Another Cycle?

So Ex and I had an all day chat session via Twitter yesterday. It felt odd. I kept wondering if I should continue or not. It kept teetering on that line of inappropriate. It's so odd to chat with an ex that you've been intimate with. You know more about them then you do any other random person. There were a couple comments made but both of us were hyper vigilant not to let it go beyond that line. Though the line was brought up a few times. Ex sent a selfie among other photos and I was like "uh oh..." I didn't acknowledge it, just moved on to the next photo he sent me. He's currently in Finland. So the photos were really interesting! It might have been more the content of the background he thought I'd like to see.

Either way, I find myself wondering if we're going to chat again. Then I think um... no. That would be intentional.

It's odd, we have random messages and each time we chat there has been a reason and the chats are super short. Monday Ex sent me a message saying he was off to Finland. I found that odd. It seemed out of the ordinary. But of course my wanderlust was intrigued and wanted to hear more about it. I sent a safe travels and I look forward to the photos. So that's where the chat started yesterday.

So as I was chatting struggling to keep that line appropriate I kept thinking, is this my issue? Like do I exude inappropriate conversation? Am I the cause of all these lines being crossed. First with Colorado, then with Obsession and potentially with Ex? I am a flirt. I know this. But there is a difference between flirting and inappropriate flirting. I struggle to understand the difference.

Speaking of Obsession... I'm surprised by our last chat. I hate to admit it made me late getting back to my location on Tuesday. We talked WAY too long. But it was sooo nice. I've missed those chats. Those are the chats I remember prior to all the embarrassment and walls and distance I felt. It made me wonder if he really thought I had bad intentions and that's why he kept his distance. Or maybe the other coworkers got into his head and me coming and apologizing helped him see my intentions were NEVER to be harmful to his marriage. Maybe it was everything and he finally realized I'm not a vindictive person.

After my chat yesterday with Ex I wonder if this is an area I will have to be hyper vigilant in, to be sure not to cross any lines, since it appears to be an area I slip into easily. *sigh*

I know my Husband Creature is a flirt. He's aware that we're both flirts. I guess women are less likely to play into the flirting. Well... Not really. I'm easily slipping into it. Either way, I don't want this to be a constant struggle, and I will pray that I can keep myself in check and pure of heart.

Husband Creature and myself are doing really well. Now that he's working he seems to have some self worth back and doesn't seem as moody. I have appreciated his efforts. We're still trying to come to a balance on this new schedule and routine. We were so used to the way things were and now he's working we need to split duties more evenly. So we're on the path of figuring that out. 😊

Anyways, I need to get back to work... Just needed this off my chest.