The Singer & the rest of them

Dear Lord, its 2 in the morning and I'm wide awake! Didn't help that I had 2 jägerbombs when I was out tonight. But I figure it's about time I update on the many men in my life.

The Singer - is currently my lead interest. It was his birthday today, er I mean yesterday since its technically already the 31st. I hadn't seen him since September 26th when he told me when his birthday was. That was an interesting night but I'll go into that a little later.

So this afternoon I decided to call and wish him a Happy Birthday. It's been something I've been debating for quite a while but whenever I hesitated I thought of what Colorado taught me, if guys can't handle me being myself then I don't want them. So I did it, and of course got voicemail. I kept it short and sweet...

Hi "The Singer", I just wanted to call and wish you a Happy Birthday. Hope you're enjoying your day. Talk to you later.

As soon as I hung up I felt alright about it. I mean I wasn't sure when I was going to see him and I also know he thinks phone calls are so impersonal but I figured since I didn't know when I'd see him again it was ok.

Oddly enough though, I went to a show tonight of a mutual friend of The Singers and mine, and it turns out he was there! I was so shocked! First because I didn't expect he'd spend his birthday that way, and I also had heard him and another guy talking about going to a rave on his birthday which when I asked him about it he made it clear it wasn't something he was all that interested in doing.

But when I first saw him I was stunned and also a little embarrassed, I was wearing a cat costume since it was a mandatory costume event. I had cat ears, I had put a black nose and whiskers on my face. He was just in a regular sweatshirt. He looked good though. Really good. I finally got the courage to go up to him, the Drummer and the bassist (not to be confused with the guy I labeled "The Bassist") of his band. I could tell they were surprised by the costume but also thought I looked cute.

I got a little time to talk with The Singer. I guess he was shocked I remembered his birthday, he apparently didn't remember telling me. I got the impression he was a little freaked so I went back over and told him I hope it didn't creep him out that I called and he looked shocked and asked why would he be creeped out, but that it was just surprising because even his close friends didn't remember. I think I may have made some brownie points there.

As we talked I kept thinking of how cute he was. He was smiling ear-to-ear. My brother was ready to head out after our friends played so I said my goodbyes. One of these days I'm going to make out with that guy! I hope sooner rather then later.

I'm still so surprised by the timeline in all the events that have taken place with The Singer. I met him on New Years Eve. It was at First Kiss's bands show at a house. I remember thinking The Singer was cute then but he seemed a bit snobby. I saw him maybe two times in the first 6 months of 2009. And both times I wasn't looking my best. I believe he's seen me with no makeup on and my hair pulled back, the worst look for me! Well ok maybe I saw him more then that because their band came over to record and practice a couple times. I never felt as comfortable with them as my brothers band until their first show when I took pics. It wasn't until his band got going that I started seeing him about once-a-month or so.

June 2nd - His first show... I don't really know The Singer all that well. I (being outgoing) tease him that he should get used to getting his pic taken because when they make it big he'll have all sorts of pics taken.
July 17th - Take pics of his band's practice. He seems self conscious of me taking his pics.
July 18th - Big show with the remaining Ramones members. I got a picture with the band. I'm feeling more comfortable with him and teasing him more but nothing out of the ordinary.
August 11th - I went to a dive bar to watch his band and found him being more friendly then usual. I was laughing and cracking up by his jokes the whole night. When he first saw me he actually instigated the hug. I remember even sharing with the other band members that The Singer was in a really good mood because he'd never been so friendly with me. That was the night I realized how attractive he was.
August 15th - The Bassist invited me to their bands studio recording. I noticed The Singer made a comment about something between The Drummer and me to the Bassist. I remember thinking it was an odd comment, like he was very aware and paying close attention to the fact that something was going on between me and The Drummer.
September 3rd - He shocked me by asking if I wanted to go make out. Which he had apparently gone in to talk to The Drummer to confirm he was ok with the Singer making a move.
September 26th - He tried rubbing up against my boobs a couple times. Was more touchy. Told me he wasn't looking for anything serious in which I in turn told him I wasn't either. He asked about my brother and hadn't heard he was in the hospital and really took it to heart. Even said he was sorry and gave me a hug. Totally sweet! When I gave him a hug goodbye he held me a lot longer and kissed my cheek.
October 30th - He was flirty and seems happy that I remembered his birthday. But nothing more... We'll have to wait and see.

Ok so not that this has happened fast, but honestly if I look back at how many times I've seen him before he's made an obvious effort to seek me out is just surprising given my history with men. I mean it's not really 10 months, it's 5 events! Only 5 before he asked me to go makeout with him. It's still a low self image I guess. I mean I feel better then ever about myself but lately with all the attention I get from guys it still continually surprises me.

Well its super late and I have way too much to say about the others to post this... I'll come back maybe tomorrow.

First Kiss - I met with him Tuesday October 20th to drop off the pics I took at his bands show on September 19th. His work schedule is hectic so it was a last minute decision to meet up. I got there and he had a drink waiting for me. I really enjoyed hangin out and talking with him. We discussed a lot of random things. But we did start kissing and before I knew it, it turned into heavy kissing. I mean turning into possibly going to the bedroom kissing. He asked if I'd tuck him in, but again reminded me that he's a bit of a prude when it comes to sex but he wouldn't mind fooling around. He offered to have us do oral and next time go all the way but I told him I needed to go. I admitted my insecurities of being with him after he'd been with his ex who's got the perfect body and he told me he's liked me for a long time. That he wouldn't be pursuing anything if he didn't find me attractive. Which I knew but it's still awkward for me.

So now we're just waiting for our schedules to work out to where we can meet up again. Though he has admitted that if all we do is makeout he's ok with that. He likes me and enjoys hanging out. Oddly this makes him a good guy in my eyes. No pressure and all fun. I like this.

The Drummer - So things have been different for us. Some good, some bad. I noticed at the September 26th show that he and his cousin were a little more friendly with eachother then normal. It was something that The Bassist said that made it obvious I wasn't the first one to notice it. Knowing his past I wondered if he felt it was ok to be in a relationship with a cousin. So I decided to ask.

I sent him a text October 14th. I regretted sending the text asking him but was surprised to get a call from him a few hours later. We talked a little about it but his cell reception sucked so we agreed to meet to talk in person and I could tell he was excited to have someone to talk to about it.

I got there and sure enough he's interested in his cousin and she's into him. He wants to have a relationship with her but she's a little more freaked out about the fact that they're related. He sees nothing wrong with it and he really likes her. And to be honest it was a good talk. Though he asked what I thought about it and I told him I thought it was wrong. We debated it for a bit but I told him I'd have to think about it.

I felt the conversation went well. I could tell he appreciated that I was a true friend. He admitted he shared more with me then with anyone about his past. I was grateful that he trusted me with the information.

Then something happened... His cousin called while I was there and he admitted what he and I were talking about. She apparently didn't like that at all. She got angry with him.

Then October 19th I got a text from him at 1:45 in the morning saying "way 2 start stuff gosh darn!!!" which completely confused me. I sent him a text back asking if he meant that for me and he responded that yes it was but if I wanted to call I could.

We talked for about 2 hours about the drama of the situation with his cousin had caused him. Apparently another person told him it was the talk of the town. So he assumed I told people. I admitted people approached me about it but after he told me my suspicions were right I never told anyone. He was angry until I was able to convince him otherwise. By the end of our conversation I felt we were ok. We were joking and laughing about other things.

But I dropped off cookies last week and he seemed like he wanted nothing to do with me. He didn't really even seem to appreciate that I brought him cookies. I stayed 5 minutes and wished I never went. I saw him last night and he was nice enough but I was too focused on The Singer. The Drummer even thanked me for the cookies again and told me about how he brought them to work and the guys loved them.

I can tell with all this about his cousin it has made me lose my crush. It definitely changed my view of him. Anyways, I'm not sure where our friendship is as this point.

The Actor - We chatted the other day and the conversation turned sexual. He is looking forward to meeting in person. It was odd. He said he missed me. I'm a little unsure of what I feel about that. We barely know eachother. I also found out he's in a relationship! He says it's an open relationship but something tells me he's a womanizer and the relationship is only open because she's willing to take him back or let him cheat (I guess that is kind of what an open relationship is huh?). He has two kids with her too. I decided I have no problem flirting with him but I will never take him very seriously. He thinks we'd be good friends with benefits if he lived in California. He's planning on coming down soon and says he plans on being all over me while he's down here. (Sigh) Part of me thinks yes, another part thinks I'll be too busy thinking about his girlfriend and kids to think he's being honest about the open relationship.

Junior - So after the pic he's pulled away again. He's still sweet and sends texts now and then.

Fresno - Has moved back down to So Cal and wants to get together. He got a job so I'm not sure when we'll meet up. He wants to know what my schedule is like and I'm curious to see him but still unsure if I even want to meet up with him yet.

Seattle - He and I haven't emailed in quite a few months. I finally took the time to email him Friday early evening and was shocked to get a reply that same night. He has been wanting to email me too but has been really busy. I knew he was studying for a big test. I sometimes think of him as my reminder that I want to wait around for a guy like him, especially after dealing with the men I have in my life.

Washington - I sent him naked pics! Yes, you read that right. He said he's never received them so I decided why not!? I still can't believe I did it. But he was very impressed! I mean I've lost a lot of weight so I feel better about my body but it's nowhere near where I want it to be. He made me feel that I shouldn't worry about my body and that it was fine exactly as it is.

He and I have talked about our attraction. I know it's all about his personality. I haven't received many pics but he doesn't seem to be my type physically. He's funny though. And we have a great time, especially now that he isn't with the girl from Utah anymore.

Vegas - Still pursues me quite a bit. I still really regret not sleeping with him when I had the chance. I look back and realize that God must have set up the timeline for where I was mentally to save me from becoming a slut. I know this may sound funny but it's true. I still want him and if we lived closer that would be an interesting situation.

The Drummer and I have been texting and we just decided to meet up. So I'm heading off. I still need to send updates for a few more guys... Sadly there isn't much to report. Computer Geek is too busy these days. I was hoping to see Burbank soon but his finances have delayed his visit to Cali. He still talks about us hooking up whenever we talk on the phone. I think both of us are curious for another go. Geek Photographer and I have been talking quite a bit, even doing more photography things together. It's been cool. Older Guy has also been too busy to really get together. He wants to meet for drinks one of these days but that hasn't happened. Ok so I'm off for now.

The Singer too!?! Really!?

Yes, I have to add a new guy! The lead singer to the drummer and bassists other band! But before I got into that story I realize I need to update what's happened with The Drummer.

The Drummer - Ok so apparently he's saying he doesn't remember our night, or the next day. Apparently he woke up on that Sunday and thought it was Saturday. Either way he avoided talking with me. In my last post I mentioned that I was invited to a local show by the Bassist the Tuesday after (Aug 11th). That went fine. No major drama. He didn't treat me rude but wasn't very flirty either.

On the way home I mentioned to them that I noticed the singer was in a really good mood because he was being really friendly and funny. That night the singer went out of his way to come give me a hug. He hung out with me, joking and laughing about the show and the other band. I decided at that moment that he was perfect for my friend. He was everything she loves in guys. And he's hot! I knew he was ultra critical but he was cracking me up that night. I had A LOT of fun because of him. I kept texting my friend telling her she had to come to one of their shows to meet this guy. I even took a picture and sent it to her. :) Eventually I was telling her that I was falling in love with him for her!

I was invited by the Bassist to their studio session that Saturday (Aug 15th) and there the Drummer and I were somehow in the same car driving to grab some food. In that drive he told me he didn't remember what happened that night and asked what happened and laughingly asked "we weren't naked were we?" And I said, actually yes we were! He was shocked! I'm still skeptical if he could honestly black out the entire weekend but oh well. So he asked how I could let him get that far with me and I told him I couldn't help myself. And added that we both had been drinking. His response was something like, well something tells me that will always happen if you combine me and you with alcohol. We got back to the studio and couldn't talk much so he text me "If the day comes when we're both naked again, i want 2 b soberish! ;)"

I didn't stay at the studio long. I got to hear a little of the Drummer being recorded and a little of The Singer being recorded before I had to go pick my brother up from the airport.

I saw The Drummer August 23rd, when my brothers band came over to record at the house. I only saw him for a short moment. My heart was pounding out my chest and I was pissed at my reaction to him. He was flirty which didn't make it any easier. I sent a couple text after I left and he never replied.

I'm having a birthday bbq next Saturday which he confirmed he wouldn't miss.

My brother went out of town again, he actually will be going out of town for a week out of every month. So I took the opportunity to ask the Drummer if he wanted to hang out to which he replied he was going out of town. This is where I made a bit of a mistake. I replied "of course you are! should I give up trying?" and I never got a reply. So ... I decided I'm done pursuing him and responded with "hehe I'll take that as a "yes". Have a fun time this weekend cutie & let me know if/when u want 2 hang out :-)" I wasn't bitchy but it was an official decision to stop trying to make something happen with him.

So I haven't seen the guys in the band till this last Thursday (Sept 3rd) for a show down in Anaheim. I always go and I am pretty much their photographer. I offered to drive anyone who wanted to go with me. The Drummer set it up to where he and I drove down to the show alone together. I was surprised because he's basically avoided me since that night we almost had sex. I kept my cool. Didn't force the conversation. He opened up about a lot of stuff about his past. I was very interested in hearing all his drama. He tends to go for girls that are bi-polar, which I'm not. I teased him that he needs to look for a girl thats not bipolar and he said he wasn't sure there were any and I said "we" are out there. He told me about being shot 5 times by gang members when he was like 21. He even felt awkward that he was sharing so much. I was realizing more and more he's definitely led a different life then myself and that I'm VERY naive in comparison to what he's been through. He talked a little about his jail time. We talked about both our experiences being unemployed for so long and the stress of living off of unemployment benefits.

We get to the show and he offered to get me in for free as his guest which I thought was sweet. His cousins were coming to the show and he said he didn't care if they had to pay when the other band members asked about giving his guest spot to one of them. His roommate came too (who also had to pay) and yet drove down with the bassist, which was the major sign that he was making an effort to spend time with me alone on the trip down.

The show was good. It was extremely hot and taking pics on top of that I ended up sweating like crazy. I felt like my face was dripping! My friend was finally able to come to the show and see and meet The Singer. She made it to the show late and missed their performance but once she saw him she was drooling! It was quite funny. He was being funny and talkative again. And the whole time I was making it easier for him to check him out.

The Singer - Later in the evening we were talking outside and waiting for everyone so we could leave and my friend went in to find out where everyone was at. The singer came over to me and under his breath so no one standing near us could hear asked "wanna make out?" And I was shocked! My mouth dropped to the floor I'm sure. I did a double take and couldn't help myself and said yes! So he said we should meet once we got to the house and dropped everyone off. Then casually walked back to where he was standing when my friend got back.

I couldn't believe what just happened! I felt horrible about trying to focus my friend on him! And I realized at that moment that I've liked him ever since the show on Aug 11th! When I said I was falling in love with him for her, I meant it! Well ok maybe not "love" but "in lust" for sure! Then I felt a sinking feeling about what to tell my friend. I have a history of stealing guys from her and honestly I thought the singer was so critical he would never be the kind of guy to give me a second glance! I mean I'm not saying he's asking to marry me or even be in a relationship, it's just kissing... But... You have to be attracted to someone to want to make out with them right?! And now the conversation with The Drummer that night where he opened up about another band member really liking me and him getting completely defensive about it, now makes sense. I think it's The Singer!

Sadly the night didn't work out the way The Singer and I had hoped. Everyone found out it was my birthday the next day, and at midnight they all sang happy birthday to me, and they wanted to take me out for a drink. By the time we'd finished last call The Singer wasn't at the house where we were dropping everyone off. I haven't talked to him since. I'm VERY curious to how our future interactions will be.

But I've relived conversations and situations with The Singer and the first time I noticed he was different towards me was the (Aug 11th) show I talked about where he was in a really good mood. I look back at this day and realize there were signs of the Singers interest. But I have no idea! And the worst part is that I'd totally makeout with him without any consideration to my friend! I'm actually hoping we get the opportunity! My other friend says that's totally messed up and horrible that I would chance ruining a friendship over a makeout session. And I'm thinking, why would my other friend have to know? hehe I know I'm messed up!

I've invited him to my birthday bbq but I'm not sure if he'll show up. So it'll be interesting to see what happens. They have another show on September 26th so if he doesn't show at the bbq I'll see him then.

The Bassist

So the Bassist... Gosh, is that really what I should call him? He's the guitarist of the other band that he and the Drummer are in. He's also a hair stylist and not in the gay way either! Hmmm.... I guess since I've always referred to him as The Bassist, I'll keep it at that.

I just got done stopping by my sisters work. She's a hair stylist and works at the same salon as the Bassist. Anyways, the Bassist was there and jokin with me about my partying on Friday. It appears The Drummer hasn't shared that I was over there with him otherwise I'm sure he would have mentioned it. I'm glad.

On my way over to my sisters I stopped and grabbed her a coffee. She called and when I told her it was "just because" she thought it was sweet. The Bassist heard it was me and said it was because of him, that I just wanted to see him so I'm using it as an excuse. When I laughed and told her that was exactly the reason and she told him and he said he needed that. Apparently things aren't going so well with his girlfriend. They've been off and on for a while now.

But... I was invited to a show tonight. The Drummer hasn't contacted me and I am unsure of how he'd respond to that. I'm sure the Bassist will tell him at practice tonight. Either way the Bassist told me he wants to meet before the show for a drink. It wasn't until he walked away that my sister told me he was really bummed he didn't reply to my text on Friday night. He told my sister that he really missed out! The look on my sisters face was interesting. I wonder if she suspects he likes me or not. She's not likely to imagine he would.

So I actually text The Drummer just to let him know The Bassist had invited me and asked if he would be cool with that since he asked for a couple days. He replied immediately that of course he'd be cool with that but I responded that I was just checking because I wanted to respect his request. He then called me and we talked a little but just about how he's been dealing with unemployment issues and had a lot on his mind and he said he would see me tonight so I guess we'll see how that goes.