The Bassist

So the Bassist... Gosh, is that really what I should call him? He's the guitarist of the other band that he and the Drummer are in. He's also a hair stylist and not in the gay way either! Hmmm.... I guess since I've always referred to him as The Bassist, I'll keep it at that.

I just got done stopping by my sisters work. She's a hair stylist and works at the same salon as the Bassist. Anyways, the Bassist was there and jokin with me about my partying on Friday. It appears The Drummer hasn't shared that I was over there with him otherwise I'm sure he would have mentioned it. I'm glad.

On my way over to my sisters I stopped and grabbed her a coffee. She called and when I told her it was "just because" she thought it was sweet. The Bassist heard it was me and said it was because of him, that I just wanted to see him so I'm using it as an excuse. When I laughed and told her that was exactly the reason and she told him and he said he needed that. Apparently things aren't going so well with his girlfriend. They've been off and on for a while now.

But... I was invited to a show tonight. The Drummer hasn't contacted me and I am unsure of how he'd respond to that. I'm sure the Bassist will tell him at practice tonight. Either way the Bassist told me he wants to meet before the show for a drink. It wasn't until he walked away that my sister told me he was really bummed he didn't reply to my text on Friday night. He told my sister that he really missed out! The look on my sisters face was interesting. I wonder if she suspects he likes me or not. She's not likely to imagine he would.

So I actually text The Drummer just to let him know The Bassist had invited me and asked if he would be cool with that since he asked for a couple days. He replied immediately that of course he'd be cool with that but I responded that I was just checking because I wanted to respect his request. He then called me and we talked a little but just about how he's been dealing with unemployment issues and had a lot on his mind and he said he would see me tonight so I guess we'll see how that goes.

ACK!

The Drummer - Another "Holy Shit" Night! Friday night I went out with the girls for some drinks.

So setting up how this all came about... We stayed at a local brewery and decided once that died down we weren't ready to end the night. I had already had a couple drinks which is my usual cutoff point. I text the bassist from the band for suggestions of where to go on a friday night but he didn't reply. So I decided to text The Drummer. I was surprised to get the response that he had a jacuzzi and it was a nice night out so we should come on over. I told him we didn't have suits but we'd stop by. He was delayed in his replies so we decided to go to a bar I knew of and it was also close to his place so when we got directions we could just head over there. I didn't have good reception at this place so our texting conversation spread out over about an hour. I didn't get a couple of the texts till after I left the bar even. He was basically offering to meet me at the bar or come pick me up since I said I'd have to wait to head over there since I had just had a couple more shots in a row and needed to mellow out before driving. One of my friends wanted to get home so I dropped her back off at her car before heading over to his place. My other friend stayed with me.

We got to The Drummers at about 1:30am. I could tell once we got there that he himself had been drinking quite a bit. But he immediately offered to get me another drink and I went for it. At this point I've consumed more alcohol then I have in years! My friend, me and the Drummer debated some rather silly topics, maybe the topics weren't silly but the arguments were rather silly.

One thing I noticed early on is The Drummer did NOT like my friend. I noticed that even us all being drunk I understood what he was meaning just because I know him, whereas she got easily offended or confused or even frustrated with the lack of complete thought. Which in all honesty I thought rather messed up considering we were debating drunk!

Either way, as the night progressed and with each bathroom break my friend took The Drummer got closer. First telling me that the reason he hasn't asked me out is soley out of respect for my brother. Second kissing me on the cheek for some reason. Third was a kiss on the lips. Fourth full on make out session. Fifth we didn't even stop when she came back! haha I was kinda surprised with my own behavior!

It was interesting how much he shared. I still have a lot of questions for him but I may not get my answers just yet if ever (I'll explain that more later). Apparently he's liked me from the beginning! He asked if I noticed how many women he's dated since we've started getting to know each other. I guess he's not the only one interested. He even got somewhat aggressive when asking why I liked him because there was a better looking guy out there interested in me. When I seemed shocked by this he didn't believe that I didn't know who he was referring to and when I argued that I really had no clue he said he wasn't going to tell me. It was odd. He kept saying he missed me. Missed coming over all the time. At one point in the evening he said I was the most beautiful person he'd ever met. And to be honest my thoughts were, does he think I'm someone else and/or is this his attempt to get into my pants.

By 4am he was having a hard time keeping his hands off me even when my friend was around and that's not something I usually do. So I told him I should go not out of frustration but just that it was late. My friend picked up my keys and gave me some privacy to say my goodbyes. And what happened next was kinda crazy. I'm not going to go into detail but it was like with every effort to keep my clothes on, more came off! As much as I've wanted to have sex with him, I didn't want it to be with both of us being drunk. He was a bit aggressive at times but if I looked him right in the eyes and told him I didn't want it this way he would back off. I told him to come over Sunday night because I had the house to myself and he agreed. I would get whatever clothes back where they belonged we'd start kissing again and it would start all over. Each time, more clothes coming off. At one point we were both naked in his room on his bed and I swear for a moment I almost just said forget it, and let him go for it but somehow I refrained. I got my clothes on permanently this time and he walked me out and kissed me goodnight.

My friend was asleep in the car when I got out there and by this time it was after 5am! I got home and set up a bed for my friend in my office and I crashed! I woke up at 8:15 not able to go back to sleep so after an hour of thinking about all that took place the night before I finally just decided to get up. My friend was up and had been talking with my brother. It was then that I saw it! I got a hicky on my neck and my hair was pulled up. It was only lightly discolored but still! I was hoping my brother didn't see it. It was hard enough to explain why I got home so late because there was no way in hell I was going to tell him I spent the evening with The Drummer. I slowly got ready and decided as much as I didn't feel hungry, food was probably a wise choice. As I ate my breakfast I was shocked to see that The Drummer was calling me! It was about 11.

I took the call in my room and to my MAJOR surprise he remembered the night before and was very excited about the chain of events that brought me over to his place. He couldn't remember all the details but said he woke up surprised not to see my face sleeping next to him. He was worried he had something to make me angry and leave. He reiterated all the things he said while drunk which shocked me even more! Here he was sober telling me that he's liked me for a long time and was really glad I came over and he was hoping he didn't embarrass himself too much by how drunk he was. He then shared (without me asking) that all the guys involved with the band think I'm really pretty but the bassist of the band is the other person who's been interested in asking me out but won't because of the situation with my brother and his dislike of my sisters current boyfriend (who used to be a good friend of his). We talked about each of our surprise at finding out how much we liked each other without really knowing it. He said his head hurt and he was glad to see I made it home safely. When I told him I wasn't ever going to tell my brother where I was he said he was bitter about the situation with my brother. That he didn't think it was fair he couldn't ask me out. We joked that if I got pregnant and we had to tell my brother how he'd react. Not pleasant!

Not only was I surprised by all his confessions but just that he called! He never really seems to make much effort to communicate. Our conversation was cut off by him running out of minutes. So he kept texting me which surprised me even more! He asked me to come over. I told him I had to take my brother to the airport and then I had a bbq to go to. He was bummed and asked me to skip the bbq and head over after I dropped my brother off, I agreed to.

So after dropping off my brother I head over to his place. I get there and his roommate tells me he's asleep and doesn't think it's a good idea for me to wake him. So I left him a note on his bed where I could see he really was conked out. I knew he didn't have minutes so I wasn't sure how or when we'd communicate or if he even remembered he had agreed to come over Sunday night.

So Saturday I actually slept a lot. I was still recovering from the alcohol the night before and of course with all irony started my period on top of that! Sunday I went to church and suddenly felt very guilty for my behavior, not because of church, it was in the worship I struggled with everything and how far I went. As I worshiped I asked God for forgiveness but also struggled with doing so because I knew I was still sooo very tempted to have The Drummer come over and have sex with him, and still felt that it was a high possibility and had an excitement about that possibility. It wasn't until the message that my whole perspective changed. The title of the message was "You Are Forgiven"!!! And it was referring to Gods acceptence and immediate forgiveness when we seek it. I started tearing up within the first couple minutes of the message. I went up after for prayer, prayer for strength because even then I still had every intention of sleeping with The Drummer this week and having just asked for forgiveness I knew this was the wrong way to look at it.

And as soon as I got prayer I felt different. Uncertain. Not sure how to approach the situation. I mean in all the times I had fantasized about sleeping with him it was purely physical and with the things he shared it seemed it could turn more emotional if I allowed myself to sleep with him. But I knew he and I would never be compatible for a relationship with our different views on a lot of things. I had decided at that point to ask The Drummer a few questions. I needed to find out if he was wanting it to be more like a relationship or just a one-night-stand or maybe even just friends with benefits. At this point I think that last one is going to be near impossible but who knows. I'd still like to talk to him about where he's at with this whole thing.

Sunday night I text him asking if he had minutes and this is what followed.
The Drummer: I don't by the way, i'm so sorry about the weekend no one should deal with me when i'm drunk
Me: Ooops sorry... No worries... Just wondering when i get to see u
The Drummer: I don't know i'm a little ashamed of myself and have 2 figure some things out u rock so i don't want 2 take advantage of u
Me: Hey i'm in the same boat... I think we're on the same page. But i'd still like 2 talk about it. Unless u think even that is a bad idea.
The Drummer: Not a bad idea give me a day or 2?
Me: I can do that. :-) i'll let you contact me but please don't avoid me. Just know i think u'r great & want u in my life at the very least as a good friend k?
The Drummer: Absolutely :-)

So it looks like it's all going to work out in the end. We both will agree it was a mistake. We'll feel more comfortable flirting, at least I hope so... I feel good about the possibilities but who knows if he'll even contact me in a day or two. I plan on doing my very best to not make the first move since I told him I'd let him contact me. And I've got to accept that this could be the end of any open communication. The Sunday he hit on me he never brought up again until Friday night when we were intertwined and involved in heavy petting. I think I'll miss the openness of those moments. We completely opened up. Even the next morning. He told me things he remembered about the night. Specific things he enjoyed learning about me (like how I had a text ready to send to him inviting him over when my brother went out of town in my draft folder for at least a week, or that I shave down there and even that I was strong enough to hold off and wait till we were both sober). Complete openness and now I have a feeling his shame is going to make him close up again. I really hope not. The fact that he said he needed a day or two makes me hope he really will meet with me before my brother comes back in town. We'll see, but I'm not holding my breath.

When it rains it pours...

So when it rains it pours. All the same week the drummer hit on me. I must have had some aura go out into the universe to let guys know I was horny.

Junior - We were sitting in church a couple weeks ago. His girlfriend wasn't there because she was working. He sends me a text about the message and then it starts somewhere in the middle of the service...

Junior: Haha first im thinkin you sure are purty and I wnder if uve had any dreams lately and i'm thinking i just got convicted on tithing. :-(
Me: Haha :-D well now I'm blushing! And sadly no dreams like that ;-) not recently anyways....

Then after the service...

Junior: Do u want to cme to the bac room wit me? ;-)
Me: Be right there! Oh darn mike's back there!
Junior: Not any more.

It never worked out for me to get back there but when he walked by me he gave me a huge grin. Then as we were leaving he was hugging everyone goodbye and passed right by me. I made him give me a hug before he left then received another text shortly after he drove away.

Junior: I didn't kno if i could control myself if I hugged u lol!
Me: Haha what would you have done if I really showed up in the back room?! You are such a tease!
Junior: Hah idk it was kinda spure of the moment so whatever came to mind first ;-)
Me: Haha now that could have been fun! :-D
Junior: Definitely! We could have even locked the door! hehe
Me: Ooooh now you're definitely giving me material for some dreams lol!!! So naughty ;-) But do the dreams count if I'm still awake? ;-) lol
Junior: Lol ur a funny funny girl! I love it!
Me: Yeah I'm also a bad girl! ;-) I'm not holding back like I should... Sorry I can't help myself... Hehe you don't seem to mind, do you?
Junior: Haha its ok u can be a VERY bad girl! Lol does that answer ur question?
Me: Lol! If I had the guts i think you'd have been VERY surprised if I did show up in the back room lol!!!! But alas I have to be good... 0;-) Maybe if you're ever single again hehe
Junior: Hah it would have been a pleasant surprize hun!!! :-) and alright i might have to become single to see what happens... Ok so now that u have me al hot and wanting u... I miss u "clandestine"! :-) :-P
Me: haha!!! You are SOOO not helping me think pure thoughts here! Lol!!! And I miss you too "Junior"! ;-) I'm kinda wishin I did sneak back there with you! ;-) but I'm all talk... I'd never make the first move.
Junior: Hah "Clandestine" ur killin me! I'm wishin that too! Dont wry that wouldn't have been a problem with me ;-) but i'm the same dont worry!
Me: Haha! What wouldn't be a problem with you? Making the first move? Or that you're all talk too?
Junior: Making the first move of course! :-P im sorry let me kno if i'm making u uncomfortable.
Me: Haha with tongue even!? Lol!!! :-D And I'm only feeling guilty not uncomfortable!
Junior: O im sry.. Even with whatever feels good Hah im sry ill quit it.
Me: Haha please don't quit! ;-) Well ok if you need to stop i'll *try* to be good.
Junior: Haha i dont need to well until sh gets here. I want u "clandestine"! ;-)
Me: Haha! Dito "Junior"! DITO!!! And honestly its quite flattering! This might be a silly question but how many other girls do you flirt like this with?
Junior: None just u! How about u? Well guys i mean. Unless ur into girls and I dont mind that at all trust me! Jkin haha or not lol
Me: Haha! Well the only other guys is the drummer. A couple weeks ago he propositioned me! Quite the story! But nothing since. Did you know i have a thing for drummers? ;-)
Junior: hah i kinda noticed lol! I just got an awesome tan! :-)
Me: Haha!!! Is it that obvious? I figured its gotta be about their rhythm. ;-) I'm bad i know! A tan? Blushing or what?
Junior: Hahahaha ur funny! Yea my whiteness is going away. Lol except below the waist. lol
Me: Oh see that wasn't fair! Now I'm thinkin about your white parts lol!!!! And now I'm blushing! :-D all i have to say is no one better get a chance to read this
Junior: Haha hah! i love u "clandestine"! No one will see it i promise! u too!
Me: Yeah no one has access to my phone. ;-) This is our little secret! I'm feeling like I'm in the wrong not putting a stop to this... But not enough to actually stop! hehe You are definitely sexy "Junior"! I definitely want you too! And havin naughty thoughts involving the back room at the church!
Junior: Haha i love it im soo glad we have a naughty little secret lol. Could u imagine if we ever ended up back there together on accident hah what fun.
Me: haha yup i'm enjoying it too! beyond fun! Especially if you make the first move like you said... Though my imagination has put me in the dominating role! ;-) Sorry about the delay ... my friend called! She's coming over to hang out tonight. :-)
Junior: That's cool i don't mind "Girlfriend" is heading over anyways. Im sorry... So whatchu guys going to do. Haha I would like it if u dominated heck yes!
Me: Haha thanks for the warning... ;-) I'll be good till you let me know I can be bad again. ;-) hehe yeah just imagine me pushing you up against a wall to start! ;-) And she and I are going to watch a movie and catch up. I'm going to make her dinner too.
Junior: O man "clandestine" ur really mean! I like it! And ill let u kno dont worry! ;-)
Me: Haha! Sorry... ;-) but i wouldn't mind if that role was reversed. hehe have fun!
Junior: Hah well see maybe.. Just remember our code word if were ever alone!
Me: Superduper?! Or something else?
Junior: That one will work! Love ya "clandestine" i kinda want us to be alone sometime! ;-)
Me: Love ya too "Junior"! And we'll have to see if that opportunity arises! Hehe it will be interesting to see if we both have the guts if it does happen! :-) right now i know i would!
Junior: Me too definitely! Im kinda excited lol!
Me: Is it wrong to say I am too? :)

I didn't hear from him for a few days after this. We had a church function the Wednesday night after and when I hugged him goodbye he whispered in my ear that all he wanted to do was take me to the back room!

On the 4th of July we were texting and apparently my sister had agreed to go with his family to see the fireworks and he made a silly joke that he "heard we might make o i mean see fireworks tonight?" I couldn't help but smile at the cheesiness of it.

I, of course, couldn't keep my mouth shut one day when I was at the church dropping something off. I had to text him.
Me: I'm at the church all by me lonesome! Even in the back room ;-) too bad you weren't here! lol
Junior: Dang i was trying to get off work to come see u, but my boss said i had to stay :-(
Me: Awh man! :-( That would have been awesome!!! Thanks for trying! ;-) i saw a car the color of yours drive by as i was walking out and i stopped in my tracks hehe
Junior: Hah one of these days!
Me: haha its a must at this point! :-P
Junior: :-D Definitely!...

The Drummer - I had randomly text the drummer a few times after that Sunday. He never replied and I finally gave up on hearing back from him. Since that Sunday when he propositioned me the band hasn't practiced at the house! We got our second noise violation since living in this community and our landlady said she will get fined if she gets another one. So my brother said no more practices for a while, if ever. :( I've missed seeing him every weekend.

I finally saw him at the last gig which was Saturday and he was sweet as usual. He apparently has been going through a rough time and he realized something was wrong when his biggest drinking buddies came to him and said they were worried about him. He had been sober a week and a half as of that Saturday. I could tell he felt good about this and I was really proud of him and beyond happy because I too had become worried about his drinking.

I had met his really good friend a few months back at my house. Well he was at this show and immediately we started talking. Honestly I got the impression he's heard a lot about me. Whether through the Drummer or the bassist. We ended up going on a beer run for the show, the show was in a courtyard. He must have heard my brother can't stand his friends hitting on his sisters because he made sure to tell him that he and I were going for a beer run and were going to have some car sex after that! Once we got in the car he heard a song I was playing which was a goth club song and it was a little naughty, so he said he was joking to my brother but now he wasn't too sure. lol He was quite funny and hit on me quite a bit. In my mind I was thinking, if the Drummer's friends like me, this is only good for me. Silly, I know.

The interesting thing to me is, I can see myself really falling for The Drummer. Like relationship kind of falling for him. He didn't flirt like crazy with me but he was very aware of my presence throughout the night. When I left he gave me a really big hug. He knew I had driven all day then went to their show so he was really tender and adamant about telling me to get home safely and get some sleep. I finally felt confident enough to ask him about the text messages and he said he never got them because his phone has been off half the time. I believed him but was hesitant to and he could tell because he smiled, winked and brought me in for another hug. I literally had to stop myself from saying something stupid like "love you" when we ended our embrace. Then he said they'd be recording this week at the house. It was like he wanted me to know he'd see me soon. Though sadly it hasn't happened yet and it's Thursday. I will see him Saturday during a shoot for his other band.

I realized the next day that I like him... A LOT! Like my crush on Computer Geek. There was a time I knew I couldn't have him but I wanted him more then I let him know. I mean sure he knew I wanted him, that wasn't a secret. The Drummer knows I want him too. But the idea of moving forward with something more serious with Computer Geek was definitely there. I feel that way about The Drummer. My crush has gone beyond my typical crush. Though I'm not naive enough to think The Drummer thinks of me like that, or even thinks of me at all. (Sigh)

Burbank - He called me when I was driving back down to Southern California, I had spent the weekend in Northern Califorina last weekend. My sister was driving and listening to her music so I decided to hold off on calling him until I was home. I ended up calling him Tuesday morning but didn't have a lot of time to talk. He saw me online last night and asked if I wanted to chat on the phone so we did. It was a GREAT conversation! I was laughing most of the time. I believe we started to talk before 11pm and finally I had to tell him I needed to get some sleep at 3am! It was so much fun. We were both enjoying the conversation.

He said after our conversation Tuesday he thought about my need to move somewhere since my brother is moving to Texas, and that we should get a place together since he's considering moving back to California. I, of course, thought of us having sex that one night and apparently he was on the same wavelength. He told me that after he started thinking about the idea of us living together then he realized we could get into trouble, but it might be fun trouble. He also knew my parents would never be cool with him and I living together, which of course is true. It was interesting to know he thought about us having sex again. He suddenly asked when I was coming up for a visit! I laughed and told him if the finances were there I'd definitely make the trip up there.

Through the course of the conversation I was surprised to find out he hasn't had sex since we did. I mean, for me I'm not surprised I haven't had sex with anyone since. But to find out he hasn't was slightly surprising. He's had girls come to visit him and I thought for sure they had since they would go camping or spend the weekend at his place.

I am curious if we'll ever have sex again. I know it was good and I really enjoyed it. But part of me knew it was just a one time thing. Though the idea of being friends with benefits with him doesn't sound half bad. I know I wouldn't want a relationship with him. But then I'm afraid if we continue to have sex it's bound to turn into more or my emotions would get too involved. I think he likes the idea of sleeping with me again because he 1) knows I'm open to doing anything sexual and 2) he was really surprised I handled our one night stand so well. He's a thinker for a guy. I have a feeling after our fun conversation last night he might be analyzing whether or not we could make a relationship work. hehe Silly that I know this about him but it's true. But I'm going to keep my distance... for now anyways. ;)

The Actor - He's pretty much told me when he comes out to California he wants to hook up. He also wants me to take pics for him which is originally how we started talking. We totally flirt and I had a dream about us trying to hook up but kept getting interrupted by people. Which I told him about and he thought it was great that I dreamt about him like that and said we'll make sure people aren't interrupting us when we do meet up. It's funny because that dream has a lot to do with that night the band spent the night. I was chatting (moving towards sex chat) with The Actor online when they arrived and The Drummer trumps anyone right now for my attention so I jumped offline to make sure to get my time with The Drummer. The dream happened weeks after that but still oddly symbolic of that night.

Vegas - Vegas and I haven't talked much recently. But suddenly he became obviously interested in meeting again and he made sure that the next time we see each other we're for sure having sex. Sometimes I regret not having sex with him when I went out to Vegas for that business trip last year. He's hot, no question.

When we were chatting that weekend we got into cyber sex. He took pics and sent them. I was going to do the same, I did take the pictures but never sent them. I know he's a male slut, and I'm sure he's slept with LOTS of women but I can't help feeling tempted to go for it.

Washington - Well he moved to Utah for a girl and for the last couple of months it's been miserable talking to him. He was always complaining and obsessed. I avoided talking to him at all. Then finally he made the decision to get away from her. Wow... oddly around the same week as all these other guys. Sheesh... So he talked about how he's put a lot of thought into our relationship and the possibility of it turning into more. He even said he was considering stopping through California to hook up with me and maybe move here. I told him it might be fun to play around but that I would never consider a relationship with him until he's worked through his feelings for this girl he was just in a relationship with.

I spoke to him yesterday and he seems to be suicidal. He's moved back to Washington and has no job and he's not able to stay with anyone permanently. I mean I know he's in a tough situation and I feel bad but I wasn't sure how to deal with a suicidal person. I tried to encourage him but he argued that there was no use in trying because his entire life he's had the wrong end of the stick. We talked so long my phone died and when it was charged I saw I had a message from him. Very sweet and nice about me being a good friend. But I'm still not sure I'm ready to talk to him any time soon. I will do my best to keep in touch and make sure he knows I'm praying for him but I'm so glad I never got too involved.

Seattle - I'm calling him Seattle because I already have Washington. Seattle is a friend from elementary school who got back in touch with me through Facebook. I only mention him because he's EVERYTHING I'm looking for in a guy... BUT... he's only a friend, and lives in freakin Seattle! We've been emailing novels back and forth since we got in touch. He's great. First, he loves reading my novels and loves writing back long emails especially for a guy. He's a musician, plays guitar. He's a CHRISTIAN! And I mean hard core too! He's single, never been married, doesn't have any kids. He loves the beach. He is close with his family. He's successful. He's great with his money. (Sigh) In all honesty, I've told him that he's given me hope that there are good Godly men out there and not to settle. I just wish they were in California and interested in me! Ugh...

Anyways, I think this is enough of an update. Oh, one last person....

Fresno - I went up to Northern California and met up with my friend Northern Cali, but also let Fresno know I'd be passing through. He was really excited about meeting up but it never worked out. His cousin had an emergency and they were all at the hospital dealing with that so he said he'd be driving down to Southern California soon and wants to meet up. It should be interesting if that actually happens. hehe

Ok so that's it...

Update Re: Fuuuuck! Post

So, I rushed off because I had a lot to do. The next day it was hard not to think about everything that happend with The Drummer. I happened to share some of it with a friend I hadn't expected to be open with and she felt the same as me about it. Odd that he was at my door in the middle of the night. She thought it was equally creepy and cute. She was shocked he related to me like that. As am I! So I just finish telling her everything and an hour later when our conversation had turned onto something else I get a text from The Drummer! The second initiated text from him in the last few days. Here's what he said.

I'm sorry 4 my behavior yesterday. I'm sorry if I disrespected you. :(

I didn't know how to reply! I mean I couldn't say no problem because in all honesty I wasn't sure if I liked how he treated me or not. I mean part of me loved it! Part of me felt taken back. So I formulated a response thanking him, telling him I appreciate that and asked him how he was going to make it up to me (with a wink). I figured its the best way to let him know I didn't think his behavior was entirely appropriate but I still liked him. He seemed happy with the response and said he'd think of something (with a smile).

Anyways I've been gone for two days and now I'm supposed to rush off to housesit... So off I go again.

Fuuuuck!

The Drummer - Wow! Where to start! I seriously couldn't tell but one of my friends what I'm about to share. Mainly because my entire family dislikes The Drummer, and so does one of my best friends. Either way, things with him mellowed out quite a bit. But I swear there was a dramatic change this weekend! One that means I'm not sure how we will relate from now on!

So the band came over for two days of practice, Saturday and Sunday. I had plans both days but I hoped I would see The Drummer in passing. So Friday, he stops by really quick to pick something up. Doesn't seem to notice I'm in the kitchen cleaning. When I walk by and wave he notices me and says hello but that's it.

Ok so backtracking here...

The Drummer is in 2 bands. My brothers band and another. Well his other band performed for the very first time on June 2nd and he told the band that no one but me would be taking pics for them. :) awh... So I go, take pics, it's a fun night but I leave early. I wasn't sure if I was happy with the pics that night but when I got to playing with them I was happy with them. I sent him and the bassist a text letting them know the pics were uploaded and to let me know what they thought. So I hear nothing.

Back to Friday. So I thought to ask him what he thought of the pics but he's busy talking to my brother. Sure enough an hour later I get a text saying the pics are awesome! :)

Saturday I had plans to head down to Highland to go to Music Man's gig and The Drummer showed up right as I was heading out. I made sure to give him a hug and he seemed anxious to find out where I was heading for the night. I got home at little after midnight and shortly behind me was the rest of the band, too drunk to drive home. He was all touchy and flirty. He kept asking how my time was in Highland. I seriously told him 3 times and each time he couldn't remember asking. lol Yup! Definitely drunk! We played a couple rounds of Guitar Hero World Tour and talked but finally at about 2:30 I went to bed.

At 4:30 in the morning I woke up to The Drummer's silhouette at my door. I know I didn't see the door open so how long he had been standing there I don't know. I was half out of it but asked him what he needed. Now this is all sort of fuzzy since I was so sleepy but he seemed to hesitate and said stuff like "oh shit, sorry to bother you. I was just looking for (insert band member name here)". I was like "um... Isn't he out in the living room?" He wasn't making much sense or I was still too tired to fully grasp what he was saying so I kept asking him to repeat himself. He seemed to stumble over his words and said Oh shit and sorry a lot. I finally tried to wave him to come in so I could hear him better but he wouldn't. He finally just mumbled while he shut the door. I was completely confused so I got up and opened my door. I looked and saw my office door shut which was where the missing band member should have been. I thought it strange that he would come to my bedroom to find out. I mean if he saw my office shut and was looking for the other band member why not just open the office door to look in. I kind of got the impression I had caught him watching me sleep which in all honesty seemed quite disturbing and flattering at the same time. I know quite strange.

After that I couldn't sleep... I had plenty of fantasies starting that way so it didn't help my hormones when I woke up to the vision I've seen numerous times before in my fantasies. So I struggled to go back to sleep for about an hour. I finally got a couple hours of uninterrupted sleep.

So this morning I see that The Drummer is gone. I had the impression he wasn't planning on spending the night, just sobering up a bit so he could drive home. So after church I get home and take a quick nap but it wasn't restful since I had one of the band members fiddling around with the keyboard while I tried to sleep. I finally gave up on napping and got up to make myself lunch. The Drummer showed up shortly after that with his usual smile.

I was washing my dishes when he asked me yet again about my time in Highland! lol So we were joking about him not remembering and I asked him if he came into my room last night. He said no it wasn't him, must have been the other band member (who he was looking for the night before), because if he had he'd have done the deed. And I laughed and told him I was tempted to text him last night and tell him it wasn't cool to tease like that. He said there was no question. If he had the opportunity he would have been on me in a second.

He comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist and whispers in my ear "any time, you name it. You wouldn't have to do any work. I would do it all. You wouldn't even have to worry about me." And I was like "did I hear you right?!" And he's all "yup! I'm not kidding either. I'm definitely tempted!" All of this was done in the kitchen where the guys were playing around on their instruments and couldn't really hear or see what was going on. I was laughing and he got a phone call and had to take it out back. As he walked behind me he slap grabs my ass on the way out! My mouth dropped! This is so unlike him! I mean he's a flirt but this is crazy flirting! lol

So he comes back in, walks behind me again and lets his hand trace my waist as he walks back to play. He gets on the drums and looks over at me and smiles huge and says, "I'm dead serious! You know that right?" into the mic. I'm just laughing and shaking my head and he keeps going with similar monologue. My brother and the other guitarist were disputing a chord change and he pointed back to my room as if we should meet in there and forget these guys. I laugh and did the head nod like yeah meet you there. I was done with the dishes I walk back because it's usually too loud to enjoy anything.

So I'm in my room texting my one friend I could tell about this and who comes in!? The Drummer! He comes up behind me again and wraps his arm around me and says, "we should do this! I swear I'll take care of everything". And he wipes his lips like he's made a sloppy mess. And by this time I'm turned around facing him in an embrace and he grabs my ass. I'm in so much shock I don't know what to say. I was hesitant and he seemed to sense that. He told me that he was definitely attracted to me and was definitely tempted to give up the practice to eat me! lol He says he's serious and then pulls my face back to look at me and looks like he's almost going to kiss me but leans back... Pulls my v-neck shirt down a little and kisses my cleavage! At this point I've practically wet myself and he knows it. He says he has to go but that he doesn't want to cause me sexual temptation and I give a weak chuckle and say "too late" lol He just looks me straight on and says he's deadly serious, any time any place.

I'm left panting as he walks back to the band members. I don't hear what they say but his response was "Oh I nearly had all her clothes off but she paid me to go away". I'm still in shock but am heading out to Geek Photographers so I go out to the kitchen to pick up a drink and he comes out there, all touchy and grabbing my ass. I told him I was heading out and he was all bummed I was leaving. He was caressing my waist at this point and then says he's upset I'm going but that it's probably for the best with another ass grab on my way out. lol

Seriously I have no clue what got into the guy. I believe he was still pretty hung over or wasted so I'm sure that was a lot of it. But anyways, I hear after I left he and the lead singer got into a fight about him being too out of it to play and he quit the band. My brother says he'll be back. I'm not sure though.

What's sad is during our first initial conversation today about my Highland trip he said he felt bad about wasting the guys time because he wasn't feeling up to playing. So whatever they got mad at him about I think he was feeling a tad guilty about it.

Either way. I highly doubt I'd let anything happen though the temptation is strong! And even if he was drunk... He admitted he's been tempted to come onto me for a while so that's flattering. But I have no idea how he'll treat me the next time I see him. He tends to be hot and cold. Today was a bit more heat then I've EVER been used to with him.

The Actor - So I have reconnected with an old friend from my first church I went to when moving down to California. I didn't know him well but we've gotten to chatting quite a bit. He's been playful and flirty in his chats so I've flirted back. Saturday night our chat turned into sexual innuendos and I could tell he was easing his way into sex talk. This is when the band came back too drunk to drive home so I had to rush off and help set up beds. I'm a tad nervous about our future chats. One of his comments made me think that he's looking forward to meeting in person. He lives up in Oregon and comes down to California for a lot of acting jobs.

So my question is, why now? Why so much sexual interest? Especially when I'm weak to avoid it being that I'm sex deprived myself. (sigh) I should get going. I have a lot to do before crashing hard tonight!

Texting (old post never uploaded till 6/14)

Texting The Drummer
Me: So damn! I seem to forget how freakin hot you are! It was nice seeing you this weekend cutie. ;) I hope you're smilin. :) Have a great week!
Drummer: U know i'm smiling. I never forget how cute u r. ;)
Me: awh thanks but now I have to explain my forgetfulness! I never forget you're hot just *how hot* you are! :) haha
Drummer: Blushing!!!!

Texting Computer Geek
I don't have my side of the conversation verbatim but I'll paraphrase what I remember.
Me: So I have to admit it was really great to see you!
Computer Geek: Nice seeing you too. When we hug its all boob... like im not really hugging you... just your boob lol
Me: What!? It wasn't that bad was it?! I guess that last hug was a bit awkward.
Computer Geek: Not bad.... it was similar to a lap dance lol
Me: Wait... now the true question is, did it have the same effect as a lap dance? ;)
Computer Geek: LOL i'll never tell

Random texts from Junior
And you are sexy.,., i'm sorry it slipped i mean extremely beautiful! Sweetdreams! :-D
Hey do u need me to stay and keep u company while your brother's gone????? Huh? lol
I miss you! :(
Awww thanks goodlookin

Even my brother noticed and said something...

So I had a dinner party tonight. I invited a bunch of people over and hoped for the best. It was a raving success! I never expected every invitee to actually make it, and then it turned out more came then I originally asked. I was cooking with a help of one of my best friends. I had such a blast! :) We played Guitar Hero World Tour all night. We had a grand total of 12 people. I was glad I bought extra food because we just barely had enough to go around. We got compliments on the food and everyone seemed to be having a great time. The Drummer was invited at last weekends show, I kinda threw it out there and said there were no obligations on him to come. He said he'd be there. And sure enough he brought a friend with him. I was a little nervous about having such a wide variety of my friends together, church friends and worldly friends. But it seemed to work out just fine.

So, I didn't really take a lot of consideration on how the Drummer was treating me all night. He was sweet as usual and he looked fucking hot! He was actually dressed up. Nice button top. He had his hair done. I got a text from Junior saying he didn't like The Drummer for me. I told my best friend, and she joked that it was just because The Drummer and I were flirting and it took me away from Junior. I, of course laughed and she said, "no seriously! Don't let anyone tell you he's (the Drummer) not into." She went on to say that he stayed close to me, sat right next to me during dinner, said it was obvious we were flirting and that he's into me. I beamed at this information. I have kept myself reserved from thinking too deeply on how he's treating me ever since last month when I realized how easily I fell for him.

Now, of course, I have a grin ear-to-ear and I have to be careful not to make it too obvious. I walked my friend out, and the Drummer and his friend stayed behind, they were actually the last to leave. I enjoyed noticing how often he would be turned to me, no one else would be able to get his attention. He would consistently look for my reaction. I was definitely flattered and enjoyed reviewing these little signs.

When everyone had left my brother started talking about how he was also nervous about mixing The Drummer and his friend with the church friends and how he thought it went well. And then he said that he enjoyed the Drummer's company but just wished his past wasn't so messed up. Again my brother always likes to bring out his faults around me. He had said he's heard that the Drummer went to jail for beating up a girlfriend. I had finally gotten the true story from the Drummer at the last show (which I'll go into further detail below) that he went to jail for firearms but originally teased me about the fact that he went to jail because he beat up women. When he finally turned to me after he could tell I was starting to believe it, and asked if I could believe him capable of that. I said no. So in my mind, after realizing he was joking, I think that he pulled the same joke on my brother who then believed him. Well according to my brother, after sharing I heard otherwise, said that one of his other friends witnessed it. He then said he just doesn't want The Drummer to get so comfortable with us that he does something crazy on him or someone else. I asked what he meant by someone else and he said, "well in all honesty, you. Be careful. I don't want you two to get too close. Just watch your back."

Maybe I should have taken that more seriously but I laughed to myself. I laughed because this meant my brother noticed something between the Drummer and I and he was, for the first time, making a straight forward warning. He has always complained about The Drummer, which I took as his sly way to make me think poorly of The Drummer. But this was the first time he made a comment of me and the Drummer at all together.

Anyways, at the last show (last weekend) I was actually nervous to go to because of the way the Drummer ignored me at the show last month. But it was quite the opposite, in fact he was quite attentive and adorable. We talked a lot that night. We talked for a while about the bands, I think I impressed him with my knowledge of the drums and how they're played (mostly because an ex was a drummer). Like I shared above, he informed me of why he was sent to jail. He said that he's always happy around me, or my brother, but not always happy individual. Their band (my brothers and the Drummer) had a rough set, so I went to talk to him afterwards and he opened up. After the show a few of us went to IHOP and he was there but stayed in the car. I avoided making it obvious I was concerned. I went out to the car for something and just walked up to his car door and asked if he was alright, he said he was and I didn't make a big deal, just said, ok, and then walked away. As we were leaving I decided to invite him to the dinner tonight. I was surprised at how quickly he agreed to go. Though with his track record I really didn't expect him to actually come. When I text him a reminder earlier this afternoon he responded immediately that he and his friend would be there.

So now we're caught up. I know I need to be careful with this guy. I REALLY like him. He's REALLY wrong for me. But good lord is he fuckably hot! Well I had this written last night at 2:30 in the morning but my wireless stopped working and I was too tired to reboot the thing... So I'm posting it now.