Colorado

Colorado still pops into my head a lot. Lately he's been updating his background photo and the last time I checked he updated his profile photo. I don't understand why I'm still so drawn to talking to him. I was tempted a couple of times to reach out but then I remember my promise to my Husband Creature. Which, things are going really well with him. 

The above was written 11/28/23 1:00pm

Still with Colorado... It's been hard not to start a chat but then I think of having to let my Husband Creature know I started talking to him again and stop myself. If Colorado were to reach out to me I could justify a message or two back but it could be dangerous. The desire to reach out doesn't make much sense. I know he's a firm believer in manifesting and sometimes when these strong urges happen I wonder if he's trying to manifest us communicating again. Then I think he probably doesn't even notice my absence. Right? What he thinks of me is none of my business. I forget that from time-to-time. lol 

The above was written 12/8/23 9:55am

So I haven't been emailing Obsession. I did scan him a little note yesterday but he hasn't responded to any of those notes so I should probably just stop. The last time I saw him he noticed it had been a while since we've talked, it was only 2 weeks, but he made sure to stand up and give me a hug. I confirmed my time to be at my local office on Friday's is coming to an end. I think yesterday it hit me harder because I was on the interview panel and know who they chose and since it's an internal candidate it will be sooner than later. 

I just don't have the time I used to have ... 

Lordy the above was written 12/15/23 10:42am maybe today I can finally get through this post. 

So... it seems like Colorado keeps updating his cover photo every week. Maybe he's doing a photo challenge. But I am still struggling not saying hello. Especially since an ex-coworker now uses Google Chat to keep in touch with me and I see Colorado's chat history below hers. I should remove the temptation huh? 

Obsession and I have had a few interesting interactions. One being last Friday. I had a busy and rough week. When I came in there was no guilt in just sitting down and talking with him for 2 hours. He switched shifts with someone so he was there early too. So we sat, we talked, we laughed. Like the old days when he worked at my current office and we didn't have many interruptions. We talked about a lot of random stuff. We did end up talking about his wife. How he's concerned once the kids leave the house if they'll have anything left in common. I encouraged him to fight to find that common ground now while the kids were still there. He is really into wine. He says his wife is too but seems to make faces when she drinks it. lol He seemed eager to find a drink that I'd like. He found out about mine and my Husband Creatures "Intimate Mondays" and seemed envious, not in an inappropriate way but more wishing he and his wife had something like that. She seems to get frisky in the middle of the night when he's not feeling *up* to the task. He gets a little vindictive it seems. Going out of his way to avoid his wife and not include her when lets say he goes to the jacuzzi with some wine. His example is he will go get his swim trunks on, fill a large glass of wine, grab a towel and she asks what he's doing he says he's going out to the jacuzzi. He won't invite her. So she showed up 45 minutes later asking if she can join and he's like nope, I'm getting ready to get out. Seems a bit harsh. But I encouraged him to really seek out what she's interested in, he mentioned he should take her to dinner and have a real conversation about what she wants and what her genuine interests are. He doesn't know if she even knows. We had a great conversation. Then... others showed up and I had to get some work done so I left and we didn't get much time after that. 

The only other thing that did take place on Friday is my work had a photo booth set up and I had asked Obsession and another guy to take photos with me. At the time the other guy agreed whole heartedly. Obsession joked that he didn't want him to steal the spotlight in my photo with Obsession. And when it came to take the photo there was an odd interaction between Obsession and him and he said based on a conversation with Obsession he was not going to be joining us per Obsessions request. I thought he was joking but Obsession didn't object. So I just let it go... And Obsession and I walked over to the photo booth. I noted the conversation being somewhat awkward but it reminded me of the time we walked over to the same office for some coffee and Obsession seemed genuinely worried I was too cold in my sandals at work and making sure to walk between me and the outside world. Back to the photo booth, apparently I get a little cardboard frame to go with the photo when they get it printed. Standing for the photo, his arm was around me, his hand was in that awkward spot just at my bra strap and back above my bra where my back fat sticks out... lol But as much as it was embarrassing it felt oddly intimate from previous photos we've taken where we stand just side by side and he barely touches me. This time I felt closeness like he was actually holding me. He even mentioned something in passing how he actually held me for the photo. I can't recall the exact wording. I also asked Obsession for a selfie. Both photos he looks freakin great. And I look ... meh... I was disappointed in the full length photo from the photo booth because I still look quite heavy, especially next to him... even with all the weight loss. Though he is taller. But all-in-all it was a nice day. 

That night I sent him our selfie and thanked him for the nice time chatting. And that I could tell he made efforts to chat with me even when it was busy. I told him Merry Christmas and asked if he had a chance to talk to his wife at dinner that night about her hopes and dreams after the kids leave... 

Saturday on the other hand I had a lot of face palm moments. Moments I regret. Moments I'm just not sure how to feel about.

I guess Obsession responded to my email the night before within 30 minutes after arriving to work so that's not too bad. But he didn't touch on anything about his wife or their chat or our selfie, just said. 

Merry Xmas to you and fam. It was fun today, unfortunately this position doesn’t allow me to sit an relax much with everything going on, but yesterday was fun.

I had already had it in my mind to drop off some cookies but was just trying to figure out how to make that work without causing any issues with Husband Creature. ... Yeah I know... A clear sign I should have not done it. But... I did it anyway... And had to ignore a call from Husband Creature so he wouldn't ask where I was going because I should have been home getting ready for our Christmas event that night. Then once I got there I didn't have time to bring it in, so I was going to hang it off Obsession's side mirror but the bag didn't fit over the mirror so I had to set it on top of his truck and I know how men get about putting things on their cars/trucks... So I ran home... And emailed him a photo so he could know to go out to his truck. Then I got nervous he wasn't getting his email because of where he was at work. So I called... Spoke to the other guy, the one that was supposed to take a photo with me and Obsession but didn't want to steal the spotlight from Obsession. It was clear that when he found out it was me, I could tell he physically turned to Obsession who was apparently in the office and made it obvious who he was talking to... He was about to hand over the phone to Obsession when I said I didn't need to talk to Obsession but needed him to tell Obsession to check his email and I promptly got off the phone not knowing if Obsession had already checked his email and knew about the bag and/or I looked like a fool.... I felt so dumb.... My email was a photo of the bag on his truck, explaining I didn't know where to put it. Then the entire evening went by without a word... And I felt dumb. I felt foolish. I was ashamed. I finally got a response at 9pm...  

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!

This was good surprise because I had to order myself over and work until 4am tonight. So I’ll be eating these cookies all night. AND they were cold…perfect. Lol

Thanks again, Oh….and *the other guy* thanks you too

I responded explaining more why I didn't have time to bring them in, and why I felt the need to call, lamented that he had to work OT, glad I was able to help and where I had just come home from and I got a one line item response and I dislike it when people say Christmas with an X (Xmas!)... blah lol 

So... Tuesday I get a snap from a friend at work showing me screenshots of photos from the recent work Christmas events and she sends me the photo of her monitor with the photo of me and Obsession from the photo booth. Wednesday I get an email from another coworker to both me and Obsession saying she loves the photo of us from the photo booth. I told her I made him join me. He said 

LOL…

She did coerce me with cookies! Mmmmmmmmmmmm….

And I desperately wanted to add ... You mean more like I rewarded you with cookies because those came afterwards and you weren't aware of them? lol but I kept my mouth shut... And now I'm trying to decide if I send him an email about being gone for New Years or just let it be...