Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! 

I'm starting the year with a new perspective. There were a few months of 2025 that sucked ass... My Husband Creature and I almost didn't make it. We're still recovering. Going to counseling. But I think we're on our way to restoration. 

He had an emotional affair (nothing like my infatuation with Obsession, he had a full blown emotional affair)... I'm not sure I want to go into the details just yet. It's still too raw.

But one thing I will say is God gave me the strength to make it through even though it was THE toughest season of my life (thus far)... I'm 48 years old and have been married for 13 years, together for 15. I have never experienced so much emotional pain. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't journal. My brain was unable to put two cohesive thoughts together. I cried. I spent a lot of time just listening to worship music. Crying, praying and asking God to bring my Husband Creature back to me. 

Now... My Husband Creature *is* back to me. We are doing fairly well considering. He's opened his eyes to his stupidity. He is remorseful and apologetic. He is doing everything in his power to put the pieces back together. We've had to makeshift some of the shattered pieces while the wounds are healing. 

It's an odd thing... I have some people that consider me taking him back as an act of strength. I've also had friends ask me what's wrong with me for being willing to accept him back. Honestly, either way would have been hard. If I had gone through with the divorce (yes, it got to the point where I paid the retainer for a lawyer and got the paperwork ready), it would have been a different kind of hard. Staying together... is hard. The pain, the hurt, the insecurities.... It's a lot. But I also know God wants restoration. God wants marriages to stay committed. The enemy wants to kill, steal and destroy. I had every right, biblically, to walk away from my marriage. And I told my Husband Creature, I can live without him... I just didn't want to. That's not my desire. 

When my Husband Creature was knee deep in his... sin... I did start to think about starting over, the freedom I would have. I thought about reconnecting with Colorado. I thought about how Obsession's wife must have felt with our connection. I thought about dating again. There was a brief moment I thought it would be easier to walk away. But every time I prayed I felt God tell me... You're in this for the "Long Haul"... Before I even realized it was an emotional affair. I knew something broke in my Husband Creature. I felt it was God's way of stating that He wanted me to give Husband Creature a chance. And I did have stipulations for my Husband Creature. I did share that if he decided to be stupid again, that was it, I wouldn't take him back. That this was it. That he had to be sure he really wanted me. And if he wasn't sure... walk away and when he was sure, then come back and see if I'm still available. He said he knew my value, that he didn't want to let me go. That he felt foolish and dumb and wished it never happened. 

I know my value. I know I'm worth more than what he did to me and our marriage vows. I know that I'm a catch. I know there are guys out there that would consider themselves lucky to have me. I know... Without hesitation that I have more value than the thing that attached itself to my Husband Creature for a couple of months. She proved her character or lack thereof. Disturbingly that also means my Husband Creature has shown his character as well. But he is at least apologetic and remorseful for what he's done. He is doing everything I need him to, to repair our marriage. And even as painful as it was, Husband Creature told me the truth... Always. She, on the other hand, lied to my face numerous times even after I confronted her with the truth! 

Though it was interesting to share with Husband Creature that I felt like I could move on, that I would be ok without him. Part of me wonders if that's our problem. I'm not needy enough. He tends to feel drawn to women that are broken and befriends them. It's been an issue throughout our marriage. Someone gave him the title "Captain Save-A-Hoe" and I literally had to burst out laughing. It's truly fitting. All of the women he tends to try to "save" even throughout our marriage. He finds broken women and always wants to offer to help them. Most were innocent enough, but there were moments I would get insecure and he'd shine me on. Now... He pays attention. 

As far as Obsession... We haven't had much luck connecting. We spoke for a hot second before the holidays and he found out I was giving my Husband Creature another chance. He said he had been wondering. (I had told him when I wasn't sure if we were going to make it. We had a long conversation at that time.) This time, I didn't even get to explain how or why before he had to rush off. I'm reminded of the movie "He's Just Not That Into You". I know Obsession isn't *into* me. But sometimes I feel like our friendship has faded to nothing. I almost feel like I'm annoying him. Though at times he mentions he thinks about me and is too busy to call me back. That's when I go to the movie... If he wanted to he would make an effort to call me back. He's better in person. I miss him. Our talks. How he made me feel interesting and engaging. Looking back, if Obsession had ever reciprocated my feelings, who's to say I wouldn't be the one stating that I had an emotional affair. Maybe that's why I'm more willing to forgive. I know how easy it is to get entangled in your feelings. 

The above was originally written January 8th, 2026. 

So as of right now, I left a voicemail for Obsession yesterday that basically said, I'm not sure if you're super busy or I'm just not getting the hint but I hoped he was doing well... No call back. So I'm going to take that as my sign NOT to reach out anymore. I'm sad. But it will be for the best. It's clear he's just not interested in maintaining a friendship. Or just too busy to reach out. Either way, I know at one point he had hoped to keep up the friendship. When I called him to say goodbye he said I had his number and to stay in touch. But how many voicemails can I leave unanswered and feel like I'm becoming an annoyance? I don't feel I'm over-reacting either. In the matter of a couple of months I've left a few messages, none of them have been returned. The last time one was returned was prior to his birthday which was in October. I called him and he picked up and that was when we spoke for less than 1 minute before he had to hop off. It was also when I told him I was working on my marriage. Not sure if that made him uncomfortable or what. He said he would call back and hasn't since. *Sigh* So moving on...