So I show up to work with little focus, I'm late, flustered and tired.
Obsession is working at the local office today. I didn't even notice his truck! blah! I walked in, saw him sitting in the usual guys spot and I was like, whoa, who's that!? I didn't know he was working here today. I feel unsettled.
Thank God I only work half a day!
Tuesday, September 17, 2019
Thursday, September 12, 2019
Another Cycle?
So Ex and I had an all day chat session via Twitter yesterday. It felt odd. I kept wondering if I should continue or not. It kept teetering on that line of inappropriate. It's so odd to chat with an ex that you've been intimate with. You know more about them then you do any other random person. There were a couple comments made but both of us were hyper vigilant not to let it go beyond that line. Though the line was brought up a few times. Ex sent a selfie among other photos and I was like "uh oh..." I didn't acknowledge it, just moved on to the next photo he sent me. He's currently in Finland. So the photos were really interesting! It might have been more the content of the background he thought I'd like to see.
Either way, I find myself wondering if we're going to chat again. Then I think um... no. That would be intentional.
It's odd, we have random messages and each time we chat there has been a reason and the chats are super short. Monday Ex sent me a message saying he was off to Finland. I found that odd. It seemed out of the ordinary. But of course my wanderlust was intrigued and wanted to hear more about it. I sent a safe travels and I look forward to the photos. So that's where the chat started yesterday.
So as I was chatting struggling to keep that line appropriate I kept thinking, is this my issue? Like do I exude inappropriate conversation? Am I the cause of all these lines being crossed. First with Colorado, then with Obsession and potentially with Ex? I am a flirt. I know this. But there is a difference between flirting and inappropriate flirting. I struggle to understand the difference.
Speaking of Obsession... I'm surprised by our last chat. I hate to admit it made me late getting back to my location on Tuesday. We talked WAY too long. But it was sooo nice. I've missed those chats. Those are the chats I remember prior to all the embarrassment and walls and distance I felt. It made me wonder if he really thought I had bad intentions and that's why he kept his distance. Or maybe the other coworkers got into his head and me coming and apologizing helped him see my intentions were NEVER to be harmful to his marriage. Maybe it was everything and he finally realized I'm not a vindictive person.
After my chat yesterday with Ex I wonder if this is an area I will have to be hyper vigilant in, to be sure not to cross any lines, since it appears to be an area I slip into easily. *sigh*
I know my Husband Creature is a flirt. He's aware that we're both flirts. I guess women are less likely to play into the flirting. Well... Not really. I'm easily slipping into it. Either way, I don't want this to be a constant struggle, and I will pray that I can keep myself in check and pure of heart.
Husband Creature and myself are doing really well. Now that he's working he seems to have some self worth back and doesn't seem as moody. I have appreciated his efforts. We're still trying to come to a balance on this new schedule and routine. We were so used to the way things were and now he's working we need to split duties more evenly. So we're on the path of figuring that out. 😊
Anyways, I need to get back to work... Just needed this off my chest.
Either way, I find myself wondering if we're going to chat again. Then I think um... no. That would be intentional.
It's odd, we have random messages and each time we chat there has been a reason and the chats are super short. Monday Ex sent me a message saying he was off to Finland. I found that odd. It seemed out of the ordinary. But of course my wanderlust was intrigued and wanted to hear more about it. I sent a safe travels and I look forward to the photos. So that's where the chat started yesterday.
So as I was chatting struggling to keep that line appropriate I kept thinking, is this my issue? Like do I exude inappropriate conversation? Am I the cause of all these lines being crossed. First with Colorado, then with Obsession and potentially with Ex? I am a flirt. I know this. But there is a difference between flirting and inappropriate flirting. I struggle to understand the difference.
Speaking of Obsession... I'm surprised by our last chat. I hate to admit it made me late getting back to my location on Tuesday. We talked WAY too long. But it was sooo nice. I've missed those chats. Those are the chats I remember prior to all the embarrassment and walls and distance I felt. It made me wonder if he really thought I had bad intentions and that's why he kept his distance. Or maybe the other coworkers got into his head and me coming and apologizing helped him see my intentions were NEVER to be harmful to his marriage. Maybe it was everything and he finally realized I'm not a vindictive person.
After my chat yesterday with Ex I wonder if this is an area I will have to be hyper vigilant in, to be sure not to cross any lines, since it appears to be an area I slip into easily. *sigh*
I know my Husband Creature is a flirt. He's aware that we're both flirts. I guess women are less likely to play into the flirting. Well... Not really. I'm easily slipping into it. Either way, I don't want this to be a constant struggle, and I will pray that I can keep myself in check and pure of heart.
Husband Creature and myself are doing really well. Now that he's working he seems to have some self worth back and doesn't seem as moody. I have appreciated his efforts. We're still trying to come to a balance on this new schedule and routine. We were so used to the way things were and now he's working we need to split duties more evenly. So we're on the path of figuring that out. 😊
Anyways, I need to get back to work... Just needed this off my chest.
Friday, September 06, 2019
Happy Birthday to me and farewell Obsession
So it's time to say farewell to my Obsession. Aaand Happy Birthday to me! Today is my birthday. Life is good.
Update 9/6/19
So I feel less frustrated about the whole Obsession thing. I still think a farewell is a necessity. In fact I think my last conversation with him on September 3rd was it. It's been about a month and I tortured myself over some info that I found out.
One being that the day I brought him cookies is the date everything changed. I can't tell if that's when something changed in his mind or if it occurred sooner than that, now looking back it was probably sooner than that. I think his coworker might have thrown me under the bus and admitted that she knew I thought he was cute. Either way, his lack of "thank you" really bothered me.
I saw him August 14th. And I was already standoffish towards him since he hadn't made any effort to say thanks for the cookies. I did my best NOT to try to talk to him. He eventually came up to me and thanked me for the cookies. He said he felt bad that he wasn't responding to the group texts. He said the girls in the office said he had to thank me and he told them "What, do you *want* me to get in trouble?" He reiterated that his wife had been giving him some heat about the text conversations with the people from the office including me. I gave him a hard time about not even calling me on the work phone if he couldn't message me on his cell. The girl in his office indicated that I was a big part of the issue. Obsession downplayed it but something made me sick to my stomach. They'd talked about me texting him. Ugh... I told him well has she read my texts? There's nothing in there that's inappropriate. She understands there's nothing going on right? He responded defensively like well I told her there wasn't anything going on because there isn't anything going on. Which felt like an odd response from him. Like he's been pissed about the whole situation for a bit. It set me back. And his coworker said she felt so bad she called him twice that night and texted him to make sure he was ok. I laughed and said well if his wife is having an issue with us talking to him why did you expect him to respond? He agreed but she looked at him funny.
Obsession said his wife's biggest issue was when she found out he baked me cookies. That it bothered her that he had baked me cookies. But it started when the group texts were all women. But he told her that he's the only guy. I was distracted by more people coming by and came back to say "now I feel bad". He told me "please don't."
So eventually when I had time to review the interaction I came to the conclusion that it was mostly me that his wife was having an issue with.
Mortification set it...
I wasn't sure how to react. I immediately felt like I needed to apologize for everything. But hadn't had any chances to talk to him by himself. I was down there on a Tuesday August 20th and went to say hello. He seemed stressed and annoyed. The conversation was short. I was about to apologize then when he had someone come by for a meeting. I promptly left feeling worse than when I arrived.
Then Monday the 26th I went to a Paint n Sip night with one of the girls in his unit. I decided to ask her one question. And asked if it was me that was causing the biggest problem. She confirmed my biggest fear. His wife has an issue with me texting him. I asked why she wasn't upset with her or the other girl for texting him. She somewhat defensively mentioned that she doesn't text him. I said yes you do in group text. She said it wasn't a big deal and not worry about it. I said that it wasn't like I didn't text anything that my husband couldn't read. And she said again, not to worry about it, that Obsessions wife was super jealous and reads through all his texts. That they (the two girls in his unit) told him he should tell me to stop texting him. And said that's crazy because it's just "Clandestine", she just doesn't know "Clandestine". Etc. So then I was even feeling more frustrated. That he talked to the other girls and was concerned and wasn't sure if he should broach the subject with me.
*Sigh*
You get where I am starting to feel sick to my stomach right? :(
He clearly doesn't want me to text him. What's weird to me is when and why did this start? At what point did he not like me texting him? From the start? Ugh... I never felt uncomfortable with him until I moved away. I never felt unwanted or like there was this wall until this last month after the beginning of August. So what changed? Did his wife find out he baked me cookies once I left? I guess that's when I felt the shift. It would go along with his timeline. I always thought it was just because we didn't see each other as much that things had changed but maybe something did change.
So this last Tuesday (September 3rd) I was down in his office. He didn't seem *as* distant or pulled away. So the first chance I saw he was alone I asked him if I could ask him a question. He said sure what's up. I asked him if he could forgive me. He asked what for. I explained my heart about any of my behavior and not wanting to cause any issues with his wife and how mortified I felt about it. He was very kind. Saying he didn't feel he needed to give me any forgiveness but saw my face and said if it would make me feel better of course he'd forgive me. He said it wasn't anything he couldn't handle. That his wife kept asking why I had to text so much. I still can't figure that part out. I never felt like I sent him too many text. I did tell him that though. He did ask if I noticed that he stopped replying to some of my messages, and I said I had, but that some of my texts didn't require a response. I said I must text a lot in general to my friends because I never felt like I text him in particular that often. I did tell him that I consider him more of a friend than just a coworker and maybe that's why I took liberties. But that either way, I wouldn't be doing that anymore. He did say if it's about traffic or something that shouldn't be a problem. And clearly defined that line. lol He asked if I felt bad about this since that day (the 14th) and I admitted it's eaten me up quite a bit. To think I was causing anyone to question anything really bothered me. That just wasn't something I do! He did admit that if we ever run across each other in public not to stay away, that his wife doesn't think ill of me, she'd just take note that I was the person who texted him. He told her it was just my personality, and that she just didn't know me. And she agreed that she doesn't know me and didn't like it. He told her to read through the text messages, that he could explain each and every one and that there wasn't anything wrong with the communications. I guess there were a couple of inside jokes (that I don't recall) that he had a hard time explaining. But for the most part he agreed the messages were innocent enough.
He did get my voicemail and thought it was strange. He never called me back he says it's because he thought it was prior to seeing me on the 20th. His phone was disconnected for a while. But later in the conversation I caught the lie because he said he wondered why I called since we had talked earlier that day. So apparently he doesn't feel he can return my calls either.
There was more but I can't remember everything. I am now ok with the whole situation but at the moment, ok for the whole month, I felt like such a fool. I think Obsession appreciated the apology. He did look at me a little funny when I said I considered him a friend. It's possible that made things make more sense. But ultimately I did (and still may) have a crush. It impaired my ability to look at my actions objectively. And now that I recall he said he never had an issue with my texts until his wife brought up her frustrations. He basically said I'm not allowed to text anymore unless it's important basic text, like warning him of a traffic accident etc. lol
With that being said, I was pleasantly surprised to get a happy birthday email from him haha Yes, an email. I guess he could have sent nothing. So I'll appreciate the little bit of effort. lol And understand that I won't be able to wish him a happy birthday via text it'll have to be email.
Update 9/6/19
So I feel less frustrated about the whole Obsession thing. I still think a farewell is a necessity. In fact I think my last conversation with him on September 3rd was it. It's been about a month and I tortured myself over some info that I found out.
One being that the day I brought him cookies is the date everything changed. I can't tell if that's when something changed in his mind or if it occurred sooner than that, now looking back it was probably sooner than that. I think his coworker might have thrown me under the bus and admitted that she knew I thought he was cute. Either way, his lack of "thank you" really bothered me.
I saw him August 14th. And I was already standoffish towards him since he hadn't made any effort to say thanks for the cookies. I did my best NOT to try to talk to him. He eventually came up to me and thanked me for the cookies. He said he felt bad that he wasn't responding to the group texts. He said the girls in the office said he had to thank me and he told them "What, do you *want* me to get in trouble?" He reiterated that his wife had been giving him some heat about the text conversations with the people from the office including me. I gave him a hard time about not even calling me on the work phone if he couldn't message me on his cell. The girl in his office indicated that I was a big part of the issue. Obsession downplayed it but something made me sick to my stomach. They'd talked about me texting him. Ugh... I told him well has she read my texts? There's nothing in there that's inappropriate. She understands there's nothing going on right? He responded defensively like well I told her there wasn't anything going on because there isn't anything going on. Which felt like an odd response from him. Like he's been pissed about the whole situation for a bit. It set me back. And his coworker said she felt so bad she called him twice that night and texted him to make sure he was ok. I laughed and said well if his wife is having an issue with us talking to him why did you expect him to respond? He agreed but she looked at him funny.
Obsession said his wife's biggest issue was when she found out he baked me cookies. That it bothered her that he had baked me cookies. But it started when the group texts were all women. But he told her that he's the only guy. I was distracted by more people coming by and came back to say "now I feel bad". He told me "please don't."
So eventually when I had time to review the interaction I came to the conclusion that it was mostly me that his wife was having an issue with.
Mortification set it...
I wasn't sure how to react. I immediately felt like I needed to apologize for everything. But hadn't had any chances to talk to him by himself. I was down there on a Tuesday August 20th and went to say hello. He seemed stressed and annoyed. The conversation was short. I was about to apologize then when he had someone come by for a meeting. I promptly left feeling worse than when I arrived.
Then Monday the 26th I went to a Paint n Sip night with one of the girls in his unit. I decided to ask her one question. And asked if it was me that was causing the biggest problem. She confirmed my biggest fear. His wife has an issue with me texting him. I asked why she wasn't upset with her or the other girl for texting him. She somewhat defensively mentioned that she doesn't text him. I said yes you do in group text. She said it wasn't a big deal and not worry about it. I said that it wasn't like I didn't text anything that my husband couldn't read. And she said again, not to worry about it, that Obsessions wife was super jealous and reads through all his texts. That they (the two girls in his unit) told him he should tell me to stop texting him. And said that's crazy because it's just "Clandestine", she just doesn't know "Clandestine". Etc. So then I was even feeling more frustrated. That he talked to the other girls and was concerned and wasn't sure if he should broach the subject with me.
*Sigh*
You get where I am starting to feel sick to my stomach right? :(
He clearly doesn't want me to text him. What's weird to me is when and why did this start? At what point did he not like me texting him? From the start? Ugh... I never felt uncomfortable with him until I moved away. I never felt unwanted or like there was this wall until this last month after the beginning of August. So what changed? Did his wife find out he baked me cookies once I left? I guess that's when I felt the shift. It would go along with his timeline. I always thought it was just because we didn't see each other as much that things had changed but maybe something did change.
So this last Tuesday (September 3rd) I was down in his office. He didn't seem *as* distant or pulled away. So the first chance I saw he was alone I asked him if I could ask him a question. He said sure what's up. I asked him if he could forgive me. He asked what for. I explained my heart about any of my behavior and not wanting to cause any issues with his wife and how mortified I felt about it. He was very kind. Saying he didn't feel he needed to give me any forgiveness but saw my face and said if it would make me feel better of course he'd forgive me. He said it wasn't anything he couldn't handle. That his wife kept asking why I had to text so much. I still can't figure that part out. I never felt like I sent him too many text. I did tell him that though. He did ask if I noticed that he stopped replying to some of my messages, and I said I had, but that some of my texts didn't require a response. I said I must text a lot in general to my friends because I never felt like I text him in particular that often. I did tell him that I consider him more of a friend than just a coworker and maybe that's why I took liberties. But that either way, I wouldn't be doing that anymore. He did say if it's about traffic or something that shouldn't be a problem. And clearly defined that line. lol He asked if I felt bad about this since that day (the 14th) and I admitted it's eaten me up quite a bit. To think I was causing anyone to question anything really bothered me. That just wasn't something I do! He did admit that if we ever run across each other in public not to stay away, that his wife doesn't think ill of me, she'd just take note that I was the person who texted him. He told her it was just my personality, and that she just didn't know me. And she agreed that she doesn't know me and didn't like it. He told her to read through the text messages, that he could explain each and every one and that there wasn't anything wrong with the communications. I guess there were a couple of inside jokes (that I don't recall) that he had a hard time explaining. But for the most part he agreed the messages were innocent enough.
He did get my voicemail and thought it was strange. He never called me back he says it's because he thought it was prior to seeing me on the 20th. His phone was disconnected for a while. But later in the conversation I caught the lie because he said he wondered why I called since we had talked earlier that day. So apparently he doesn't feel he can return my calls either.
There was more but I can't remember everything. I am now ok with the whole situation but at the moment, ok for the whole month, I felt like such a fool. I think Obsession appreciated the apology. He did look at me a little funny when I said I considered him a friend. It's possible that made things make more sense. But ultimately I did (and still may) have a crush. It impaired my ability to look at my actions objectively. And now that I recall he said he never had an issue with my texts until his wife brought up her frustrations. He basically said I'm not allowed to text anymore unless it's important basic text, like warning him of a traffic accident etc. lol
With that being said, I was pleasantly surprised to get a happy birthday email from him haha Yes, an email. I guess he could have sent nothing. So I'll appreciate the little bit of effort. lol And understand that I won't be able to wish him a happy birthday via text it'll have to be email.
Wednesday, August 28, 2019
You Say - Lauren Daigle
I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough...
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up...
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up...
Right now this song is exactly what my heart needs. I'm struggling... I've just put on the full armor of God and am fighting my negative thoughts. I think it's lack of sleep and my new medication causing exhaustion and moodiness. But either way I'm not going to stay in this state. I'm choosing my thoughts, taking them captive and fighting with the truth of the Word.
You Say by Lauren Daigle
I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low
Remind me once again just who I am because I need to know
Ooh oh
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low
Remind me once again just who I am because I need to know
Ooh oh
You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And you say I am held when I am falling short
And when I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours
And I believe (I)
Oh I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And you say I am held when I am falling short
And when I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours
And I believe (I)
Oh I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe
The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me
In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity
Ooh oh
In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity
Ooh oh
You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And you say I am held when I am falling short
And when I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours
And I believe (I)
Oh, I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
Oh, I believe
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And you say I am held when I am falling short
And when I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours
And I believe (I)
Oh, I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
Oh, I believe
Taking all I have and now I'm laying it at Your feet
You have every failure, God, You have every victory
Ooh oh
You have every failure, God, You have every victory
Ooh oh
You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours
And I believe (I)
Oh, I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours
And I believe (I)
Oh, I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe
Oh, I believe (I)
Yes I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe
Yes I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe
https://youtu.be/sIaT8Jl2zpI
Tuesday, August 13, 2019
This place is suffocating
Yesterday I felt rejuvenated, like I could deal with the world. I was down at the Admin building for my work. The place I started my journey for the place I work for.
Today... I feel stifled. I feel depressed and lonely and uninspired and unimportant. I rebuked the enemy in my office. I'm just down.
I haven't listened to christian music today like I normally do. But there is just something about this place. This office space. Maybe it's the negativity before everyone shifted locations. But I just get the overwhelming sense of discouragement when I'm here.
Today... I feel stifled. I feel depressed and lonely and uninspired and unimportant. I rebuked the enemy in my office. I'm just down.
I haven't listened to christian music today like I normally do. But there is just something about this place. This office space. Maybe it's the negativity before everyone shifted locations. But I just get the overwhelming sense of discouragement when I'm here.
Tuesday, August 06, 2019
Retraining my brain
So I've been doing something different. Every time Obsession pops into my brain I ask God to forgive me and force myself to think about something else. So that's all I have to say about that. lol Though Colorado popped into my brain and I happened to look for him on Facebook. He shaved his beard. Looks 10 years younger. He looks happy and I'm happy for that. But moving on...
My Stinker Creature is starting Kindergarten tomorrow!!! It's such an amazing thing to watch him grow. I am curious to what he's going to be like when he gets older and the other side doesn't want him to grow up at all! He's so handsome though. I pray we raise him up right.
Husband Creature and I have been doing well. He has been busy fixing my car. Any upgrade he can give me he tries to do. It's kind of cute and really sweet.
I'm doing my best to focus on the good things right now. No more negativity. The last month has drained me mentally, emotionally and physically. My foot is in excruciating pain for the last week, it started last Tuesday. I can barely walk. But I am determined to go to the gym after work. I need the release of endorphins right now more then ever.
My dad is doing amazing. He's truly a walking miracle. Today is exactly a month from his heart attack and he's back to almost 90% of where he was! The only issue now is his stamina. But that's expected to take some time. But seriously, to be at the point of being on the gurney and the Dr almost "calling it" to where he is today is a true testament of God's miraculous healing!
I don't know that I will ever be able to recall that memory without tearing up of being in the ER watching them perform CPR on my dad and making eye contact with the Dr as his assistant asked if he should "call it" and the Dr looking at me and deciding to "try one more time" and the look I got from the Dr when he felt it was the best they could do to get him into emergency surgery. The look of "well that's the best we got". Even now, my throat is closing and my eyes are watering... Yep... tears... That's a tough memory to think about. But man... what a miracle to have witnessed!
My Stinker Creature is starting Kindergarten tomorrow!!! It's such an amazing thing to watch him grow. I am curious to what he's going to be like when he gets older and the other side doesn't want him to grow up at all! He's so handsome though. I pray we raise him up right.
Husband Creature and I have been doing well. He has been busy fixing my car. Any upgrade he can give me he tries to do. It's kind of cute and really sweet.
I'm doing my best to focus on the good things right now. No more negativity. The last month has drained me mentally, emotionally and physically. My foot is in excruciating pain for the last week, it started last Tuesday. I can barely walk. But I am determined to go to the gym after work. I need the release of endorphins right now more then ever.
My dad is doing amazing. He's truly a walking miracle. Today is exactly a month from his heart attack and he's back to almost 90% of where he was! The only issue now is his stamina. But that's expected to take some time. But seriously, to be at the point of being on the gurney and the Dr almost "calling it" to where he is today is a true testament of God's miraculous healing!
I don't know that I will ever be able to recall that memory without tearing up of being in the ER watching them perform CPR on my dad and making eye contact with the Dr as his assistant asked if he should "call it" and the Dr looking at me and deciding to "try one more time" and the look I got from the Dr when he felt it was the best they could do to get him into emergency surgery. The look of "well that's the best we got". Even now, my throat is closing and my eyes are watering... Yep... tears... That's a tough memory to think about. But man... what a miracle to have witnessed!
Thursday, August 01, 2019
I did a thing...
Things shift so much these days it's hard to know how I feel about Obsession anymore. Some days I'm sad things have changed so much, other days it feels like I still matter to him, and other days I just don't care. Lately I have cared less than usual.
I saw him last week at a work event, I was super excited knowing I would be seeing him and in the end that day was a horrible let down. When I look back, it wasn't as bad as I thought but the year prior had been such a cool experience I thought this year would have been similar. I think the year prior was such a cool experience because we were just getting to know each other. I didn't think he'd stick around me as much as he did. This year he was distracted by a coworker in his unit. She seems to have taken my place. And part of me wonders if there is more there even if she prefers the same sex. They were always sitting together, whispering to each other.
Either way, the day ended with me feeling pretty low. But looking back there were a couple of cute moments. I was helping the registration line and was the person in charge of his line. He teased and said I was in his knowing I'd be helping him. I basically laughed it off saying oh yeah I selected these letters just so I could see you. Which deep down inside was exactly the case. lol I did get a group photo of us together with a bunch of other people which is what I wanted. He came up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder and asked a question about what I was doing. We had to fill out 5 names of people that were our heroes, I went straight up to his group and started with him. Told him how he is with his kids makes him a hero. He took his out of his pocket and said I was his hero because every day I am at the office makes the day brighter and I was like "awww" and he said no seriously... My day is brighter when you're there. We ended up doing a breakout session together with another group. We painted, he's always been complimentary of my painting but he didn't seem to even want to see my painting that day.
I bring that up only because the next day I stopped by his office to drop off some leftover stuff from the event and he asked me about it specifically because he thought I was a good painter and he couldn't recall what mine looked like. That same time I had my hair up in a ponytail because I was unloading boxes and sweating. I was a little worried about going in to see Obsession looking like a wreck but oddly I got a lot of compliments. I was wearing an item I had bought at the work event. A scrunchy with ties. He said I looked like I belonged in a sock hop. He and I chatted a little bit but he didn't seem interested in keeping the conversation going.
My Husband Creature asked if "My Distraction" was at the event after the fact. I forgot he may have been curious if I was going to see him. I see Obsession so randomly I kind of forgot I may need to keep my Husband Creature informed after everything. But I do see and interact with Obsession enough not to feel like I should share each time. It was kind of sad that he needed to verify that "My Distraction" wasn't there the whole time. Especially since I had long days. I wonder if he thought he had volunteered as well. But I clarified that he was only there for one of the two days.
Sunday I went to get out and color. Obsession always pops into my head when I do that, only because of the many conversations we've had about him wanting to get away and journal like that. Also because I've always been tempted to invite him to meet me for coffee. Either way, I couldn't shake the thought that really ultimately I'm there to be an example of Christ. That being me, means I represent a faint reflection of who God is. So, I sent Obsession a text, asking if there was anything he needed prayer for. His response was super fast, "Where do I begin, just kidding. Not really. Thx".
I saw him Tuesday, unexpectedly, sorta. There was a meeting at my location. Obsession sent confirmation he was going but then went to tentative. It looked like he wasn't going to make it. So much so that I wasn't too focused on trying to see if he was there when people started arriving. I was heading down the hall looking down at my phone and I noticed someone looking at me. It was Obsession! He said "Howdy Stranger!" and gave me a hug. We talked about how different my office looks because a bunch of changes that have been happening. I had to sit in the meeting with him. He was in my direct line of sight. It was hard not to get "distracted". And once I happened to look up and saw him looking at me. I ended up having to leave before the meeting was over so I made sure to say goodbye.
And finally to what the title of this post is about... I did a thing... I baked cookies. It's hard not to think of giving Obsession my cookies since he loves them so much and yes I know how horrible and how much of an innuendo that sounds like. We've joked about it. So... I interoffice mailed him some. They may either arrive today at 4pm or tomorrow. I was hoping today but it looks like it's most likely tomorrow. Oh wells. They should hopefully be ok. lol
Oddly I've been in contact with Ex on Twitter. He randomly messages me here and there and this last time we responded more than 4 times each. We left things on goodish terms. We had been emailing here and there but the first time I met his wife.... crickets. I'm guessing either she was threatened by me and asked him to stop communicating with me. Not sure. Either way, we rarely chat but it seems to be happening a bit more often.
I reached out to Latin Lover yesterday. Just wondering how he and his wife are doing. They officially called it quits. Poor guy. Has no idea what love really is, yet he thinks he's addicted to the feeling. Which I guess could be true... Because the feeling doesn't last. It's a decision. And I'm grateful that I know what that means.
Things with Husband Creature are doing well. The weeks following my dads heart attack took it's toll because I wasn't around and he had to pick up the slack. But we're good now that things are settling down into a regular rhythm again.
*Update 8/2/19*
Blah, not even a thank you! fucker... I got a buttload of guilt from the girl in his unit. She seemed genuinely annoyed. His lack of thank you makes me think she really was complaining enough to make him feel guilty for enjoying it. She did send a photo of him holding the container of cookies. She said he loves them and they taste like they just came out of the oven. And nothing, not a peep from him. *sigh* I partially want to reach out and be like sheesh not even a thank you? But if he thanks me then it won't feel genuine. And lets be honest, nothing received doesn't bode well. ...
...
So I couldn't help myself. I called him. He said don't hate him but he's getting heat from his wife about the group chats we've been in. But he could have called or emailed. He said he felt rude not joining in to the chat. But again, there are other forms of communication. So I'm still rather annoyed. He did thank me, before I told him why I called. And shared how great they tasted since they were warm during transport. But again... Guess I need to keep my distance for a bit. I'm too wrapped up in his responses or lack thereof.
I bring that up only because the next day I stopped by his office to drop off some leftover stuff from the event and he asked me about it specifically because he thought I was a good painter and he couldn't recall what mine looked like. That same time I had my hair up in a ponytail because I was unloading boxes and sweating. I was a little worried about going in to see Obsession looking like a wreck but oddly I got a lot of compliments. I was wearing an item I had bought at the work event. A scrunchy with ties. He said I looked like I belonged in a sock hop. He and I chatted a little bit but he didn't seem interested in keeping the conversation going.
My Husband Creature asked if "My Distraction" was at the event after the fact. I forgot he may have been curious if I was going to see him. I see Obsession so randomly I kind of forgot I may need to keep my Husband Creature informed after everything. But I do see and interact with Obsession enough not to feel like I should share each time. It was kind of sad that he needed to verify that "My Distraction" wasn't there the whole time. Especially since I had long days. I wonder if he thought he had volunteered as well. But I clarified that he was only there for one of the two days.
Sunday I went to get out and color. Obsession always pops into my head when I do that, only because of the many conversations we've had about him wanting to get away and journal like that. Also because I've always been tempted to invite him to meet me for coffee. Either way, I couldn't shake the thought that really ultimately I'm there to be an example of Christ. That being me, means I represent a faint reflection of who God is. So, I sent Obsession a text, asking if there was anything he needed prayer for. His response was super fast, "Where do I begin, just kidding. Not really. Thx".
I saw him Tuesday, unexpectedly, sorta. There was a meeting at my location. Obsession sent confirmation he was going but then went to tentative. It looked like he wasn't going to make it. So much so that I wasn't too focused on trying to see if he was there when people started arriving. I was heading down the hall looking down at my phone and I noticed someone looking at me. It was Obsession! He said "Howdy Stranger!" and gave me a hug. We talked about how different my office looks because a bunch of changes that have been happening. I had to sit in the meeting with him. He was in my direct line of sight. It was hard not to get "distracted". And once I happened to look up and saw him looking at me. I ended up having to leave before the meeting was over so I made sure to say goodbye.
And finally to what the title of this post is about... I did a thing... I baked cookies. It's hard not to think of giving Obsession my cookies since he loves them so much and yes I know how horrible and how much of an innuendo that sounds like. We've joked about it. So... I interoffice mailed him some. They may either arrive today at 4pm or tomorrow. I was hoping today but it looks like it's most likely tomorrow. Oh wells. They should hopefully be ok. lol
Oddly I've been in contact with Ex on Twitter. He randomly messages me here and there and this last time we responded more than 4 times each. We left things on goodish terms. We had been emailing here and there but the first time I met his wife.... crickets. I'm guessing either she was threatened by me and asked him to stop communicating with me. Not sure. Either way, we rarely chat but it seems to be happening a bit more often.
I reached out to Latin Lover yesterday. Just wondering how he and his wife are doing. They officially called it quits. Poor guy. Has no idea what love really is, yet he thinks he's addicted to the feeling. Which I guess could be true... Because the feeling doesn't last. It's a decision. And I'm grateful that I know what that means.
Things with Husband Creature are doing well. The weeks following my dads heart attack took it's toll because I wasn't around and he had to pick up the slack. But we're good now that things are settling down into a regular rhythm again.
*Update 8/2/19*
Blah, not even a thank you! fucker... I got a buttload of guilt from the girl in his unit. She seemed genuinely annoyed. His lack of thank you makes me think she really was complaining enough to make him feel guilty for enjoying it. She did send a photo of him holding the container of cookies. She said he loves them and they taste like they just came out of the oven. And nothing, not a peep from him. *sigh* I partially want to reach out and be like sheesh not even a thank you? But if he thanks me then it won't feel genuine. And lets be honest, nothing received doesn't bode well. ...
...
So I couldn't help myself. I called him. He said don't hate him but he's getting heat from his wife about the group chats we've been in. But he could have called or emailed. He said he felt rude not joining in to the chat. But again, there are other forms of communication. So I'm still rather annoyed. He did thank me, before I told him why I called. And shared how great they tasted since they were warm during transport. But again... Guess I need to keep my distance for a bit. I'm too wrapped up in his responses or lack thereof.
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