First Kiss

Wow... Just wow... How do all these guys come out of the wood work?

First Kiss - Because I'm in the music scene where I live I know a lot of band guys. Well my First Kiss happens to be (take a wild guess...) a drummer. Well he and I have been here and there during these shows and it's been interesting running into him now and again. Well lately I've seen a lot of him and we've rekindled the friendship. He sadly is separated from his wife and I made a valiant effort to keep in touch and let him know he was in my prayers.

It was my birthday earlier this month and I had a bbq this last weekend. I invited First Kiss and he showed up. When I walked him out that night he gave me a kiss. Simple, clean (no tongue) but still a kiss. I was a little surprised but felt that it was just a friendly gesture.

I got a text from him this morning thanking me for the kiss. One thing led to another and I'm on my way to his place tonight for dinner. I am unsure of how to feel about all this. I guess I can share the texting conversation between us. I really was attempting to just be cute and flirty and before I knew it he was telling me he doesn't do the whole deal (sex) on the first date but because of work the next date won't be for another 2-4 weeks and he said he could wait and asked if I could!

First Kiss had sent me a text inviting me to his next gig...

Me: Hey there hot stuff! Thanks 4 stoppin by my bbq last night! & i'll try 2 b there but think i have a photo thing that night.
First Kiss: Sugar I don't expect you to pay 7 bucks to see us. And thanks for the bbq invite. And the kiss!
Me: Lol why don't u expect that? & u'r very welcome! 4 both ;-) It was a pleasant surprise. & I was really glad u came. I hope u had a good time. :) Just let me know when u'r in the mood 4 strawberries & cream*! ;-) lol!

*strawberries & cream reference: At my bbq I didn't have a cake for my dessert I had strawberries & cream. I offered him some and he jokingly told me he shouldn't do that because he associates strawberries and cream with sex! I teasingly said... Good to know! He responded that I should stop by any time with strawberries and cream! :)

First Kiss: I'm always in that mood! Always!
Me: Haha! :-D so when u gettin home from work tonight? Lol ok, ok... just kidding... I'll b a good girl.
First Kiss: I have no time for good girls! Haha unless they have a bad streak. Unfortunately I'm working 3 hours from home and get up at 3am. no telling when I'm getting back
Me: Do u really think i'm all "good girl"? I think u know by now that good girl image is just a facade. ;-) that bad streak is bubbling below the surface lol!
First Kiss: Mmmmm bubbling.
Me: Question is who's gonna b there when it explodes to the surface? ;-) hehe fun thoughts! Well i know u'r workin so have a good day & i'm gonna enjoy taking care of myself this morning thinking of the possibilities of u, me & some strawberries & cream!
First Kiss: Damn you just made me hungry!

Our texting conversation stopped for a couple hours at this point because something came up that I had to deal with.

First Kiss: Hey I asked (bandmate) last night what he put on youtube that you recorded and it was the song corporation. So how was I this morning? :)
Me: Lol!!!! Sadly I was detained from that pleasure but intend 2 go there later ;-) i'll let u know! & thanks 4 checking w/ (bandmate), i want 2 check it out.
First Kiss: You should save the pleasure for me you have a hair trigger
Me: Ok i think i should know what u mean but i don't! Lol hair trigger? & absolutely would love 2 save that pleasure 4 u! :-D
First Kiss: I mean you will be pleased more easily if you wait for the real thing. A hair trigger on a gun fires easily.
Me: Of course the real thing is ALWAYS better but how long will I have 2 wait? Lol i have some serious needs right now! ;-) might as well get mediocure satisfaction until i can get the real thing, right? & when i get the real thing appreciate it that much more! Basically i can't wait, get ur ass up here!
First Kiss: Well it's looking more promising for tonight than any other time in the next couple weeks with these jobs I'm on
Me: I just realized... I've changed a lot since u & i "hung out" back in the day :-D & really? Wow... Could I actually do this?! Damn temptations!
First Kiss: You haven't changed. You are just old enough to know that doing pleasurable things doesn't make you a bad person. You won't burn in hell for giving me some love.
Me: Lol! Guess thats true... ;-) U have no idea how tempted i am!
First Kiss: I'm not a do the whole deal on the first date guy. but my works gonna keep me from a second one, prob for 2 to 4 weeks. I can wait. Can you?
Me: Hehe yes i can wait. :-) i've been waiting for a while now lol whats a few more weeks? Hehe
First Kiss: Of course I can take care of you without taking my pants off. That's my favorite and it leaves something for the second date.
Me: Lol! Damn just the thought made me wet! But I'm kinda like u in not going crazy on the first date. It still takes me a bit 2 b comfortable w/ someone. :)
First Kiss: Well you should be comfy with me already but I know what you mean.
Me: Hehe yeah I guess u'r right. We'll have 2 see how it goes. :)
First Kiss: Looks like this is the only day for the next couple weeks I will be home before 7, which is my bed time since I get up at 3. Want to cruise over for dinner?
Me: Sure :) so what time should I get there then? & I'll need a refresher on how 2 get 2 ur place.
First Kiss: Not sure yet I'm in stopped traffic on the 105 freeway
Me: Ok just let me know when u have an idea :)

Anyways, it's time to head over there. I knew I wouldn't have time to finish the post. But I wanted this started so when I got back I can be ready to share...

...

Ok so dinner with First Kiss was Monday and its now Wednesday. I got over there and he was making dinner. We had a shot of tequila before and red wine with a yummy steak dinner. It was a nice time. I really enjoyed our conversation. He had warned me it would have to be an early night because of him needing to be up at 3am the next day for work. He was a gentleman the entire night. We were talking after we cleared the table and he went in for the kiss. It was gentle, sweet and not too much tongue. We kissed a few more times on the way out to my car but that was it.

I was proud of myself and was impressed with him truly being considerate of my feelings. I told him in our texting conversation that it took me a bit to be comfortable with someone. He said I should be comfortable with him but that he understood. This was in response to him offering to take care of me this time around and it would leave more for our next date.

I'm still unsure of how I feel about him and I even doing anything physical since his divorce isn't finalized. Sadly when I first met him 12 years ago he was only separated from his first wife then too! I was so young, so naive! And here I am again kissing a married man! And strongly considering having sex with him! Ugh!

The Drummer - Let’s rewind to the night of the bbq. The Drummer and I have been cool since the show where The Singer hit on me. I called him a couple days before the bbq to confirm he and his roommate were coming and he told me he hadn't forgotten he owed me a transvestite version of Marilyn Monroe singing "Happy Birthday Mr President" but that he was waiting for the right moment.

The day of my bbq he showed up about when most people did, maybe a tad late. I had put together pictures of the last year on my digital photoframe so everyone could see what I'd been up to in the last year of my life. The Drummer is in a lot of those pics. I even have pics of one of our earliest meetings (during my last birthday) where not even knowing him he was leaning to kiss my cheek. I still remember the day he came to band practice and I gave all the guys hugs but him (just because I didn't know him that well) and him giving me a hard time about not getting one, so I went over to give him one too... I guess you could say that's the start of it all for me. Ok sorry that was a side tangent....

Back to the photoframe. He was mesmerized by it! It was quite cute. I had pics of me with other guys & he asked me about them! hehe It was at some point of him checking out the pics that I had the guts to ask him if he had talked to The Singer about our night, part of me wondered if that's why The Singer asked me to make out with him or something. The Drummer then turns to me and says, no, how could I talk about something I don't even remember? And I do believe he has an interest in you. I told him that The Singer approached me at the last show and The Drummer said The Singer actually came to him at that show to ask if he (the Drummer) and I were dating. The Drummer told him no so that must have been when The Singer decided to make his move. I told him I was surprised and The Drummer teasingly said, it's not like guys aren't attracted to you! Apparently The Singer "threatened to come" to my bbq. I was hoping he would have but with what takes place later I'm kind of glad he didn't. I should be seeing The Singer not this weekend but next. I'll be curious to how he relates to me then.

During the bbq I tended to stick close by him when I could. At one moment I put my arm around his waist and he put his arm over my shoulder and we stayed like that for quite a while. Even with my brother walking around us. So at around 10 he tells me he's gonna head home and I was kind of bummed but understood. I walked people out and before I knew it everyone had gone home but The Drummer, The Bassist & his date.

The Drummer was giving me a hard time that it was my bday bbq and I did most of the work that he decided he wanted to take me out for a drink to relax. It was supposed to be me, him, The Bassist and his date but the Bassist & his date ditched out last minute. We went to his roommates bar. As we drove there we were talking and I asked him what he officially told the Singer. This was the start of our endless question and answer session that night.

As the night progressed I was able to ask him EVERY question I ever had and he seemed to give me straightforward answers! It was very therapeutic. In the end it was decided that yes, we both have an attraction to one another, we mean something to each other but our beliefs and lifestyle would never make for a good relationship. The Drummer is not able to give more then a one-nighter where he's at emotionally and I know I'm not emotionally untied to him to be able to just have a one-nighter with him. He mentioned that maybe give him a year and see where we're at.

He challenged me to ask him more questions and I decided for the blunt and asked if he wanted to fuck me, he said yes but then told me to ask if he would fuck me and I told him I didn't want to know that answer, which of course was no. Then I asked if he'd make out with me, and he asked how far and I said whatever, he said he'd give me a kiss with a little tongue and so we kissed. It was very nice! I really REALLY enjoyed kissing him. He's a good kisser. I like his style. It was very tender, slow and yummy! I thanked him and he got frustrated because he felt like thanking him made him feel like he did me the favor when in fact it was what he wanted.

On top of all this honesty I kept drinking... By the end of the night I had 7 shots and 1 beer! I was totally feeling it! I couldn't believe I had drunk so much but The Drummers roommate just kept bringing them! We decided to stay till his roommate was off because he had to take her home because she has no license because of a DUI. Yes, they are all hardcore drinkers! No wonder I've been drinking more and more since hanging out with them!

Anyways, I really like The Drummer! Like, REALLY! I realize it would be a bad relationship and in all honesty I am thankful he's the one with the level head about it, because I'm not. And actually I'm thankful he respects me enough not to go forward with just using me. He said I mean a lot to him. That he's VERY attracted to me. He even told me my weight wasn't an issue that he's wanted me even at my heaviest, though he would be honest that he's noticed the weight loss. But that I'm adorable. He admitted that I've scared him away at times. He also noticed that he hasn't succeeded at keeping off of me when he has the opportunity.

As far as The Singer asking if we were dating, apparently the Bassist has talked smack about us being involved. I'm still not sure about all that. I thought it interesting that The Singer even thought there was something going on between us. I jokingly told him it was no secret that I had a crush on The Drummer. I wasn't shy about letting it be known, but the idea that they would also feel the need to ask The Drummer... interesting.

No, I'm not reading more into that then there is. We've made the decision. No relationship. I will probably always want him. But he's a messed up individual! I've been learning more about his past and some of the things he told me are really sick & twisted… things that will mess with someone for their entire life. Things I don't think I could get past. He's a heavy drinker for a reason. He's had a rough life. His beliefs are definitely a little out there. He believes in anarchy. He's been in jail and been the punisher when someone didn't pay their debt.

My brother doesn't like the idea that The Drummer and I are getting closer. He feels that if the Drummer gets too comfortable he will turn on us in a moment. I have more faith in The Drummer then that but I can understand my brothers concerns now. The things he's been through and done. Though I do believe I have a better understanding of The Drummer then my brother does, that I know more then my brother. I think that also scares the Drummer. He's been rambling to me the last few times we've talked. He's even commented that it's a nice change to have someone keep asking the questions. So we'll see what happens over the next year of us knowing each other.

I'm going to head off and look at some of my bday bbq pics!