Obsessing Off and On

If you read below you will see that I still obsess off and on about Obsession. Less and less often these days. Probably due to the Long Absent, Soon Forgotten concept I talk about below... Which means I live even less in his mind/memory if he's slipping from mine. Obsession still pops into my head more than he should though. Someone at work said the statement, "I live rent free in her head" and that's kind of how it feels about Obsession. He lives rent free in my head. It's annoying. It was almost daily. At work, it *is* daily. I have a digital frame on my desk at work that only houses photos I've taken with coworkers. I have quite a few of Obsession and I in our long history. I'm thinking I need to just remove his photos... Maybe... Eventually. lol On the weekend he's on my mind because I wonder, should I call? Maybe to catch up? It's usually more quiet on the weekends. 

Ugh... Someone shared this statement with me and I had to think of Obsession... "When God prunes people out of your life, let Him do what He knows is best for you. He sees a Judas before we do." And not that he's a Judas per say... It's just so clear that God shut all doors of open communication with Obsession. How many more hints can I take to STAY AWAY! There was something shifting in our friendship. Maybe it could have gone in the wrong direction. I still remember that photo we took together at Christmas. That I had invited another coworker to join us for the photo and he said he was going to honor Obsessions wishes and stay out of the photo. I looked confused at Obsession and was like no it's cool, you can join us! And the guy was like nope, I told Obsession I wouldn't. Obsession didn't argue. Which meant they talked about it at some point while I wasn't around. 

The last time I at his work location he didn't have his wedding ring on. My first thought was did he get separated?!?! Oh Lord, I hope not because of me! Then I thought, he probably just forgot his ring, no biggie. He mentioned something he shared with her on Father's Day which indicated they were still together then he said he gave me the abridged version since he didn't have time to go into everything that happened that day with me. Part of me wondered if it was because someone he didn't know too well was sitting with us as he shared his horrible Father's Day. 

He interviewed for a promotional position last week. My desk is situated where I get a good view of the parking lot. He didn't come to my area to say hello. I guess I can understand with the stress of interviewing but I was sad. The odd thing was he parked in his old spot, came back to his car, moved it to where no one could see it. When he came out of the interview it looked like he jumped into a car that I didn't recognize. My first thought was he met his wife for lunch to discuss the interview. Or... *IS* he having an affair? And his wife knows something is off so she was super paranoid of his friendship with me? Dang! talk about overanalyzing! *SMH*

Husband Creature and I are still doing well! I feel more connected to him than ever. Our sex life is great! We're in the process of looking to buy a house. It's crazy how expensive it is out there now. Houses we could have bought almost outright are 4-5 times more expensive than they were maybe 5 years ago! Which is stressful. Well honestly I need to get this posted. More to come... 

Below was written 6/4/24 from excerpts from an article article I read online.  

Long Absent, Soon Forgotten... Out of Sight, Out of Mind

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder... Not in this case. 

This implies that distance can evoke a sense of nostalgia, longing, and appreciation for the other person.

I do agree that the human mind has a very unique way of romanticizing memories that a person happens to be fond of, especially when it comes to cherished relationships. So when separated, individuals are likely to focus on the positive aspects of their connection, reveling in the moments they spent together. So, in the absence of the daily routines and constant presence of the other, the bond may appear more idealized and appreciated, and this contributes to the belief that “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

The saying “out of sight is out of mind” simply posits that when two or more people are separated or disconnected, their thoughts and emotions concerning one another gradually fade away. So the longer one spends away from someone else, the further apart they grow and the weaker whatever bond that existed between them becomes.

Lack of contact can lead to a decrease in emotional connectedness and attachment between two or more people.

5/28/24 - Forehead Kisses 

Dreams still plague me. It's frustrating that I still dream about him. 

Below was written 5/11/24

I need to let go... 

I mean it's crazy... How much more can I verify how little I mean to someone? 

The above two lines were written April 24... Now it's May 16... And I just feel ... foolish. There are moments... Moments when I realize, for his wife to feel as frustrated as she is with me, she had to see something different in how he spoke to me or about me compared to other female coworkers. I *hate* that I can't email him. It changes our entire dynamic. I can't call him, he's never at his desk. I think about calling the main office but two things. He always answers the phone on speaker so I never know who's in the room listening. Second... what if he doesn't answer. How do I explain that I'm calling? I just feel dumb. And I wonder... Does he even notice I'm not around? I'm sure he does. 

Take Your Child To Work Day really ticked me off. Well I wasn't ticked until I saw that he took a selfie with a bunch of other girls, one of which I *know* he's attracted to. And I wonder, did he suggest it? or did she? And if he suggested it, why not get one with me when I saw him? Why isn't he getting yelled at for photos with them? 

Just writing that down... Takes out some of the sting...