Happy Birthday Colorado

Colorado - So it's Colorado's birthday today. I was tempted for a hot second to send him a message and then realized it just isn't worth what it could do to me, my marriage (that's already hanging on by a thread), or just everything... So I'll use my Clandestine blog to say Happy Birthday to you Colorado. I do hope you are well. I wish catching up wouldn't cause so many issues. I think about you often (wondering if you do the same) and wonder how you're doing. Men are different creatures. Do they really think about the women from their past like women do? Or maybe I'm an oddity. I'm reminded that you always taught me that what you think of me is none of my business. I forget that concept sometimes and have to remind myself. Thank you for all you taught me over the years. Even though at times I wanted to just throat punch you because you just didn't understand how devastating it all was for a people pleaser like myself. LOL But you are not someone I should have in my life. So I'll put this out there... Because I won't reach out to you directly. 

Geek Photographer - Looking back recently on some of my older posts. It's hard to remember a time that Geek Photographer and I had such a close relationship. He was unhealthy in a lot of ways and honestly I'm confused now knowing he is gay why he would toy with me as much as he did. He actually called me last week. We haven't talked in years. And I really didn't make an effort to catch up. I felt somewhat bad but then rereading the drama between us and I realize I don't have time for people like that in my life right now. I'm not saying he's drama all the time. But I barely have time for the people in my life, let alone someone that makes me feel less about myself. And I know he's changed. I know our dynamic has changed because I was shocked at the earlier dynamic when I read it. I know he came out to me at one point, but apparently it was later in our friendship when I took a break from blogging. 

Obsession - I've been reading some of my entries about Obsession as well. He is not someone I can reach out to to catch up. Not because I haven't been tempted but the opportunity is just not there. He promoted. I have no idea what his new number is. I can't really email him without making his wife upset. I thought about sending him a calendar invite. Made it all clever too. Giving the title "Strategic Alignment Meeting" and the body wouldn't be so obviously a catch up session. (Thanks to ChatGPT) This is what I came up with. 

I was hoping to reconnect and discuss current projects, recent developments, and potential opportunities for collaboration. This meeting will also provide an opportunity to exchange updates and align on any relevant next steps.

If your schedule does not permit, I completely understand. I recognize that your new role likely comes with increased demands and more limited availability for meetings.

I was close to sending it. But it feels like it would be a mistake. He can be somewhat dense so I could imagine if he agreed to the meeting he'd genuinely think there was some collaborative opportunity and would wonder why I was just chit chatting. But ... If his wife saw my name, saw the invite... It just opens up a whole can of worms. And do I really think it would be wise to start reconnecting with him when my marriage is in such a fragile state. 

But after reading some of my posts. I think it is all God's timing. To make sure I don't have distractions and it probably would have pushed me closer to Obsession rather than being able to solely focus on Husband Creature.