We just had a moment

Our eyes met, we both were slightly smiling, held each other’s gaze and it took my breath away. I'm still shaking it off. The chemistry is undeniable.

He wrote me a song. I made the list...

... Unfortunately being on that list means the song must not be very nice. But the implications of being on that list are hard to ignore. He told me it was a hurtful song or more like he was just being a jerk when he wrote it. I really don't think I can handle hearing it. It sucks knowing it’s out there because he says I'll never hear it.

We're friends again. In fact, he's gone back to normal. He asked me to go to lunch with him last Friday. I told the now Boyfriend Creature to make sure he was ok with it. Part of me felt like I was cheating. Part of me wonders if I felt that way because there is still too much chemistry between Latin Lover and me to play naive. We talked at lunch. He said he asked me to lunch to apologize for his behavior and that I was too good of a person to be treated the way he had and that he never wanted to take me for granted again. Later that day he said that if I put up with his harsh treatment and still wanted to be his friend it must mean I’m a true friend.

So how is it, that I still really like him? What is this hold he has on me? After all the cruelty and rude, harsh comments why am I so happy I'm back in his good graces? Shouldn't I be more afraid of being treated like that again?

I don't want to fuck anything up with the Boyfriend Creature. Boyfriend Creature is incredible, amazing, and loves me for me, fully and completely and without reservation. I feel like I can truly be myself around him. I feel like screaming at myself “Please, oh please, don’t ever do anything to fuck this up!”