Feeling stupid for no reason?

So yesterday I had one of those moments... Feeling stupid for no apparent reason...

I saw Obsession. The conversation went fine. He was super sweet as usual. We kept getting interrupted but nothing awkward or horrible happened and yet I left feeling stupid and foolish. Was it because of my obsessive thoughts since his email sharing that he thought I was fun to talk to? Probably. It probably struck me that it was stupid to get all infatuated by that statement. Stupid to think I'm the only person he enjoys talking to. Stupid to think I matter.

So really I think it's just me feeling stupid about how much his email had an impact on me.

He did give me a protein bar for me to try which I thought was sweet of him. It was his favorite kind. Chocolate Brownie Kirkland brand. He asked me about my coloring and where I go. I've often wondered if he'd ever show up there one of these days. He shared that he knows how to play the ukulele and that his one full song is Jason Mraz I'm Yours. I shared that he needed to get comfortable playing it over the next couple of months and perform for me. He said he would if I danced to him playing on Tik Tok. I still don't get Tik Tok. We talked about social media. He got turned off by Facebook because of all the food pics. I shared I'm more of an Instagram user, that I take pics of my art not so much food. Somewhere in there a girl from another unit came through. She talked about Tik Tok and dancing in a tube top. Obsession seemed intrigued. She said her husband wasn't ok if she posted it and Obsession piped up that he agreed, he wouldn't want his wife showing off on Tik Tok. This particular girl is in my opinion really pretty. Maybe there is a part of me that wonders if Obsession thinks she's as fun to talk to?

We talked about him having asthma. How he thinks I have asthma even though I told him the doctor said it was bronchitis. I guess there were a couple of moments where I felt like he wasn't really listening. Normally I feel his full undivided attention and yesterday he seemed distracted. Maybe that's all it was.

Ultimately it was a good day and a good chat. Yet I kept telling myself "Fuck it" yesterday after I left. And I can't quite figure out why? Why am I suddenly so ashamed? Maybe it's the Holy Spirit? Maybe it's my foolishness in my own heart. Danger is prevalent but maybe this is the danger my counselor was talking about.