Ugh... I have my moments... Right now the struggle to not call and leave a voicemail is real! It's so odd to feel like I have to hold back. I know one of the things he likes about me is that I don't hold back... But lately I feel like I'm fighting so hard to keep our communication and he's not doing anything at all. Part of me wants to call him out on it, another part wants me to just drop him like a bad habit. In fact, yesterday I happened upon a book on my bookshelf of Joyce Meyer Books "Making Good Habits, Breaking Bad Habits" and I've never read it. So I grabbed it and put it in my bag for work for two reasons... Well more than two reasons now... But I took it to get out of the habit of wanting to reach out to Obession and share my life with him, and two I'm tired of this weight yo-yo. I want to lose weight and keep it off. I think this is something I need to read. I may take a few moments each day to read more. I also want to get out of the lazy habit, clutter habit, not putting things back in it's place as soon as I am done with it habit, and the list keeps growing.
I'm so tired today though. I can't keep my brain active and my typing is atrocious! I keep having to retype words because my brain is thinking one word and types a completely different one!
It's Obsession's birthday. He doesn't really care about birthdays. He was raised Jehovah Witness so they did not really celebrate them. But because I'm big on birthdays, it feels strange not calling/texting/emailing him "Happy Birthday". But it's not "work" related. Even though I always send work people texts or emails on their birthdays, I don't feel like I can because he said it would be better if his wife didn't see any notifications with my name on them unless it's specifically work related. Makes me kind of sad. Then I feel like what's the point of leaving a voicemail? Does he even care? Does it even make him smile? Or does it annoy him? Does he get frustrated that I'm not getting the hint that he's just wanting me to be out of his life. And honestly I couldn't tell you if that's true! I haven't had a chance to talk to him! The only thing I do know is every time we have talked about it, he says that he enjoys our talks, he likes hearing from me, he enjoys that I don't hold back, he wishes he had more time to talk. Actions speak louder than words Sir... Actions speak louder than words... But... if I stay true to myself then I should leave the fuckin message!... Leave the message... But just don't go into the wondering if he's ok with it part. The fact that I think about it this thoroughly annoys the crap out of me lol
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