So where does one begin? I have another post about Geek Photographer that has been waiting to post for so long that it's no longer relevant to things going on between us. I will post it with additions another time... Because from one week to the next things changed so dramatically and currently not for the better.Burbank - Is the main reason for this late post. He called me last week and asked if I'd be able to go to BootieLA with him. It's something we've wanted to do for a while now and I was shocked to realize that I was actually available to go! So we made plans to meet at his place, head over to Bootie from there and that was that.
I'm not sure if it was the alcohol, the dancing, or just the mutual attraction and need/desire for sex but I found myself in bed with him. It seems odd to say. It's like it didn't happen. I feel no remorse or regret. We're friends. I went into it knowing it wouldn't go anywhere. He's moving. I think that's part of the reason I felt ok acting on my urge. And I look back and am not sure what we were thinking. I feel slightly scattered in my thoughts, even now the next day. That could be because I only got 4 hours of sleep and then took a 3 hour nap.
But looking back, I knew the frame of mind I was in. I wanted sex. I knew I'd enjoy sex with him. And yet, considering he's only my 2nd partner for actual intercourse I'm surprised I'm not as impacted by my actions. I was surprised by my boldness with him.
I went back to his place and he wanted to burn a copy of the cd I got from the club. I laid on his bed while he showed me things on his computer. And before I realized it, he started a movie and came and laid on the bed intimately close to me placing his hand on my hips or around my waist. We cuddled for a bit and I would say I was the one that started kissing him. He jokingly commented that neither of us had ever imagined going here before. We've been friends for so long and even then, I thought it was only going to be a make-out session. He even asked if I was going to blog about this on myspace and I told him I wouldn't not about something like this but that I'd definitely be mentioning it on my secret blog. He laughed and said of course I'd have a secret blog! But the kissing got hot and heavy quick and before I knew it he was asking if he should be getting a condom.
The sex was intense. I'm so sad to say that it was better then I ever had with my ex as far as satisfaction goes. I loved my ex, it was more intimate and special. With Burbank it was animalistic... It was fucking. And I was pleasantly surprised by his focus on me. I have always felt he was a bit of a selfish bastard, but apparently not as a lover. He was all about pleasing me and pacing himself. I never knew my ex wasn't very experienced until having sex with Burbank last night. It made it obvious only then. And when we finally were done for the night, or I should say morning because the sun was rising, he was surprisingly affectionate. We laid in bed and he always had to be holding onto me or touching me, he would tenderly caress my body or move my hair if he felt it was in my way.
When I finally got up to get ready to leave it was right back to friend mode. He burned the copy of the cd, made me breakfast, we chatted about every day events and then we talked a little about what happened and neither of us were too concerned. Well I will say he was worried about the affect on the friendship and I too would have thought something would have been changed if this happened last year but I have since moved on from any romantic feelings about him. I am attracted to him. We do have fun. But he can be a real ass sometimes and I know I wouldn't want him in my life for any length of time.
Now as much as I'm thankful for this fact that having sex has not impacted our friendship, I'm actually rather concerned at my ability to be so ok with what I did. My friend found out about it, she figured it out on her own and I couldn't lie, she was shocked. And honestly I hadn't given it much thought until she said something. Because I've gotten on her about her desire to have sex with this one guy. But I know it would be detrimental to her because she really cares about this guy and having sex with him will screw her up more since he has a girlfriend. I knew I didn't want anything more with Burbank. Yet I can't imagine me just going out and having sex with anyone else. I've always imagined something happening with me and him. And I think the friendship is one where I knew I could trust him. Other guys I don't feel I can trust that well. Or am I saying all this in hopes not to sound like I sleep around with just anyone? I know I don't. I'm still kind of surprised by how things worked out.
Something just hit me... Vegas... I had every intention of having sex with him when I went out there next month. Now I'm suddenly not so sure. Why is that? Hmm I will have to think about that one. But for now I really need to get to bed.
No comments:
Post a Comment