I'm lost. Husband Creature decided after 4 months to be stupid yet again and reached out to his affair. It didn't help that she moved less than a mile (2 fucking minutes) away! Then to find out Husband Creature reached out to her again. He swears it was to apologize for putting her kids in danger with her boyfriend when he called to apologize to the boyfriend about his part in the affair... But how can I not think it was Husband Creature's way of seeing if the door was still open with her!? He left her a Lego air hockey table on her car... They played air hockey. Why the fuck would he do that if he didn't want her to think fondly of him!?!? Am I a fool for taking him back?! Am I being played for a fool?
He shared that he came back to me partially because he had no where else to go. I'm broken. I'm not sure how to feel about that. That cuts me to the core. I feel like a fool. Such a fool. It makes me feel so sad. So used. So unloved. So angry. He says he came back because he knew he still loved me, he knew we had history and he didn't want to be without me but he was numb during that time... Broken... That now without a doubt he knows he loves me, that he wants to be with only me. Yet... if that was the case then why did he reach out to his affair knowing it would hurt me. He didn't care. He didn't tell me. It went poorly and *that's* what made him decide he was done!? What if she responded favorably? Would he have ever told me he reconnected with her?! And then to have her be within an easy walking distance. Fuuuuuuck... My heart is heavy. It fills me with so much sadness and RAGE that he would reach out to her knowing it would hurt me and yet he STILL didn't care! After all he's done to me and put me through! He still didn't care what it would do to me! I'm so angry. So hurt. So Sad. So lost. I don't know how to let go of this betrayal.
Hell Fucking Week
Wednesday February 25 - Fasted and pushed for him to get rid of photos
Thursday February 26 - He told me he would NOT get rid of the photos because he just didn't want to
Friday February 27 - He was an ASSHOLE! Just rude, snippy, aggressive ALL day! We fought. I cried on his chest and he told me to please get off of him. 2:30 am I leave the room telling him HE'S the one with the issue NOT me. I was so angry I wanted to scream so I grabbed my purse, got in my car and drove and screamed, cried, yelled at God. Husband Creature texted me to find out where I went and told me he had come to the living room to bring me back to bed. Told me to be safe. I ended up at the spot where he accepted Jesus into his heart. Cried and screamed so hard I tasted blood (ended up losing my voice). I stayed out for over an hour, listening to worship music and crying out to God. Got home and Husband Creature was gentle and loving and wanted to make things right.
Saturday February 28 - Had a great day
Sunday March 1st - Husband Creature tells me he *thinks* he knows where "P" lives, and tells me why he thinks so. I confirm with Zillow listing photos of the assumed location and photos she posted getting her keys. She's literally 0.8 miles away from us on a main road we travel EVERY.FUCKING.DAY!
Monday March 2nd - I find out from a mutual friend that Husband Creature had reached out to "P" on Friday and they had multiple emails back and forth (the day he was a COMPLETE asshole!). I confronted him on the phone, he swore he meant to tell me but our busy weekend he never had the right moment. Later that evening I confirmed he lied earlier in the day about leaving a Lego on her car earlier in the week, he had and STILL at this moment can't tell me WHY he did it (he can't remember what day it was either). Cried, yelled, squawked with no voice. He asked me to come home to talk. I left work on a personal day. He apologized, asked forgiveness, asked me to pray for him in that moment and ended the prayer he asked God to forgive him. He agreed to give me a USB of all photos he had of her/them and I smashed it with a hammer. He tells me he will NEVER reach out to her again unless he talks to me and I agree it's ok in the future. He swears he loves me and this apparently showed him he still had a sliver that needed to be removed. That he got the closure he needed. Though now this sets me back a good couple of months of repair because of all the lies and deceit and doing something he told me he wouldn't do. My heart hurts.
Thursday - 3/5/26 - Fasting... Struggling... Angry... See above...
One thing I will say is through all of this... God has shown me how he has orchestrated this week. I don't know how I would have handled the news if I hadn't fully melted down on Friday night. I was shown the lies. I mean FULL ON lies. I was able to approach Husband Creature and explain why his statements didn't make sense and I would find out more. It was painful but I'm grateful God didn't stop us from getting it all out in the open.
And knowing God has revealed things to me... I was walking and suddenly it hit me, maybe Obsession's wife gave him an actual order never to return my calls. I know it sounds silly but it's possible. And the idea came out of nowhere so I think it could be possible. Somehow it makes me feel better.
