. He took pics and sent them. I was going to do the same, I did take the pictures but never sent them. I know he's a male slut, and I'm sure he's slept with LOTS of women but I can't help feeling tempted to go for it.

Washington - Well he moved to Utah for a girl and for the last couple of months it's been miserable talking to him. He was always complaining and obsessed. I avoided talking to him at all. Then finally he made the decision to get away from her. Wow... oddly around the same week as all these other guys. Sheesh... So he talked about how he's put a lot of thought into our relationship and the possibility of it turning into more. He even said he was considering stopping through California to hook up with me and maybe move here. I told him it might be fun to play around but that I would never consider a relationship with him until he's worked through his feelings for this girl he was just in a relationship with.

I spoke to him yesterday and he seems to be suicidal. He's moved back to Washington and has no job and he's not able to stay with anyone permanently. I mean I know he's in a tough situation and I feel bad but I wasn't sure how to deal with a suicidal person. I tried to encourage him but he argued that there was no use in trying because his entire life he's had the wrong end of the stick. We talked so long my phone died and when it was charged I saw I had a message from him. Very sweet and nice about me being a good friend. But I'm still not sure I'm ready to talk to him any time soon. I will do my best to keep in touch and make sure he knows I'm praying for him but I'm so glad I never got too involved.

Seattle - I'm calling him Seattle because I already have Washington. Seattle is a friend from elementary school who got back in touch with me through Facebook. I only mention him because he's EVERYTHING I'm looking for in a guy... BUT... he's only a friend, and lives in freakin Seattle! We've been emailing novels back and forth since we got in touch. He's great. First, he loves reading my novels and loves writing back long emails especially for a guy. He's a musician, plays guitar. He's a CHRISTIAN! And I mean hard core too! He's single, never been married, doesn't have any kids. He loves the beach. He is close with his family. He's successful. He's great with his money. (Sigh) In all honesty, I've told him that he's given me hope that there are good Godly men out there and not to settle. I just wish they were in California and interested in me! Ugh...

Anyways, I think this is enough of an update. Oh, one last person....

Fresno - I went up to Northern California and met up with my friend Northern Cali, but also let Fresno know I'd be passing through. He was really excited about meeting up but it never worked out. His cousin had an emergency and they were all at the hospital dealing with that so he said he'd be driving down to Southern California soon and wants to meet up. It should be interesting if that actually happens. hehe

Ok so that's it...

Slightly Surprised

So someone has taken me by surprise. I am not sure what to think about these feelings. He was a new employee where I work. He only worked with us for 3 months. Wednesday was his last day. And I'm actually kind of sad and these are the feelings in which I'm surprised by.

He started out a guy I enjoyed talking to about photography. Computer Geek kept teasing me about him. Telling me this guy has a crush on me and that I should go for him. I thought he was just being silly. So what is a good nickname for him? Geek Photographer probably suits him best.
Geek Photographer - He has wormed his way into my affections and I'm not sure how. I've analyzed this a lot (as I do most things) and can only come up with the conclusion that I enjoy how he makes me feel. Something in his personality. The way that I can be truly myself around him and still feel he wants to get to know me more. He's genuinely a happy upbeat guy and I haven't met too many men like that. His attitude is contagious. I no longer worry about others around me when I'm with him. I just enjoy his friendship. Or is it more then that? He has a long distance relationship and I find myself jealous. That's just odd. I'm still trying to narrow down the true feelings.

He's moved near the beach and we talk in absolutes that we'll hang out and take pictures again. We went on a photography trip the week before he left and I think the easyness of the day, the fact that we didn't run out of interesting things to talk about, has left me longing for more. Is this just a great friendship and I don't know the difference? We've chatted every day since and he seems genuinely interested in keeping the friendship going.

I feel so silly. Like in two months I'll realize how foolish this post sounds. He's 5 years younger then me! What's with the young ones? Another one whom I'm not sure if I've EVER mentioned, whom I'll call Fresno is another tale to tell.

Fresno - (Don't mix him up with Northern Cali, two different guys) Another young one with a 5 year age difference. I met Fresno through work when I first started. I started in the fall two years ago and he quit a month after I started. Not giving us a lot of time to form a friendship but somehow we did. Probably because it didn't matter his age he was definitely eye-candy. We emailed randomly now and then. He made efforts to visit me when he was down in the area. Well a couple of weeks ago he mentioned he would be down in So Cal and asked me to hang out with him. It was quite a drive so he offered to have me stay at his hotel room and drive to work the next morning giving us more time to hang out. I wasn't sure what to think. In my head I felt there was no chance for anything more then friendship just because I couldn't imagine him being interested in me physically.

Lets spare the details and say that the evening was a lot of fun and when it came time to go to bed, neither of us could sleep. Before I realized it things got physical, but only for his benefit. In the end he got off and I was left wondering what the fuck just happened. We talked it through yet I still felt completely and utterly used and not so much pissed off as frustrated.

I've analyzed that entire evening to death. Was he really just that big of an asshole? Does his culture make him feel it's ok to use women like that? Was he inexperienced? Or as someone put, was I his play thing and he got what he wanted? I gave up trying to figure it out. We've emailed once since the incident. That isn't saying much, we never emailed on a consistent basis. The friendship has changed but I'm sure it'll go back to normal in time.

Computer Geek - He's still my main crush. I adore him. As much as I fantasize about him, I doubt anything would ever come of it. We have lots of fun teasing and playing with each other. He's also a good friend. Like I said in the beginning of this post, he thinks Geek Photographer has a thing for me. He also knows about Fresno as of this afternoon. Even though I think he suspected something happened between Fresno and me, I think he was quite surprised when I shared what took place. Maybe had a little bit of a different view of me. Which I'm not sure is such a good thing. He knows I'm a freak but I think he also sees me as innocent, which I pretty much am. But the incident with Fresno puts a little crimp in my angelic behavior... I went hoping for something to happen, it did and it was a major dissapointment. Computer Geek knows when it comes to what I threaten to do to him, it's all talk if it actually came down to it. Though out of all of them I think I'd have the most fun with him... There's friendship and I believe sexual attraction, great combination for sex.

Fresno was more like an aquaintence with sexual attraction. Not a good combo. Geek Photographer isn't much with the sexual attraction but there is a connection that would make for a fun time.

Washington - He's a sweetie! We both feel a connection and have a mutual attraction but we're both just not worried about what that means. That might change when we actually meet face-to-face for the first time. He has my call back tone set to "Barbie Girl" by Aqua... I wasn't sure if I should take offense, like I'm a ditzy blond or something but he assures me its all good. hehe

Older Guy - Just had a jump start to doing his business full time for a while. He got let go from his job so now he can focus 100%. We haven't been able to hang out that much. But we're still cool. The crush on my end has definitely died down.

Northern Cali - Not to be confused with Fresno is definitely a great friend. I was surprised at how much he's leaned on my friendship in the last few months to help him deal with some of the stress and frustrations going on in his life. I was surprised to find out I was one of the only friends he confided in, but was pleasantly surprised.

Vegas - Did I ever mention him? Wow... This is a crazy story. I went to a concert in Vegas and this cute guy behind me asked for the pictures I was taking. I gave him my number and honestly believed that to be the only reason he wanted my number. My friends knew otherwise. This happened a few years back. He's hot! Like fuckable hot! Turns out he really liked me, for the longest time he made comments about wanting to be with me. He and I have yet to see eachother since the concert but have spent time on webcam chats, I'm sure you know where that led. We've text quite a bit... Took a moment to send him a text. It's been a while since we've talked. I know if I meet up with him it'll mean sex. Or at least a great makeout session depending on the circumstances of our visit.

Burbank - He and I had a falling out so to speak. I have pretty much written him off as a friend. Lately I've been feeling the need to contact him but not enough to actually go through with it. I'm tired of his crap and how he treats me. He's a miserable human being and tends to make everyone around him more miserable. Ok so I'm not ready to make an effort to be his friend. I still need time.

Touchy Feely - Well after he got the hint I stopped caring to make an effort to be his friend. He was full of drama. He was sometimes worse then a girl. Always making comments about how I'd never date him but he could see himself with me, etc. It got old after a while.

Colorado - Still great friends. He is officially getting married the same day my ex is. We don't chat nearly as much but I still value him as a friend and as someone who taught me a lot about myself.

Summary - Boy there have been a lot of men lately. I'm curious as to what the future holds. I still think Computer Geek will leave a lasting impact. Geek Photographer hasn't been a big part of my life just yet. I think he has the potential but it could really go either way. Well I think this post has given me some perspective on the men in my life. It'll be interesting to see where it all ends up.

Recap of the men in 2007

Recap of the year in men - friends or otherwise...

Colorado - is currently seeing/living with someone. Oddly our friendship has survived our mini-relationship and time. I am happy to say we chat almost every day and he still has a good impact in my life. He seems to value my friendship which is something I wondered about from time-to-time.

Burbank - I don't believe I've mentioned him yet. He and I have known each other for years. We were each others first "online" to "in-person" friendship. Because he lives in an odd location we only get to hang out a few times a year. This year I found myself more physically attracted to him then ever. I'd always had a suspicion that he liked me too but there were reasons I never allowed myself to think more of it. Well he showed up to my surprise birthday party in September and the connection was undeniable. Over the next month we talked about our attraction and the confession on each of our part, wondering what that would mean the next time we hung out, which has yet to happen.

In fact, for some reason after that he has turned into a giant asshole! No joke! I have yet to figure out what crawled up his butt (and died) to make him such a rude individual. He called 15 minutes into the new year to wish me a Happy New Year but it was almost like he regretted calling me the moment he dialed my number. I have a feeling (based from his past relationships) he doesn't like acting on his feelings unless forced and I will not force him. I guess after my birthday I thought if we could make a more consistent schedule of seeing each other we may have a chance to see where our mutual attraction goes. I think I was forcing it and the dynamic of our friendship doesn't allow for that. I will let it go back to seeing each other every few months and be ok with that.

Washington - is a guy I met through work. We talked almost daily until his company switched providers but we had already exchanged numbers and talk every month or so. Last night I talked to him and one thing I enjoy about his personality is that I'm usually laughing so hard I'm crying. He's non-stop goofball. There have been times it's too much but when I haven't talked to him in a while he can truly lift my spirits. He tends to ask about my relationship status a lot. He seems intrigued that I've been dating a lot of men that aren't Christians. He knows how much my beliefs mean to me. I look forward to the time he comes down here and we can meet in person.

Computer Geek - is the one who attempted to locate my secret blog. He and I flirt. I'm still attracted to him but he's turning into a good friend. I enjoy his company and he throws out little things to encourage me.

Touchy/Feely - is a guy that I could be in a relationship with right now if I wanted. He scares me a little bit. The reason is that he reminds me so much of the men I have dated and I could see myself slipping into a relationship just because it's comfortable and I'm lonely. He doesn't have a relationship with God. I've been there. I can't do it again.

In fact, out of all the men I have been dating, Burbank is the one closest to fitting with the values I want in a man (odd that he can also be the biggest asshole too).

So, I've shared with Touchy/Feely that I've thought about having sex with him. He couldn't make a coherent sentence for at least 5 minutes after that! Apparently my boldness took him back. I told him that as much as I've thought about it there were reasons I would never allow myself to.

Northern Cali - recently came down for a visit. Another guy I’ve been friends with for years. I’ve known him longer then Burbank but Northern Cali is a lot further away then Burbank so we had our first in-person meeting last March. I was surprised he went out of his way to meet up with me this last month. He’s a great guy. He was visiting friends in Hollywood and was willing to drive inland to meet me on my lunch break, then even said it was worth the drive and he’d make sure to make plans to meet up with me the next time he’s down in my area.

Older Guy- has turned out as quite a surprise actually... I had given up on any form of relationship happening with him. I found out he was seeing a girl in Arizona that he failed to mention whenever I'd ask him about relationships. hehe I honestly think he was still trying to figure out "our" chances. He still calls me daily. I have been helping him with a new business venture he's working on. His business took him to Hawaii for a New Years celebration out there. I didn't expect to hear from him because I knew he'd be running frantic to get everything done, yet I found myself missing his frequent calls, I had gotten used to them. To my pleasant surprise, he called me yesterday to wish me a Happy New Year and to thank me for all the stuff I've done for him in 2007. I felt special that he chose to call. He didn't need to, nor did I expect it. I also got a text from him last night wishing me a Happy New Year and letting me know his project went well.

In all actuality I'm not sure why it means so much to me. I guess reading back through my few posts last year, the one thing that was consistent in my frustration is feeling like I don't mean much to the people in my life. The end of the year evaluation hasn't changed my outlook on that. In fact I plan on taking more time for me, rather then concerning myself with others and their feelings. This Older Guy just happens to be the one that consistently goes out of his way to make me feel cared for.

I admitted to him two days prior to his trip that if I were into one-night stands I'd be asking if he'd be interested. I was quite shocked at my bravery and am still unsure of what I felt it would accomplish to admit that to him since I know I'm not someone that can do a one-night stand. His response still surprises me! He admitted to being attracted but that the girl in Arizona was making him hesitate on his temptation to go through with it. He said our age difference is a big deal to him but that he sees me as mature for someone my age. Yet, I truly expected not to hear from him with my confession, or for him to pull away. The reason being is that my supervisor who is closer to his age really liked him and pursued him and he was turned off by it. It got to the point of ignoring her calls. He said the reason was that she seemed like the type of girl to just want a one-night stand. Yet my confession of wanting a one-night stand seems to have had NO affect at all, in fact it seems that he has gone out of his way to make sure I know he still values me as a friend. This has been the surprising twist to our friendship.

Summing up - There are more men but these are the ones with the biggest impact in my life for the 2007 year. So my brother has said he's swearing off all women for 6 months. I'm not sure that I can swear off all men, I’m too much of a flirt. But I have wondered if I lost all these men in my life, would I be devastated? ... No. But out of all the men I think the Older Guy would be the one I'd miss the most. I won’t push all these men out of my life but I do plan on making more of an effort to do things for me and not worry about pursuing friendships with the above men. In reviewing this list I have a feeling most of these men will stick around in the coming years. Though I will put less pressure on them to be more then they are and I will make new relationships.