Obsession - So I haven't seen my Obsession for over a week since he went on vacation. We had a great week prior to his vacation though. We had a work function and we spent some time hanging out. He came up and hugged me when he first saw me. We got our photo taken together. It was odd, I asked him and the way it came out was I wanted him, I noticed the awkwardness but I didn't correct it. :-/ But I now have a photo with him. (Though side note: I was glad to show him all the photos so he could see he wasn't the only person I asked to take a photo with me. He commented on how I have a big smile in all the photos with everyone.) After the photo I asked where his people were, he said he wasn't sure but then asked me *who* my people were. I told him honestly I wasn't sure, that I felt like I belonged to his group as well as others. He agreed he felt I belonged with them. He said they couldn't have some of the conversations they do without me. We spent quite a bit of time chatting. It was great to hang out outside of the office. It made me happy to see that as long as he's worked here, he didn't jump away from our chats to catch up with other people he'd run into. He stayed walking with me.
The next day he wanted to show me more stuff, communicated more, seemed eager to talk. Which I took as a good sign of a friendship forming. But then he went on vacation...
I sent him a text reminding him that he and his family were invited to my Husband Creature's Bday BBQ. I wasn't surprised not to get a response. I kind of figured it was a long shot and he'd mention it when I saw him at work. I was surprised the day of the party to receive a text from him! He was too tired from his daughters soccer tournament otherwise they would have come. Which was honestly unexpected. I had other people flake altogether and still no explanation as to why. So I appreciated that.
And in all honesty with how crappy I felt about myself that day, I'm kind of glad he wasn't there. I felt all swollen and sweaty and a hot mess from running around with an AC that didn't work very well. I actually got the impression that was why he didn't stop by himself. He said he spent the day baking in the sun and was hot and sweaty.
We had a nice chat this morning about the party and his vacation. He said I looked well rested. lol Not sure why that seemed odd. He seemed disappointed he didn't stop by the BBQ. He said he's been getting headaches, to the point that taking steps feels like each step is pounding in his head. Poor guy. But that was about all of the interaction we had because he was having a short day. He had a doctor's appointment.
Colorado - Things with Colorado are weird. And I'm not sure how to feel about it. I always worry he's ghosting again. He said he never would do that again. But I also know he's going through a divorce. He said he announced it to the kids after their 10 year wedding anniversary. Which was last week. It's so crazy to me that people can work at a marriage for so long and just give up. Too many people I know are getting divorced after 10+ years of marriage. It's scary. And posts like mine about my Obsession probably make me a prime target for failure in my own marriage. But my Obsession is ebbing. And I love my Husband Creature. We have our issues. This crush on Obsession has played a slight factor in some of the good as well as bad going on in my marriage now. I appreciate my husband more because of it.
Anyways, Colorado isn't speaking to me. Hasn't responded to my messages since his own vacation, at least not more than one or two messages. He dropped off last Monday. I'm sure he's just taking his time to process what's going on. I mean his whole world is being turned upside down. I think I'm only slightly confused because he seemed so nonchalant about the whole concept when he told me they had made the decision to divorce. Maybe it hit him. But at this point. I've made my efforts to reach out. So I'm giving him his space.
The Drummer - I just happened to review an old post about The Drummer and I still can't believe how that whole thing went from nothing to something. But it helps me realize that my intuition on how a guy feels about me is pretty right on.
So if it's still right on, I shouldn't worry if I annoy Obsession. I can tell he enjoys our conversations. He doesn't seem to avoid interactions with me. We have A LOT in common. In regards to how we feel about politics at least and some of our moral views. I get surprised when he comments on things and I find out we're on the same page. Most people are so liberal its sick. But... sometimes I wonder, is he concerned? Thinking I'm reading too much into his conversations with me... lol I overthink everything...
Anywho... I'm tired. I'm having a hard time focusing. My mind is wandering all over the place. I've been somewhat productive today. But then another part of me is just staring at the computer screen not sure what to do next. Guess I should attempt to finish up what I'm working on.
Tuesday, July 31, 2018
Tuesday, July 10, 2018
Quick Obsession
So not that much cute has happened recently with Obsession but today I walked in to see how they were holding up with lack of AC in the office. And immediately he noticed I was dressed up. To the point that he looked around his monitors to see the whole outfit. I, on the other hand, didn't think I was that dressed up. But his coworker started giving me crap for what I was wearing when we have no AC and he defended me. It was pretty cute. :)
Though on the opposite side. I asked him about how the fire impacted him last week and he said he thought we'd talked about it. He stuck it out and made it home ok. Though I can't decide if him thinking we talked is a good thing or a bad thing. I'm leaning towards bad. *sigh*
But still cute that he thought I was dressed up. :) I'll focus on that lol
Though on the opposite side. I asked him about how the fire impacted him last week and he said he thought we'd talked about it. He stuck it out and made it home ok. Though I can't decide if him thinking we talked is a good thing or a bad thing. I'm leaning towards bad. *sigh*
But still cute that he thought I was dressed up. :) I'll focus on that lol
Monday, July 09, 2018
Changing Obsession
It's crazy to me the Obsession still continues. Not as insane as it once was thankfully. But he still pops into my head at the most random moments. Apparently he has driven by my apartment every time he takes his daughter to soccer practice. Though we just realized this last week and I think the soccer season seems to be over.
He asked what I was doing for the 4th of July. Which is part of how he learned where I live. Looks like he'll be going to the event by my place next year after what I had to say about it and what his brother had to say. Apparently, his brother has gone 3 years in a row and really enjoys it.
I ended up giving Obsession the journal I had bought for him a while back. I had to make sure Husband Creature was ok with me giving another guy a gift. He thought it was strange but said he didn't have a problem with it. My Obsession really appreciated it. Thought it was super sweet. He even gave me a hug. I told him how I had it for a while and wasn't sure about giving it to him, that I felt silly. He said he was sad I felt odd about it. And aside from my cookies, this is the favorite thing he's gotten from me. (hehe The only two things he's gotten from me.)
We had a going away party for another upper management person. He asked if I was going to walk down with his group. I did but he was so far up front I went with another person. While in the room, again I'm always so aware of his presence, he didn't even seem to see me. I said my goodbyes to the person and grabbed a cupcake and walked back down to my office. I was scanning some documents and saw him walking down towards his office. I smiled and kept doing what I was doing. He came to my area, a rarity, and said he thought I was going down with them and asked why I wasn't there. I told him I had gone down but only stayed to say good luck and good bye and had to get back to work. The fact that he didn't see me when I was there was a tad disappointing but I was happy he noticed my absence enough to come ask for me. Yep. Pathetic.
We had a fire in the path of our drive home last Friday and I was working in the local office and couldn't help but hope he would show up there. But no such luck.
I kind of wish there was someone else to obsess over. Colorado and I have been continually chatting. He has his moments of pushing for more sexual focus of conversation but I tend to avoid that direction with him. And there are a few coworkers I find myself toying with flirtation but nothing any where near as obsessive as Obsession.
I will say the more we have talked the more I hear Obsession referencing things we've talked about. So at least I know he now listens to what I have to say and remembers it. Though I still think about him WAY more than I should and get the feeling he doesn't even notice when I'm not around. He still seems to share more about his schedule than seems normal. He's very specific which days he'll be off, I tend to stare at his wall calendar when I'm in his office to get a peak of what his schedule is like. I see his car almost every day. It sucks that it's such a common make and color because goodness every single time my heart beats a bit faster until I realize a feature that is off somehow and realize it's not his. Yep, obsession. Yep. Pathetic. But... completely and utterly real.
He asked what I was doing for the 4th of July. Which is part of how he learned where I live. Looks like he'll be going to the event by my place next year after what I had to say about it and what his brother had to say. Apparently, his brother has gone 3 years in a row and really enjoys it.
I ended up giving Obsession the journal I had bought for him a while back. I had to make sure Husband Creature was ok with me giving another guy a gift. He thought it was strange but said he didn't have a problem with it. My Obsession really appreciated it. Thought it was super sweet. He even gave me a hug. I told him how I had it for a while and wasn't sure about giving it to him, that I felt silly. He said he was sad I felt odd about it. And aside from my cookies, this is the favorite thing he's gotten from me. (hehe The only two things he's gotten from me.)
We had a going away party for another upper management person. He asked if I was going to walk down with his group. I did but he was so far up front I went with another person. While in the room, again I'm always so aware of his presence, he didn't even seem to see me. I said my goodbyes to the person and grabbed a cupcake and walked back down to my office. I was scanning some documents and saw him walking down towards his office. I smiled and kept doing what I was doing. He came to my area, a rarity, and said he thought I was going down with them and asked why I wasn't there. I told him I had gone down but only stayed to say good luck and good bye and had to get back to work. The fact that he didn't see me when I was there was a tad disappointing but I was happy he noticed my absence enough to come ask for me. Yep. Pathetic.
We had a fire in the path of our drive home last Friday and I was working in the local office and couldn't help but hope he would show up there. But no such luck.
I kind of wish there was someone else to obsess over. Colorado and I have been continually chatting. He has his moments of pushing for more sexual focus of conversation but I tend to avoid that direction with him. And there are a few coworkers I find myself toying with flirtation but nothing any where near as obsessive as Obsession.
I will say the more we have talked the more I hear Obsession referencing things we've talked about. So at least I know he now listens to what I have to say and remembers it. Though I still think about him WAY more than I should and get the feeling he doesn't even notice when I'm not around. He still seems to share more about his schedule than seems normal. He's very specific which days he'll be off, I tend to stare at his wall calendar when I'm in his office to get a peak of what his schedule is like. I see his car almost every day. It sucks that it's such a common make and color because goodness every single time my heart beats a bit faster until I realize a feature that is off somehow and realize it's not his. Yep, obsession. Yep. Pathetic. But... completely and utterly real.
Friday, April 20, 2018
Continued Obsession
Welp... The Obsession continues...
Yesterday we had a conversation about Our Purpose. That's one thing I'll say about him. He does continue to draw me in. I want to chat but I never force conversations. Yesterday, I went over to ask a quick question and he was like "come join us, we're talking about deep stuff. What's your purpose in life?" We ended up talking for like an hour about our God given purposes. I found out a lot about his beliefs. And I think for the first time I saw a side of him I wasn't drawn to. The *first* time! He does have some faith. He was raised Jehovah Witness but converted to Christianity. But he still holds to some of the Jehovah Witness beliefs. Yet it seems he doesn't take faith very seriously. He believes being a good person is your role in life. Clearly with this conversation we talked about my faith, my history in a Christian home. His partner and I have very similar beliefs, so he was happy that I came in at that moment to share my purpose because it was in line with what he was trying to share with him. My Obsession believes we don't have a purpose, that we are just here to live the best life we can live, that nothing is orchestrated. In some respects I agree, but in others I strongly disagreed with him. Either way it was a rather interesting conversation.
So a couple items of note. I sent out an email to all the local people who commute to work and let them have my number in case they needed a ride or anything. He was the only one to reply and gave me his personal cell number. Not even his work one.
One of our conversations I mentioned that I had a hard time saying "no" and he teased me by asking for cookies but said he wouldn't be back in the office until a week later. I told him "no" and we laughed. But I actually did make him cookies, but I was also asked by someone else so I felt it could work without looking like I did it *just* for him. When I gave them to him, he didn't fully recall our conversation. Once I reminded him he remembered and laughed and I made sure to indicate he wasn't the only person that asked for them.
We talked about him journalling once, I bought him a journal and I can't seem to get myself to give it to him. It seems like an inappropriate gift for a married woman to give a married man. So I have it hidden away in my desk. I don't know that I'll ever give it to him.
He hates spiders but is ok with snakes. His 13 year old is afraid of his lizard. His kids are his everything. Jehovah Witnesses don't believe in blood transfusions or giving birthday gifts, when it comes to his kids, he doesn't care, he will do either. He's lived in my area since the late 90's. He rode dirt bikes. He has 3 brothers, one passed away last year. His older brother is the problem child. We mentioned something about our marriages being different then when we first got married, and he said under his breath that his wife is bugging him, and him and his partner started laughing so I think there was some kind of inside joke they had discussed previously.
I do find that he doesn't recall most of our conversations, which leads me to believe he's just not that interested in what I'm saying. I cling to every word he says, which makes me feel foolish. And I noticed his wall calendar shows his projects/schedule. He will be at an off site location next week when I will be. Kind of excited about that for some reason. What will make me laugh is I never see him, would serve me right.
Yesterday we had a conversation about Our Purpose. That's one thing I'll say about him. He does continue to draw me in. I want to chat but I never force conversations. Yesterday, I went over to ask a quick question and he was like "come join us, we're talking about deep stuff. What's your purpose in life?" We ended up talking for like an hour about our God given purposes. I found out a lot about his beliefs. And I think for the first time I saw a side of him I wasn't drawn to. The *first* time! He does have some faith. He was raised Jehovah Witness but converted to Christianity. But he still holds to some of the Jehovah Witness beliefs. Yet it seems he doesn't take faith very seriously. He believes being a good person is your role in life. Clearly with this conversation we talked about my faith, my history in a Christian home. His partner and I have very similar beliefs, so he was happy that I came in at that moment to share my purpose because it was in line with what he was trying to share with him. My Obsession believes we don't have a purpose, that we are just here to live the best life we can live, that nothing is orchestrated. In some respects I agree, but in others I strongly disagreed with him. Either way it was a rather interesting conversation.
So a couple items of note. I sent out an email to all the local people who commute to work and let them have my number in case they needed a ride or anything. He was the only one to reply and gave me his personal cell number. Not even his work one.
One of our conversations I mentioned that I had a hard time saying "no" and he teased me by asking for cookies but said he wouldn't be back in the office until a week later. I told him "no" and we laughed. But I actually did make him cookies, but I was also asked by someone else so I felt it could work without looking like I did it *just* for him. When I gave them to him, he didn't fully recall our conversation. Once I reminded him he remembered and laughed and I made sure to indicate he wasn't the only person that asked for them.
We talked about him journalling once, I bought him a journal and I can't seem to get myself to give it to him. It seems like an inappropriate gift for a married woman to give a married man. So I have it hidden away in my desk. I don't know that I'll ever give it to him.
He hates spiders but is ok with snakes. His 13 year old is afraid of his lizard. His kids are his everything. Jehovah Witnesses don't believe in blood transfusions or giving birthday gifts, when it comes to his kids, he doesn't care, he will do either. He's lived in my area since the late 90's. He rode dirt bikes. He has 3 brothers, one passed away last year. His older brother is the problem child. We mentioned something about our marriages being different then when we first got married, and he said under his breath that his wife is bugging him, and him and his partner started laughing so I think there was some kind of inside joke they had discussed previously.
I do find that he doesn't recall most of our conversations, which leads me to believe he's just not that interested in what I'm saying. I cling to every word he says, which makes me feel foolish. And I noticed his wall calendar shows his projects/schedule. He will be at an off site location next week when I will be. Kind of excited about that for some reason. What will make me laugh is I never see him, would serve me right.
Wednesday, April 11, 2018
Obsession somewhat subsided
So my obsession seems to be getting more manageable. I have my moments. Then there's the moments I can't help.
I baked cookies for a coworkers retirement pot luck, made an extra few for his area (as it seems I spend a good amount of time there as well as in my area... I wonder why? lol). ;) He was the first to be in the office so I gave them to him and told him there was enough for everyone to have 2 each. He said chocolate chip cookies are his downfall. I bragged mine up and told him once he had my cookies he'd agree. Sure enough he was curious as to how I made them so well. How they were soft yet yummy. I shared how I just follow the recipe but the way I mix it is different. In the end he said he'd make me his cookies and try my tips and let me see how they fare.
Now that I know we're in neighboring cities I wonder if we'll ever run into each other. I don't think so if we haven't already but the thought pops into my head from time to time when I'm out and about.
Well I'm off for now. I may decide to add more later.
It's a new day. I almost got to see him today, maybe... I'm working the local office though. Which I'm happy about. I don't exactly feel attractive in my current outfit. My hair is pulled up. Once my mom told me I don't look as pretty with my hair pulled up and it's made a big impact on me. I pull it up when I don't care what I look like, or if I want to be comfortable (which was today's reasoning, aside from the fact that I didn't think I'd be going down to my current office and I haven't washed my hair in 3 days, 3rd day's always the toughest to get through, without dry shampoo which I'm running low on). Yet I've had multiple compliments on my hair pulled up, they don't make as much of an impact as my mom's statement once. Or maybe it was my husband as well. I think my mom was the first person to say it, and my husband has reiterated that he prefers my hair down, or half up and the back down.
Aside from the concern he might see me the way I look today, I have wondered if he's noticed my absence. And wondered how often I'd get to see him at my new assignment when the transfer is complete. It'll be tough to move on. I'm not as comfortable here. But I'm sure if this was my permanent location I'd make more of an effort to get to know the people around me.
So I can't fully say my obsession is an "out of sight out of mind" type situation these days but it ebbs. Though knowing I should have seen him today is buggin me.
I finally talked to my sister about it. She made me feel less silly. She said it proves I'm not dead. lol I think I'm still surprised by my reaction to someone like this. Someone in person. I've had inappropriate moments with Colorado now and again but that's all but died out even in friendship. He seems to have completely shut down. Which I guess is healthy. But I'm not physically drawn to Colorado. For him, it's a companionship. Something a little more unhealthy in some ways. But it's so far from what it was I no longer feel anything between us. Is that the what my Obsession will end up being when I move away? When I'm no longer in such close proximity? I mean I will see him from time to time for now, but what happens when his role changes within the department? I guess my best friend is right, I need to transfer, get my head on straight. I have 30 minutes...
One of the moments I haven't brought up was the time I caught him just watching me. He was at my desk, I was in with my boss not knowing anyone was listening to our conversation, I sensed someone's eyes and he was just staring, and I apologized that I didn't realize someone needed me. We stood next to each other and I felt the electricity as we worked together on a project, discussing it, trying to put our individual information together to make sense with the others. I remember being close. Hyper aware of his arm touching mine.
I remember the very first time I talked to him, maybe even noticed him. I was going through his department writing out names and he asked what I was doing. I remember thinking, damn, he's a good lookin guy. I remember seeing him at a potluck, I want to say the Christmas one, and I kept looking at him and he seemed oblivious to me at all. ....
My Carpool buddy has made a couple comments that make me think she's trying to help me see he's not ever interested in any women aside from his wife. Or she's brought up the fact that there is no man that hasn't thought about having sex with every single woman he's worked with. Again two completely separate conversations but make me think... lol
Yep Obsession seems like a good term for him. *sigh* I'm in high school all over again.
I baked cookies for a coworkers retirement pot luck, made an extra few for his area (as it seems I spend a good amount of time there as well as in my area... I wonder why? lol). ;) He was the first to be in the office so I gave them to him and told him there was enough for everyone to have 2 each. He said chocolate chip cookies are his downfall. I bragged mine up and told him once he had my cookies he'd agree. Sure enough he was curious as to how I made them so well. How they were soft yet yummy. I shared how I just follow the recipe but the way I mix it is different. In the end he said he'd make me his cookies and try my tips and let me see how they fare.
Now that I know we're in neighboring cities I wonder if we'll ever run into each other. I don't think so if we haven't already but the thought pops into my head from time to time when I'm out and about.
Well I'm off for now. I may decide to add more later.
It's a new day. I almost got to see him today, maybe... I'm working the local office though. Which I'm happy about. I don't exactly feel attractive in my current outfit. My hair is pulled up. Once my mom told me I don't look as pretty with my hair pulled up and it's made a big impact on me. I pull it up when I don't care what I look like, or if I want to be comfortable (which was today's reasoning, aside from the fact that I didn't think I'd be going down to my current office and I haven't washed my hair in 3 days, 3rd day's always the toughest to get through, without dry shampoo which I'm running low on). Yet I've had multiple compliments on my hair pulled up, they don't make as much of an impact as my mom's statement once. Or maybe it was my husband as well. I think my mom was the first person to say it, and my husband has reiterated that he prefers my hair down, or half up and the back down.
Aside from the concern he might see me the way I look today, I have wondered if he's noticed my absence. And wondered how often I'd get to see him at my new assignment when the transfer is complete. It'll be tough to move on. I'm not as comfortable here. But I'm sure if this was my permanent location I'd make more of an effort to get to know the people around me.
So I can't fully say my obsession is an "out of sight out of mind" type situation these days but it ebbs. Though knowing I should have seen him today is buggin me.
I finally talked to my sister about it. She made me feel less silly. She said it proves I'm not dead. lol I think I'm still surprised by my reaction to someone like this. Someone in person. I've had inappropriate moments with Colorado now and again but that's all but died out even in friendship. He seems to have completely shut down. Which I guess is healthy. But I'm not physically drawn to Colorado. For him, it's a companionship. Something a little more unhealthy in some ways. But it's so far from what it was I no longer feel anything between us. Is that the what my Obsession will end up being when I move away? When I'm no longer in such close proximity? I mean I will see him from time to time for now, but what happens when his role changes within the department? I guess my best friend is right, I need to transfer, get my head on straight. I have 30 minutes...
One of the moments I haven't brought up was the time I caught him just watching me. He was at my desk, I was in with my boss not knowing anyone was listening to our conversation, I sensed someone's eyes and he was just staring, and I apologized that I didn't realize someone needed me. We stood next to each other and I felt the electricity as we worked together on a project, discussing it, trying to put our individual information together to make sense with the others. I remember being close. Hyper aware of his arm touching mine.
I remember the very first time I talked to him, maybe even noticed him. I was going through his department writing out names and he asked what I was doing. I remember thinking, damn, he's a good lookin guy. I remember seeing him at a potluck, I want to say the Christmas one, and I kept looking at him and he seemed oblivious to me at all. ....
My Carpool buddy has made a couple comments that make me think she's trying to help me see he's not ever interested in any women aside from his wife. Or she's brought up the fact that there is no man that hasn't thought about having sex with every single woman he's worked with. Again two completely separate conversations but make me think... lol
Yep Obsession seems like a good term for him. *sigh* I'm in high school all over again.
Tuesday, April 03, 2018
Obsessing
So... I'm obsessing. One way to help me get away from obsessing is to talk about it; realize how foolish I sound and move on. Yesterday's rant didn't seem to help. But I'm here to try to look at this in a different perspective.
I try talking to my best friend. I've even asked her perspective. At first she just laughed and said she's been there. Then it was... you need to get transferred. lol I've noticed the last couple times I've brought him up she doesn't even acknowledge it. So I've stopped sharing and I think it's made it my own little secret so it's staying at the forefront of my mind. I need to change that.
Yesterday was the first day my thoughts of him came home with me. Normally it's been an out of sight out of mind kind of situation. Yesterday I kept reliving the touches, the laughter, the looks. I keep thinking his ability to grab my hands, hold my wrist, pull me over to a conversation seemed so intimate and natural yet I would never expect that from anyone, let alone someone I'm obsessed with. I realize he must just be that way. It must just be his personality. I didn't see him draw anyone else in... But that doesn't mean it's not his way.
We've had more interactions recently. Conversations about random stuff. Jokes about his wife's cooking (baking rice krispy treats, asking what side of the bread to butter for grilled cheese sandwiches lol). That they've been married 17 years. His daughters issues with her Spanish hairiness (part of the conversation he brought me into yesterday and why he grabbed my hands). She's a sophomore in high school. Explaining that the reason he's out of the office recently is because he's teaching classes. Finding out I'm a photographer saying he hopes to see my work up in my new office and surprised he hadn't seen my work up at my current office, I explained knowing I'm leaving made me hesitate on bringing any in, him making it clear he'll be visiting me at my new office and wanting to see my work up by then. Talking about one of the girls who's currently doing my job waiting for me to move to my new assignment, who I considered to be my size and he finally realized who I was talking about by asking if she had a larger behind. Talking about the health issues we've been dealing with with my father-in-law. The break-in at our place a few years back. How we live in neighboring cities, dealing with the same commute. How he listens to comedians on the way in to start his day out right. How he thought I did pretty good backing into my spot (thanks to my hubby). My carpool buddy. How my new commute will be amazing. Our hours. These things were brought out in the last week.
There was a time in our past that my best friend brought out the fact that we always seemed to get closer to the people we wanted to get to know. I agree. It feels like he's a person I want to know, and am getting to know. I honestly *want* to be his friend. But there's another side that knows that's dangerous. My mind has had flashes of inappropriate moments. I also know it's silly to think he's as attracted to me as I am to him. He is a good looking guy though. Damn... he's a good looking guy.
I try talking to my best friend. I've even asked her perspective. At first she just laughed and said she's been there. Then it was... you need to get transferred. lol I've noticed the last couple times I've brought him up she doesn't even acknowledge it. So I've stopped sharing and I think it's made it my own little secret so it's staying at the forefront of my mind. I need to change that.
Yesterday was the first day my thoughts of him came home with me. Normally it's been an out of sight out of mind kind of situation. Yesterday I kept reliving the touches, the laughter, the looks. I keep thinking his ability to grab my hands, hold my wrist, pull me over to a conversation seemed so intimate and natural yet I would never expect that from anyone, let alone someone I'm obsessed with. I realize he must just be that way. It must just be his personality. I didn't see him draw anyone else in... But that doesn't mean it's not his way.
We've had more interactions recently. Conversations about random stuff. Jokes about his wife's cooking (baking rice krispy treats, asking what side of the bread to butter for grilled cheese sandwiches lol). That they've been married 17 years. His daughters issues with her Spanish hairiness (part of the conversation he brought me into yesterday and why he grabbed my hands). She's a sophomore in high school. Explaining that the reason he's out of the office recently is because he's teaching classes. Finding out I'm a photographer saying he hopes to see my work up in my new office and surprised he hadn't seen my work up at my current office, I explained knowing I'm leaving made me hesitate on bringing any in, him making it clear he'll be visiting me at my new office and wanting to see my work up by then. Talking about one of the girls who's currently doing my job waiting for me to move to my new assignment, who I considered to be my size and he finally realized who I was talking about by asking if she had a larger behind. Talking about the health issues we've been dealing with with my father-in-law. The break-in at our place a few years back. How we live in neighboring cities, dealing with the same commute. How he listens to comedians on the way in to start his day out right. How he thought I did pretty good backing into my spot (thanks to my hubby). My carpool buddy. How my new commute will be amazing. Our hours. These things were brought out in the last week.
There was a time in our past that my best friend brought out the fact that we always seemed to get closer to the people we wanted to get to know. I agree. It feels like he's a person I want to know, and am getting to know. I honestly *want* to be his friend. But there's another side that knows that's dangerous. My mind has had flashes of inappropriate moments. I also know it's silly to think he's as attracted to me as I am to him. He is a good looking guy though. Damn... he's a good looking guy.
Thursday, March 22, 2018
I have to get it off my chest
My heart is pounding! I have no idea how to explain. And I feel foolish. Yet, somewhere, I have to write this down to get it off my chest. Out there. Away from my brain and hopefully I can move on and here is the only place I know to do it.
He held my hand. It was to take a closer look at my fingers but still. He held my hand, then my wrist. It was an embarrassing moment. I felt awkward. I'm always nervous about how hairy my arms are, yet he held me, tighter and longer than he needed to. My nerves were on fire. They still are with the memory of his touch. How horrible is that!? I'm a horrible wife.
There is something about this man that my entire body reacts to. I can't help myself. Every interaction I walk away from, needing catch my breath. There is something. What? Is it just me? Is there chemistry? It feels one sided. It feels so foolish.
Yet every conversation leaves me wanting more. I'm so drawn to him. Yet all the women think he's hot. So why am I a standout? I long for interactions. I long to get to know him better. *sigh* What do I call this guy? Mr Chemistry?
I've never had this reaction to a man since I've been married. And because I'm married I feel like a fool. I feel ridiculous. He's married too. In the beginning it was looking from afar. I immediately found myself attracted to him. Hoping to see him. Then I got silly. Making excuses to walk by when I heard his voice. Now, we have random reasons to talk to each other and each time it feels like we keep talking about more. I overshare. He keeps asking questions. He found out I'm transferring, I found out he works out of my new office often.
Damn, this doesn't seem to be helping.
He held my hand. It was to take a closer look at my fingers but still. He held my hand, then my wrist. It was an embarrassing moment. I felt awkward. I'm always nervous about how hairy my arms are, yet he held me, tighter and longer than he needed to. My nerves were on fire. They still are with the memory of his touch. How horrible is that!? I'm a horrible wife.
There is something about this man that my entire body reacts to. I can't help myself. Every interaction I walk away from, needing catch my breath. There is something. What? Is it just me? Is there chemistry? It feels one sided. It feels so foolish.
Yet every conversation leaves me wanting more. I'm so drawn to him. Yet all the women think he's hot. So why am I a standout? I long for interactions. I long to get to know him better. *sigh* What do I call this guy? Mr Chemistry?
I've never had this reaction to a man since I've been married. And because I'm married I feel like a fool. I feel ridiculous. He's married too. In the beginning it was looking from afar. I immediately found myself attracted to him. Hoping to see him. Then I got silly. Making excuses to walk by when I heard his voice. Now, we have random reasons to talk to each other and each time it feels like we keep talking about more. I overshare. He keeps asking questions. He found out I'm transferring, I found out he works out of my new office often.
Damn, this doesn't seem to be helping.
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